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This week was crazy.
Sunday I went with a friend to bless someone's house who was experiencing poltergeist activity and witnessed first hand an EXORCISM.
I was scared skinless thinking what if we weren't supposed to? What if my friend invited a demon into himself he shouldn't have let in. Rinker has felt/seen demonic spirits before, a few nights before he woke from his sleep because he felt someone watching him in his room. He lifted his head both times and told it to go away.
That night I dreamt I was sitting on the floor in my house with the lights out because of a storm, all the doors were locked and there was a tiger pacing outside, waiting to get in. My friend Hash said this is a common dream where the tiger symbolizes Christ, either I'm locking Him out or He's trying to get in. I was stunned.
Then the next three nights I couldn't stop thinking about my mom. I just put in for orders to Bethesda, MD and I want more than anything to call her and tell her I'm coming back stateside because I know she'll be so happy. Her death is just now starting to hit me and she flips in my mind like photos on a reel, I see her standing in the kitchen, sitting in her chair, throwing back her head with laughter, smoking a cigarette, wiping tears from her cheek, hugging me so tight, sitting at home alone with her daughters so far away.
I can't believe she died two days before I came home. I'm still trying to process it. I think, I was only 23 when she died, I hate that I won't know her for the rest of my life, 23 years was not enough, even though I know she was sick, even though I know she was suffering.
I didn't say anything at her memorial, I couldn't find the words. To me it felt like she was still in the hosptial, just in the hospital the entire time I was home on emergency leave.
It's like she's slipped through my fingers.
My biggest fear is that I won't ever see her again. I am Christian, I believe in God, in Jesus. But I still wonder, and the thought terrifies me. My friend Rinker believes that when you die, everyone you've ever lost and loved is waiting for you to take you home. I wonder who took my mother home, late in that hospital room, who lead her soul to God. I want her to take me home when my time comes, I want her so bad and I know it's very selfish of me.
Sunday I went with a friend to bless someone's house who was experiencing poltergeist activity and witnessed first hand an EXORCISM.
I was scared skinless thinking what if we weren't supposed to? What if my friend invited a demon into himself he shouldn't have let in. Rinker has felt/seen demonic spirits before, a few nights before he woke from his sleep because he felt someone watching him in his room. He lifted his head both times and told it to go away.
That night I dreamt I was sitting on the floor in my house with the lights out because of a storm, all the doors were locked and there was a tiger pacing outside, waiting to get in. My friend Hash said this is a common dream where the tiger symbolizes Christ, either I'm locking Him out or He's trying to get in. I was stunned.
Then the next three nights I couldn't stop thinking about my mom. I just put in for orders to Bethesda, MD and I want more than anything to call her and tell her I'm coming back stateside because I know she'll be so happy. Her death is just now starting to hit me and she flips in my mind like photos on a reel, I see her standing in the kitchen, sitting in her chair, throwing back her head with laughter, smoking a cigarette, wiping tears from her cheek, hugging me so tight, sitting at home alone with her daughters so far away.
I can't believe she died two days before I came home. I'm still trying to process it. I think, I was only 23 when she died, I hate that I won't know her for the rest of my life, 23 years was not enough, even though I know she was sick, even though I know she was suffering.
I didn't say anything at her memorial, I couldn't find the words. To me it felt like she was still in the hosptial, just in the hospital the entire time I was home on emergency leave.
It's like she's slipped through my fingers.
My biggest fear is that I won't ever see her again. I am Christian, I believe in God, in Jesus. But I still wonder, and the thought terrifies me. My friend Rinker believes that when you die, everyone you've ever lost and loved is waiting for you to take you home. I wonder who took my mother home, late in that hospital room, who lead her soul to God. I want her to take me home when my time comes, I want her so bad and I know it's very selfish of me.