Miracles
I am in that singularly terrifying place now: "on the brink of disaster, on the imminence of a miracle."
The possible organ-building contract, which would keep us busy for a year, might begin in November. For now I'm unemployed. This week I have to write a new resume and register with temp agencies to hopefully tide me over for at least six weeks. Finances are grim.
On the other hand, the past few months I have come a long way in building the kind of framework I need to nudge creative goals foward. In the past, stress has tended to derail them, but it isn't happening this time. In fact it makes my whole life feel more integrated. The problem of finding work is itself part of the framework.
One essential realization I made this year about my creative process is that I am not single-minded. Inspiration constantly evolves. If I try to focus too hard on one thing, it stalls. If I set a course, I end up going off the road because something in catches my attention in another direction. So I've established a plan that is multi-faceted. This seems to keep the various threads of inspiration feeding off one another, propelling each of them forward.
If finding a day job is just another one of these threads (And it is! The poet needs groceries! The artist needs to buy materials!), maybe I can fend off the two-headed monster, panic and despair.
I've spent part of the afternoon working at the library with Michele. She has an essay to write, and I'm nudging various projects and ideas. We both benefit from accoutability to be in a certain place and time, working. During our break, she made some intriguing suggestions about the job search.
It's easier to expect a miracle in a fertile universe.
