somwthings wrong
...today's the day jason will decide if he will stay an wait for me, or go off with jacki..... but it hurts... so bad just to think, just to kno....just the thought of him... with out me in his life it, no....i seems so hopeless now...an at this moment....im going to hear what i dont want to, the words i dont want to read an hear him say in my head... reading these words with the hot tears streaming down my face..... knowing he might be gone now.... an it could be my fault... now knowing i wont have him to turn to when im alone and afraid.... to have the feeling, the lifestyle, of knowing he is with someone else happy, while i might be alone....... im afraid he wont be there to help me like i need him too i need him to just.... be there to tel me he loves me an show me he care's.... but he wont....he cant...an why would he want me....
because..... he has her now....
convo's-
-jason-
cha0tixx: ehh shit
cha0tixx: -.-
cha0tixx: todays the day i get to make the decision
XxX Im Nemo XxX: yeah.... i kno...
cha0tixx: i duno what to do anymore -.-
XxX Im Nemo XxX: eww...
cha0tixx: its true
XxX Im Nemo XxX: lol
XxX Im Nemo XxX: 0.0
cha0tixx: ?
XxX Im Nemo XxX: its pink... and its a duck
cha0tixx: oh yeah
cha0tixx: i have a black one with orange horns
XxX Im Nemo XxX: koo
cha0tixx: did you know that i hate my life?
XxX Im Nemo XxX: -.-
XxX Im Nemo XxX: i wont send u ne more of the sad 1's ill just send u the funny one's
cha0tixx: you told me to "give her a chance.."
XxX Im Nemo XxX: .......
cha0tixx: but i dont know..
XxX Im Nemo XxX: funni funni yesh?...
cha0tixx: yeah
cha0tixx: jamie... ill brb
XxX Im Nemo XxX: ok
cha0tixx: fuck i dont wanna upset anyone -.-
cha0tixx: if i tell her no.. she'll be sad.. but if i tell her yes..
cha0tixx: well..
XxX Im Nemo XxX: JUST.... do what you feel is best for you
cha0tixx: i dont know whats best for me
XxX Im Nemo XxX: then do what you feel like doing
XxX Im Nemo XxX: think of you
XxX Im Nemo XxX: not me, not her, just YOU
cha0tixx: yeah.. well jamie
cha0tixx: i wanna be with you
cha0tixx: its what i've always wanted
cha0tixx: but obviously.. thats not gonna happen
XxX Im Nemo XxX: ...i....
XxX Im Nemo XxX: .......
cha0tixx: jamie.. i love you..
XxX Im Nemo XxX: jason.... i..i....
XxX Im Nemo XxX: i dont kno what to do....
XxX Im Nemo XxX:
cha0tixx: jamie.. i wanna know exactly whats going through ur head
cha0tixx: right now in mine.. all im getting is "ajlskdfnasdlfnaosdif"
XxX Im Nemo XxX: i miss you, an i feel so alone not from not dateing, but like no one around me loves me, like something is missing....and it hurts, so bad im crying
XxX Im Nemo XxX: you asked.... so i told u
XxX Im Nemo XxX:
cha0tixx: jamie.. this is getting frustrating
XxX Im Nemo XxX: i cant help this
cha0tixx: jamie..
cha0tixx: what is it you want from me.. honestly
cha0tixx: i just wanna know
XxX Im Nemo XxX: i want you to hold me when i cry, to be there when i need you, an love me forever....
cha0tixx: jamie i'll always be here..
cha0tixx: and i'll always love you
XxX Im Nemo XxX: .......
cha0tixx: jamie..
cha0tixx: im never gonna know if i could be happy with anyone else..
cha0tixx: because i dont wanna be with someone else because it will upset you
cha0tixx: i just realized that..
XxX Im Nemo XxX: jason..... just forget about me i cant do this right, i cant tell you.. you cant just do this because of me...
cha0tixx: jamie.. i wanna see what its like..
cha0tixx: not what its like to be with someone other than you
cha0tixx: but to see what its like to be in your place..
cha0tixx: to be with someone who feels as strongly for me as i do for you
cha0tixx: to be the "only thing worth living for"
cha0tixx: and to not even really know if i want it
XxX Im Nemo XxX: ...its up to you...
XxX Im Nemo XxX: its not my choice
cha0tixx: yeah..
cha0tixx: but everytime i do something
cha0tixx: i think about you
cha0tixx: and what you'd think
cha0tixx: no matter what it is
cha0tixx: everything from the way i sleep
cha0tixx: to what i say when i talk to someone
cha0tixx: to what i fucking do at work..
cha0tixx: sometimes i wish i could just forget everything..
cha0tixx: start my whole life over
cha0tixx: it'd be alot easier to just move on
cha0tixx: jamie.. just remember
cha0tixx: i love you
cha0tixx: forever an ever
cha0tixx: an ever
cha0tixx: an ever
cha0tixx: and always
cha0tixx: til the day i die
XxX Im Nemo XxX: jason.....dont delay...just make your choice.....
cha0tixx: not gonna delay..
cha0tixx: i just dont want you to let my decision make you think differently
XxX Im Nemo XxX: jason, do what you want to do, for you
XxX Im Nemo XxX: dont even think of me
cha0tixx: im gonna do it..
cha0tixx: i want to see if i can handle it
XxX Im Nemo XxX: be happy....
cha0tixx: i just wanna see if thats ever gonna happen again
XxX Im Nemo XxX: so that's that then... your dateing jacki
cha0tixx: for now..
-erin-
kuporific: *kiss*
XxX Im Nemo XxX: :kiss's bak: i love you :[
kuporific: i love you
at least erin is here.... i love her an im glad she loves me... i need her now more than ever an im glad she loves me, thats all i need to know...
---Me---