Second Chances (Chapter 30b)
Title: Second Chances
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: Main: YunJae; Secondary: JaeMin, HoMin
Rating: PG-13
Length: Chaptered
Summary: After Changmin's death, how are Jae and Yunho going to cope with their grief and their increasing attraction to each other?
“Hi.”
That voice… It was foreign yet so achingly familiar. How long had it been since he’d heard it?
He couldn’t find his voice, didn’t know what to say - “hello” seemed so inadequate compared to everything that was, or wasn’t, going on inside of him - so he said nothing. Instead, he walked back to the sofa, leaving Yunho to trail behind him. He heard the door close in his wake and turned to see Yunho standing no further than two feet into his loft.
He looked awkward, standing there while Jae looked at him silently. He wondered what kind of reception he’d expected, wondered if he thought Jae was purposely giving him the silent treatment. If he’d had words, he would’ve spoken them, but they positively refused to come.
Yunho watched Jaejoong watching him. He was so beautiful, as beautiful as he’d remembered. More even. He’d dyed his hair, a kind of strawberry blond, and grown it out a little. It brushed his shoulders in the back and his bangs were almost completely covering one eye. His face looked leaner, his body did too actually, but he was still the most gorgeous creature he’d ever set eyes on.
His eyes, however, was completely emotionless. He had no idea what he was thinking or feeling. Jaejoong hadn’t said a word, though at least he hadn’t shut the door in his face. That was a start.
Sucking up all the courage he could muster, he gave himself a mental “fighting” and forged ahead.
“I don’t really know where to start,” Yunho began. “They always say begin at the beginning but where exactly is it?” He laughed awkwardly, his discomfort growing when Jaejoong didn’t react.
He cleared his throat. “First of all, I want to apologize. There are many things I need to apologize for, but the thing I regret most is taking so long to come to you. I can’t imagine what it must have been like and I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused.
The next thing I want to address is why I sent you away. I won’t apologize for it because at the time, in the state of mind that I was, I really thought it was the right thing to do. I thought I was saving you from me, my…dysfunction. But I will apologize for the events leading up to it. I tried to push you away and in doing so, I know I hurt you and I truly wish I could take it back.”
He paused to gather his thoughts before continuing.
“You came into my life at a very strange time. I was focused solely on Changmin, on making sure he got better, and then you showed up and just took over. Not only with Changmin’s care but our house, our lives, everything. Before I knew it, you were seeping into me too: my blood, my thoughts, my heart. I loved Changmin, never thought I’d love another soul, but before he even died I started seeing you differently. You weren’t just Changmin’s Jaejoong, you were mine too. We were…friends and yet, not. I never really thought about it at the time, it feels somewhat disloyal to say that while Min’s body was fighting the disease that consumed it, my attraction to his best friend was growing. But that’s exactly what happened.
Min’s death knocked me off my feet. I knew it was coming, though I tried to pretend otherwise, but when it happened… It was still too hard to accept. He was my world, what was I going to do without him? I resented you because I felt like I should’ve been the one making the life and death decisions but in hindsight, I understand why he did it. It must have been so hard for you, loving him as much as you do… I’m sorry for that too.”
His eyes and tone were regretful but still he got no response from Jae. He wasn’t really aiming for one, though. He just wanted Jaejoong to know how sincere he was.
“When the initial shock faded and I came out of my daze, there you were. Again. It was like I couldn’t get away from you. You were everywhere. Literally! And then you refused to leave, even when I asked you to, even when I treated you like crap. Once you got sick, though, everything changed. Not because we…” His voice trailed off as memories of their first time flocked to the fore. “You were so fragile and you needed me. With Min, I always felt like he was fighting the cancer on his own. It was in his body and he took care of everything. He made the decisions, I just had to live with them. It was like that down to the very end. It’s hard…to be with someone and not have any power. He was such a self-contained individual…
But you…for that short period of time, you really needed me. And you didn’t try to fight it, didn’t fight me. You didn’t push me away. You gave me purpose.
After that, everything just fell into place and I didn’t question it, not for a minute. There were bumps here and there - I don’t think I need to apologize for Hana again too do I?” - he smiled to himself - “ - but things always got smoothed out. Until I realized I was falling in love with you.”
His eyes turned serious as they locked with Jaejoong’s.
“For the second time, my world spun out of control. How was that possible? I’ve known you, really known you, for less than a year and already I feel like I can’t breathe if you’re not near me; I can’t sleep if my arms aren’t wrapped around you. I didn’t even feel that way with Changmin. I thought I was going crazy. How could I be so attached to you and Min hasn’t even been dead a year? I was supposed to be mourning my husband but instead I was busy falling in love with his best friend.
I told myself it couldn’t be true, that you had bewitched me and the illusion would break once you were far, far away. And you had to go away, not for myself alone but for you too because I was convinced that once sanity returned, and with it my undying love for Changmin, I would end up hurting you and you meant too much to me. I thought that if I broke it off quickly and cleanly, it would be better for both of us. Obviously, that’s not what happened. I made a royal mess of things. And not only did my love for Changmin not return but I became even more unhinged. I was caught in an emotional mire of misery until…
I woke up.”
He’d gone back and forth about whether to tell Jaejoong about his “talk” with Changmin but finally decided that as it was the last he’d had with his husband, the closing chapter of their life together, he would keep it to himself as a cherished memory.
“I woke up and realized that I loved you too much to continue to force myself to stay faithful to the memory of a dead man. Min wouldn’t have wanted that either. We both love Changmin and I wasn’t the only one who was suffering. I’m sure you’ve questioned us before, but you were stronger than I was. You took a chance on us, even knowing that things could go very wrong, but I ran, from the future and from you.
It’s scary thinking about being in love when I’d only just lost someone but I am and I can’t, won’t, keep making excuses as to why I can’t be with you when that’s all I think about. I love you so much it… I can’t think of any witty metaphors so I’ll just say it plainly: I love you dearly and I want nothing more than to be with you. Whether it’s here or back home, I don’t care so long as we’re together.
I know that…” He gulped, thinking about Stefan’s last words. “I know that you may have moved on and if I’m too late then it’s my own fault and I’ll have to live with that but if you haven’t…if there’s some part of you that still loves me, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive my mistakes and give me the chance to give us a real effort. I couldn’t before but there’s nothing standing in my way now. I won’t let anything get in the way of us being together so long…so long as you want us to be.”
Yunho stopped and took a deep breath.
Jaejoong hadn’t moved, hadn’t even twitched, during his entire diatribe. It was disheartening but he hadn’t expected a warm welcome, though being yelled at would be better than stone cold silence. Still, he wasn’t going to give up but maybe it was time to pack it in for the night. He hated feeling like he was forcing his feelings on Jaejoong and there wasn’t anything left to say that he hadn’t already said.
“I won’t impose on you any longer. I just…please think over what I’ve said and if there’s any chance, any at all, that you still care for me, please allow me to make it up to you. If we have to start over from scratch, as just friends, I’m more than willing to. I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust and win your heart again.”
He shifted from one foot to the other, hoping that Jaejoong would at least say “okay”.
But there was nothing. He continued to stare at him, almost like he was looking straight through him.
“If it’s okay, I’ll call on you tomorrow. Goodnight Jaejoong.”
He didn’t know if it was okay since, yet again, there wasn’t a flicker of response but he hadn’t said no either so he would take that and run with it.
He longed to touch him, to hug him, something, but instead, he took one last look, drinking in those perfect features that he’d missed so much, turned around and let himself out the door.
As soon as Yunho left, Jaejoong unfroze, inch by stiff inch.
He walked to the door, locked it, leaned his back against it and slid to the ground. He released a pent-up breath he hadn’t even been aware that he was holding.
Closing his eyes, he took another deep breath and when his mind settled, he opened them again.
He had work to do.
For the next five days, Yunho spent every available minute with Jaejoong.
The first day, the morning after his arrival, he showed up at Outsider Input bright and early. They weren’t open for business yet but Maggie let him in. The redhead barely reached his shoulder but her sharp tongue and intense gaze more than made up for what she lacked in height.
Their first encounter had been tense: she’d glared at him when Stef brought him home unannounced. But after an uncomfortable dinner and a mini-interrogation on her part, she had warmed up to him. She didn’t forgive him, she’d said, but she understood him and that counted for something. It was Jae’s forgiveness he needed anyway, she’d gone on, and once he had it, everything would be squared away in her book.
They’d gone to the office separately because, for whatever reason, Stef decided it was best that Jae didn’t know he was staying with them. Thus, he’d left home a half hour after they had.
When Jae saw him, he’d stopped and stared for a few seconds before going into his office and closing the door behind him. The first day had been the hardest and longest. Every time Jae came out of his office, he glanced at him - he’d spent most of the day in the display room - but he didn’t say a word. He must have passed by him twenty times that day. Yunho talked to everyone in the office, even the assistants - which forced him to tap into his unused English skills -, except Jae. By 4:00, Stefan suggested he go home but he’d refused, saying that he would leave when Jae did.
He’d stuck to his word.
When Jae finally stepped out of his office for the last time that day, locking it behind him, Yunho stood and watched as he said his goodbyes. He followed him out the front door to the multilevel parking garage next door where he’d parked. They traveled up in the elevator in silence, walked to Jae’s car in silence, and when Jae got into his car, strapped himself in and gunned the engine, he watched him drive away.
The second day was pretty much the same except that Jae didn’t drive to work. Instead, at the end of the day, Yunho walked silently beside him the six or so blocks it took to get to his building. When they arrived, he’d said, “Have a good evening, Jaejoong. And sweet dreams,” and watched him walk up the stairs and into the lobby.
The third day, Yunho became convinced that Jae’s attitude towards him had started to thaw.
He still spent most of the day alone in the display room, though he’d gotten to know some of the inner workings of the business through conversations with Maggie, Stef and the other staff, but whereas Jae had closed his office door the previous days, this time he left it wide open. Yunho was able to watch him as he worked, listen to his musical voice as he finalized upcoming projects with clients. He even thought, on a couple of occasions, that he’d caught Jaejoong staring at him. He looked away immediately but he’d definitely looked.
They’d also had lunch that same day. Technically it was a group lunch but they had been left alone together at one point. Yunho suspected Maggie and Stefan had engineered it somehow. Jaejoong still didn’t talk to him but when Yunho’d offered to refill his water glass, he’d nodded. He felt encouraged by the progress. They were baby steps, yes, but they’d come far in just three days.
The forth day was even better. They were at lunch in a cute little Italian restaurant and Jaejoong dished out his salad for him. Granted, he’d done it for everyone else as well, but he didn’t overlook Yunho like he could have. He’d also offered him bread rolls, albeit silently.
Thus, Yunho was more than a little shattered when, on the fifth day, he received a call that could possibly send him back to square one with Jaejoong.
He’d just gotten back to Stef and Maggie’s after walking Jaejoong home when his phone rang. He’d answered it without checking the display screen, assuming it was his sister since they’d spoken every day since his arrival, and was more than a little surprised to hear Hana on the phone. What she had to say completely knocked the wind out of his sails.
There was a problem with a buyout they were currently in the middle of and the owner insisted on meeting with him personally. If he didn’t get things straightened out right away, they would look for a new buyer.
He was tempted to tell the owner to go screw himself but the deal was an important one for his company. He was the CEO but he still felt like he was feeling his way along, establishing himself as the heir to his father’s legacy, and he didn’t want to fuck things up. Hana was out of her depth, and it wouldn’t have made a difference if she wasn’t, so it fell on his shoulders to deal with it. Feeling the burden of that weight, he made the decision to return home even while his heart railed against it.
After booking a flight - he was lucky enough to get one that very night - he went downstairs to give Stefan and Maggie the bad news and was touched at how supportive they were. Maggie ordered him to return as soon as everything was settled at home. He packed his suitcase and Stefan drove him to Jae’s apartment, just like he had just five days ago. He told him to take his time, he still had a few hours before check-in.
With his back turned to the street, Yunho didn’t see Stefan’s shiny black BMW X5 pull away from the curb as soon as he crossed the threshold into the lobby.
Dragging his feet, Yunho made his way across the lobby, signed the visitor’s register, then walked to the elevator bank. A minute later, he walked out onto Jaejoong’s floor, taking his time as he strode down the hall. It was a spectacular, architecturally sound piece of work. He would’ve liked to have explored it a bit more but now that he was leaving, he wouldn’t have the chance. And if Jaejoong got angry at his abrupt departure, he might never have the opportunity again. Not to mention it would be the last time he’d see Jaejoong.
No, he thought. No matter what, he wasn’t giving up on Jaejoong. Not until Jae himself told him he was wasting his time. Everyone was rooting for him, even Min’s parents who he’d visited before he’d left to pay his respects and apologize for his lapse as a son-in-law. They’d been kind and understanding, exemplifying the kind of admirable behaviour they’d passed onto their son, wished him luck and made him promise to visit when he returned, with Jaejoong in tow.
Steeling himself, he rang the bell and waited for Jaejoong to answer, fear crawling around in his stomach.
“Pink? Or pink and black? Hmm…”
Jaejoong looked back and forth between the two sets of pajama pants, contemplating which one he would wear to bed that night. They were both incredibly comfortable and rather similar in design.
What does it matter? No one’s seeing you in them anyway.
“Shush you!”
You have got to stop talking to yourself…
His inner voice had taken on a life of its own and it was incredibly annoying, he was sad to discover.
Ding!
Jaejoong glanced up at the door, eyebrows disappearing beneath his bangs in wonder.
Carefully placing the pair of pants on the closest chair, he walked to the door and threw it open.
Yunho smiled nervously. “Hi.”
Surprised, Jaejoong stepped back and allowed him to pass, closing the door behind him. It honestly hadn’t occurred to him that he would find Yunho on the other side of his door. His brain was a little slow lately.
He walked to the sofa, in the spot where he’d stood five days ago when Yunho first appeared, and turned to face his visitor.
Yunho clasped and unclasped his hands, shifting on his feet.
“I don’t know how to say this. I know I only just came back into your life and I said all these things the other night, made all these promises that I fully intended to keep but… I have to leave. I have to go home.”
Jaejoong blinked rapidly but there was no outward reaction otherwise.
“I don’t want to leave, please believe me, and I wouldn’t if it wasn’t important.” Yunho ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he muttered, laughing self-deprecatingly. “I finally grow the balls to do what I’ve been dying to all this time and the world turns against me. Oh, the irony.”
Realizing that he might seem a little insane, and not wanting to scare Jaejoong, he forced himself to calm down. Taking a steadying breath, he met Jaejoong’s eyes, his own imploring. “I will come back. I promise you. I love you so much and I’m not going to give up on us until you tell me that I don’t have a chance in hell. And maybe not even then. Maybe I’ll just annoy you until you fall in love with me again.” He smiled sadly. “Please, while I’m gone, just think about it. I’ll be back as soon as I can. I hate this. I hate this so much. I…”
Jaejoong sighed in exasperation. “Yunho… Shut up and kiss me.”
Yunho froze, his brain coming to an abrupt halt, not believing what he’d just heard.
Please, ears, don’t play tricks on me.
“What? Did you…I don’t…”
Jaejoong sighed again. “Are you going to talk my ears off? Just kiss me, you fool.”
Yunho didn’t need to be told twice. In three long strides he was standing in front of Jaejoong, pulling him into his arms. His mouth swooped down and caught his lips in a hard, hungry kiss.
Passion blazed around them and it was like they’d never been separated. Jaejoong melted into Yunho, his body fitting perfectly to Yunho’s like it used to, and Yunho enveloped Jaejoong, drawing him so tightly into the circle of his arms that there wasn’t a part of either of their bodies that wasn’t touching the other’s.
Breathy sighs escaped their lips, hands roamed, re-familiarizing themselves with long untouched valleys and plains and before they knew it, Yunho had lowered Jaejoong - or Jaejoong had lowered them both, it didn’t matter which - onto the wide, plush sofa and Yunho’s entire length was stretched out on top of Jaejoong between his spread thighs. The flame continued to ignite and neither one had any intention of putting it out.
Finally, unable to restrain himself any longer, Jaejoong tore his lips from Yunho’s. Tugging on the hem of Yunho’s T-shirt, he said in a demanding tone, “Off!”.
Yunho’s eyes widened in surprise. “Are you sure? You aren’t still mad at me? Please don’t think that this is what I came here for. It’s not. I…”
“Yunho…” Jaejoong sighed insufferably, framing Yunho’s face with gentle hands, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs. He grinned. “Did you expect me to yell at you? Break things and curse you and your unborn children? Make you suffer for eons before I finally forgave you?” He chuckled. “I could have, I suppose, but it wouldn’t be very me. I may look like a diva but being a vindictive bitch doesn’t come naturally to me. Making you suffer, while possibly rewarding in some ways, would only be spiting myself in the process and needless to say, I love me too much to do that.”
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: Main: YunJae; Secondary: JaeMin, HoMin
Rating: PG-13
Length: Chaptered
Summary: After Changmin's death, how are Jae and Yunho going to cope with their grief and their increasing attraction to each other?
“Hi.”
That voice… It was foreign yet so achingly familiar. How long had it been since he’d heard it?
He couldn’t find his voice, didn’t know what to say - “hello” seemed so inadequate compared to everything that was, or wasn’t, going on inside of him - so he said nothing. Instead, he walked back to the sofa, leaving Yunho to trail behind him. He heard the door close in his wake and turned to see Yunho standing no further than two feet into his loft.
He looked awkward, standing there while Jae looked at him silently. He wondered what kind of reception he’d expected, wondered if he thought Jae was purposely giving him the silent treatment. If he’d had words, he would’ve spoken them, but they positively refused to come.
Yunho watched Jaejoong watching him. He was so beautiful, as beautiful as he’d remembered. More even. He’d dyed his hair, a kind of strawberry blond, and grown it out a little. It brushed his shoulders in the back and his bangs were almost completely covering one eye. His face looked leaner, his body did too actually, but he was still the most gorgeous creature he’d ever set eyes on.
His eyes, however, was completely emotionless. He had no idea what he was thinking or feeling. Jaejoong hadn’t said a word, though at least he hadn’t shut the door in his face. That was a start.
Sucking up all the courage he could muster, he gave himself a mental “fighting” and forged ahead.
“I don’t really know where to start,” Yunho began. “They always say begin at the beginning but where exactly is it?” He laughed awkwardly, his discomfort growing when Jaejoong didn’t react.
He cleared his throat. “First of all, I want to apologize. There are many things I need to apologize for, but the thing I regret most is taking so long to come to you. I can’t imagine what it must have been like and I’m sorry for the pain I’ve caused.
The next thing I want to address is why I sent you away. I won’t apologize for it because at the time, in the state of mind that I was, I really thought it was the right thing to do. I thought I was saving you from me, my…dysfunction. But I will apologize for the events leading up to it. I tried to push you away and in doing so, I know I hurt you and I truly wish I could take it back.”
He paused to gather his thoughts before continuing.
“You came into my life at a very strange time. I was focused solely on Changmin, on making sure he got better, and then you showed up and just took over. Not only with Changmin’s care but our house, our lives, everything. Before I knew it, you were seeping into me too: my blood, my thoughts, my heart. I loved Changmin, never thought I’d love another soul, but before he even died I started seeing you differently. You weren’t just Changmin’s Jaejoong, you were mine too. We were…friends and yet, not. I never really thought about it at the time, it feels somewhat disloyal to say that while Min’s body was fighting the disease that consumed it, my attraction to his best friend was growing. But that’s exactly what happened.
Min’s death knocked me off my feet. I knew it was coming, though I tried to pretend otherwise, but when it happened… It was still too hard to accept. He was my world, what was I going to do without him? I resented you because I felt like I should’ve been the one making the life and death decisions but in hindsight, I understand why he did it. It must have been so hard for you, loving him as much as you do… I’m sorry for that too.”
His eyes and tone were regretful but still he got no response from Jae. He wasn’t really aiming for one, though. He just wanted Jaejoong to know how sincere he was.
“When the initial shock faded and I came out of my daze, there you were. Again. It was like I couldn’t get away from you. You were everywhere. Literally! And then you refused to leave, even when I asked you to, even when I treated you like crap. Once you got sick, though, everything changed. Not because we…” His voice trailed off as memories of their first time flocked to the fore. “You were so fragile and you needed me. With Min, I always felt like he was fighting the cancer on his own. It was in his body and he took care of everything. He made the decisions, I just had to live with them. It was like that down to the very end. It’s hard…to be with someone and not have any power. He was such a self-contained individual…
But you…for that short period of time, you really needed me. And you didn’t try to fight it, didn’t fight me. You didn’t push me away. You gave me purpose.
After that, everything just fell into place and I didn’t question it, not for a minute. There were bumps here and there - I don’t think I need to apologize for Hana again too do I?” - he smiled to himself - “ - but things always got smoothed out. Until I realized I was falling in love with you.”
His eyes turned serious as they locked with Jaejoong’s.
“For the second time, my world spun out of control. How was that possible? I’ve known you, really known you, for less than a year and already I feel like I can’t breathe if you’re not near me; I can’t sleep if my arms aren’t wrapped around you. I didn’t even feel that way with Changmin. I thought I was going crazy. How could I be so attached to you and Min hasn’t even been dead a year? I was supposed to be mourning my husband but instead I was busy falling in love with his best friend.
I told myself it couldn’t be true, that you had bewitched me and the illusion would break once you were far, far away. And you had to go away, not for myself alone but for you too because I was convinced that once sanity returned, and with it my undying love for Changmin, I would end up hurting you and you meant too much to me. I thought that if I broke it off quickly and cleanly, it would be better for both of us. Obviously, that’s not what happened. I made a royal mess of things. And not only did my love for Changmin not return but I became even more unhinged. I was caught in an emotional mire of misery until…
I woke up.”
He’d gone back and forth about whether to tell Jaejoong about his “talk” with Changmin but finally decided that as it was the last he’d had with his husband, the closing chapter of their life together, he would keep it to himself as a cherished memory.
“I woke up and realized that I loved you too much to continue to force myself to stay faithful to the memory of a dead man. Min wouldn’t have wanted that either. We both love Changmin and I wasn’t the only one who was suffering. I’m sure you’ve questioned us before, but you were stronger than I was. You took a chance on us, even knowing that things could go very wrong, but I ran, from the future and from you.
It’s scary thinking about being in love when I’d only just lost someone but I am and I can’t, won’t, keep making excuses as to why I can’t be with you when that’s all I think about. I love you so much it… I can’t think of any witty metaphors so I’ll just say it plainly: I love you dearly and I want nothing more than to be with you. Whether it’s here or back home, I don’t care so long as we’re together.
I know that…” He gulped, thinking about Stefan’s last words. “I know that you may have moved on and if I’m too late then it’s my own fault and I’ll have to live with that but if you haven’t…if there’s some part of you that still loves me, I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive my mistakes and give me the chance to give us a real effort. I couldn’t before but there’s nothing standing in my way now. I won’t let anything get in the way of us being together so long…so long as you want us to be.”
Yunho stopped and took a deep breath.
Jaejoong hadn’t moved, hadn’t even twitched, during his entire diatribe. It was disheartening but he hadn’t expected a warm welcome, though being yelled at would be better than stone cold silence. Still, he wasn’t going to give up but maybe it was time to pack it in for the night. He hated feeling like he was forcing his feelings on Jaejoong and there wasn’t anything left to say that he hadn’t already said.
“I won’t impose on you any longer. I just…please think over what I’ve said and if there’s any chance, any at all, that you still care for me, please allow me to make it up to you. If we have to start over from scratch, as just friends, I’m more than willing to. I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust and win your heart again.”
He shifted from one foot to the other, hoping that Jaejoong would at least say “okay”.
But there was nothing. He continued to stare at him, almost like he was looking straight through him.
“If it’s okay, I’ll call on you tomorrow. Goodnight Jaejoong.”
He didn’t know if it was okay since, yet again, there wasn’t a flicker of response but he hadn’t said no either so he would take that and run with it.
He longed to touch him, to hug him, something, but instead, he took one last look, drinking in those perfect features that he’d missed so much, turned around and let himself out the door.
As soon as Yunho left, Jaejoong unfroze, inch by stiff inch.
He walked to the door, locked it, leaned his back against it and slid to the ground. He released a pent-up breath he hadn’t even been aware that he was holding.
Closing his eyes, he took another deep breath and when his mind settled, he opened them again.
He had work to do.
For the next five days, Yunho spent every available minute with Jaejoong.
The first day, the morning after his arrival, he showed up at Outsider Input bright and early. They weren’t open for business yet but Maggie let him in. The redhead barely reached his shoulder but her sharp tongue and intense gaze more than made up for what she lacked in height.
Their first encounter had been tense: she’d glared at him when Stef brought him home unannounced. But after an uncomfortable dinner and a mini-interrogation on her part, she had warmed up to him. She didn’t forgive him, she’d said, but she understood him and that counted for something. It was Jae’s forgiveness he needed anyway, she’d gone on, and once he had it, everything would be squared away in her book.
They’d gone to the office separately because, for whatever reason, Stef decided it was best that Jae didn’t know he was staying with them. Thus, he’d left home a half hour after they had.
When Jae saw him, he’d stopped and stared for a few seconds before going into his office and closing the door behind him. The first day had been the hardest and longest. Every time Jae came out of his office, he glanced at him - he’d spent most of the day in the display room - but he didn’t say a word. He must have passed by him twenty times that day. Yunho talked to everyone in the office, even the assistants - which forced him to tap into his unused English skills -, except Jae. By 4:00, Stefan suggested he go home but he’d refused, saying that he would leave when Jae did.
He’d stuck to his word.
When Jae finally stepped out of his office for the last time that day, locking it behind him, Yunho stood and watched as he said his goodbyes. He followed him out the front door to the multilevel parking garage next door where he’d parked. They traveled up in the elevator in silence, walked to Jae’s car in silence, and when Jae got into his car, strapped himself in and gunned the engine, he watched him drive away.
The second day was pretty much the same except that Jae didn’t drive to work. Instead, at the end of the day, Yunho walked silently beside him the six or so blocks it took to get to his building. When they arrived, he’d said, “Have a good evening, Jaejoong. And sweet dreams,” and watched him walk up the stairs and into the lobby.
The third day, Yunho became convinced that Jae’s attitude towards him had started to thaw.
He still spent most of the day alone in the display room, though he’d gotten to know some of the inner workings of the business through conversations with Maggie, Stef and the other staff, but whereas Jae had closed his office door the previous days, this time he left it wide open. Yunho was able to watch him as he worked, listen to his musical voice as he finalized upcoming projects with clients. He even thought, on a couple of occasions, that he’d caught Jaejoong staring at him. He looked away immediately but he’d definitely looked.
They’d also had lunch that same day. Technically it was a group lunch but they had been left alone together at one point. Yunho suspected Maggie and Stefan had engineered it somehow. Jaejoong still didn’t talk to him but when Yunho’d offered to refill his water glass, he’d nodded. He felt encouraged by the progress. They were baby steps, yes, but they’d come far in just three days.
The forth day was even better. They were at lunch in a cute little Italian restaurant and Jaejoong dished out his salad for him. Granted, he’d done it for everyone else as well, but he didn’t overlook Yunho like he could have. He’d also offered him bread rolls, albeit silently.
Thus, Yunho was more than a little shattered when, on the fifth day, he received a call that could possibly send him back to square one with Jaejoong.
He’d just gotten back to Stef and Maggie’s after walking Jaejoong home when his phone rang. He’d answered it without checking the display screen, assuming it was his sister since they’d spoken every day since his arrival, and was more than a little surprised to hear Hana on the phone. What she had to say completely knocked the wind out of his sails.
There was a problem with a buyout they were currently in the middle of and the owner insisted on meeting with him personally. If he didn’t get things straightened out right away, they would look for a new buyer.
He was tempted to tell the owner to go screw himself but the deal was an important one for his company. He was the CEO but he still felt like he was feeling his way along, establishing himself as the heir to his father’s legacy, and he didn’t want to fuck things up. Hana was out of her depth, and it wouldn’t have made a difference if she wasn’t, so it fell on his shoulders to deal with it. Feeling the burden of that weight, he made the decision to return home even while his heart railed against it.
After booking a flight - he was lucky enough to get one that very night - he went downstairs to give Stefan and Maggie the bad news and was touched at how supportive they were. Maggie ordered him to return as soon as everything was settled at home. He packed his suitcase and Stefan drove him to Jae’s apartment, just like he had just five days ago. He told him to take his time, he still had a few hours before check-in.
With his back turned to the street, Yunho didn’t see Stefan’s shiny black BMW X5 pull away from the curb as soon as he crossed the threshold into the lobby.
Dragging his feet, Yunho made his way across the lobby, signed the visitor’s register, then walked to the elevator bank. A minute later, he walked out onto Jaejoong’s floor, taking his time as he strode down the hall. It was a spectacular, architecturally sound piece of work. He would’ve liked to have explored it a bit more but now that he was leaving, he wouldn’t have the chance. And if Jaejoong got angry at his abrupt departure, he might never have the opportunity again. Not to mention it would be the last time he’d see Jaejoong.
No, he thought. No matter what, he wasn’t giving up on Jaejoong. Not until Jae himself told him he was wasting his time. Everyone was rooting for him, even Min’s parents who he’d visited before he’d left to pay his respects and apologize for his lapse as a son-in-law. They’d been kind and understanding, exemplifying the kind of admirable behaviour they’d passed onto their son, wished him luck and made him promise to visit when he returned, with Jaejoong in tow.
Steeling himself, he rang the bell and waited for Jaejoong to answer, fear crawling around in his stomach.
“Pink? Or pink and black? Hmm…”
Jaejoong looked back and forth between the two sets of pajama pants, contemplating which one he would wear to bed that night. They were both incredibly comfortable and rather similar in design.
What does it matter? No one’s seeing you in them anyway.
“Shush you!”
You have got to stop talking to yourself…
His inner voice had taken on a life of its own and it was incredibly annoying, he was sad to discover.
Ding!
Jaejoong glanced up at the door, eyebrows disappearing beneath his bangs in wonder.
Carefully placing the pair of pants on the closest chair, he walked to the door and threw it open.
Yunho smiled nervously. “Hi.”
Surprised, Jaejoong stepped back and allowed him to pass, closing the door behind him. It honestly hadn’t occurred to him that he would find Yunho on the other side of his door. His brain was a little slow lately.
He walked to the sofa, in the spot where he’d stood five days ago when Yunho first appeared, and turned to face his visitor.
Yunho clasped and unclasped his hands, shifting on his feet.
“I don’t know how to say this. I know I only just came back into your life and I said all these things the other night, made all these promises that I fully intended to keep but… I have to leave. I have to go home.”
Jaejoong blinked rapidly but there was no outward reaction otherwise.
“I don’t want to leave, please believe me, and I wouldn’t if it wasn’t important.” Yunho ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “I can’t believe this is happening,” he muttered, laughing self-deprecatingly. “I finally grow the balls to do what I’ve been dying to all this time and the world turns against me. Oh, the irony.”
Realizing that he might seem a little insane, and not wanting to scare Jaejoong, he forced himself to calm down. Taking a steadying breath, he met Jaejoong’s eyes, his own imploring. “I will come back. I promise you. I love you so much and I’m not going to give up on us until you tell me that I don’t have a chance in hell. And maybe not even then. Maybe I’ll just annoy you until you fall in love with me again.” He smiled sadly. “Please, while I’m gone, just think about it. I’ll be back as soon as I can. I hate this. I hate this so much. I…”
Jaejoong sighed in exasperation. “Yunho… Shut up and kiss me.”
Yunho froze, his brain coming to an abrupt halt, not believing what he’d just heard.
Please, ears, don’t play tricks on me.
“What? Did you…I don’t…”
Jaejoong sighed again. “Are you going to talk my ears off? Just kiss me, you fool.”
Yunho didn’t need to be told twice. In three long strides he was standing in front of Jaejoong, pulling him into his arms. His mouth swooped down and caught his lips in a hard, hungry kiss.
Passion blazed around them and it was like they’d never been separated. Jaejoong melted into Yunho, his body fitting perfectly to Yunho’s like it used to, and Yunho enveloped Jaejoong, drawing him so tightly into the circle of his arms that there wasn’t a part of either of their bodies that wasn’t touching the other’s.
Breathy sighs escaped their lips, hands roamed, re-familiarizing themselves with long untouched valleys and plains and before they knew it, Yunho had lowered Jaejoong - or Jaejoong had lowered them both, it didn’t matter which - onto the wide, plush sofa and Yunho’s entire length was stretched out on top of Jaejoong between his spread thighs. The flame continued to ignite and neither one had any intention of putting it out.
Finally, unable to restrain himself any longer, Jaejoong tore his lips from Yunho’s. Tugging on the hem of Yunho’s T-shirt, he said in a demanding tone, “Off!”.
Yunho’s eyes widened in surprise. “Are you sure? You aren’t still mad at me? Please don’t think that this is what I came here for. It’s not. I…”
“Yunho…” Jaejoong sighed insufferably, framing Yunho’s face with gentle hands, caressing his cheeks with his thumbs. He grinned. “Did you expect me to yell at you? Break things and curse you and your unborn children? Make you suffer for eons before I finally forgave you?” He chuckled. “I could have, I suppose, but it wouldn’t be very me. I may look like a diva but being a vindictive bitch doesn’t come naturally to me. Making you suffer, while possibly rewarding in some ways, would only be spiting myself in the process and needless to say, I love me too much to do that.”