Is that a Pulse?
Where to start? Let's see. Um...everyone who told me things would get better, you were right and I should've believed you. I suppose I was too wrapped up in my guilt and self-centeredness to realize it. Things have gotten better. Much better. Now the only things that get me down is college, but I'm sure I'll get over that quickly.
Stephen came down this week-end. I can't remember the last time I'd been so happy. I did have my downward spirals, but that was never Stephen's fault. They were all due to my ignorance and stupidity. But I'm searching to make amends for it. I'm going to work as hard as I can. In school, at work, in general. I'm so excited, in about 3 weeks, Stephen's going to come back to Walpole with his dad, and they're going to stay the whole week! I miss him so much right now. I could be better for him, I know I can. I'm going to try and work on myself as well. I could be nicer, more considerate, more intelligent, more grown-up. I've realized that I'm a bit of a "problem child." I cost my parents so much, and it hurts to know that all my family's problems are because of me. I don't know what to do about it. Sometimes I do consider suicide, just to make everyone's life a lot easier. But then everyone (at least some people) will be upset and it'll only hurt them. So now I have to figure out what to do to make everyone happy.
I just realized how close Christmas is. I think I should start saving my money. I need to save for Christmas, Stephen's birthday, and Matt Neal's birthday. If I forgot anyone's birthday, please beat me senseless and tell me about it ASAP. I'm going to try and avoid going out as much as possible. I need to increase work hours. I also need to figure out my schedule again. Fricken people keep changing things on me.
Stephen came down this week-end. I can't remember the last time I'd been so happy. I did have my downward spirals, but that was never Stephen's fault. They were all due to my ignorance and stupidity. But I'm searching to make amends for it. I'm going to work as hard as I can. In school, at work, in general. I'm so excited, in about 3 weeks, Stephen's going to come back to Walpole with his dad, and they're going to stay the whole week! I miss him so much right now. I could be better for him, I know I can. I'm going to try and work on myself as well. I could be nicer, more considerate, more intelligent, more grown-up. I've realized that I'm a bit of a "problem child." I cost my parents so much, and it hurts to know that all my family's problems are because of me. I don't know what to do about it. Sometimes I do consider suicide, just to make everyone's life a lot easier. But then everyone (at least some people) will be upset and it'll only hurt them. So now I have to figure out what to do to make everyone happy.
I just realized how close Christmas is. I think I should start saving my money. I need to save for Christmas, Stephen's birthday, and Matt Neal's birthday. If I forgot anyone's birthday, please beat me senseless and tell me about it ASAP. I'm going to try and avoid going out as much as possible. I need to increase work hours. I also need to figure out my schedule again. Fricken people keep changing things on me.