Shuijiao
I've been feeling gradually worse and worse each day. So much so that I stay awake for days, so I can't sleep. I'm very quiet after I wake up and I just don't feel any better than I was before sleeping. So I don't sleep too much. Sure it can tax the body, but I'm crazy in the way that "push it to the limit" Meow? God damn my brother. Fucking broke the space bar on this computer. Tell me does ripping of pieces from the keyboard sound intelligent??? No not unless your a fucking dumbass. I'm sorry, but today was a bad day and the day tomorrow and the day after that will be bad days. Today was just I don't know. I haven't smiled a real smile in a while. I haven't given a shit in a while. Makes me kinda sad. Tomorrow is dinner with my father and his parents. I loathe his parents. I feel very uncomfortable around and persistant in the fact that if you don't want a hug they'll give you one. They are attention seekers as well shouting out things that I suppose might render pity on their behalf. Forgive me, but I have no respect for them and I would rather eat in peace, but I go as it is a birthday celebration. I'm so tired. Not the whole physical part of tiredness, but the whole spirit being dead tired thing. I wanna just go somewhere and fucking be in peace for a damn moment. People think I'm not social enough? I am. If I did not get any form of relaxation I would be insane. I've been so busy too that I can understand my friend Nina. I sorely miss her though. She was a great person to chat about Captain Planet with. I'm just glad she's getting some relaxation. This holiday I'm thinking of drawing more and finally reading that book Karolyn loaned me. I have tested her patience in the 'Librarian kills overdue book kid' way. Wow did I spell that right?? Hell who cares I just got done with my English report I don't feel like giving a damn. *sighs* I've tested Karolyn's patience often. I suppose I do that to others. Why? A thing of mine to do to see the boundry of a person, or just another irritating thing of my habits. I have been shakey of late. My hands shake so bad it's like what the hell happened to you? They calm down though. It doesn't feel like Christmas is coming to me. I use to be all AHSKJAHSJKA about it, but lately I don't care much about any form of celebration. Scrouge I am not!! :) Just can't get my heart to feel right. Emotions can be very confusing. Oh! Some people are very sweet and give presents that I find very kind of them. I thank them!!!!!!!!! I don't have much now and if I could I would hand out gifts as well, but I'm a no money in hand person. Should I kidnap some rich person?? Anyways this hasn't been the most cheeriest shit ever, but have a safe,happy, and relaxing Holiday!!!!! One more thing I hate how it's holidays now instead of Christmas. I understand the different religions matter, but when people on the radieo hesitate to say Merry Christmas it's like wow forget Amendment #1 and skip to 'must be policially correct' I know it's their job on the line, but people understand saying Merry Christmas isn't evil. I'll still say Holidays just to be respectful in all, but if I want to say Merry damn Christmas I will. :) Wow I just bullshitted myself a damn lot of typing. Well I'm gonna go byes.
Ai,
Kaitlyn
Ai,
Kaitlyn