Fucking Birthday...nothing happy about it
My birthday, something to celebrate, have fun with, be happy. Yet every year it is any thing but, why I thought this year would be different is beyound me.
17, I can move out, but what would be the point? To become a nothing? To live under the brige and become a true pit kid? I don't think so. But to stay here wouldn't be any better. Want to know what happened...just fucking read.
I am down stairs with my sister and my brother inlaw and my mom. My dad is upstairs, I am opening gifts, having fun and laughing, and my dad must have thought I was to happy. I swear happyness of other people drives hatred through his fucking heart, if he even has one.
The mood changes almost instantly as he charges out of the bathroom and comes down stairs screaming his lungs out at me "You left a fucking shampoo bottle on the bathroom counter, I can't fucking believe you, you retarded piece of shit, you must b fucking psychotic. Retarded what the fuck is wrong with"...the intire time im sitting there quiet but he wouldn't quit "your grounded tomorrow, no fucking car, no nothing"...he still keeps going "if you leave any thing out of fucking place your ass is grounded for three days...three fucking days, want to count with me? 1, 2, 3 FUCKING DAYS IF YOU LEAVE ANY THING OUT OF FUCKING PLACE!"...im sitting there completely mute now..."tell your mother what I will do to you if you talk back, go on, fucking tell her....god damn it tell her.....GOD DAMN IT FUCKING TELL YOUR MOTHER WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU IF YOU TALK BACK WHAT SO EVER, AT ALL, AT...ALL"...still mute but having no choice but to answer "you will take my car away for a week" I said. He replies "Thats fucking right, I will teach you to be a little bitch to me. Now say the fucking preyers"...my sister takes control and says preyers....the birthday dinner consisted of my dad talking to my brother inlaw about how fucking retarted it was for me to leave the shampoo out my dad asking questions like "would you do something that fucking stupid?" donny not saying a word, saving his own ass just nodding yes to please him. My sister and mom talked about the new house my sister may be buying, I was in the back corner of the table, eating, pretending I was in a different place. I finally get the nerve to ask my dad if he was going to work he goes "yeah thank fucking god" and I go "good, thats my birthday gift". Dinner is done and I put my dish in the sink and my dad gave me a blank stare. I looked back at him. "Don't even make me fucking tell you, you little bitch"...I open the dish washer, the dishes are clean, what he ment by that was to do the dishes. My sister says "Mandi I will do it, its your birthday" my dad snaps back "If you touch a fucking dish I will ground her ass so fucking fast it will make every one of your heads spin"...I end up doing the dishes.
Time to sing happy birthday, as though it ment any thing. My dad is upstairs, I am down stairs trying my hardest not to cry, just being mute. My mom asks my dad to come down stairs to sing happy birthday with the rest of the family, he says, and I quote this, because this hurt the worst "Fuck that, that little bitch doesn't deserve to be happy"...so my sister, mom and brother inlaw sang for me. As they were singing, hearing the word happy made it worse and worse until the final verse hit and I couldn't keep the tears back any more. I was crying but being quiet about it, only allowing the tears to come out, with out the sound effects *the way some one cries when they do* I blew my candles out, and ran out of the house. I didn't look at my dad for the rest of the night, nor did i speak to him. He left for work with out saying goodbye, it doesnt matter. It just proves how much he cares I am here. To treat any one like that on their birthday would make them suicidle. I am past that point. I dont know what to do any more. I am unwanted by my dad. If he would have kept his cock in pants, I wouldn't fucking be here. Being a mistake is bad enough, being constantly reminded....deadly.
17, I can move out, but what would be the point? To become a nothing? To live under the brige and become a true pit kid? I don't think so. But to stay here wouldn't be any better. Want to know what happened...just fucking read.
I am down stairs with my sister and my brother inlaw and my mom. My dad is upstairs, I am opening gifts, having fun and laughing, and my dad must have thought I was to happy. I swear happyness of other people drives hatred through his fucking heart, if he even has one.
The mood changes almost instantly as he charges out of the bathroom and comes down stairs screaming his lungs out at me "You left a fucking shampoo bottle on the bathroom counter, I can't fucking believe you, you retarded piece of shit, you must b fucking psychotic. Retarded what the fuck is wrong with"...the intire time im sitting there quiet but he wouldn't quit "your grounded tomorrow, no fucking car, no nothing"...he still keeps going "if you leave any thing out of fucking place your ass is grounded for three days...three fucking days, want to count with me? 1, 2, 3 FUCKING DAYS IF YOU LEAVE ANY THING OUT OF FUCKING PLACE!"...im sitting there completely mute now..."tell your mother what I will do to you if you talk back, go on, fucking tell her....god damn it tell her.....GOD DAMN IT FUCKING TELL YOUR MOTHER WHAT I WILL DO TO YOU IF YOU TALK BACK WHAT SO EVER, AT ALL, AT...ALL"...still mute but having no choice but to answer "you will take my car away for a week" I said. He replies "Thats fucking right, I will teach you to be a little bitch to me. Now say the fucking preyers"...my sister takes control and says preyers....the birthday dinner consisted of my dad talking to my brother inlaw about how fucking retarted it was for me to leave the shampoo out my dad asking questions like "would you do something that fucking stupid?" donny not saying a word, saving his own ass just nodding yes to please him. My sister and mom talked about the new house my sister may be buying, I was in the back corner of the table, eating, pretending I was in a different place. I finally get the nerve to ask my dad if he was going to work he goes "yeah thank fucking god" and I go "good, thats my birthday gift". Dinner is done and I put my dish in the sink and my dad gave me a blank stare. I looked back at him. "Don't even make me fucking tell you, you little bitch"...I open the dish washer, the dishes are clean, what he ment by that was to do the dishes. My sister says "Mandi I will do it, its your birthday" my dad snaps back "If you touch a fucking dish I will ground her ass so fucking fast it will make every one of your heads spin"...I end up doing the dishes.
Time to sing happy birthday, as though it ment any thing. My dad is upstairs, I am down stairs trying my hardest not to cry, just being mute. My mom asks my dad to come down stairs to sing happy birthday with the rest of the family, he says, and I quote this, because this hurt the worst "Fuck that, that little bitch doesn't deserve to be happy"...so my sister, mom and brother inlaw sang for me. As they were singing, hearing the word happy made it worse and worse until the final verse hit and I couldn't keep the tears back any more. I was crying but being quiet about it, only allowing the tears to come out, with out the sound effects *the way some one cries when they do* I blew my candles out, and ran out of the house. I didn't look at my dad for the rest of the night, nor did i speak to him. He left for work with out saying goodbye, it doesnt matter. It just proves how much he cares I am here. To treat any one like that on their birthday would make them suicidle. I am past that point. I dont know what to do any more. I am unwanted by my dad. If he would have kept his cock in pants, I wouldn't fucking be here. Being a mistake is bad enough, being constantly reminded....deadly.