I can't drown my demons, they know how to swim.
I'm living for the sake of understanding the world, but why doesn't the world understand me?
If I meet God one day, I want to tell Him that this life is a coffee I never ordered.
I would hold His collar and tell him, the death is an Americano that can't be refilled.
Are you sure you're alive?
If that's the case, how do you prove it?
What faux-deep lyrics. As expected of Namjoon. I love the melody though.
When people think I crapped out these sentences and think I'm emo af. Haha.
-----
It's almost the end of my 5 weeks at this village. I feel wiser and have learnt to be more kind. It's truly an experience you'll never get in the city. Neighbors looking out for each other, helping each other for FREE, and out of the goodness of their heart. You would think they have some ulterior motive (since when have city dwellers become so selfish that we begin to question people's kindness) but no, they help even if it forces them to go out of their way, even if it doesn't benefit them at all. (I'm still side-eyeing certain people around me whose fake asses I can smell from a mile away. At least learn to disguise it better.)
Went for a house call to see this elderly man in a remote village. In his dilapidated house which was as though I was brought back a century. No electrical plugs. No stove. Only a fireplace, 2 dirty chairs, a dirty table, and a traditional fireplace. The whole house was covered in soot. And this man, was covered in soot as well. He hasn't been out of his house for 3 years. Hasn't bathed in months. Smokes 200 cigarettes a WEEK. Hasn't moved from his chair in weeks.
You would think he would've died by now.
But no, it's his neighbor who's been keeping him alive. Bringing him clothes, food, calling the doctor for him, bringing him medicine, caring for him. And this man didn't seem to appreciate it tbh. Until today, as I write about this, I still wonder "what for?" Like, what's the point of being so concerned for a person who doesn't even want to seek help for his health? (The house call happened because his kind neighbor got so worried on his behalf).
I gingerly entered his house and it was SO DIFFICULT to breathe. All the fumes from the fire and cigarette smoke and stench from his unwashed clothes and body clogged my nose instantly. In the 20 minutes I was there, I felt as though I'd inhaled a 10-year dose of carcinogenic substances (if I die from lung cancer in the future, you'll know why). And this man REFUSED to get his tender abdomen checked out. His blood pressure was THROUGH THE ROOF. Showed red flags for cancer: weight loss, night sweats, fatigue, loss of appetite. I guarantee he has metastatic cancer (of the stomach/pancreas/lungs, idk). But he refused to go to the hospital.
"I'm fine. x100" We can't force care on an unwilling person, so painkillers were prescribed.
Today, his neighbor called again. She was worried that he still wasn't eating. And wanted someone to head down again to take a look at him. So here begs the question, what do you do?
I don't know. At this stage, nothing's gonna cure him of cancer. And it's quite cruel to subject medical treatment on an unwilling patient. He's gonna die soon anyway, so is there any benefit to it? On the other hand, it's our duty of care to help.
But that's beside the point. I only wanted to write about how kind these people have been in my 4 weeks to date in this village. I'm so glad I got the chance to be here. My clinical case exam begins next week, so I'll write out my gratitude now just in case I screw that up and lose track of my thoughts next week.
-----
One more thing.
Encountered a teenager who was so heartbroken that he actually fell into moderately severe depression.
Reminded me of someone and in that instance, I felt guilty and sad again. It was like déjà vu.
I'm so sorry I destroyed that part of himself that he shared. I like to think that he's moved on. But I'm not so sure tbh. I hope he's recovered and I sure hope that teenager does too. (Y'know, to ease my guilt a little.)
Dang, I don't miss him but I miss the feeling of missing him. (It's not that deep tsk.)
If I meet God one day, I want to tell Him that this life is a coffee I never ordered.
I would hold His collar and tell him, the death is an Americano that can't be refilled.
Are you sure you're alive?
If that's the case, how do you prove it?
What faux-deep lyrics. As expected of Namjoon. I love the melody though.
When people think I crapped out these sentences and think I'm emo af. Haha.
-----
It's almost the end of my 5 weeks at this village. I feel wiser and have learnt to be more kind. It's truly an experience you'll never get in the city. Neighbors looking out for each other, helping each other for FREE, and out of the goodness of their heart. You would think they have some ulterior motive (since when have city dwellers become so selfish that we begin to question people's kindness) but no, they help even if it forces them to go out of their way, even if it doesn't benefit them at all. (I'm still side-eyeing certain people around me whose fake asses I can smell from a mile away. At least learn to disguise it better.)
Went for a house call to see this elderly man in a remote village. In his dilapidated house which was as though I was brought back a century. No electrical plugs. No stove. Only a fireplace, 2 dirty chairs, a dirty table, and a traditional fireplace. The whole house was covered in soot. And this man, was covered in soot as well. He hasn't been out of his house for 3 years. Hasn't bathed in months. Smokes 200 cigarettes a WEEK. Hasn't moved from his chair in weeks.
You would think he would've died by now.
But no, it's his neighbor who's been keeping him alive. Bringing him clothes, food, calling the doctor for him, bringing him medicine, caring for him. And this man didn't seem to appreciate it tbh. Until today, as I write about this, I still wonder "what for?" Like, what's the point of being so concerned for a person who doesn't even want to seek help for his health? (The house call happened because his kind neighbor got so worried on his behalf).
I gingerly entered his house and it was SO DIFFICULT to breathe. All the fumes from the fire and cigarette smoke and stench from his unwashed clothes and body clogged my nose instantly. In the 20 minutes I was there, I felt as though I'd inhaled a 10-year dose of carcinogenic substances (if I die from lung cancer in the future, you'll know why). And this man REFUSED to get his tender abdomen checked out. His blood pressure was THROUGH THE ROOF. Showed red flags for cancer: weight loss, night sweats, fatigue, loss of appetite. I guarantee he has metastatic cancer (of the stomach/pancreas/lungs, idk). But he refused to go to the hospital.
"I'm fine. x100" We can't force care on an unwilling person, so painkillers were prescribed.
Today, his neighbor called again. She was worried that he still wasn't eating. And wanted someone to head down again to take a look at him. So here begs the question, what do you do?
I don't know. At this stage, nothing's gonna cure him of cancer. And it's quite cruel to subject medical treatment on an unwilling patient. He's gonna die soon anyway, so is there any benefit to it? On the other hand, it's our duty of care to help.
But that's beside the point. I only wanted to write about how kind these people have been in my 4 weeks to date in this village. I'm so glad I got the chance to be here. My clinical case exam begins next week, so I'll write out my gratitude now just in case I screw that up and lose track of my thoughts next week.
-----
One more thing.
Encountered a teenager who was so heartbroken that he actually fell into moderately severe depression.
Reminded me of someone and in that instance, I felt guilty and sad again. It was like déjà vu.
I'm so sorry I destroyed that part of himself that he shared. I like to think that he's moved on. But I'm not so sure tbh. I hope he's recovered and I sure hope that teenager does too. (Y'know, to ease my guilt a little.)
Dang, I don't miss him but I miss the feeling of missing him. (It's not that deep tsk.)