Second Chances (Chapter 28a)
Title: Second Chances
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: Main: YunJae; Secondary: JaeMin, HoMin
Rating: PG-13
Length: Chaptered
Summary: After Changmin's death, how are Jae and Yunho going to cope with their grief and their increasing attraction to each other?
“Hold on a sec, let me just… Yeah, this looks good. Okay, here’s what you do…”
Kai closed the door behind him and followed Jaejoong through the anteroom and down the hall to the “work room” as he thought of it. It was filled with bolts of fabric, huge work tables and equipment that he wouldn’t in a million years figure out how to use. He stared at the back of Jae’s dark head, currently pressed together with Crystal’s as they perused something or other, and smiled. He was so cute when he was in work mode. And he had great work ethics, something he could appreciate.
“I think we’re good for now. Let me know when you’re done with that and we’ll see what else needs doing, okay?”
Jae turned away from Crystal and work and walked over to Kai, his cheeks flushing with embarrassed color.
“Sorry about that,” he apologized.
Kai’s smile widened. “It’s fine. I like watching you work. You’re even cuter when you’re concentrating,” he teased.
Jae’s blush deepened.
“Anyway, I should be getting back to work myself so I’ll leave you to it. See you later?”
Jae’s gaze dropped for a second before meeting Kai’s again. This was unfamiliar territory for him but it had to be done.
“I’m going to be a bit…caught up for the next few days, finalizing everything for Friday. I’m not sure how much time I’ll have for anything but work.”
“Understood.” Kai laughed when Jae’s blush deepened even further. “It’s okay, Jae. As a professional myself, I understand deadlines. Work comes first. I admire that.” He raised a hand to Jae’s cheek, gently stroking the soft, smooth skin there with the pad of his thumb. Slowly, he lowered his head and pressed a soft kiss to Jae’s upturned mouth. Pulling back, he dropped his hand and said, “See you Friday.”
Jae nodded and watched as he turned to leave.
“Oh!” Kai exclaimed, spinning around. “I almost forgot.” He held out the picnic basket in his hand.
Jae took the proffered basket. “Sorry, my head’s all over the place.”
“Mine’s not,” Kai quipped. “My only defense is that I’m mesmerized by you. Ahh, there you go again,” he teased when Jae’s entire face turned beet red. “You know, if you keep doing that I may never get out of here. Playing with you is just too much fun.”
Sniffing haughtily, Jae lightly slapped him on the shoulder. “Meanie.” He spun Kai with his free hand and playfully pushed him out into the hall and back the way they’d come. He stopped when they got to the anteroom and said their goodbyes again, watching as Kai turned to wave before closing the door behind him.
“Ooh, looks like things are heating up fast,” Crystal commented from behind him, her voice soft and conspiratorial. “You’ve caught yourself a hell of a fish, Jae.”
The frigid glare he shot her over his shoulder had her going rigid, icy fingers crawling up her spine.
“Don’t you have work to do?”
Without a sound, she hightailed it out of the room.
Sighing, Jae turned and made his way to his own office, closing the door and locking it. He set the picnic basket down on a chair and dropped into his seat behind his desk. His mind returned to the man he’d just had lunch with.
Kai was amazing. He was intelligent, funny, kind, caring, patient, ridiculously good looking, sexy: he could go on and on. They’d been seeing each other steadily for the past three weeks and every time they got together he became further convinced that the man was perfect. He couldn’t find a single flaw.
That particular day, he’d woken up in a strangely good mood, feeling the urge to cook for the first time in a long while but he had no one to cook for. Suddenly, the brilliant idea to pack a picnic lunch for Kai had come to him so he’d gotten to work, preparing both Western and traditional Korean dishes that he thought Kai might like based on the culinary preferences he’d exhibited thus far. He knew where Kai was currently working because he’d taken him there once on one of their weekend outings. He was a landscaper and his company was restoring a section of Central Park, which wasn’t far from Jae’s office.
He’d been so excited on the way to the park but when he’d gotten there, his nerves had taken over. Kai wouldn’t be alone and what would his co-workers think about him bringing lunch for him? Kai was openly gay but didn’t rugged straight guys resent having homosexuality rubbed in their faces? All of these things had banged around in his head until he found Kai. And then, with just his delightfully surprised smile, it was suddenly all okay. They’d had a wonderful lunch and Kai had raved over his cooking.
It was his first time cooking specifically for someone who wasn’t a friend or family member. Or Yunho. But he’d been amazed to find out, on their fourth or fifth date when Kai invited him to dinner at his apartment, that he was in fact a fabulous cook in his own right. Thinking of Kai’s cooking made him think of their dinner date at his apartment two nights before…and dessert. His cheeks burned as the memories rushed out.
They’d had a wonderful dinner - Kai had made him his very first bento, way more sophisticated than anything he’d seen on television - and they were sitting in the living room sipping wine and nibbling on fruit as they continued their conversation. He couldn’t remember what they were talking about but every conversation with Kai was enjoyable. He just had a way of putting him at ease. Kai had started to feed him, a grape here, a strawberry there, and the next thing he knew, they were kissing. It was soft and light at first but then someone turned on the heat and the kiss deepened. Tongues rubbed playfully against each other, one of them started moaning, hands strayed from their original positions, and before he realized it, he was being pressed into the plush cushions of Kai’s couch.
His responsiveness surprised him but in the moment he felt like he really wanted to be touched. He craved it almost. It was only when Kai’s hand traveled beneath the loose sweater he wore and stroked across his bare stomach that he felt the sudden urge to pull away. A warning was going off in his head and he couldn’t ignore it. He’d broken the kiss and pulled back, unable to meet Kai’s eyes. He could feel Kai’s erection against his thigh as he lay on top of him so he knew just how affected he was and how far he may have wanted to go.
“Is something wrong? Was I moving too fast?” Kai asked worriedly, his voice throaty from their kiss.
Jae blushed. “Yes. I mean no. I just…” Oh, God, he was so embarrassed.
“Jae…” Kai gripped his chin with gentle fingers, tilting it up and forcing him to meet his eyes.
“It’s just that I don’t…have a lot of experience with this sort of thing,” he admitted. “The truth is, I’ve only ever been with one person.”
Kai smiled tenderly. “Is that all?”
Jae nodded shyly, dropping his gaze.
Laughing, Kai kissed him softly before pulling him to a sitting position and gathering him into his arms. “It’s okay, Jae. Actually…it’s kind of sweet. I’m totally fine with waiting until you’re comfortable enough to take things further. There’s no need to rush. And, to be honest, it’s rather endearing. It’s hard to find anyone in this city who isn’t a whore.”
And just like that, his embarrassment faded.
Jae laughed. “That is true…”
Kai pinched him playfully. “Are you saying that I’m one?”
“I don’t know…are you?” He grinned cheekily.
“Why you…”
Kai carefully wrestled with him, followed by feeding again, which led back to kissing, but it was light and he kept his hands to himself the second time around.
Perfect indeed.
Smiling at the memory, Jae released a long breath and forced himself to focus on the few remaining tasks he had left before the pain-in-the-ass’…uh…Kitty’s party.
“Just one more and…there, done!”
There was a round of applause as Jae climbed down the ladder to survey his work.
Not bad, he thought. There were things he would change or do differently, perhaps put more detail into if he’d had the time, but with the three week time crunch, he’d actually produced something he could be proud of.
“It looks great,” Maggie gushed, coming up behind him and looping her arm through his. “Only you could stay sane long enough to give the monster what she wants.”
Jae rolled his eyes at her and moved across the room to fix a drape that had come untucked.
“If you would learn to temper that Irish tongue of yours, you too would be able to handle the monster.”
“Where’s the fun in that, lad?” Maggie asked, her brogue purposefully thickening.
He stuck his tongue out at her and turned back to what he was doing. When he heard footsteps behind him, he paid them no heed, assuming that it was one of his crew or one of the workmen tidying up something or other, but when an arm slipped around his waist, he jumped and looked up with a gasp.
“Jae…It’s beautiful.” Kai made a sweeping glance of the huge room - well, tent - before lowering his gaze to Jae’s. “You did a wonderful job.”
“Thanks,” he murmured, feeling the heat burn his cheeks. “What are you doing here so early?”
Kai groaned. “Ugh, don’t remind me.” He released Jae and bent down to pick up his toolbox, patting it as he spoke. “Kitty called and said that it was urgent that I get here as soon as possible because there was something that needed my immediate attention.” He shrugged. “Maybe a leaf’s out of place or a cluster of mushrooms suddenly sprouted up overnight, I don’t know.” He sighed.
“Aww…” Jae rubbed his back comfortingly. “You’d better go see what she wants then.”
Kai smiled, touched by Jae’s casual affection. They were progressing nicely, he thought.
“I guess so. I’ll see you later.”
Jae nodded and watched as he walked away. He glanced over at Maggie and found her staring at him, questions blazing in her piercing green eyes that he was sure were burning the tip of her tongue. He pointedly turned his back on her and strolled out of the room, hoping she got the message.
Jae sat at the dressing table in his room, putting the finishing touches on his wardrobe. Kitty had assigned him and his staff rooms for their two-night stay - the night before and the night of the party - and he was grateful not to have to drive back into the city at some ungodly hour in the morning.
He could hear the strains of music coming from downstairs. The party had already begun. He’d awakened from his much needed, though forced, nap barely an hour before and had taken his time getting dressed. He felt weird. He’d been looking forward to that night for three weeks, becoming more and more excited as he got deeper into the preparations. Now, the time had come and before he’d gone to bed, he’d anticipated spending the night with his friends and Kai - especially Kai - and seeing the guests’ reactions to his work. Kitty had loved it but she loved everything he did so her opinion didn’t count for much. Among her guests could be his next big client, though, and he was too much of a businessman to not care about the impression he made on them through his work.
However, since he’d woken up, he hardly felt any desire to go to the party. In fact, he would much rather stay upstairs and go back to bed, or perhaps read for a bit. He just didn’t feel sociable. But he couldn’t. Everyone was waiting for him. He’d already received several texts and calls and Big Red had dragged herself upstairs to hurry him along.
Sighing, he stood and perused his reflection one last time.
He wore white slacks made from a blend that hugged his hips, butt and thighs but was stretchy enough that it wasn’t confining. The party, he knew, would carry on well into the morning and he wanted to be as comfortable as possible. He’d kept things simple by donning a white D&G Crewneck, rolling back the sleeves for added comfort. White loafers completed the look. His hair had been styled off the forehead and away from his ears and face.
He looked good, he decided.
He wanted to go back to bed really badly. Something was nagging at him and he didn’t know what it was or how to make it go away.
Sighing again, he walked to the door and exited the room.
The noise was the first thing that hit him when he stepped out of his room but he fought the urge to retreat. He made his way down the empty halls, down the stairs and past the security til he got to the party space, which was half of the first floor on the side with the pool in addition to the enormous tent Kitty had mounted as an extension so that the party spilled out of the house onto the beach.
As he passed the ice-sculpture - Aphrodite - he stifled a smile. He’d always thought of ice-sculptures as ostentatious and cheesy but the rich seemed to love it.
The house was packed, forcing him to push his way through gyrating bodies to get out onto the deck. He passed people he knew, faces he recognized, not stopping until he was out of the squeeze and onto the deck, which wasn’t any less crowded or hot. He moved to a relatively unpopulated corner where he could stand without stepping on anyone, or being stepped on, and surveyed the attendees.
He saw Maggie and Stefan under the tent, holding each other tightly as they danced slowly - despite the fast pace of the techno beating down on them - the huge white curtains blowing around them creating a kind of mystical effect, which was exactly what he’d been going for. He saw Kitty in the thick of things, grinding on a guy he recognized to be the latest big-name model to come out of Europe. She would eat him up and spit him out within a week, he had no doubt. Crystal was next to her dancing with some lanky guy with a ridiculously sculpted face. His hands were dangerously close to entering NC-17 territory.
Finally, he found who he was looking for.
Kai.
He stood in a group of guys off to the side, drinks in hand, talking about heaven knew what: it was impossible to even hear oneself think with the outrageously loud music assaulting the ears. He moved towards him slowly, a step at a time. Kai looked amazing in his white sweater and jeans. His hair tumbled on his forehead as if he’d washed and dried it but hadn’t bothered to brush it into any semblance of order.
He looked gorgeous.
He was perfect.
…But he wasn’t Yunho.
Jaejoong stopped dead in his tracks as it finally hit him.
Kai was everything he could ever want in a man but he wasn’t the man he wanted.
He could practically hear his heart crack as the dam he’d unconsciously erected broke and the feelings he’d tried to bury came rushing out.
Just then, Kai turned in his direction and spotted him. He smiled when their eyes met…until he saw the shattered look on Jae’s face. He raised a brow in question.
Jae wanted to go to him, wanted to explain, apologize, but uppermost in his mind was the need to retreat. He had to get away, from the noise and the people, before he lost complete control of himself.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Kai couldn’t hear him but his expression changed and Jae thought that maybe he understood. When he nodded and smiled, a sweet, sad smile that tore at his heart, Jae turned and fled.
He slipped around the side of the house, thankful that no one had ventured into the darkness, and blindly made his way onto the beach. When he stubbed his toe on a stone, he stopped and sat abruptly, burying his face in his hands as his emotions rolled through him like the torrents in the sea, tears streaming down his cheeks unchecked. He let it flow out of him, had no choice since he had lost hold of the tight control he’d had over them. When eventually they stemmed, he wiped his face on his sleeve and stared out at the sea.
He’d had a wonderful three weeks with Kai but he realized now that it was just another distraction, just like his work had been. He’d genuinely enjoyed every minute he’d spent with Kai and would never give them back but for the fact that he felt like he’d led him on. He had been honest about the state of his heart when they’d met but wouldn’t spending all that time with Kai after give him the wrong impression? If he’d managed to fool himself, albeit temporarily, wouldn’t Kai also have developed expectations of him? Of them? He thought back to that night on Kai’s couch and groaned aloud. He was a horrible, horrible person.
He truly cared about Kai and if not for his feelings for Yunho would’ve jumped at the chance to be with him. He’d be crazy not to. But Yunho had come first, not Kai, and he couldn’t forget Yunho or his feelings for him no matter how hard he tried. Sometimes he wondered if he was destined to be alone forever. What if his feelings for Yunho never died? Would he spend the rest of his life waiting for them to disappear? Or for Yunho to come to him? Would he eventually give up and settle for someone whose feelings he could never truly return? He’d been so close to doing that to Kai and he hated himself for it. Kai deserved so much better. He deserved someone who could love him with all of his heart, not the little bit he had left.
“Hey. What are you doing all the way out here?”
Jae groaned inwardly when he recognized the voice. Wiping any remaining traces of tears from his face, he turned to greet Kitty.
“Just felt like having a moment to myself. I realized I’m a bit too tired to enjoy the party.”
“Ahh, I see.” She looked at the spot beside him, as if pondering the sensibility of sitting on sand in the crotch-length skirt she wore, before slowly lowering herself to the ground. “Kai’s looking for you.”
The knife in his heart twisted.
“Oh…”
Kitty watched him closely, brows furrowing. “Are things not going well with you two? I thought they were.”
“They’re…” How could he tell her he was going to break Kai’s heart? “…fine. We’re fine.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded.
He could feel her gaze burning into the side of his face but he refused to look at her. The leash he had on his control was tentative at best.
“Jae… Are you okay?” Kitty’s voice was the most serious he’d ever heard it, enough so that he dared a glance in her direction. Her face was serious as well, eyes filled with concern.
He could tell her yes, he supposed, but he was done with lying, to himself or anyone else.
“No. I’m not,” he whispered and the words broke as tears threatened again.
He thought she would run as people usually did when put in the uncomfortable position of dealing with other people’s emotions so he was more than a little surprised when he felt a slim arm wrap around him, her head resting on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly.
“For what?” he asked.
“I don’t know… For whatever’s making you sad.”
He wanted to laugh. Kitty was the last person he would’ve ever wanted to be around in that state. And yet…perhaps she was the best. She knew nothing yet she offered comfort anyway. No judgement, no opinions, no questions. Just 100% comfort.
Slipping an arm around her waist, he rested his head atop hers.
“Thank you.”
Chapter 28b
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: Main: YunJae; Secondary: JaeMin, HoMin
Rating: PG-13
Length: Chaptered
Summary: After Changmin's death, how are Jae and Yunho going to cope with their grief and their increasing attraction to each other?
“Hold on a sec, let me just… Yeah, this looks good. Okay, here’s what you do…”
Kai closed the door behind him and followed Jaejoong through the anteroom and down the hall to the “work room” as he thought of it. It was filled with bolts of fabric, huge work tables and equipment that he wouldn’t in a million years figure out how to use. He stared at the back of Jae’s dark head, currently pressed together with Crystal’s as they perused something or other, and smiled. He was so cute when he was in work mode. And he had great work ethics, something he could appreciate.
“I think we’re good for now. Let me know when you’re done with that and we’ll see what else needs doing, okay?”
Jae turned away from Crystal and work and walked over to Kai, his cheeks flushing with embarrassed color.
“Sorry about that,” he apologized.
Kai’s smile widened. “It’s fine. I like watching you work. You’re even cuter when you’re concentrating,” he teased.
Jae’s blush deepened.
“Anyway, I should be getting back to work myself so I’ll leave you to it. See you later?”
Jae’s gaze dropped for a second before meeting Kai’s again. This was unfamiliar territory for him but it had to be done.
“I’m going to be a bit…caught up for the next few days, finalizing everything for Friday. I’m not sure how much time I’ll have for anything but work.”
“Understood.” Kai laughed when Jae’s blush deepened even further. “It’s okay, Jae. As a professional myself, I understand deadlines. Work comes first. I admire that.” He raised a hand to Jae’s cheek, gently stroking the soft, smooth skin there with the pad of his thumb. Slowly, he lowered his head and pressed a soft kiss to Jae’s upturned mouth. Pulling back, he dropped his hand and said, “See you Friday.”
Jae nodded and watched as he turned to leave.
“Oh!” Kai exclaimed, spinning around. “I almost forgot.” He held out the picnic basket in his hand.
Jae took the proffered basket. “Sorry, my head’s all over the place.”
“Mine’s not,” Kai quipped. “My only defense is that I’m mesmerized by you. Ahh, there you go again,” he teased when Jae’s entire face turned beet red. “You know, if you keep doing that I may never get out of here. Playing with you is just too much fun.”
Sniffing haughtily, Jae lightly slapped him on the shoulder. “Meanie.” He spun Kai with his free hand and playfully pushed him out into the hall and back the way they’d come. He stopped when they got to the anteroom and said their goodbyes again, watching as Kai turned to wave before closing the door behind him.
“Ooh, looks like things are heating up fast,” Crystal commented from behind him, her voice soft and conspiratorial. “You’ve caught yourself a hell of a fish, Jae.”
The frigid glare he shot her over his shoulder had her going rigid, icy fingers crawling up her spine.
“Don’t you have work to do?”
Without a sound, she hightailed it out of the room.
Sighing, Jae turned and made his way to his own office, closing the door and locking it. He set the picnic basket down on a chair and dropped into his seat behind his desk. His mind returned to the man he’d just had lunch with.
Kai was amazing. He was intelligent, funny, kind, caring, patient, ridiculously good looking, sexy: he could go on and on. They’d been seeing each other steadily for the past three weeks and every time they got together he became further convinced that the man was perfect. He couldn’t find a single flaw.
That particular day, he’d woken up in a strangely good mood, feeling the urge to cook for the first time in a long while but he had no one to cook for. Suddenly, the brilliant idea to pack a picnic lunch for Kai had come to him so he’d gotten to work, preparing both Western and traditional Korean dishes that he thought Kai might like based on the culinary preferences he’d exhibited thus far. He knew where Kai was currently working because he’d taken him there once on one of their weekend outings. He was a landscaper and his company was restoring a section of Central Park, which wasn’t far from Jae’s office.
He’d been so excited on the way to the park but when he’d gotten there, his nerves had taken over. Kai wouldn’t be alone and what would his co-workers think about him bringing lunch for him? Kai was openly gay but didn’t rugged straight guys resent having homosexuality rubbed in their faces? All of these things had banged around in his head until he found Kai. And then, with just his delightfully surprised smile, it was suddenly all okay. They’d had a wonderful lunch and Kai had raved over his cooking.
It was his first time cooking specifically for someone who wasn’t a friend or family member. Or Yunho. But he’d been amazed to find out, on their fourth or fifth date when Kai invited him to dinner at his apartment, that he was in fact a fabulous cook in his own right. Thinking of Kai’s cooking made him think of their dinner date at his apartment two nights before…and dessert. His cheeks burned as the memories rushed out.
They’d had a wonderful dinner - Kai had made him his very first bento, way more sophisticated than anything he’d seen on television - and they were sitting in the living room sipping wine and nibbling on fruit as they continued their conversation. He couldn’t remember what they were talking about but every conversation with Kai was enjoyable. He just had a way of putting him at ease. Kai had started to feed him, a grape here, a strawberry there, and the next thing he knew, they were kissing. It was soft and light at first but then someone turned on the heat and the kiss deepened. Tongues rubbed playfully against each other, one of them started moaning, hands strayed from their original positions, and before he realized it, he was being pressed into the plush cushions of Kai’s couch.
His responsiveness surprised him but in the moment he felt like he really wanted to be touched. He craved it almost. It was only when Kai’s hand traveled beneath the loose sweater he wore and stroked across his bare stomach that he felt the sudden urge to pull away. A warning was going off in his head and he couldn’t ignore it. He’d broken the kiss and pulled back, unable to meet Kai’s eyes. He could feel Kai’s erection against his thigh as he lay on top of him so he knew just how affected he was and how far he may have wanted to go.
“Is something wrong? Was I moving too fast?” Kai asked worriedly, his voice throaty from their kiss.
Jae blushed. “Yes. I mean no. I just…” Oh, God, he was so embarrassed.
“Jae…” Kai gripped his chin with gentle fingers, tilting it up and forcing him to meet his eyes.
“It’s just that I don’t…have a lot of experience with this sort of thing,” he admitted. “The truth is, I’ve only ever been with one person.”
Kai smiled tenderly. “Is that all?”
Jae nodded shyly, dropping his gaze.
Laughing, Kai kissed him softly before pulling him to a sitting position and gathering him into his arms. “It’s okay, Jae. Actually…it’s kind of sweet. I’m totally fine with waiting until you’re comfortable enough to take things further. There’s no need to rush. And, to be honest, it’s rather endearing. It’s hard to find anyone in this city who isn’t a whore.”
And just like that, his embarrassment faded.
Jae laughed. “That is true…”
Kai pinched him playfully. “Are you saying that I’m one?”
“I don’t know…are you?” He grinned cheekily.
“Why you…”
Kai carefully wrestled with him, followed by feeding again, which led back to kissing, but it was light and he kept his hands to himself the second time around.
Perfect indeed.
Smiling at the memory, Jae released a long breath and forced himself to focus on the few remaining tasks he had left before the pain-in-the-ass’…uh…Kitty’s party.
“Just one more and…there, done!”
There was a round of applause as Jae climbed down the ladder to survey his work.
Not bad, he thought. There were things he would change or do differently, perhaps put more detail into if he’d had the time, but with the three week time crunch, he’d actually produced something he could be proud of.
“It looks great,” Maggie gushed, coming up behind him and looping her arm through his. “Only you could stay sane long enough to give the monster what she wants.”
Jae rolled his eyes at her and moved across the room to fix a drape that had come untucked.
“If you would learn to temper that Irish tongue of yours, you too would be able to handle the monster.”
“Where’s the fun in that, lad?” Maggie asked, her brogue purposefully thickening.
He stuck his tongue out at her and turned back to what he was doing. When he heard footsteps behind him, he paid them no heed, assuming that it was one of his crew or one of the workmen tidying up something or other, but when an arm slipped around his waist, he jumped and looked up with a gasp.
“Jae…It’s beautiful.” Kai made a sweeping glance of the huge room - well, tent - before lowering his gaze to Jae’s. “You did a wonderful job.”
“Thanks,” he murmured, feeling the heat burn his cheeks. “What are you doing here so early?”
Kai groaned. “Ugh, don’t remind me.” He released Jae and bent down to pick up his toolbox, patting it as he spoke. “Kitty called and said that it was urgent that I get here as soon as possible because there was something that needed my immediate attention.” He shrugged. “Maybe a leaf’s out of place or a cluster of mushrooms suddenly sprouted up overnight, I don’t know.” He sighed.
“Aww…” Jae rubbed his back comfortingly. “You’d better go see what she wants then.”
Kai smiled, touched by Jae’s casual affection. They were progressing nicely, he thought.
“I guess so. I’ll see you later.”
Jae nodded and watched as he walked away. He glanced over at Maggie and found her staring at him, questions blazing in her piercing green eyes that he was sure were burning the tip of her tongue. He pointedly turned his back on her and strolled out of the room, hoping she got the message.
Jae sat at the dressing table in his room, putting the finishing touches on his wardrobe. Kitty had assigned him and his staff rooms for their two-night stay - the night before and the night of the party - and he was grateful not to have to drive back into the city at some ungodly hour in the morning.
He could hear the strains of music coming from downstairs. The party had already begun. He’d awakened from his much needed, though forced, nap barely an hour before and had taken his time getting dressed. He felt weird. He’d been looking forward to that night for three weeks, becoming more and more excited as he got deeper into the preparations. Now, the time had come and before he’d gone to bed, he’d anticipated spending the night with his friends and Kai - especially Kai - and seeing the guests’ reactions to his work. Kitty had loved it but she loved everything he did so her opinion didn’t count for much. Among her guests could be his next big client, though, and he was too much of a businessman to not care about the impression he made on them through his work.
However, since he’d woken up, he hardly felt any desire to go to the party. In fact, he would much rather stay upstairs and go back to bed, or perhaps read for a bit. He just didn’t feel sociable. But he couldn’t. Everyone was waiting for him. He’d already received several texts and calls and Big Red had dragged herself upstairs to hurry him along.
Sighing, he stood and perused his reflection one last time.
He wore white slacks made from a blend that hugged his hips, butt and thighs but was stretchy enough that it wasn’t confining. The party, he knew, would carry on well into the morning and he wanted to be as comfortable as possible. He’d kept things simple by donning a white D&G Crewneck, rolling back the sleeves for added comfort. White loafers completed the look. His hair had been styled off the forehead and away from his ears and face.
He looked good, he decided.
He wanted to go back to bed really badly. Something was nagging at him and he didn’t know what it was or how to make it go away.
Sighing again, he walked to the door and exited the room.
The noise was the first thing that hit him when he stepped out of his room but he fought the urge to retreat. He made his way down the empty halls, down the stairs and past the security til he got to the party space, which was half of the first floor on the side with the pool in addition to the enormous tent Kitty had mounted as an extension so that the party spilled out of the house onto the beach.
As he passed the ice-sculpture - Aphrodite - he stifled a smile. He’d always thought of ice-sculptures as ostentatious and cheesy but the rich seemed to love it.
The house was packed, forcing him to push his way through gyrating bodies to get out onto the deck. He passed people he knew, faces he recognized, not stopping until he was out of the squeeze and onto the deck, which wasn’t any less crowded or hot. He moved to a relatively unpopulated corner where he could stand without stepping on anyone, or being stepped on, and surveyed the attendees.
He saw Maggie and Stefan under the tent, holding each other tightly as they danced slowly - despite the fast pace of the techno beating down on them - the huge white curtains blowing around them creating a kind of mystical effect, which was exactly what he’d been going for. He saw Kitty in the thick of things, grinding on a guy he recognized to be the latest big-name model to come out of Europe. She would eat him up and spit him out within a week, he had no doubt. Crystal was next to her dancing with some lanky guy with a ridiculously sculpted face. His hands were dangerously close to entering NC-17 territory.
Finally, he found who he was looking for.
Kai.
He stood in a group of guys off to the side, drinks in hand, talking about heaven knew what: it was impossible to even hear oneself think with the outrageously loud music assaulting the ears. He moved towards him slowly, a step at a time. Kai looked amazing in his white sweater and jeans. His hair tumbled on his forehead as if he’d washed and dried it but hadn’t bothered to brush it into any semblance of order.
He looked gorgeous.
He was perfect.
…But he wasn’t Yunho.
Jaejoong stopped dead in his tracks as it finally hit him.
Kai was everything he could ever want in a man but he wasn’t the man he wanted.
He could practically hear his heart crack as the dam he’d unconsciously erected broke and the feelings he’d tried to bury came rushing out.
Just then, Kai turned in his direction and spotted him. He smiled when their eyes met…until he saw the shattered look on Jae’s face. He raised a brow in question.
Jae wanted to go to him, wanted to explain, apologize, but uppermost in his mind was the need to retreat. He had to get away, from the noise and the people, before he lost complete control of himself.
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
Kai couldn’t hear him but his expression changed and Jae thought that maybe he understood. When he nodded and smiled, a sweet, sad smile that tore at his heart, Jae turned and fled.
He slipped around the side of the house, thankful that no one had ventured into the darkness, and blindly made his way onto the beach. When he stubbed his toe on a stone, he stopped and sat abruptly, burying his face in his hands as his emotions rolled through him like the torrents in the sea, tears streaming down his cheeks unchecked. He let it flow out of him, had no choice since he had lost hold of the tight control he’d had over them. When eventually they stemmed, he wiped his face on his sleeve and stared out at the sea.
He’d had a wonderful three weeks with Kai but he realized now that it was just another distraction, just like his work had been. He’d genuinely enjoyed every minute he’d spent with Kai and would never give them back but for the fact that he felt like he’d led him on. He had been honest about the state of his heart when they’d met but wouldn’t spending all that time with Kai after give him the wrong impression? If he’d managed to fool himself, albeit temporarily, wouldn’t Kai also have developed expectations of him? Of them? He thought back to that night on Kai’s couch and groaned aloud. He was a horrible, horrible person.
He truly cared about Kai and if not for his feelings for Yunho would’ve jumped at the chance to be with him. He’d be crazy not to. But Yunho had come first, not Kai, and he couldn’t forget Yunho or his feelings for him no matter how hard he tried. Sometimes he wondered if he was destined to be alone forever. What if his feelings for Yunho never died? Would he spend the rest of his life waiting for them to disappear? Or for Yunho to come to him? Would he eventually give up and settle for someone whose feelings he could never truly return? He’d been so close to doing that to Kai and he hated himself for it. Kai deserved so much better. He deserved someone who could love him with all of his heart, not the little bit he had left.
“Hey. What are you doing all the way out here?”
Jae groaned inwardly when he recognized the voice. Wiping any remaining traces of tears from his face, he turned to greet Kitty.
“Just felt like having a moment to myself. I realized I’m a bit too tired to enjoy the party.”
“Ahh, I see.” She looked at the spot beside him, as if pondering the sensibility of sitting on sand in the crotch-length skirt she wore, before slowly lowering herself to the ground. “Kai’s looking for you.”
The knife in his heart twisted.
“Oh…”
Kitty watched him closely, brows furrowing. “Are things not going well with you two? I thought they were.”
“They’re…” How could he tell her he was going to break Kai’s heart? “…fine. We’re fine.”
“Are you sure?”
He nodded.
He could feel her gaze burning into the side of his face but he refused to look at her. The leash he had on his control was tentative at best.
“Jae… Are you okay?” Kitty’s voice was the most serious he’d ever heard it, enough so that he dared a glance in her direction. Her face was serious as well, eyes filled with concern.
He could tell her yes, he supposed, but he was done with lying, to himself or anyone else.
“No. I’m not,” he whispered and the words broke as tears threatened again.
He thought she would run as people usually did when put in the uncomfortable position of dealing with other people’s emotions so he was more than a little surprised when he felt a slim arm wrap around him, her head resting on his shoulder.
“I’m sorry,” she said softly.
“For what?” he asked.
“I don’t know… For whatever’s making you sad.”
He wanted to laugh. Kitty was the last person he would’ve ever wanted to be around in that state. And yet…perhaps she was the best. She knew nothing yet she offered comfort anyway. No judgement, no opinions, no questions. Just 100% comfort.
Slipping an arm around her waist, he rested his head atop hers.
“Thank you.”
Chapter 28b