(no subject)
i've seen the ashes
in my heart
i smile the widest
when i cry inside
and my insides blow apart
i tried to wear
another face
just to make you proud
just to make you
put me in my place
hmmm... so it would seem that I don't really write in here anymore. nyeh. I wrote yesterday but it was just a survey. that's because surveys are easy. it hurts to type. I don't know what the hell I did to my hand but it is starting to really freak me out. I am so worried about it. the heel of my hand, below my thumb, is puffier than normal and a little purpley, though not too badly. but that isn't good. it hurts to do just about anything, except write. thank god for that one. I would die if I couldn't write. my mom thinks it might be arthritis (yikes! I'm not even 19 for christ's sake! and it's in my fucking right hand!) or cartelidge damage or something with the tendon. eep. any of those things are bad as hell. arthritis would certainly be the worst though, since I'd have it for the rest of my life. dammit. I'd punch something but I can't imagine that would help. it'd probably fuck up my fingers on top of the mess with my thumb. boo on that.
I don't know what I've done since the last time I wrote, since I'm not too sure when it was. I'm not good with dates. even if you give me a date, I'll be like uh.... my mom has been pissing me off a lot, but that's normal. I wanted to smack her this evening, she was just getting on my nerves so much. and the way she's treating Rachel is terrible. tomorrow (or today, since it's after midnight) is my sister Rachel's birthday and she and my mother aren't speaking because my mom is being childish. arg. it's just so unnerving.
I saw Phantom of the Opera today, for the second time. I like it, it's pretty, but it's still not my kind of movie. I'm not a movie musical person. Disney movies are fine (not fine, they fucking rock) but I dunno, opera kind of movies are odd, I think. but it's pretty. oh! and while at the mall, I saw this guy and his wife (they were a bit older, somewhere in the fifties, I'd say) carrying two chihuahuas in a bag. CUTE! they're such cute little creatures! I want one so bad!!!!!!!
yeah, I can't think of anything else. this is a little sad. EEP. there's a preview for the Grudge on DVD on tv right now. YIKES. I want it, though. scared the crap out of me but I enjoyed it. oh, and I guess Michael Brunner (Mikey, Mikey, my favorite little Canadian, even though he's taller than me now and not really little, being as he's only a year younger than I am) got second in juniors at the Eukanuba inviational. that little ass. he's so good. I wish I had been as good as him when I used to show. I remember those few times that I beat him *gazes into the past and sighs loudly* I miss my Mikey! and Madeleine and all them. Mikey the most, though. he was the funnest guy. he was great in California. I remember sitting on my bed with him in the hotel room, watching the Birds. and then I helped him with his school stuff (he's a year younger than I am and he had a paper due the day he got home, on a person he'd never heard of and I had) and then we were sitting so close together. *sighs again* I used to love that kid... could love him again, I guess. maybe I'll see him soon. we'll see how things go. but yeah, congrats to Michael!
my birthday is in... 17 days. I'll be 19. old. I still have a year to live true to that damn hat. and I plan on doing so, too. :)
in my heart
i smile the widest
when i cry inside
and my insides blow apart
i tried to wear
another face
just to make you proud
just to make you
put me in my place
hmmm... so it would seem that I don't really write in here anymore. nyeh. I wrote yesterday but it was just a survey. that's because surveys are easy. it hurts to type. I don't know what the hell I did to my hand but it is starting to really freak me out. I am so worried about it. the heel of my hand, below my thumb, is puffier than normal and a little purpley, though not too badly. but that isn't good. it hurts to do just about anything, except write. thank god for that one. I would die if I couldn't write. my mom thinks it might be arthritis (yikes! I'm not even 19 for christ's sake! and it's in my fucking right hand!) or cartelidge damage or something with the tendon. eep. any of those things are bad as hell. arthritis would certainly be the worst though, since I'd have it for the rest of my life. dammit. I'd punch something but I can't imagine that would help. it'd probably fuck up my fingers on top of the mess with my thumb. boo on that.
I don't know what I've done since the last time I wrote, since I'm not too sure when it was. I'm not good with dates. even if you give me a date, I'll be like uh.... my mom has been pissing me off a lot, but that's normal. I wanted to smack her this evening, she was just getting on my nerves so much. and the way she's treating Rachel is terrible. tomorrow (or today, since it's after midnight) is my sister Rachel's birthday and she and my mother aren't speaking because my mom is being childish. arg. it's just so unnerving.
I saw Phantom of the Opera today, for the second time. I like it, it's pretty, but it's still not my kind of movie. I'm not a movie musical person. Disney movies are fine (not fine, they fucking rock) but I dunno, opera kind of movies are odd, I think. but it's pretty. oh! and while at the mall, I saw this guy and his wife (they were a bit older, somewhere in the fifties, I'd say) carrying two chihuahuas in a bag. CUTE! they're such cute little creatures! I want one so bad!!!!!!!
yeah, I can't think of anything else. this is a little sad. EEP. there's a preview for the Grudge on DVD on tv right now. YIKES. I want it, though. scared the crap out of me but I enjoyed it. oh, and I guess Michael Brunner (Mikey, Mikey, my favorite little Canadian, even though he's taller than me now and not really little, being as he's only a year younger than I am) got second in juniors at the Eukanuba inviational. that little ass. he's so good. I wish I had been as good as him when I used to show. I remember those few times that I beat him *gazes into the past and sighs loudly* I miss my Mikey! and Madeleine and all them. Mikey the most, though. he was the funnest guy. he was great in California. I remember sitting on my bed with him in the hotel room, watching the Birds. and then I helped him with his school stuff (he's a year younger than I am and he had a paper due the day he got home, on a person he'd never heard of and I had) and then we were sitting so close together. *sighs again* I used to love that kid... could love him again, I guess. maybe I'll see him soon. we'll see how things go. but yeah, congrats to Michael!
my birthday is in... 17 days. I'll be 19. old. I still have a year to live true to that damn hat. and I plan on doing so, too. :)