God made life suck, and he made things like vices to make it tollerable
Wow, definitely should be sleeping, definitely have a french exam, definitely had like 3 caffeine pills, definitely not sleeping tonight, but fuck, it feels better.
K, for starters, I took my physics exam, and I think I did... maybe shitty. Depends on how hanson grades it and what not, and how well I guessed. I know for sure I fucked myself in one of my classes, and I'm for sure at most getting a c in it. wow I'm fucked. Depending on how bad it is, bright futures scholarship might go out the window and with it goes my acceptance into UF and my father's respect for me as we know it. Oh well shit, like I told sam, I'm kinda sick of working so hard for nothing.
Ok, so a while back i said I didn't wanna post anything when I felt down anymore, but fuck, I can't think right now. I need to sort things and it helps to write it all out. Sam called my cell earlier but my cell was roaming and it cut the call off, so I think he might think I hung up on him, but oh well, he'll figure it out. Erich's not being cold to me anymore but the end draws ever nearer and with its approach my composure goes out the window.
Like I said I'm taking a french exam tomorrow morning and it's 1:30 and I'm still up. I'm up and I'm flipping out. I'll do fine on french, it's just like spanish, but I'm just... unsettled. I took way to many caffeine pills and the scary thing is I feel better. I need a break real bad. I went to work today, it was uneventful, got paid a shitload too. Got my car back, it works well now. I might go catch a movie with erich saturday, it'll be really kool, cuz I was surprised as hell when he agreed.
I'm thinking about playing some video game. Maybe some more sonic. I got the sonic classics game for my game cube, you know, the one with like all the old sonic games on it. I still haven't touched eternal darkness, but I kinda need to be in the right mood to play it, and I'm not. I played some tetris... I might play minish cap. Guild wars is an awesome possibility too, I kinda wanna level up, maybe work on maxing out my character so I can start a new one, plus senate got the game and I love senate, he's kool as fuck, he'll probably be fun to play with.
I'm... confused. I mean I feel confused. I feel like nothing adds up, but everything makes sense, you know? probably not, that statement makes no sense. I guess what I'm saying is I'm not confused cuz I know what's up... but it all feels scrambled and not right, like there's a big piece of a puzzle in your head missing. it's just one piece, but it's big enough for you not to know what the fuck the picture's suppose to be. I guess that kinda describes it in a weird way. I need to talk to someone.
I want to fail. I want to not have to live up to my own expectations, and for once, just say fuck it, and not care. I can't do that and it kills me. If I do say fuck it, that fucks up a series of future event, and so I can't just not care. I have to care and it sucks. I'm not allowed to just drop the ball. I wanna be a fucked up, throw away your life failure for just a day because the people who just don't give a fuck are all so... free. Fuck.
K, for starters, I took my physics exam, and I think I did... maybe shitty. Depends on how hanson grades it and what not, and how well I guessed. I know for sure I fucked myself in one of my classes, and I'm for sure at most getting a c in it. wow I'm fucked. Depending on how bad it is, bright futures scholarship might go out the window and with it goes my acceptance into UF and my father's respect for me as we know it. Oh well shit, like I told sam, I'm kinda sick of working so hard for nothing.
Ok, so a while back i said I didn't wanna post anything when I felt down anymore, but fuck, I can't think right now. I need to sort things and it helps to write it all out. Sam called my cell earlier but my cell was roaming and it cut the call off, so I think he might think I hung up on him, but oh well, he'll figure it out. Erich's not being cold to me anymore but the end draws ever nearer and with its approach my composure goes out the window.
Like I said I'm taking a french exam tomorrow morning and it's 1:30 and I'm still up. I'm up and I'm flipping out. I'll do fine on french, it's just like spanish, but I'm just... unsettled. I took way to many caffeine pills and the scary thing is I feel better. I need a break real bad. I went to work today, it was uneventful, got paid a shitload too. Got my car back, it works well now. I might go catch a movie with erich saturday, it'll be really kool, cuz I was surprised as hell when he agreed.
I'm thinking about playing some video game. Maybe some more sonic. I got the sonic classics game for my game cube, you know, the one with like all the old sonic games on it. I still haven't touched eternal darkness, but I kinda need to be in the right mood to play it, and I'm not. I played some tetris... I might play minish cap. Guild wars is an awesome possibility too, I kinda wanna level up, maybe work on maxing out my character so I can start a new one, plus senate got the game and I love senate, he's kool as fuck, he'll probably be fun to play with.
I'm... confused. I mean I feel confused. I feel like nothing adds up, but everything makes sense, you know? probably not, that statement makes no sense. I guess what I'm saying is I'm not confused cuz I know what's up... but it all feels scrambled and not right, like there's a big piece of a puzzle in your head missing. it's just one piece, but it's big enough for you not to know what the fuck the picture's suppose to be. I guess that kinda describes it in a weird way. I need to talk to someone.
I want to fail. I want to not have to live up to my own expectations, and for once, just say fuck it, and not care. I can't do that and it kills me. If I do say fuck it, that fucks up a series of future event, and so I can't just not care. I have to care and it sucks. I'm not allowed to just drop the ball. I wanna be a fucked up, throw away your life failure for just a day because the people who just don't give a fuck are all so... free. Fuck.