How To Save A Life (Part 2/4)
Title: How To Save A Life
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Length: 2/4
Summary: Jae is a delinquent, Yunho is a handicapped youth. Can this unlikely duo find some common ground? (Yea, I don't really know what to write here just yet.) This is a friendship fic, absolutely NO ROMANCE whatsoever.
Day 50…
Jae watched his mom rushing around the house grabbing her stuff as she prepared to leave for her night shift.
“There’s dinner in the microwave, all emergency numbers are on the fridge. No smoking, no drinking, don’t even think of leaving the house. Call me if you need anything, even if you’re just feeling lonely and…”
“Mom…” Jae said gently, smiling to himself. “Do we have to go through this every night? I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself. And you’re going to be late if you don’t leave now.”
His mother came to a stop in front of him where he stood in the hall. “I wish I didn’t have to leave you all alone every night. I’m trying to get onto the day shift but it’s impossible right now unless I get someone to switch with me and who in their right mind would want to work the night shift in the emergency room?” She lifted a hand to cup his cheek, her thumb stroking his soft, smooth skin lovingly. “It didn’t seem to matter before. When daddy was here…”
Jae’s smile fell as he watched his mom’s eyes fill with tears, which she quickly blinked away.
“It’s okay, mom. We’ll be okay,” he said softly, reassuringly.
She nodded, her smile watery as she continued to battle with her emotions. “Sometimes I wonder if I’ve failed you…”
Jae gasped, guilt weighing heavily in his heart. “Mom, no. I…”
Her smile widened, eyes drying up as she continued. “…but then I see how well you’re doing at the center and I think to myself, ‘We’re finally going to be alright, the two of us’ and it calms me. I know you don’t like me worrying about you and I need to be able to trust you, so I am.”
Jae felt another pang of guilt. He hadn’t intended to deceive his mother into thinking that he was rehabilitated. He was pretty sure, knowing himself as he did, that as soon as his community service ended, he would be back to his usual mischief. He felt deeply sorry for the pain he would cause his mother in the future, as he had for the pain and embarrassment he’d caused her in the past, but he couldn’t help himself. Something inside of him was very broken.
Clearing his throat, he said, “You’d better get going or Meanie Jeanie will be on your ass again.”
Mrs. Kim groaned at the reminder of the pain in the ass night-shift supervisor. “Ugh, don’t remind me. There’s someone that needs to get laid for sure.”
Jae laughed. He loved his mom’s vulgar sense of humor. He was pretty sure he had inherited his from her.
“Okay, I’m going.” Standing on tip-toes, she kissed her son’s cheek. “Goodnight my beautiful boy.”
“Mom!” Jae objected.
“Sorry, sorry, I forgot,” she apologized quickly. Jae never liked being reminded of the feminine slant to his extraordinary good looks. “My very handsome, out-of-this-world good-looking boy.”
He nodded, appeased. “Much better,” he joked.
Chuckling, she kissed him again and they walked to the door together. Jae stood where he was as she got into her car and drove down the drive, waving to her when she beeped the horn at him before going out of his line of vision. He stayed there for a while longer, staring out into space. When his neighbour drove up into his own drive next door and called out to him, he waved in response, turned around and went back inside, closing the door behind him.
A couple of hours later, he stood out on the back patio, a lit cigarette tucked into the corner of his mouth. His mother didn’t like that he smoked so he never smoked in front of her and though she forbade him from smoking, he was pretty sure she knew he still did. He always cleaned up after himself, never left ashes or stubs anywhere that she would find them, but he was sure that she knew. His mother was a smart woman. Like his sense of humor, he was sure he’d gotten his intelligence from her too.
He stared out onto the backyard, noting that the grass needed trimming, making a mental note to take care of it when he returned from the center the following day. He stepped onto the grass, bare-footed, and walked in a circle, bending the blades to his will beneath the weight of his body. He liked the feel of the damp, cushiony softness. When something hard and sharp poked him in the foot, he jumped and bent to see what it was. Reaching down, he picked up a shell. He’d noticed them before, had always meant to ask his mother why the backyard was full of sea-shells. The nearest beach was many miles away from where they lived so they had obviously been brought here by someone.
He turned the shell over in his palm. Yunho liked shells, liked painting them. He wasn’t any good at it, unfortunately, but that didn’t seem to matter to him. He was always happiest when they had painting sessions at the center. There was a limited number of shells for each kid, however, and whatever work was done at the center stayed at the center until the end of the summer session when it would be presented to the ret…uh, kids at the Parent’s Day/Awards Ceremony on the final day. He’d meant to collect a few for the kid but had never gotten around to it.
He looked up at the sky, seeing the clear, dark blue, moon shining brightly, stars twinkling, then glanced back at the golden glow of the light beaming from the doorway back into the house. It was too hot inside and though there wasn’t much of a breeze tonight, it was still marginally cooler than what awaited him in there. Surveying the ground around him, his eyes registered a few more shells in his immediate vicinity.
“No time like the present,” he muttered.
Taking a drag on his cigarette, still tucked into the corner of his mouth, he set about his task.
Day 51…
It started out like any other day. He woke up, got dressed, had a quick breakfast, locked up, then took his time walking to the bus stop for the bus that would take him downtown to the center. When he got to the center, he strode in, greeting the teachers and the other convicts that he talked to, the rehabilitated ones anyway. Whether they were permanently rehabilitated or just temporarily behaving themselves, he didn’t know. Like him, they could just be biding their time until they were sprung free, though some of them, he could tell, truly had changed and genuinely seemed to be enjoying their time with their partners. Even Kevin and his crew seemed to have calmed down now and he was on speaking terms with them again.
The first thing he noticed was that there was no ‘Good-morning Jaejoong!’ assaulting his ears as he walked to the locker to place his knapsack. When he looked around the room and didn’t see his charge, he thought nothing of it, assuming he was out in the back again. Compared to some of the other ret…kids, Yunho was mostly self-sufficient and didn’t need as much monitoring, thus he was allowed a modicum of freedom. He’d found him out there looking at the garden, face full of wonder, on several occasions after the day he’d discovered him being bullied.
He was just starting to head to the back when someone called his name. Turning, he saw Miss Crispin walking towards him anxiously.
“Good-morning, Jaejoong.”
He half-smiled as he returned her greeting. It was a real half-smile too. He’d come to appreciate the woman’s eccentric goodness. She wasn’t nearly as annoying as he’d expected her to be when they’d first met.
“I’m afraid Yunho didn’t come in today,” she said sadly.
Jaejoong’s heart skipped a beat, a strange feeling settling in his chest. “Is he okay?”
“Well…” She paused, searching for the right words to say to him. “I’m sure you’re aware that he has many illnesses and conditions. Sometimes they’re too much for his young body and he takes a few days off to recharge, so to speak.”
Jae took a moment to absorb her words before speaking. “Will he be okay?”
She shook her head, her eyes filled with sympathy. “There’s no way of knowing. What may not seem like a big deal to you and me, a slight cough or cold, could lead to huge trouble for these kids.” Seeing the fear and worry growing in his eyes, she patted his arm gently. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Let’s think positively, okay? In the meantime, why don’t you join one of the other groups until Yunho returns. Your pick.”
Jae nodded and remained where he was as she walked off to attend to someone else.
The day passed slowly, too slowly for his liking. He drifted from pair to pair, finally settling on a group led by MaeRie, a female convict who made him wonder why she was even there in the first place. She was as sweet and innocent as he could imagine any girl on the right side of the law being. Yet, here she was.
“It was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time,” she told him, when he commented on it, as she helped her partner build blocks. “And stupidity. Complete and utter stupidity.”
Jae smiled as he listened to her funny tale of mistaken identity and petty-theft. She hadn’t been kidding about it being stupid either, he realized. Who became a kleptomaniac simply because everyone already thought they were?
He passed the morning with MaeRie and her partner, Chan, watching the two work together, so cohesive, so closely bonded. He felt like an outsider, a peeping tom intruding on a private moment. It made him miss Yunho. He realized now that when he was with Yunho, nothing else seemed to matter. Why he was there, where they were, Yunho’s handicaps: none of it made a difference. They were just two people spending time together, doing things they enjoyed.
By lunch, he was riddled with worry about the younger boy but had no way of relieving it. He had never gotten Yunho’s home number so there was no way he could call to find out how he was doing. He could ask Miss Crispin, he supposed, but he wasn’t yet ready to show the world how much he truly cared for the boy. His stupid pride wouldn’t even let him fully admit it to himself. There was nothing wrong with caring about Yunho: he was a pathetic case and he, Jae, was only human after all, right? He had a heart, even if he didn’t really listen to it often.
I really need a smoke, he thought desperately.
“How you holding up there, bud?” Miss Crispin asked, touching him lightly on the arm as she stopped beside him.
Jae raised a brow in indifference. “Me? I’m fine, of course.”
She frowned slightly. “You know, Jae, there’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re worried about Yunho.”
Jae laughed carelessly. “Why would I be worried? You said he was going to be okay. ‘Think positively’, I believe were your exact words. I’m just doing what you said.”
She looked at him silently for a minute, then a huge smile broke across her face. “That’s the spirit. Well, I’ll leave you be.”
She started to walk off but before she could leave, his hand unconsciously reached out and stopped her.
Why had he done that?, he asked himself, cursing silently.
She lifted a questioning brow.
Dropping his hand, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, I…uh, I was wondering if I could get Yunho’s address. I brought something for him and I thought maybe I’d swing by on the way home.” He dropped his gaze, shifting his feet uncomfortably.
“Jae, that’s a great idea!” Miss Crispin exclaimed. “I’m sure Yunho would be happy to see you. As a matter of fact, why don’t you go now? I can see you’re worried about him, even if you’re trying to hide it, and I’m sure seeing him for yourself will alleviate that worry somewhat. Wait here while I go get his information.”
She disappeared for a couple of minutes before returning, handing him a small slip of paper with Yunho’s address and phone number.
“Now, I’ll be calling Mrs. Jung to make sure you really visited so don’t even think about playing hooky,” she joked.
Jae nodded silently, a crooked smile settling on his lips.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” She turned and left him still standing there awkwardly.
After a few more minutes of procrastination, Jae went to his locker, grabbed his gear, waved goodbye to his friends and hurried out the door.
He would go to Yunho’s, see that he was doing fine with his own two eyes, give him the shells, wish him well then go home early. He could have some lunch, a nice long smoke, then take a nap.
Nodding to himself, he quickened his footsteps as he headed to the bus stop for the second time that day.
When the bus deposited him a short walk from his destination, he was surprised to see that Yunho didn’t live that far from him. They were actually only a few blocks away from each other, though it seemed longer because Yunho’s area was more posh than his own and built in a circuitous fashion that gave the appearance of a semi-secluded enclave even though it wasn’t. He found the house quite easily, walked up the stoney path to the front door. He paused to take a deep breath then rang the bell.
The door opened, revealing a tall, slender, middle-aged woman. She was startlingly pretty, Jae thought.
Clearing his throat, Jae began, “Good day, Mrs. Jung. My name is…”
“Jaejoong,” she interrupted. Chuckling softly, she said, “I recognized you from the drawings.”
Jae’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Drawings?
Nodding, she stepped back and gestured for him to enter. “Yes. Yunho has drawn you quite a few times. Or perhaps I should say attempted to. His skills aren’t…the best but he certainly got enough of your features correct for me to recognize you.” She paused and chuckled again. “And he always talks about you, what you look like, what you wear, how you walk and talk. You’re his hero,” she teased.
Jae was so taken aback by her words that he didn’t even realize he’d followed her into the house until he found himself standing in a bright, cheery living room. It was very prettily decorated, with personal accents on the furniture and framed photos on various end tables and the mantle of the fireplace, a few landscapes on the walls. It suited Mrs. Jung, the epitome of the upper-class housewife, perfectly. Glancing over to the corner, he was surprised to see a boy sitting at a table. He couldn’t see his face clearly since his back was partly turned to him but his body was big and bulky, hunkered over something on the table. He was probably in his late teens like Jae himself. It was strange, he thought. He never knew that Yunho had a brother. In the two months they’d spent together, he never mentioned him.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” she offered.
Jae immediately shook his head. “No, thank you…ma’am. I just came over to…check on Yunho, see if he was okay. I was surprised when he didn’t come in this morning and I…” He paused, unsure of what to say next. “I brought something for him so I just thought I’d bring it over instead of taking it back home.” He cleared his throat and stared fixedly at one of the paintings on the wall.
Mrs. Jung smiled slightly at the mention of her sick son. “Jaejoong… Why don’t we have a seat and talk for a bit?”
Sitting in the chair that Mrs. Jung indicated, Jae stared at the woman opposite him, noticing the dimmed light in her eyes now that she’d been reminded of what brought him there.
“Do you know what is…what exactly Yunho’s sick with?” she asked quietly.
Jae shook his head. “No, he never told me and I never thought to ask,” he admitted shamefully.
She glanced at the boy in the corner. “When my first son was born, it was the happiest day of my life, but the joy was short-lived. It became pretty obvious early on that something was very wrong with him. He was…different. Very fussy, would always pull away from me, or anyone who tried to hold him for that matter, but it especially hurt when it happened to me. I’m his mother, you know? I immediately took him to the doctor but they brushed it off at first. When it became obvious that his condition was worsening, they finally decided to test him. The diagnosis was pretty obvious it seemed. Autism, severe autism. As he grew older, the symptoms continued to develop and become more severe and eventually, he retreated into his own little world. I know he knows me, that he hears and sees me, but when he looks at me, it’s like he’s looking through me. He doesn’t recognize his own mother. I may as well be a stranger on the street.” Her voice broke on the last sentence.
Jae had the express urge to run, as far away from that house as his feet would take him.
“We, my husband and I waited a few more years before trying again. It was another normal pregnancy, just like my first had been, and there was no reason to suspect that Yunho would develop autism as well since my eldest son is the first in the family to have the disorder and it’s not a hereditary disease. There’s also no way of testing for it prior to birth. When Yunho was born, everything seemed fine… That is, until I started noticing similar symptoms in him as I did in his brother. This time I caught it early and when I took him to the doctor, they wasted no time in performing tests, etc. He was diagnosed with autism, just like his brother, but his is much more mild and with medical intervention, his symptoms are all but invisible. I was so relieved that, although he had it, he was going to be able to live a relatively normal life. Or so I thought.” She smiled wryly. “Fate had other plans for my Yunho, it seems. Ever since he was a little boy, he’d fall over a lot. It wasn’t a big deal at first, he was a little boy after all, but he seemed uncommonly fatigued and inactive for a child his age and when he was active, his coordination was always off. After my experience with autism, I wasn’t about to take any chances. To the doctor we went.” She chuckled but it ended in a sad smile. “After numerous tests and meetings with specialists, he was diagnosed with DMD. What are the chances? 1 in 3000 as a matter of fact but after already being diagnosed with autism, why did he have to have such an unfair, evil disease?”
Jae sat quietly and watched as tears filled her eyes. She didn’t blink them away as he’d expected. Instead, she let them fall silently, her pose and expression as dignified in sadness as they had been previously.
“Life can be so cruel, Jaejoong. We never know what curve-balls are going to be thrown at us but there are some things that we can’t possibly even begin to prepare for. He’s made the best of it, as best he can. He’s never complained, never asked why it happened to him, my little angel… And he’s so smart, which is unusual for someone with his condition. He genuinely enjoys life, such as it is. Even though it breaks my heart to look at him in pain, to see him suffer and force himself to be strong through it all, for my sake, I could never regret bringing him into this world. He’s everything to me.”
Her eyes refocused on the boy across from her and she blushed.
“I’m so sorry for pouring all of this out to you. That’s not what you came here for. I must be lonelier than I thought,” she joked.
Jae shook his head. “No, it’s okay,” he assured her. “I don’t mind.”
Mrs. Jung smiled. “You probably don’t mean that but you’re a dear for saying so. My life revolves around my family, I don’t have much time for friends or personal pursuits. I spend my days with Junho until it’s time to pick Yunho and HyoRin, my adopted daughter, up from the center and school, respectively. Occasionally, if I need to run errands, the sweet old lady next door comes over and sits with Junho for me, otherwise it’s just me. But I love my kids and I’m grateful for everything I have. I could never ask for more.”
She stood, resting her hands on her hips. “Speaking of kids, you came to see Yunho. I checked on him just before you came and he was sleeping but maybe he’s up now.”
She beckoned him and turned to walk down a short hallway, stopping at the door on the right. She opened it and gestured him in.
“I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.”
After she left, Jae looked around the room. It didn’t look anything like what he’d expected a young boy’s room to look like, then he reminded himself that Yunho was only three years younger than he was. There were shelves upon shelves of books lining the pale cream walls. On one wall was a mural of an opened book, very aged by the looks of it, its pages filled with large, fluid calligraphy. Before he could read what was written, he heard the rustling of bed sheets and turned to look at the figure of the boy lying on the bed.
Yunho was turning in his sleep, or about to wake up, he wasn’t sure. He lay against propped pillows, eyes still closed, but he shifted restlessly, as though he was trying to get comfortable, wincing as he did so. Jae noted the pale cast of his skin, the dotting of moisture on his forehead and the pained, furrowed brows. He felt a strange tug at his heart, unsure of what it was or what it meant. Unconsciously, he found himself walking closer to the bed until he stood at the very foot of it looking down at the other boy.
Just then, Yunho’s eyes fluttered open. He blinked unseeingly a couple of times before his gaze settled on the young man in front of him. When he recognized him, a sweet smile immediately erupted on his face.
“Jae,” he croaked.
That one, simple word, his very own name at that, caused a piercing sensation to strike through his heart. For a split second his heart stopped and he fought for breath. He felt a strange tickling in the back of his eyes and his breath hitched.
He had to get out of there.
He needed to get out of there.
But his feet wouldn’t move. They wouldn’t allow him to run away. Hadn’t he done enough of that already?
Forcing a smile in return, he simply said, “Hey.”
An hour later he was walking down the street, not really paying attention to where he was going, his feet finding their way home by memory.
It was weird, these feelings inside of him. He wasn’t sad or happy, angry or upset. He was just…confused. He’d spent an hour talking to Yunho about nothing at all while Mrs. Jung hovered in the background, popping into his room every ten minutes to refresh their drinks or bring Jae something to nibble on. She was a nice lady and obviously a doting, concerned mother. His mom had never been like that but she’d never had any reason to. He’d been healthy as a horse since the day he was born. He was sure if he’d been as sick as Yunho was, even half that, she would’ve behaved exactly as Mrs. Jung did. She was a nurse, after all: nurturing was in her nature.
Despite all he’d drunk at the Jungs’, walking in the summer heat made his throat parched so when he found himself near one of his old haunts, a corner store he passed every day on his way to school, he jogged across the street and into the cool, welcoming air-conditioned interior.
“Jaejoong,” Mr. Han, the owner, greeted from behind the counter.
“Hey,” he replied with a nod. He grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler and headed to the cashier, money in hand.
“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Mr. Han commented casually.
He’d known Jae for a couple of years, ever since he started getting into trouble with his rag-tag group of friends. He knew the kind of things they did but they’d always steered clear of his store, for which he was grateful. He liked them, for the most part, and hoped they’d grow out of their rebellious phase before it was too late.
“Been busy,” he replied nonchalantly.
“Community service, I heard. Keeping out of trouble is the smart thing to do. I’m proud of you.”
Jae froze for a second, stunned by the man’s words.
“You were always too smart, too good, for the things you got involved in. I don’t know why you did what you did,” Mr. Han continued.
If he had a dollar for every time he heard that…
Smiling slightly, he took his water and change. “Neither do I.”
“I’m glad you’re turning over a new leaf. It’s never too late to start over.”
Miss Crispin would love you.
“So I’ve been told. See ya.”
He cracked open the water as he stepped back onto the sidewalk, taking a long draw before he started making his way home again. He wasn’t a block away from the store before he heard someone call his name.
Turning, apprehension settled in his stomach as he saw his friends, his fellow trouble-makers, lounging across the street on the wall of an old, dilapidated house.
He wished he hadn’t turned around but it was too late to pretend that he hadn’t seen them. Jogging across the street, he stopped at the edge of the pavement, not wanting to get too close or give them the impression that he was willing to hang. He didn’t know why he was so averse to their company. They hadn’t fought or fallen out, he simply hadn’t seen them since he started his community service at the center.
“Yo,” he greeted with a slight nod.
“Where you been? You don’t write, you don’t call,” Kibum teased.
Jae couldn’t resist a small grin. Of all the guys in their group, Kibum was the one he was closest to. He was also the most hardcore. He was a good guy at heart, Jae truly believed that, but whatever was behind his degenerate behaviour was deep-rooted and completely unknown to any of the group members, Jae included.
“I’ve been busy, as you know,” he replied.
“Are you pretending to be ‘good’ or did this reformation crap really take? Say it ain’t so, my brotha!” He clutched his heart dramatically, drawing chuckles from the other boys around him.
Jae shrugged. “Who knows… Only time will tell.”
He could’ve fed them the same line he’d given Yunho, that he was only biding his time until the end of his sentence, but he’d been wondering the same thing himself recently. He wasn’t the same person now as he’d been when he’d given Yunho that response. He was honest enough to admit that he’d changed but the whys and hows of it, he wasn’t yet ready to address.
Perhaps he’d seen a reflection of his thoughts on his face, he wasn’t sure, but he caught Kibum giving him an intense, speculative look.
“Hmm…” he murmured thoughtfully. “Well, you know where we are if you decide to come back into the fold.”
Jae nodded. He understood it for what it was: Kibum was letting him go, releasing him from the group. Jae suspected that if it was anyone else he would’ve asserted himself as their unofficial leader and intimidated them into staying but, unlike the others, Jae had never feared him and that made him powerless.
“Seeya.” With a small wave, he turned his back on his past and continued on the road to his future.
Click Next ^ to move onto next part.
Author: VampireMadonna
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13 (language)
Length: 2/4
Summary: Jae is a delinquent, Yunho is a handicapped youth. Can this unlikely duo find some common ground? (Yea, I don't really know what to write here just yet.) This is a friendship fic, absolutely NO ROMANCE whatsoever.
Day 50…
Jae watched his mom rushing around the house grabbing her stuff as she prepared to leave for her night shift.
“There’s dinner in the microwave, all emergency numbers are on the fridge. No smoking, no drinking, don’t even think of leaving the house. Call me if you need anything, even if you’re just feeling lonely and…”
“Mom…” Jae said gently, smiling to himself. “Do we have to go through this every night? I’m a big boy, I can take care of myself. And you’re going to be late if you don’t leave now.”
His mother came to a stop in front of him where he stood in the hall. “I wish I didn’t have to leave you all alone every night. I’m trying to get onto the day shift but it’s impossible right now unless I get someone to switch with me and who in their right mind would want to work the night shift in the emergency room?” She lifted a hand to cup his cheek, her thumb stroking his soft, smooth skin lovingly. “It didn’t seem to matter before. When daddy was here…”
Jae’s smile fell as he watched his mom’s eyes fill with tears, which she quickly blinked away.
“It’s okay, mom. We’ll be okay,” he said softly, reassuringly.
She nodded, her smile watery as she continued to battle with her emotions. “Sometimes I wonder if I’ve failed you…”
Jae gasped, guilt weighing heavily in his heart. “Mom, no. I…”
Her smile widened, eyes drying up as she continued. “…but then I see how well you’re doing at the center and I think to myself, ‘We’re finally going to be alright, the two of us’ and it calms me. I know you don’t like me worrying about you and I need to be able to trust you, so I am.”
Jae felt another pang of guilt. He hadn’t intended to deceive his mother into thinking that he was rehabilitated. He was pretty sure, knowing himself as he did, that as soon as his community service ended, he would be back to his usual mischief. He felt deeply sorry for the pain he would cause his mother in the future, as he had for the pain and embarrassment he’d caused her in the past, but he couldn’t help himself. Something inside of him was very broken.
Clearing his throat, he said, “You’d better get going or Meanie Jeanie will be on your ass again.”
Mrs. Kim groaned at the reminder of the pain in the ass night-shift supervisor. “Ugh, don’t remind me. There’s someone that needs to get laid for sure.”
Jae laughed. He loved his mom’s vulgar sense of humor. He was pretty sure he had inherited his from her.
“Okay, I’m going.” Standing on tip-toes, she kissed her son’s cheek. “Goodnight my beautiful boy.”
“Mom!” Jae objected.
“Sorry, sorry, I forgot,” she apologized quickly. Jae never liked being reminded of the feminine slant to his extraordinary good looks. “My very handsome, out-of-this-world good-looking boy.”
He nodded, appeased. “Much better,” he joked.
Chuckling, she kissed him again and they walked to the door together. Jae stood where he was as she got into her car and drove down the drive, waving to her when she beeped the horn at him before going out of his line of vision. He stayed there for a while longer, staring out into space. When his neighbour drove up into his own drive next door and called out to him, he waved in response, turned around and went back inside, closing the door behind him.
A couple of hours later, he stood out on the back patio, a lit cigarette tucked into the corner of his mouth. His mother didn’t like that he smoked so he never smoked in front of her and though she forbade him from smoking, he was pretty sure she knew he still did. He always cleaned up after himself, never left ashes or stubs anywhere that she would find them, but he was sure that she knew. His mother was a smart woman. Like his sense of humor, he was sure he’d gotten his intelligence from her too.
He stared out onto the backyard, noting that the grass needed trimming, making a mental note to take care of it when he returned from the center the following day. He stepped onto the grass, bare-footed, and walked in a circle, bending the blades to his will beneath the weight of his body. He liked the feel of the damp, cushiony softness. When something hard and sharp poked him in the foot, he jumped and bent to see what it was. Reaching down, he picked up a shell. He’d noticed them before, had always meant to ask his mother why the backyard was full of sea-shells. The nearest beach was many miles away from where they lived so they had obviously been brought here by someone.
He turned the shell over in his palm. Yunho liked shells, liked painting them. He wasn’t any good at it, unfortunately, but that didn’t seem to matter to him. He was always happiest when they had painting sessions at the center. There was a limited number of shells for each kid, however, and whatever work was done at the center stayed at the center until the end of the summer session when it would be presented to the ret…uh, kids at the Parent’s Day/Awards Ceremony on the final day. He’d meant to collect a few for the kid but had never gotten around to it.
He looked up at the sky, seeing the clear, dark blue, moon shining brightly, stars twinkling, then glanced back at the golden glow of the light beaming from the doorway back into the house. It was too hot inside and though there wasn’t much of a breeze tonight, it was still marginally cooler than what awaited him in there. Surveying the ground around him, his eyes registered a few more shells in his immediate vicinity.
“No time like the present,” he muttered.
Taking a drag on his cigarette, still tucked into the corner of his mouth, he set about his task.
Day 51…
It started out like any other day. He woke up, got dressed, had a quick breakfast, locked up, then took his time walking to the bus stop for the bus that would take him downtown to the center. When he got to the center, he strode in, greeting the teachers and the other convicts that he talked to, the rehabilitated ones anyway. Whether they were permanently rehabilitated or just temporarily behaving themselves, he didn’t know. Like him, they could just be biding their time until they were sprung free, though some of them, he could tell, truly had changed and genuinely seemed to be enjoying their time with their partners. Even Kevin and his crew seemed to have calmed down now and he was on speaking terms with them again.
The first thing he noticed was that there was no ‘Good-morning Jaejoong!’ assaulting his ears as he walked to the locker to place his knapsack. When he looked around the room and didn’t see his charge, he thought nothing of it, assuming he was out in the back again. Compared to some of the other ret…kids, Yunho was mostly self-sufficient and didn’t need as much monitoring, thus he was allowed a modicum of freedom. He’d found him out there looking at the garden, face full of wonder, on several occasions after the day he’d discovered him being bullied.
He was just starting to head to the back when someone called his name. Turning, he saw Miss Crispin walking towards him anxiously.
“Good-morning, Jaejoong.”
He half-smiled as he returned her greeting. It was a real half-smile too. He’d come to appreciate the woman’s eccentric goodness. She wasn’t nearly as annoying as he’d expected her to be when they’d first met.
“I’m afraid Yunho didn’t come in today,” she said sadly.
Jaejoong’s heart skipped a beat, a strange feeling settling in his chest. “Is he okay?”
“Well…” She paused, searching for the right words to say to him. “I’m sure you’re aware that he has many illnesses and conditions. Sometimes they’re too much for his young body and he takes a few days off to recharge, so to speak.”
Jae took a moment to absorb her words before speaking. “Will he be okay?”
She shook her head, her eyes filled with sympathy. “There’s no way of knowing. What may not seem like a big deal to you and me, a slight cough or cold, could lead to huge trouble for these kids.” Seeing the fear and worry growing in his eyes, she patted his arm gently. “I’m sure it’s nothing. Let’s think positively, okay? In the meantime, why don’t you join one of the other groups until Yunho returns. Your pick.”
Jae nodded and remained where he was as she walked off to attend to someone else.
The day passed slowly, too slowly for his liking. He drifted from pair to pair, finally settling on a group led by MaeRie, a female convict who made him wonder why she was even there in the first place. She was as sweet and innocent as he could imagine any girl on the right side of the law being. Yet, here she was.
“It was a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time,” she told him, when he commented on it, as she helped her partner build blocks. “And stupidity. Complete and utter stupidity.”
Jae smiled as he listened to her funny tale of mistaken identity and petty-theft. She hadn’t been kidding about it being stupid either, he realized. Who became a kleptomaniac simply because everyone already thought they were?
He passed the morning with MaeRie and her partner, Chan, watching the two work together, so cohesive, so closely bonded. He felt like an outsider, a peeping tom intruding on a private moment. It made him miss Yunho. He realized now that when he was with Yunho, nothing else seemed to matter. Why he was there, where they were, Yunho’s handicaps: none of it made a difference. They were just two people spending time together, doing things they enjoyed.
By lunch, he was riddled with worry about the younger boy but had no way of relieving it. He had never gotten Yunho’s home number so there was no way he could call to find out how he was doing. He could ask Miss Crispin, he supposed, but he wasn’t yet ready to show the world how much he truly cared for the boy. His stupid pride wouldn’t even let him fully admit it to himself. There was nothing wrong with caring about Yunho: he was a pathetic case and he, Jae, was only human after all, right? He had a heart, even if he didn’t really listen to it often.
I really need a smoke, he thought desperately.
“How you holding up there, bud?” Miss Crispin asked, touching him lightly on the arm as she stopped beside him.
Jae raised a brow in indifference. “Me? I’m fine, of course.”
She frowned slightly. “You know, Jae, there’s nothing wrong with admitting you’re worried about Yunho.”
Jae laughed carelessly. “Why would I be worried? You said he was going to be okay. ‘Think positively’, I believe were your exact words. I’m just doing what you said.”
She looked at him silently for a minute, then a huge smile broke across her face. “That’s the spirit. Well, I’ll leave you be.”
She started to walk off but before she could leave, his hand unconsciously reached out and stopped her.
Why had he done that?, he asked himself, cursing silently.
She lifted a questioning brow.
Dropping his hand, he rubbed the back of his neck. “Um, I…uh, I was wondering if I could get Yunho’s address. I brought something for him and I thought maybe I’d swing by on the way home.” He dropped his gaze, shifting his feet uncomfortably.
“Jae, that’s a great idea!” Miss Crispin exclaimed. “I’m sure Yunho would be happy to see you. As a matter of fact, why don’t you go now? I can see you’re worried about him, even if you’re trying to hide it, and I’m sure seeing him for yourself will alleviate that worry somewhat. Wait here while I go get his information.”
She disappeared for a couple of minutes before returning, handing him a small slip of paper with Yunho’s address and phone number.
“Now, I’ll be calling Mrs. Jung to make sure you really visited so don’t even think about playing hooky,” she joked.
Jae nodded silently, a crooked smile settling on his lips.
“I’ll see you tomorrow then.” She turned and left him still standing there awkwardly.
After a few more minutes of procrastination, Jae went to his locker, grabbed his gear, waved goodbye to his friends and hurried out the door.
He would go to Yunho’s, see that he was doing fine with his own two eyes, give him the shells, wish him well then go home early. He could have some lunch, a nice long smoke, then take a nap.
Nodding to himself, he quickened his footsteps as he headed to the bus stop for the second time that day.
When the bus deposited him a short walk from his destination, he was surprised to see that Yunho didn’t live that far from him. They were actually only a few blocks away from each other, though it seemed longer because Yunho’s area was more posh than his own and built in a circuitous fashion that gave the appearance of a semi-secluded enclave even though it wasn’t. He found the house quite easily, walked up the stoney path to the front door. He paused to take a deep breath then rang the bell.
The door opened, revealing a tall, slender, middle-aged woman. She was startlingly pretty, Jae thought.
Clearing his throat, Jae began, “Good day, Mrs. Jung. My name is…”
“Jaejoong,” she interrupted. Chuckling softly, she said, “I recognized you from the drawings.”
Jae’s brows furrowed in confusion. “Drawings?
Nodding, she stepped back and gestured for him to enter. “Yes. Yunho has drawn you quite a few times. Or perhaps I should say attempted to. His skills aren’t…the best but he certainly got enough of your features correct for me to recognize you.” She paused and chuckled again. “And he always talks about you, what you look like, what you wear, how you walk and talk. You’re his hero,” she teased.
Jae was so taken aback by her words that he didn’t even realize he’d followed her into the house until he found himself standing in a bright, cheery living room. It was very prettily decorated, with personal accents on the furniture and framed photos on various end tables and the mantle of the fireplace, a few landscapes on the walls. It suited Mrs. Jung, the epitome of the upper-class housewife, perfectly. Glancing over to the corner, he was surprised to see a boy sitting at a table. He couldn’t see his face clearly since his back was partly turned to him but his body was big and bulky, hunkered over something on the table. He was probably in his late teens like Jae himself. It was strange, he thought. He never knew that Yunho had a brother. In the two months they’d spent together, he never mentioned him.
“Can I get you anything to drink?” she offered.
Jae immediately shook his head. “No, thank you…ma’am. I just came over to…check on Yunho, see if he was okay. I was surprised when he didn’t come in this morning and I…” He paused, unsure of what to say next. “I brought something for him so I just thought I’d bring it over instead of taking it back home.” He cleared his throat and stared fixedly at one of the paintings on the wall.
Mrs. Jung smiled slightly at the mention of her sick son. “Jaejoong… Why don’t we have a seat and talk for a bit?”
Sitting in the chair that Mrs. Jung indicated, Jae stared at the woman opposite him, noticing the dimmed light in her eyes now that she’d been reminded of what brought him there.
“Do you know what is…what exactly Yunho’s sick with?” she asked quietly.
Jae shook his head. “No, he never told me and I never thought to ask,” he admitted shamefully.
She glanced at the boy in the corner. “When my first son was born, it was the happiest day of my life, but the joy was short-lived. It became pretty obvious early on that something was very wrong with him. He was…different. Very fussy, would always pull away from me, or anyone who tried to hold him for that matter, but it especially hurt when it happened to me. I’m his mother, you know? I immediately took him to the doctor but they brushed it off at first. When it became obvious that his condition was worsening, they finally decided to test him. The diagnosis was pretty obvious it seemed. Autism, severe autism. As he grew older, the symptoms continued to develop and become more severe and eventually, he retreated into his own little world. I know he knows me, that he hears and sees me, but when he looks at me, it’s like he’s looking through me. He doesn’t recognize his own mother. I may as well be a stranger on the street.” Her voice broke on the last sentence.
Jae had the express urge to run, as far away from that house as his feet would take him.
“We, my husband and I waited a few more years before trying again. It was another normal pregnancy, just like my first had been, and there was no reason to suspect that Yunho would develop autism as well since my eldest son is the first in the family to have the disorder and it’s not a hereditary disease. There’s also no way of testing for it prior to birth. When Yunho was born, everything seemed fine… That is, until I started noticing similar symptoms in him as I did in his brother. This time I caught it early and when I took him to the doctor, they wasted no time in performing tests, etc. He was diagnosed with autism, just like his brother, but his is much more mild and with medical intervention, his symptoms are all but invisible. I was so relieved that, although he had it, he was going to be able to live a relatively normal life. Or so I thought.” She smiled wryly. “Fate had other plans for my Yunho, it seems. Ever since he was a little boy, he’d fall over a lot. It wasn’t a big deal at first, he was a little boy after all, but he seemed uncommonly fatigued and inactive for a child his age and when he was active, his coordination was always off. After my experience with autism, I wasn’t about to take any chances. To the doctor we went.” She chuckled but it ended in a sad smile. “After numerous tests and meetings with specialists, he was diagnosed with DMD. What are the chances? 1 in 3000 as a matter of fact but after already being diagnosed with autism, why did he have to have such an unfair, evil disease?”
Jae sat quietly and watched as tears filled her eyes. She didn’t blink them away as he’d expected. Instead, she let them fall silently, her pose and expression as dignified in sadness as they had been previously.
“Life can be so cruel, Jaejoong. We never know what curve-balls are going to be thrown at us but there are some things that we can’t possibly even begin to prepare for. He’s made the best of it, as best he can. He’s never complained, never asked why it happened to him, my little angel… And he’s so smart, which is unusual for someone with his condition. He genuinely enjoys life, such as it is. Even though it breaks my heart to look at him in pain, to see him suffer and force himself to be strong through it all, for my sake, I could never regret bringing him into this world. He’s everything to me.”
Her eyes refocused on the boy across from her and she blushed.
“I’m so sorry for pouring all of this out to you. That’s not what you came here for. I must be lonelier than I thought,” she joked.
Jae shook his head. “No, it’s okay,” he assured her. “I don’t mind.”
Mrs. Jung smiled. “You probably don’t mean that but you’re a dear for saying so. My life revolves around my family, I don’t have much time for friends or personal pursuits. I spend my days with Junho until it’s time to pick Yunho and HyoRin, my adopted daughter, up from the center and school, respectively. Occasionally, if I need to run errands, the sweet old lady next door comes over and sits with Junho for me, otherwise it’s just me. But I love my kids and I’m grateful for everything I have. I could never ask for more.”
She stood, resting her hands on her hips. “Speaking of kids, you came to see Yunho. I checked on him just before you came and he was sleeping but maybe he’s up now.”
She beckoned him and turned to walk down a short hallway, stopping at the door on the right. She opened it and gestured him in.
“I’ll be in the kitchen if you need anything.”
After she left, Jae looked around the room. It didn’t look anything like what he’d expected a young boy’s room to look like, then he reminded himself that Yunho was only three years younger than he was. There were shelves upon shelves of books lining the pale cream walls. On one wall was a mural of an opened book, very aged by the looks of it, its pages filled with large, fluid calligraphy. Before he could read what was written, he heard the rustling of bed sheets and turned to look at the figure of the boy lying on the bed.
Yunho was turning in his sleep, or about to wake up, he wasn’t sure. He lay against propped pillows, eyes still closed, but he shifted restlessly, as though he was trying to get comfortable, wincing as he did so. Jae noted the pale cast of his skin, the dotting of moisture on his forehead and the pained, furrowed brows. He felt a strange tug at his heart, unsure of what it was or what it meant. Unconsciously, he found himself walking closer to the bed until he stood at the very foot of it looking down at the other boy.
Just then, Yunho’s eyes fluttered open. He blinked unseeingly a couple of times before his gaze settled on the young man in front of him. When he recognized him, a sweet smile immediately erupted on his face.
“Jae,” he croaked.
That one, simple word, his very own name at that, caused a piercing sensation to strike through his heart. For a split second his heart stopped and he fought for breath. He felt a strange tickling in the back of his eyes and his breath hitched.
He had to get out of there.
He needed to get out of there.
But his feet wouldn’t move. They wouldn’t allow him to run away. Hadn’t he done enough of that already?
Forcing a smile in return, he simply said, “Hey.”
An hour later he was walking down the street, not really paying attention to where he was going, his feet finding their way home by memory.
It was weird, these feelings inside of him. He wasn’t sad or happy, angry or upset. He was just…confused. He’d spent an hour talking to Yunho about nothing at all while Mrs. Jung hovered in the background, popping into his room every ten minutes to refresh their drinks or bring Jae something to nibble on. She was a nice lady and obviously a doting, concerned mother. His mom had never been like that but she’d never had any reason to. He’d been healthy as a horse since the day he was born. He was sure if he’d been as sick as Yunho was, even half that, she would’ve behaved exactly as Mrs. Jung did. She was a nurse, after all: nurturing was in her nature.
Despite all he’d drunk at the Jungs’, walking in the summer heat made his throat parched so when he found himself near one of his old haunts, a corner store he passed every day on his way to school, he jogged across the street and into the cool, welcoming air-conditioned interior.
“Jaejoong,” Mr. Han, the owner, greeted from behind the counter.
“Hey,” he replied with a nod. He grabbed a bottle of water from the cooler and headed to the cashier, money in hand.
“Haven’t seen you in a while,” Mr. Han commented casually.
He’d known Jae for a couple of years, ever since he started getting into trouble with his rag-tag group of friends. He knew the kind of things they did but they’d always steered clear of his store, for which he was grateful. He liked them, for the most part, and hoped they’d grow out of their rebellious phase before it was too late.
“Been busy,” he replied nonchalantly.
“Community service, I heard. Keeping out of trouble is the smart thing to do. I’m proud of you.”
Jae froze for a second, stunned by the man’s words.
“You were always too smart, too good, for the things you got involved in. I don’t know why you did what you did,” Mr. Han continued.
If he had a dollar for every time he heard that…
Smiling slightly, he took his water and change. “Neither do I.”
“I’m glad you’re turning over a new leaf. It’s never too late to start over.”
Miss Crispin would love you.
“So I’ve been told. See ya.”
He cracked open the water as he stepped back onto the sidewalk, taking a long draw before he started making his way home again. He wasn’t a block away from the store before he heard someone call his name.
Turning, apprehension settled in his stomach as he saw his friends, his fellow trouble-makers, lounging across the street on the wall of an old, dilapidated house.
He wished he hadn’t turned around but it was too late to pretend that he hadn’t seen them. Jogging across the street, he stopped at the edge of the pavement, not wanting to get too close or give them the impression that he was willing to hang. He didn’t know why he was so averse to their company. They hadn’t fought or fallen out, he simply hadn’t seen them since he started his community service at the center.
“Yo,” he greeted with a slight nod.
“Where you been? You don’t write, you don’t call,” Kibum teased.
Jae couldn’t resist a small grin. Of all the guys in their group, Kibum was the one he was closest to. He was also the most hardcore. He was a good guy at heart, Jae truly believed that, but whatever was behind his degenerate behaviour was deep-rooted and completely unknown to any of the group members, Jae included.
“I’ve been busy, as you know,” he replied.
“Are you pretending to be ‘good’ or did this reformation crap really take? Say it ain’t so, my brotha!” He clutched his heart dramatically, drawing chuckles from the other boys around him.
Jae shrugged. “Who knows… Only time will tell.”
He could’ve fed them the same line he’d given Yunho, that he was only biding his time until the end of his sentence, but he’d been wondering the same thing himself recently. He wasn’t the same person now as he’d been when he’d given Yunho that response. He was honest enough to admit that he’d changed but the whys and hows of it, he wasn’t yet ready to address.
Perhaps he’d seen a reflection of his thoughts on his face, he wasn’t sure, but he caught Kibum giving him an intense, speculative look.
“Hmm…” he murmured thoughtfully. “Well, you know where we are if you decide to come back into the fold.”
Jae nodded. He understood it for what it was: Kibum was letting him go, releasing him from the group. Jae suspected that if it was anyone else he would’ve asserted himself as their unofficial leader and intimidated them into staying but, unlike the others, Jae had never feared him and that made him powerless.
“Seeya.” With a small wave, he turned his back on his past and continued on the road to his future.
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