Fic: If Nothing Else
Title: If Nothing Else
Author: Vanagonne
Pairing: Kara/Lee, Kara/Zak
Summary: AU, wrote this a while ago before we knew the final cylon. Ficlet about Zak being a cylon.
When Zak came back from the dead she shouldn’t have been surprised. She had frakked his brother more and harder than she ever had with him, she was married to a cylon, and she had completely given up on herself once they had found Earth. It was just one more thing.
Her inner thighs were marked with short ugly cuts that she kept well hidden from everyone. Her hair was long again but it was always unkempt and pulled back in an unruly knot. Her body was thin and tight, ribs just as apparent as the stomach muscles she’d acquired from constant work on Earth.
She took the night shifts to avoid people that she once knew. She worked alongside several Sixes who never looked her in the eye. When she took a break to squat in the woods and relieve her bladder a Six walked by and noticed the scratches on the insides of Kara’s thighs. Her brows furrowed but even then, she never met her gaze…she just kept walking.
Kara liked that about the cylons.
She returned to Galactica during the day to sleep just as most the crew headed down to Earth or busied themselves with keeping the ship alive and running. A quick shower and swig of bourbon relaxed her enough to fall into a light sleep.
This particular night she walked into the bunks, eyes trained on her feet. Her towel was wrapped tightly around her body, hair in long dripping strands that stuck to her neck.
When she looked up after dropping her towel to the floor she paled at the sight of both Adama brothers propped against her locker.
Her voice came out sardonic and throaty, “Hello Boys…” before she bent slowly to retrieve her towel.
Zak spoke first, she still flinched at the sound of his voice, “You haven’t been around since I came back.”
She shook her head to herself as if trying to remove them-and the situation-from the room. She turned her back to them, letting the towel drop once again as she pulled on her sweats, not even bothering with underwear.
“I know this is hard, it’s been hard on all of us…” Lee’s voice trailed off when her back visibly tensed.
She pulled her sweatshirt over her head, shivering a little at the wet tendrils pressing against her skin. Her breathing had become hitched and her hands shook as she removed the bottle of bourbon from her locker.
“The one cylon… Leoban?...he has expressed his concern about you. You aren’t eating?” Zak prodded, his voice causing bile to rise in her throat.
“You and Leoban talk about me?” she asked, throwing her head back to down a gulp of the amber liquid.
She stared at Lee, swallowing the burning alcohol, as Zak stammered his response. He was just as uncomfortable at this new development. His brother an original cylon. One of the first. The one he grew up with was just a copy…the one standing next to him just another copy.
His eyes had lost their blue, they were a thick grey…tired and dull. She stared anyway, trying to reach him somehow. Trying to somehow get back to where they once were. It was impossible because she knew her own eyes were thick with defeat.
“You can’t even look at me,” Zak mumbled, plunking down on her bed.
Lee looked away from her then, down at his feet, his jaw tight.
She hugged her bottle to her chest and sat on the middle bench, directly in front of Zak, biting off her words; “I just don’t know who I’m looking at.”
He looked up at her, meeting her gaze. She had to fight the impulse to look away from the face she only thought existed in her memories.
Her voice came out surprisingly strong and even, “We drank a whole bottle of your dad’s wine and spent hours on the rooftop of that old barn behind his house. Lee had to help you down and you ended up puking down his chest. We cleaned up in the lake, swimming naked and dunking each other under the murky water. You asked me to marry you and Lee convinced me to say yes even though I knew I wasn’t good enough for that kind of thing.”
Her face moved close to his then, her eyes narrowing, “You died the next month. I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat. I frakked your brother the night of your funeral and didn’t see him again until the Cylons attacked. I risked my ass to rescue a cylon I fell in love with. They cut me open, preparing me for some human farm. Ask Leoban about my special destiny. But before that…I’d like to ask you...” she leaned even further, venom dripping from her last slowly articulated words, “where were you?”
He closed the gap between them, slowly but purposefully, lips pressing into hers. Her eyes flashed like she was in pain but made no move to break away.
His hands cupped her cheeks, warm and familiar, pulling her lips tighter against his. Her hands shakily moved to grasp his wrists, her eyes squeezed shut.
Lee’s voice sliced through, “don’t do this to her…”
She broke away then, flinging him away from her. She stood, letting the bottle drop to the floor with a shatter, and her breathing became fast and erratic. Zak tried to reach for her but she moved towards Lee, grasping at his chest, taking fistfuls of his shirt as if trying to dig a hole into his heart to hide.
Her mouth opened like she was going to say more but it seemed like the right words were lost on her. She slowly released his shirt, the panic draining from her eyes.
Lee’s eyes held her gaze, looking just as lost as she…and he reached out to smooth her hair away from her face, “If nothing else, remember I frakking love you.”