(no subject)
So.
If there was a key that would effectively express the absolute clusterfuck that is my brain at the moment, I would strike it... repeatedly. With my fist.
Not that my addled mind ever operates at maximum efficiency or... normalcy, but I can't seem to grab a thought and hold on to it for more than half a second lately. Unless that thought is "hm, I really wish I was stoned" or "mmm, bed"
Classes are really beating me down this semester and everything seems to be piling up, despite my best efforts to avoid that. And the green conference (the biggest FUCKING mistake I ever made) is an absolute mess of a disaster and now internship stuff comes swirling into the mix and portfolio is going NOWHERE since I have only bothered to get off my arse and go to three classes this semester. And the classes I have gone to have been laughable since I frightened my professor with my foul temper and swearing last semester to such an extent that she hardly speaks to me now.
And now I have to write this bio and put together another separate portfolio for this scholarship that Renz nominated me for. And, lord help me, I almost turned his nomination down because of the extra work, but a shot at 30,000.00 is hard to turn away. And I get to work with Brody on it which is more than ok with me. And Renz keeps "putting in the good word" for me at these really... fucking HUGE firms in Boston that are all... .prestigious and I'm realizing that, not only am I terrified of graduating and having a job, but I'm even more terrified of success. I'd rather be mediocre and content than successful and stressed. I should be pleased that he seems to have some confidence in my abilities, even though I've given him no reason for it... but I'm not. I'm just incredibly stressed. And as a MacAulay, particularly, a MacAulay of the female persuasion, I am not prepared or able to handle stress. At least, not in any healthy sense. See below.
Leaving for the UK on Thursday, which should be a huge relief, but all I can think is "Holy CHRIST on a bicycle, I have to get all this work done before Wednesday". To top it all, my mother, Jenn, and Brynn visited this weekend and nearly drove me insane. I only spent a total of maybe... 10 hours with them and as a result, drank half a gallon of beer and somehow bollocksed up my wrist.
The lesson to be taken from this post? Life sucks. Or rather, I suck at living it.
If there was a key that would effectively express the absolute clusterfuck that is my brain at the moment, I would strike it... repeatedly. With my fist.
Not that my addled mind ever operates at maximum efficiency or... normalcy, but I can't seem to grab a thought and hold on to it for more than half a second lately. Unless that thought is "hm, I really wish I was stoned" or "mmm, bed"
Classes are really beating me down this semester and everything seems to be piling up, despite my best efforts to avoid that. And the green conference (the biggest FUCKING mistake I ever made) is an absolute mess of a disaster and now internship stuff comes swirling into the mix and portfolio is going NOWHERE since I have only bothered to get off my arse and go to three classes this semester. And the classes I have gone to have been laughable since I frightened my professor with my foul temper and swearing last semester to such an extent that she hardly speaks to me now.
And now I have to write this bio and put together another separate portfolio for this scholarship that Renz nominated me for. And, lord help me, I almost turned his nomination down because of the extra work, but a shot at 30,000.00 is hard to turn away. And I get to work with Brody on it which is more than ok with me. And Renz keeps "putting in the good word" for me at these really... fucking HUGE firms in Boston that are all... .prestigious and I'm realizing that, not only am I terrified of graduating and having a job, but I'm even more terrified of success. I'd rather be mediocre and content than successful and stressed. I should be pleased that he seems to have some confidence in my abilities, even though I've given him no reason for it... but I'm not. I'm just incredibly stressed. And as a MacAulay, particularly, a MacAulay of the female persuasion, I am not prepared or able to handle stress. At least, not in any healthy sense. See below.
Leaving for the UK on Thursday, which should be a huge relief, but all I can think is "Holy CHRIST on a bicycle, I have to get all this work done before Wednesday". To top it all, my mother, Jenn, and Brynn visited this weekend and nearly drove me insane. I only spent a total of maybe... 10 hours with them and as a result, drank half a gallon of beer and somehow bollocksed up my wrist.
The lesson to be taken from this post? Life sucks. Or rather, I suck at living it.