(no subject)
This may sound really really stupid but last night before I went to bed, I left Danny a fairly long comment on his MySpace page, baically just saying how even though him and I had left off on a bad note, I still hated the fact that he had to die, especially the way he did, and that I'd miss him and you know just everything.
Anyway. I didn't go to work today, blah blah blah, didn't feel good (prob. due to lack of sleep and too many laxie's but that's besides the point) and went back to bed around 3:30pm or so. Just woke up like 1/2 an hour ago. And Danny was in my dream. It was nothing sexual or anything like that, in fact, he was with his old gf, Sue (who I know get coke from), who he'd been with when I'd originally met him two years ago. Well he wasn't with her, but someone in the dream made a referance to how him and Sue were exes so she wouldn't be someplace, and then next thing you know Sue appeared on the couch (this was all taking place in my parent's TV room) and Danny was sitting behind her, holding her.
But yea. I woke up and tears just started falling down my face. Not sobbing tears, just like I don't even know what. Danny hasn't been in a dream of mine in...wow I don't even know if he ever has been. So I really do feel that that was a sign from him that things are OK between us and no grudges were held...drugs are just bad and make people do retarded things that they normally wouldnt.
Here's what the comment had said, btw:
Hey hun...I don't really know how to write this...I wish I had the faith to know you're somewhere able to see everything everyone's been saying to you. Even though things weren't always smooth between us, we def. had some crazy times. I remember the first time I met you like two years ago. Feels like a lifetime ago. You always seemed like a kid to me, sometimes it was hard to believe you were older...I hate writing about you in past tense, I really do, it just doesn't seem right. Not at all.
But yea...I'll never forget how you listened to me cry for hours about pointless bullshyt that seemed so important at the time, or when you'd drive my car and it didn't matter how fast you'd drive or if we were on the wrong side of the street, I never felt scared cause I trusted you. We hadn't really talked in a while but from what I hear you were honestly gonna try to do good things and get your life figured out...I wish you'd gotten the chance to. If only to prove to everyone that you could.
I keep stopping and staring at what I've written and deleting and rewriting and thinking and I guess it still just hasn't set in. I never knew anyone who passed away before. Someone whose voice I can remember and who made me laugh and was actually a significant part of my life at one point.
I hate that sometimes it takes this for people to realize life is fragile and death is real and we're not invincible...
RIP you crazy bastard, I'm sure you're making someone laugh wherever you are
In other news...I got a $2 raise at work so I'm now making $10/hr which is good. Umm...I don't know what else, really. LoL Cory just called me telling me Laurie wants reasons to give the ring bsck to Rob. I don't even care. I'm sure by later tonight they'll be back together and fine again so whatever. I think the fact that he told me I should die, when I told him about Danny, really just finalized me being over him.
I hung out with a few girls from work Friday night. Then me and this girl Lisa had gone out to Massapequa to see Angel. Angel was a complete mess, has been all week over Danny, can't say I blame her for trying to stay high 24/7, what with everyone all but accussing her for Danny's death, and that being her best friend and all...
::sigh::
Life's been kinda crazy I guess but in an "outside looking in" sort of way for me kinda...at least with the whole Danny topic...I wish I'd gone to the funeral or memorial but honestly I dunno. I'm just glad I had that dream I really am and I think I believe in an after life that much more because of it...
Anyway. I didn't go to work today, blah blah blah, didn't feel good (prob. due to lack of sleep and too many laxie's but that's besides the point) and went back to bed around 3:30pm or so. Just woke up like 1/2 an hour ago. And Danny was in my dream. It was nothing sexual or anything like that, in fact, he was with his old gf, Sue (who I know get coke from), who he'd been with when I'd originally met him two years ago. Well he wasn't with her, but someone in the dream made a referance to how him and Sue were exes so she wouldn't be someplace, and then next thing you know Sue appeared on the couch (this was all taking place in my parent's TV room) and Danny was sitting behind her, holding her.
But yea. I woke up and tears just started falling down my face. Not sobbing tears, just like I don't even know what. Danny hasn't been in a dream of mine in...wow I don't even know if he ever has been. So I really do feel that that was a sign from him that things are OK between us and no grudges were held...drugs are just bad and make people do retarded things that they normally wouldnt.
Here's what the comment had said, btw:
Hey hun...I don't really know how to write this...I wish I had the faith to know you're somewhere able to see everything everyone's been saying to you. Even though things weren't always smooth between us, we def. had some crazy times. I remember the first time I met you like two years ago. Feels like a lifetime ago. You always seemed like a kid to me, sometimes it was hard to believe you were older...I hate writing about you in past tense, I really do, it just doesn't seem right. Not at all.
But yea...I'll never forget how you listened to me cry for hours about pointless bullshyt that seemed so important at the time, or when you'd drive my car and it didn't matter how fast you'd drive or if we were on the wrong side of the street, I never felt scared cause I trusted you. We hadn't really talked in a while but from what I hear you were honestly gonna try to do good things and get your life figured out...I wish you'd gotten the chance to. If only to prove to everyone that you could.
I keep stopping and staring at what I've written and deleting and rewriting and thinking and I guess it still just hasn't set in. I never knew anyone who passed away before. Someone whose voice I can remember and who made me laugh and was actually a significant part of my life at one point.
I hate that sometimes it takes this for people to realize life is fragile and death is real and we're not invincible...
RIP you crazy bastard, I'm sure you're making someone laugh wherever you are
In other news...I got a $2 raise at work so I'm now making $10/hr which is good. Umm...I don't know what else, really. LoL Cory just called me telling me Laurie wants reasons to give the ring bsck to Rob. I don't even care. I'm sure by later tonight they'll be back together and fine again so whatever. I think the fact that he told me I should die, when I told him about Danny, really just finalized me being over him.
I hung out with a few girls from work Friday night. Then me and this girl Lisa had gone out to Massapequa to see Angel. Angel was a complete mess, has been all week over Danny, can't say I blame her for trying to stay high 24/7, what with everyone all but accussing her for Danny's death, and that being her best friend and all...
::sigh::
Life's been kinda crazy I guess but in an "outside looking in" sort of way for me kinda...at least with the whole Danny topic...I wish I'd gone to the funeral or memorial but honestly I dunno. I'm just glad I had that dream I really am and I think I believe in an after life that much more because of it...