theory
ok when a person fucks up, and hurts a member of a group... follow me here... and it has a ripple effect towards everyone else... the worst happens ok... now a month fuck it realy a year later it seems to have in most part blown over. except for a random comment here and there, now the person that commited the crime feels isolated and like she no longer has a spot in the group, b/c of this mistake. now this is one of 2 reasons. one its true she know longer has a spot in the group or 2 its a guilty conscious.
question? in my case which is it?
next point. i am a person or i try to b to face my mistakes and take the consequenes of them. now is me leaving part of the consequence or a desion of a guilty consious.
i am seeing myself and others from another percpective. some views of people have changed others i am more aware of them as a whole flaws and all. i know longer feel apart of this group or the one before it etc. i feel utterly alone and isolated by my own actions. now i am trying to find some connection and i find it better to have realtionships w/ an indivdual than a group. group connections tend to back fire even w/ no fault of my own. in doing this working on relationship w/ the indivduals not the group am i abandoning the group?
next and final point. is me trying to get the relationships i had back and trying to re write the negative ones a wise or bad desion?now takign what i ahve learned and going w/ it has been good so far. the question being can others trust me and i trust myself to continue or will i let emotion and past loyailty take control. i have been one to give my word and stick to it, a vow of friendship is nto broken no matter how many time they stb me.. i have laerned that that vow only remains true if the terms remain the same. correct? i am making mends w/ my past and i am being judged by doing so.
never mind make this a fianl point... can people change. can one mistake be fixed to reagin a friendship.
i am thru contemplating this and have arrived at the point i do not care that much anymore. i was a whore, i was a lier, i was selfish, and i have also been selfless to the worst of causes. i believe people can change and i try my best to do so. but is it possiable that if one expects u to b a whore, expects u to b the dumb blonde the cheat... that u will end up being so, giving in to the mold others have set up for u... actualu in reality it is a mold one sets for themselves and others hold by. correct. the impressiion of the old group is me to b a dub blonde, others impression me as a whore... but i created those molds myself and there fore i can not blame others for infocing them.
that is why i choose to move on. understanding this i can create a mold that i want to fill, and will not b hurt by later, is it so long to brake away from that mold... then again only tiem can erode the mold and time of now is not something i have,, therefore all o can do is move on. and start again even if it means leaving others behind... whne in reality i am not leaving the indivduals of the group i am in reality trying to leave the mold.
does any of this make sensse? (minus the grammatical errors)
question? in my case which is it?
next point. i am a person or i try to b to face my mistakes and take the consequenes of them. now is me leaving part of the consequence or a desion of a guilty consious.
i am seeing myself and others from another percpective. some views of people have changed others i am more aware of them as a whole flaws and all. i know longer feel apart of this group or the one before it etc. i feel utterly alone and isolated by my own actions. now i am trying to find some connection and i find it better to have realtionships w/ an indivdual than a group. group connections tend to back fire even w/ no fault of my own. in doing this working on relationship w/ the indivduals not the group am i abandoning the group?
next and final point. is me trying to get the relationships i had back and trying to re write the negative ones a wise or bad desion?now takign what i ahve learned and going w/ it has been good so far. the question being can others trust me and i trust myself to continue or will i let emotion and past loyailty take control. i have been one to give my word and stick to it, a vow of friendship is nto broken no matter how many time they stb me.. i have laerned that that vow only remains true if the terms remain the same. correct? i am making mends w/ my past and i am being judged by doing so.
never mind make this a fianl point... can people change. can one mistake be fixed to reagin a friendship.
i am thru contemplating this and have arrived at the point i do not care that much anymore. i was a whore, i was a lier, i was selfish, and i have also been selfless to the worst of causes. i believe people can change and i try my best to do so. but is it possiable that if one expects u to b a whore, expects u to b the dumb blonde the cheat... that u will end up being so, giving in to the mold others have set up for u... actualu in reality it is a mold one sets for themselves and others hold by. correct. the impressiion of the old group is me to b a dub blonde, others impression me as a whore... but i created those molds myself and there fore i can not blame others for infocing them.
that is why i choose to move on. understanding this i can create a mold that i want to fill, and will not b hurt by later, is it so long to brake away from that mold... then again only tiem can erode the mold and time of now is not something i have,, therefore all o can do is move on. and start again even if it means leaving others behind... whne in reality i am not leaving the indivduals of the group i am in reality trying to leave the mold.
does any of this make sensse? (minus the grammatical errors)