Haunting (Part 6b [Final])

[vampiremadonna]

Title: Haunting
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13
Summary: A tragic end leads to a new beginning...



Yunho frowned. “I don’t understand.”

“I know. I’m so sorry, Yunho. So sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen. I never thought…”

“Jaejoong, what are you saying?”

He took a deep breath. “We can’t be together. I never should have come back here. I am so sorry that I did this to you.”

“If I die…”

“It wouldn’t matter. That’s not how it works. He told me but I didn’t listen. I never thought it would come to this.”

“You’re not making sense.”

“If you die, you won’t join me here. You’ll go to wherever you’re supposed to go and I’ll still be here. I should’ve left a long time ago but I was so confused and…”

“So wait, let me get this straight.”

Jaejoong winced at the barely suppressed anger in Yunho’s tone.

“You’re saying that you made me fall in love with you, to the point where I was willing to kill myself just to be with you, and now you’re telling me that we were doomed from the start? That we never had a chance?” Yunho laughed harshly. “I wish you had just killed me to get your revenge. Death would have been a much more welcome feeling than this.”

“Yunho, I…” Jaejoong reached for him but Yunho slapped his hand away.

“Fuck you,” Yunho swore before he stalked off.

Jaejoong swallowed a cry, forcing himself to resist calling out to the boy as he followed at a discreet distance.

The pain he felt, the sensation of his heart being torn into shreds, was nothing less than he deserved. He’d almost killed an innocent boy. Sure, it would have been ruled a suicide but if he hadn’t pushed Yunho to it, it never would have happened.

The walls were crumbling down around him, just as his father had predicted. If only he’d listened to him. He’d been so confident that things would be different for him because he’d wanted them to be. The exception to the rule, he’d thought. He’d been so sure that his love would sustain him just like his anger had but his father had been wrong about one thing.

He’d never really been angry.

That little revelation had come to him sometime after the conversation with his father and had further spurred his conviction that he could survive on his love for Yunho. Because his love was what had been driving him all along.

When he’d died, he’d been sad, he’d felt betrayed, and when he’d seen Yunho post-death, he’d been angry about the part he’d played. But that anger had been temporary. Behind it, the real driving force and the reason why he’d come back, was because he’d never gotten to tell Yunho that he loved him and he’d never gotten the chance to find out if, by some miracle, Yunho could love him back. His irritation with Yunho had clouded his judgment, understandably since Yunho hadn’t felt responsible for what he’d done, at least not in the beginning. But afterwards, once the haze of anger had cleared, there’d been nothing left but a deep-seated need to be acknowledged, to love openly and be loved in return by the object of his affection. His bold declaration about making Yunho fall in love with him had been his subconscious talking. At the time, he hadn’t realized just how much he’d meant it, how much he’d needed it, and when he’d gotten it, when he had finally begun to see Yunho opening up to him and accepting him as part of his life, he’d become greedy, wanting more and more until he’d forgotten exactly what he was and that he had no place in Yunho’s world. Not really.

As a result, he’d almost done irreparable damage to the boy he’d always loved, the boy whose smile he’d once lived for. If Yunho had died, he would never have forgiven himself.

They were back at the house now. Yunho furiously threw the front door open, not caring that it slammed against the wall.

“Yunho!” his mother exclaimed, startled.

Yunho looked over at her, a soft growl rising from deep in his throat when he saw that his father held her by the neckline of her dress.

“Let her go,” he hissed, hands balling into fists at his sides.

Mr. Jung laughed. “What’s this? Come to save mommy?” He guffawed. “Please… Like you could do anything.”

Yunho crossed over to his father’s side, his voice low and deadly as he repeated, “ Let. Her. Go.”

Mr. Jung’s brows furrowed menacingly. “Make me.”

Mrs. Jung gasped, fear for her son riding high in her chest. “Yunho…”

Yunho grabbed his father’s hand and tore it away from his mother, ducking when his father’s other arm came up swinging towards his face. As he straightened, however, his father grabbed him by the hair, pulling his neck back sharply, blurring his vision for a second. He threw him up against the wall and wrapped a big, beefy hand around his throat.

“Let’s hear it again, shall we?” his father taunted.

“Get out,” Yunho said between clenched teeth.

Mr. Jung laughed in his face. “This is my house. I have every right to be here.”

Staring into his father’s eyes, Yunho wondered how he could ever have loved the man, how he could ever have wanted his approval. It might have been long ago but once upon a time, he’d cared for his father. Perhaps the father he’d known then had been the illusion and this was the man inside him all along.

Yunho smiled slowly. “What kind of man beats on a defenseless woman, huh? Does it make you feel big and powerful to destroy little things, things that can’t fight back?”

Mr. Jung glared. “Watch how you talk to me, boy.”

Yunho cocked a brow. “Or what? Are you going to hit me too? You’re an alcoholic, wife-beating, pathetic excuse for a human being. Are you going to add child-abuser to the list?”

Jaejoong had seen enough. He took a step forward. “Yunho…”

Yunho held a hand out to stop him.

“Come on, Dad. Hit me. There’s nothing that you can do to me that will make me feel worse than I do right now. I already wish I was dead. Go ahead. Pound my face in. I know you want to.”

Mr. Jung looked at him like he’d never seen him before. He released him, taking a step back.

“You’re insane.”

Yunho chuckled. “Am I? I guess I might be…” He turned to look at his mother. “Momma, I love you but I can’t take this anymore. It kills me to see you this way. I’ve had enough. You need to make a choice. It’s either me or him. One of us has to go.”

Mrs. Jung shook her head in disbelief, tears streaming down her face. “Yunho…”

“No!” he snapped. “I’m tired. I’m only eighteen years old, dammit, yet I feel like I’m drowning in pure and utter shit. I can’t live like this anymore. You can’t ask it of me. If you love him that much and this is the life you choose, I’ll respect it but I’m leaving. Tonight.”

Mrs. Jung said nothing, only continued to shake her head.

“Come with me. Please. You deserve better than this.”

Mr. Jung laughed. “Where would she go? There’s no one to take care of her, no one else who’ll put up with her crap. Worthless piece of shit,” he spat.

Yunho glanced at his mother one more time before he started towards his bedroom.

“Yunho, wait.”

Startled by the sound of his mother’s voice, Yunho spun around.

She seemed to be gathering herself, steeling herself to face his father.

“You need to leave,” she said quietly.

Mr. Jung cocked his head to the side. “What’s that? I don’t think I heard you.”

“I said, you need to leave. Pack your things and get out.”

He laughed again, this time louder than the first. “Who’s going to make me?”

Yunho started to take a step forward but his mother held out her hand, warding him off.

“I am,” she said firmly. “I’ll call the police.”

“This is my house,” Mr. Jung growled.

“It was a wedding gift from my father and it’s in my name,” she reminded him. “You were only a guest here so long as I allowed you to be. I’m revoking your permission.”

“You can’t do this,” he said threateningly, taking a step towards her.

Again Yunho started to move forward but his mother held him back.

“It’s okay, Yunho,” she said. Turning back to his father, she continued. “If you don’t leave, then I will but when I return, I won’t be alone. You don’t want to test me. It may have taken all these years for me to open my eyes but having my child say that he’d rather die than continue to live like this has been a rude awakening.”

“You love me.” It almost sounded like an accusation the way he said it.

She nodded. “I did, once. I kept telling myself that that man must still be in there but… I can’t keep waiting for him to come back. I love my son more. Now, please, leave.”

“This isn’t the end,” Mr. Jung swore as he grabbed his keys and jacket.

Mrs. Jung nodded. “I expect not but from now on, you can direct all communications to my lawyer. I’m filing for divorce.”

Mr. Jung’s eyes went wide with shock but Yunho was already holding the door open for him.

As he passed the boy, he stopped and sneered. “You think you’ve won, don’t you?”

Yunho was surprised by the sadness the coursed through him. “Goodbye, father.”

As soon as the door closed behind him, Mrs. Jung’s knees gave out. Yunho rushed to her side and gathered her close as she shattered in his arms.

Hours later, when he’d calmed and settled his mother in her bed, after they’d had a nice talk, the first in a very long time, he lay in his own bed, facing the alarm clock, watching the minutes tick away.

“Yunho…” Jaejoong said from behind him.

“Don’t,” he whispered. “Just…don’t.”

Silence lapsed and a sudden panic overtook Yunho the longer it stretched. He rolled over hurriedly, desperate to see if Jaejoong was there. Suppose he had disappeared? Suppose…

But no, he was there, lying on his back staring at the ceiling. He looked over when he felt Yunho move.

“Yunho?”

He was still angry, still hurt, but nothing mattered more than having Jaejoong with him. He knew that he would be gone soon. He had to make the most of it.

He sidled up to Jaejoong’s side and laid his cheek against his shoulder.

“You drive me crazy,” he murmured.

“I’m sorry.”

He stayed like that for a long time, raising his head every now and again to double-check that Jaejoong was indeed still there, before he eventually drifted off.

When Jaejoong was sure that Yunho wouldn’t awaken for a while, he slipped out of bed and went for a walk.

He had two stops to make.

Lina’s house was closer to Yunho’s so he headed there first. The house was completely black but for the hallway light. He didn’t need it, though. He’d walked these halls almost as many times as he’d walked the ones in his own. He was confident that he could find his way to Lina’s room blindfolded.

She was asleep, unsurprisingly since it was 2:00am. She was curled on her side, her silly old stuffed rabbit clutched to her chest. He’d made fun of her many times because of it, teasing that it would be the only boyfriend she’d ever have. She would stick her tongue out at him and pet the damn thing as if it were real and he’d hurt its feelings. He smiled at the memory. He sat at the side of her bed and stroked her cheek lightly. She didn’t wake up at first but then suddenly, her eyes flew open and she looked directly at him. For a second, he wondered if she could see him but then her eyes closed again and she snuggled deeper into her blanket.

Dropping his hand, he smiled. “Goodbye, LinLin.”

He took his time as he made his way home, enjoying walking through familiar streets, reminiscing about long forgotten memories. He would miss this place. It wasn’t much, wasn’t as fancy and polished as Yunho’s neighbourhood, but it had been home.

He went to his sister’s room first. Like Lina, she too was sleeping. He stood staring down at her for a good five minutes or so before he bent, placed a kiss on her cheek, and went to his mother’s room. He was surprised to find it empty. Frowning, he walked further down the hall until he saw a soft shaft of light coming out of his room.

What…

She sat on his bed, squeezing his pillow tightly as she wept into it, rocking her body back and forth. She was surrounded by his things, spread across his bed, things that had meant a lot to him like his sketchbook and mp3 player. His breath hitched, heart turning over painfully at the sight.

“Mommy…” he whispered.

He sat beside her and put his arm around her shoulder, tears tickling his eyes as they gathered at the corners before they spilled over.

Death was such a disruptive bastard. It left so much devastation in its wake, affected more lives than that of the person it claimed.

Sighing, he glanced over at the source of light and smiled when he realized where it was coming from. A long time ago, he’d been afraid of the dark and his mother had gotten a night light for him. Though he’d outgrown it many years ago, she would regularly check to make sure that it was working, changing the bulb if it had blown. He’d honestly forgotten that it was still there.

He wished that there was more than he could do for her but he didn’t know how to make her see or hear him. He cursed this limitation.

Bending, he brushed a gentle kiss across her cheek. “I love you, Mommy.”

He would have loved to stay with her until she went to bed, to make sure that she was okay, but he had to get back to Yunho. He didn’t want him to wake up alone.

“Spend the day with me.”

When Jaejoong had made that suggestion, Yunho hadn’t been sure what he’d had in mind but he’d been very agreeable after a passionate, lusty awakening.

Now he found himself driving to a farm on the outskirts of town because Jaejoong wanted to see trees. Trees. As if there weren’t trees in the city.

“Not like these,” Jaejoong had insisted.

When they arrived, however, he had to agree that Jaejoong had been right. The trees in the city were nothing compared to the ones on the farm. They were wide and massive and green. Extremely verdant, which was sorely lacking in city trees.

There was a lot to do on the farm. One could milk cows, ride horses, catch pigs. Yunho decided to give brushing down a horse a try but when he went towards the animal, it became skittish. Only when Jaejoong suggested that he stay away from the animal and let Yunho approach it by himself did the animal settle down. Animals can sense things, Jaejoong had told him. He supposed he was right.

The farm had a nice little outdoor restaurant with tables set beneath its humongous trees. They chatted amicably while they ate and Yunho paid no attention to the strange looks people sent his way. Let them think what they wanted. He really didn’t give a damn.

The day passed faster than either of them realized and soon it was time to return to the city before the sun set. On the drive towards home, Jaejoong suddenly spoke up.

“Turn here,” he directed.

Yunho threw him a curious glance but said nothing. He followed the road without thinking until he realized where they were going.

He tensed. “Jaejoong…”

Jaejoong laid a comforting hand on his thigh, smiling tenderly. “It’s okay.”

Yunho drove through the huge, black gates and wound his way down an all too familiar lane until he reached his destination. Jaejoong climbed out of the car and he followed suit. When Jaejoong held out his hand, he clung desperately to it. He wasn’t ready.

Jaejoong led the way, coming to a halt by the small, neat tombstone engraved with his name and date of birth.

“Jaejoong…” Yunho began again, his voice breaking.

Jaejoong shook his head. “No. Don’t. Don’t cry and don’t be sad.”

“How can you expect me not to?”

“I don’t know.” He turned to Yunho, dropping his hand so that he could cup his face. “It’s time, Yunnie.”

“No,” Yunho whispered, tears shining in his eyes.

Jaejoong nodded, fighting back his own emotional torrent. “Yes, it’s time. I have to go now.”

Yunho hiccupped, his breath catching in his throat. “What am I supposed to do without you?”

Jaejoong smiled. “Live. Just that. Live, without limitations, without regrets, without causing harm to others, so that when your time comes, you’ll know that you made the best of it. And always tell the ones you care about that you love them. Don’t ever be afraid of rejection.”

Yunho breathed deeply as he fought for control. Holding back his tears was proving to be harder than expected but he struggled through it for Jaejoong’s sake. He knew that Jaejoong needed it more than he did.

“Will we really never meet again?” The thought was unbearable. How was he supposed to go through life without Jaejoong knowing that they wouldn’t even be reunited in death? It hardly seemed fair.

Jaejoong’s smile widened. “They say no but me… I say anything’s possible.” He thought about the father he’d never expected to see again but who was currently waiting for him. “Yes, anything’s possible. But even if we don’t, I’ll always love you. I’ll cherish the time we spent together forever.”

“I love you so much,” Yunho said tearfully, squeezing his eyes shut as the evidence of his pain slid down his cheeks.

“I know. I’m so grateful. It’s the best present anyone has ever given me.” Jaejoong leaned forward and pressed a soft kiss to Yunho’s lips. “Don’t open your eyes Yunnie.”

Panic immediately rose in Yunho’s chest. “What…Why?”

“Shh, shh,” Jaejoong soothed. “It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. Just keep your eyes closed.”

He kissed him again, this time lingering a few seconds longer before he dropped his hands and stepped back.

“Goodbye, Yunnie. I’ll love you forever.”

He was gone. Even without opening his eyes, Yunho knew that Jaejoong was no longer with him.

His heart wrenched painfully in his chest and it was all he could do to stop himself from falling to the ground in abject misery.

He turned towards Jaejoong’s headstone and allowed his tears to flow freely as deep sobs wracked his frame.

“Hello.”

Yunho spun around at the sound of the voice, hurriedly wiping the tears from his eyes as he came face to face with Jaejoong’s mother.

“I knew you’d be here,” she said, smiling slightly.

“I’m sorry?” Yunho said hoarsely, confused.

She stepped forward and placed the pretty bouquet of flowers she held on the grave.

“I knew that you’d be here. It’s the hundredth day since his death. It was just a feeling I had.”

Yunho gasped, counting furiously. He’d had no idea.

“You left before I could talk to you at the funeral but…” She glanced at him sideways. “I suspected that we’d run into each other again eventually.”

Yunho blushed.

“You loved my son, didn’t you?”

Yunho swallowed thickly, nodding. “Yes.”

“I’ve seen his drawings of you, in his sketchbook. That’s how I recognized you at the funeral.”

Sketchbook? Jaejoong had drawings of him? This was all news to Yunho.

“I’d thought maybe he’d just had a crush on someone but now I know. I’m happy that he got to experience love. It’s not something that everyone finds before they leave this life.”

Yunho nodded again. He had no idea what to say. He was at a loss for words.

Jaejoong watched them, smiling through the sadness that bloomed in his chest.

The two people he’d loved the most were together. It was bittersweet.

He should’ve known that his mother would figure out what Yunho had meant to him. The sketchbook on his bed the night before should have been a dead giveaway.

“Dad?” he called softly.

“I’m here,” that strong, reassuring voice immediately replied.

Jaejoong took a deep breath. “I’m ready.”

His father came out of the shadows, smiling gently. “You did the right thing.”

“I know.”

He continued watching his mother and Yunho for a few more minutes. He was ready to go but he just needed these last few moments for his heart to say goodbye to them.

“Dad? Does it ever get eas…”

He broke off, catching the look on his father’s face as he gazed at his mother. Love, longing: they were both etched deeply in his father’s expression.

Even without finishing his question, he had his answer.

He slipped his hand into his father’s and gave him a gentle squeeze. “Let’s go.”

His father flashed him a grateful look.

They both took one last look at the ones they had left behind before they began their journey into the unknown beyond.

Yunho jumped when Mrs. Kim slid her arm through the crook of his, linking their arms at the elbow.

“Come and have a cup of tea with me. Tell me about my son.”

Yunho’s blush deepened. What was he supposed to say? It was strange and yet… Hadn’t he wanted someone that he could talk to about Jaejoong all along? And this would give him an opportunity to learn the things about Jaejoong that he’d never had a chance to.

Already he felt closer to his dearly departed simply by being with the woman who had given birth to him, the mother that he’d loved above all others.

As he let her guide him back to his car, she suddenly said, “This may sound strange but…sometimes I feel like he’s still here. Like I can feel him. Do you know what I mean?”

Yunho looked up at the sky, his view distorted by the dotting of trees beneath which they walked.

Trees…

Smiling, he glanced down at the upturned face that looked so much like the boy he loved.

“Yes,” he said softly. “I do.”