Time for a real update?
Alright so it's been a while since a quality update. This what's been going on in my life. School started, it's going well and I like my job but it is very overwhelming at times. My classroom management still sucks. I know I will get there but I refuse to have a year like last year. Refuse. I can do it I will keep tweeking them until it it works in the mean time I will lose my damn mind.
WNEC started up again. I have no idea when I am going to have time to do that. After I am done whining about it here, I will be working on homework for a few hours and then heading out to Carl's for the weekend. I really shouldn't go because I have so much work to do but I just feel that if I don't I am going to go insane.
My uncle passed away last week. My Uncle Paul, my dads older brother. When I was a baby my dad and Paul got into it, Paul was drunk and said and did some things and I guess went to hit my mom while she was holding me or something. I don't know the details. Either way, it happened about 25 years ago. Now let me side track to my views on death and how I feel I should handle death, all death.
I have read the Ender saga, and my favorite book from that saga is Speaker of the Dead. That book finally put to words how I felt about death since I was a child. It's truth. Telling the truth about people when they die. Not "oh they were such a nice person" crap. I have even requested a speaking for my own death. (stu you still need to read that book) a speaking is where someone stands up at your funeral and tells about your life. The straight truth. It is not meant to be sarcastic or bitter or even light and flowery it is just the straight truth.
With that being said, my parents are living in the truth that is 25 years old and not the truth of the present! I feel like a criminal for feeling sad in my own house for my uncle dying.
I always viewed him as the free spirit. The wild child (he really was though) and I feel that being scattered amongst the Mesa that he always went to is a fitting way to go. But I can't shake the fact that I am nit allowed to express how I feel about his passing. I know he loved me but the stake was driven too far between him and my dad that it would have been impossible to be close family. The kicker is I was planning to go see him this summer. I wanted to go to Arizona and California and Texas to see relatives I haven't seen in a very long time (or have never met). I feel like I was tooate, but I know I am not for the remaining people. If anything at all it is further cemented that I must see them before it's too late for them too. Especially my aunt and uncle in Texas they are in their 70s now I have to go.
And last but not least there is one more thing eating at me that I just can't shake and I feel terrible for even feeling this way.
I hooked up with a good friend 3 weeks ago when he was home on leave. It stirred up crazy emotions that I didn't know I had for this boy. Things could NEVER EVER work right now given where we are both are in our given lives nor do I think he wants anything. He's gone and I miss him. I miss him way too much. Little things remind me of him and I get sad. This shouldn't be happening to me. I shouldn't be this way. There was nothing there. There is nothing there. Except friendship. Damnit damnit damnit damnit.
Sorry really wish I could have written about how great my life is going but that never happens. I am sad and stressed. I will get through it I always will but it sucks in the mean time and I hope to do this with minimal whining.
WNEC started up again. I have no idea when I am going to have time to do that. After I am done whining about it here, I will be working on homework for a few hours and then heading out to Carl's for the weekend. I really shouldn't go because I have so much work to do but I just feel that if I don't I am going to go insane.
My uncle passed away last week. My Uncle Paul, my dads older brother. When I was a baby my dad and Paul got into it, Paul was drunk and said and did some things and I guess went to hit my mom while she was holding me or something. I don't know the details. Either way, it happened about 25 years ago. Now let me side track to my views on death and how I feel I should handle death, all death.
I have read the Ender saga, and my favorite book from that saga is Speaker of the Dead. That book finally put to words how I felt about death since I was a child. It's truth. Telling the truth about people when they die. Not "oh they were such a nice person" crap. I have even requested a speaking for my own death. (stu you still need to read that book) a speaking is where someone stands up at your funeral and tells about your life. The straight truth. It is not meant to be sarcastic or bitter or even light and flowery it is just the straight truth.
With that being said, my parents are living in the truth that is 25 years old and not the truth of the present! I feel like a criminal for feeling sad in my own house for my uncle dying.
I always viewed him as the free spirit. The wild child (he really was though) and I feel that being scattered amongst the Mesa that he always went to is a fitting way to go. But I can't shake the fact that I am nit allowed to express how I feel about his passing. I know he loved me but the stake was driven too far between him and my dad that it would have been impossible to be close family. The kicker is I was planning to go see him this summer. I wanted to go to Arizona and California and Texas to see relatives I haven't seen in a very long time (or have never met). I feel like I was tooate, but I know I am not for the remaining people. If anything at all it is further cemented that I must see them before it's too late for them too. Especially my aunt and uncle in Texas they are in their 70s now I have to go.
And last but not least there is one more thing eating at me that I just can't shake and I feel terrible for even feeling this way.
I hooked up with a good friend 3 weeks ago when he was home on leave. It stirred up crazy emotions that I didn't know I had for this boy. Things could NEVER EVER work right now given where we are both are in our given lives nor do I think he wants anything. He's gone and I miss him. I miss him way too much. Little things remind me of him and I get sad. This shouldn't be happening to me. I shouldn't be this way. There was nothing there. There is nothing there. Except friendship. Damnit damnit damnit damnit.
Sorry really wish I could have written about how great my life is going but that never happens. I am sad and stressed. I will get through it I always will but it sucks in the mean time and I hope to do this with minimal whining.