Mind and body

[vaneramos]

I seem to have arrived at as good a place as I have ever been. The move in August has helped.

Another good thing is I am finally establishing a morning routine that accomplishes some of my goals and puts me in a good frame of mind for the rest of the day. I've been struggling for a couple of years to get my rising time moved earlier so I would have space for this routine. Nowadays the clock radio is set for 5:40 and I'm getting out of bed around 6:15. Yes, it takes me that long as a bare minimum; that has been the struggle.

So here is my routine:

1. about 25 minutes knitting in front of my new light box (to combat SAD), with an apple to stimulate appetite and get the blood moving.
2. a semi-aerobic workout, abs every morning plus a couple other muscle groups, while listening to Classical music, about 25 minutes
3. shower
4. breakfast
5. write in my journal, 15 minutes

Usually I can do all these things and get out the door for work by 8:05. Knitting in front of the light box has been crucial, because it gives me something, which doesn't require much brain power, to look forward to when I get out of bed. I enjoy keeping a journal, but if I try to do it before my mind and body wake up, it tends to be depressing. After some light, food and exercise I can write more fluently.

This has only been working for a week and, while genuine habits require at least six weeks to establish, I take encouragement from the fact that I've made progress on several of these elements over a longer period. Now they seem to have come together in an effective combination.

Meanwhile my weight has fallen to 186 pounds, 25 pounds since last winter. This has not come from trying to lose weight specifically, rather from dietary shifts to decrease my blood cholesterol in the wake of Dad's heart problems last winter. Unfortunately my cholesterol seems to be more stubborn than my weight, but I'll take whatever benefits I can. So I have finally lost the weight I put on after starting to take Remeron (antidepressant) five years ago.

My libido also seems to be returning. I suppose this coincides with the weight loss. I had assumed the decline was due to age, so this waxing comes as a surprise, and I'm not sure what to do with it. I have been content (and still am) being almost monogamous with a partner I see two or three weekends each month. Now my perspective has changed, and I see this energy more as a resource than a need. I had a friend who believed sexual energy and creative energy were the same thing. Maybe when I feel horny (like after lifting weights), sometimes I'll try writing instead of masturbating.