Now I lay me
I succeeded in going to bed by 10:30. I expected to have a hard time getting to sleep, especially since I had forgotten to take mirtazapine until I was getting ready for bed. Usually I take it an hour or two earlier to help make me sleepy. Of course I frequently ignore the sleepiness and stay up to do whatever I feel like doing; precisely the irresponsible behaviour I need to overrule, but forgetting my medication doesn’t help.
Still, I managed to get in bed on time after the usual, obsessive fussing: looking around uselessly for the book I wanted, finally finding it, going pee, relocating my laptop into the bedroom for reference, snuggling down before realizing I wanted the alpaca blanket from the living room to keep my shoulders warm, stalking naked through the cold apartment to retrieve it, snuggling down again only to find the alpaca too scratchy, and by that time it was still only 10:27, then remembering I had only committed to turning in by 11:00 this early in the game, but I didn't care.
I finished the winter chapter in Cultivating Sacred Space, then dug back into About This Life by Barry Lopez.
Amazingly, I started to feel drowsy before long. When I closed the book and rolled over to turn out the light, the clock radio said 10:57. I fell almost immediately asleep, but woke up at 2-something and had to pee again, which is unusual in the night. I had no trouble settling down again. The radio at 6:00 did not disturb me much. Since the shop will be deserted today except for me, I had allowed that I might sleep in, and I surely did until almost 7:30. It was the best sleep I have had in ages. At this rate I might make some headway against the darkness around my eyes, though I don't suppose every night will be this easy.