A Strange Tangent, but an important thing I wish on record.
You fit in with:
Humanism
Your ideals mostly resemble that of a Humanist. Although you do not have a lot of faith, you are devoted to making this world better, in the short time that you have to live. Humanists do not generally believe in an afterlife, and therefore, are committed to making the world a better place for themselves and future generations.
0% scientific.
80% reason-oriented.
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Hurricanes, earthquakes, and the choice of US president have all been atributed to The Deity, under whatever Nom de plume the speaker chooses.
This confirms my personal belief that the Deity of the Book, if it exists and is a being of deliberate premeditated acts HATES US ALL.
It is my understanding that it is a legal requirement for a Funeral that a member of the recognised clergy officiate at the funeral service. At least if you're going into hallowed ground, or using the crem.
The Crem has always seemed a big fucking waste to me. All that energy used to destroy perfectly good fertiliser. Even when the corpse is buried, no fucker plants anything worth growing on the grave. Can the starving millions eat lillies? At least we could have the decency to whack a turbine on the crem and put something back into the system.
Anyway. I have requests.
I've been to too many funerals for my family where the appointed clergyman had never met the deceased, and insisted on waffling on for an eternity. No church service I have attended has done anything to dissuade me from the notion that christianity is an overblown death cult. (Serve Him, for He died...)
I don't follow any other self-appointed mouthpiece of world faith either. So.
I don't own a boat, and have no particularly glorious deeds of combat, so unfortunately the big viking Do is pretty much ruled out. I see no point in paying for a plot. This leaves my mortal remains at the crem.
If a clergyman has to be there, and if none of the people who legitimately knew me in life qualify for the post, I want the clergyman to be a trappist monk. It is my understanding that their vows prohibit them from speaking more than a certain amount each day, and I would love it if the eulogy was delivered in mime. It would certainly cause no harm, and go some of the way toward cheering folk up, which is more than can be said for most religious speeches.
"For those in peril on the sea" must not be played. I abhor the tune, and also abhor the tendency of a certain member of my family to request it at each church service. It was played at my Mum's funeral because that relative told the minister it was my mum's favourite, and ever since I've hated the tune and borne a teeny bit of a grudge.
Perhaps "There's a light (over at the frankenstein place)" instead.
My send off had better be a Day Never To Forget (good times) rather than a Day To Remember (Bad times).
I would like a photographer to be present. Such an event is often a gathering of freinds who have not been together for years, usually looking their best for the occasion. I feel that the lack of wedding-style photographs is a missed opportunity. Here are freinds and relatives gathered to celebrate the life of the deceased, and to wish them well in their next phase of existence (in the hope that there will be a next phase.) Either people believe that this phase will be good (Heaven or a higher rung of the ladder of reincarnation) or bad (hell or oblivion.) and if they really think the latter, then they can damn well celebrate the fact the old bastard's not around anymore.
Whatever the case, if you end up at My funeral, it means I'll have embarked on the "big Adventure" before you.
In similar vein, I want "Just buried" written on the back of the hearse.
Yes, I want the whole thing to be a farce. because the whole thing is. A funeral disposes of the waste products left behind when life ends. The deceased no longer has need of what goes in the crem. The Deceased is no longer home. (If they are, then you have much more to be concerned about than organizing a eulogy.) The lifeless body is merely an intricately arranged collection of garbage. We do not have ceremonies to dispose of empty milk bottles, nor do we assume that because they once held milk, that the cow gives them any regard.