What to say...
I haven't updated this thing in so long, I really don't know why I am still here. Everyone has probably lost interest in me...I don't have any fun, exciting things to tell about and life is pretty monotonous. I seem to do the same thing everyday and it doesn't really bother me. I am fucked up a lot, I party way too much and I drive around tons...hence the fact that my car is falling to pieces. It doesn't bother me that I am fucked up a lot and that I party to often and that CAL is falling apart, because I will soon have the money to get her fixed.
I am dreading going back to school. I hate it. HATE HATE HATE. I know that I should get my Bachelor's Degree but the thought of going back to school for a few more years, learning the same thing I have been learning for the last three, makes me cringe and brings a tear to my eye. Business Management is a very boring program. There is so much I want to do! I want to own a record store, I want to be a makeup artist, I want to do something with music...I want to go to school for multiple things. Of course, the one phrase that holds me back and makes me feel like a chump is, "A jack of all trades, a master of none." FUUUUCK that. I want to do it all and be a master at it.
Smee called me ruthless the other night. Maybe she is right. I definitely have the tendency to be a bitch...a big bitch at that. One thing I realized over the past year is that I have to do things according to how happy or miserable it is going to make me. I guess from time to time, that means I have to ditch people. I guess I don't really have any particualr thoughts when it comes to that topic. I spent too much time being miserable that now, I want my happiness to be one of my top priorities. Notice how I said one of my top priorities, not the TOP one. I still take other people's feelings into consideration, but instead of constantly doing things for everyone else, I don't feel selfish doing things for myself instead. I haven't gone to counseling in a few months. Ray retired. I didn't really want to go to someone else, but maybe I should seriously think about it. Oh, I haven't taken my meds in a few weeks either. I am waiting for the "Dana" flashback. Where I wig out and tell everyone to fuck off. Honestly, I don't think that will happen because I am feeling pretty steady and actually, content.
I am single, and thats ok. I want some ass though. That would be super. Now I know how the rest of humanity feels when they go through a drought. It hasn't even been that long either! I just want some, it perks up my mood. Also, I am in the mood for a vacay. I haven't left town since the beginning of May...for a weekend. I am ready to peace on out. Cedar Point on Sunday, but not quite the vacay I am thinking of. Up North is screaming my name and I am so ready for the 7-hour drive just to get outta here.
Well, there is my world class update.
HFWTD
I am dreading going back to school. I hate it. HATE HATE HATE. I know that I should get my Bachelor's Degree but the thought of going back to school for a few more years, learning the same thing I have been learning for the last three, makes me cringe and brings a tear to my eye. Business Management is a very boring program. There is so much I want to do! I want to own a record store, I want to be a makeup artist, I want to do something with music...I want to go to school for multiple things. Of course, the one phrase that holds me back and makes me feel like a chump is, "A jack of all trades, a master of none." FUUUUCK that. I want to do it all and be a master at it.
Smee called me ruthless the other night. Maybe she is right. I definitely have the tendency to be a bitch...a big bitch at that. One thing I realized over the past year is that I have to do things according to how happy or miserable it is going to make me. I guess from time to time, that means I have to ditch people. I guess I don't really have any particualr thoughts when it comes to that topic. I spent too much time being miserable that now, I want my happiness to be one of my top priorities. Notice how I said one of my top priorities, not the TOP one. I still take other people's feelings into consideration, but instead of constantly doing things for everyone else, I don't feel selfish doing things for myself instead. I haven't gone to counseling in a few months. Ray retired. I didn't really want to go to someone else, but maybe I should seriously think about it. Oh, I haven't taken my meds in a few weeks either. I am waiting for the "Dana" flashback. Where I wig out and tell everyone to fuck off. Honestly, I don't think that will happen because I am feeling pretty steady and actually, content.
I am single, and thats ok. I want some ass though. That would be super. Now I know how the rest of humanity feels when they go through a drought. It hasn't even been that long either! I just want some, it perks up my mood. Also, I am in the mood for a vacay. I haven't left town since the beginning of May...for a weekend. I am ready to peace on out. Cedar Point on Sunday, but not quite the vacay I am thinking of. Up North is screaming my name and I am so ready for the 7-hour drive just to get outta here.
Well, there is my world class update.
HFWTD