Forbidden: Part 5
Title: Forbidden
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13
Length: Part 5/? (It's a LONG short story)
Summary: Jae is concerned about the attention his sister is receiving from a dangerous man but he isn't in any position to take care of it himself so he turns to the king. However, the King, Jung Yunho, presents unforeseen complications...
A week had passed since…the incident. What Jae had formerly attributed the term to had been wiped from his memory. Now, it referred to what had occurred between him and the king.
He lay under his favorite tree, again unable to nap though he was weary from the oppressive heat that beat down on him. It had been that way since…it happened. He didn’t sleep any better at night either. The minute he closed his eyes, he was back in that cabin. He was in his head again, his mind tuned to the scents around him, the sensations coursing through his blood. Sensations that emanated from the place where the king touched him, where his mouth enveloped him. He felt the burn deep in his stomach again, like he always did when his mind took him back.
Sighing in frustration, he sat up and wiped a hand over his face.
It had to stop. He couldn’t keep torturing himself. It had happened and there was nothing he could do to erase it. But the images wouldn’t stop flashing through his mind, constantly reminding him of what he’d let the king do to him. Because he had. If he’d truly wanted the king to stop, he told himself, he would’ve kicked and screamed until he’d released him. It was just as much his fault as it was the king’s. And perhaps the king knew this, he thought, because he hadn’t talked to him since. Maybe the king was as disgusted with him as he was with himself.
In the end, that made him feel worse. He had no one he could talk to about it and the one person who knew had not had any contact with him since. After passing every evening with the king for over a month, prior to when he’d fallen ill, it was hard to accept that maybe the king didn’t want to spend time with him anymore. He hadn’t realized it at the time but he really had come to depend on their time together. Even when he was ill, some part of him knew that the king was there, that he was safe. But now… he felt bereft, abandoned. JiHye was still around but her time was divided between preparing for her future with TaeHun, her schooling and her occasional visits to see him. She’d noticed that he wasn’t quite himself, had asked him what was wrong, but he’d brushed off her concern. What could he say? That the king had touched him inappropriately? That’d he’d allowed it? That regardless of how wrong he knew it was, it had felt good? That he missed the king?
He jumped to his feet, needing to be active, to do something, anything, to distract him from the mental torture. Just as he started walking across the courtyard, he knew that he had to be alone. If anyone tried to engage him in conversation in the mood he was in, he’d snap, he just knew it. Deciding that a quick trip to the kitchen for a bite before heading to his room was the best course of action, he changed direction. He kept his head down, not wanting to meet anyone’s eyes by accident. He was just rounding the corner to the kitchen when he stopped short at the sound of voices, particularly one very familiar one.
Yunho was in the corridor in deep conversation with the Chief State Councilor. They spoke in low tones but their demeanor was intense. Whatever they were talking about was very important. He felt like he was intruding, a flush stealing across his cheeks, but he couldn’t force himself to move. Despite the fact that their rooms were right next to each other, he hadn’t seen the king up close since…that day. Every time he’d seen him had been at a distance. He knew he was busy, there were a lot of matters that needed attending to given the impending arrival of the emissary from Ruan. Sometimes he could hear him moving around at night, especially since he’d been unable to sleep as well. He often wondered what was plaguing the king, if he needed someone to talk to, but he couldn’t bring himself to go to his door and request an audience like he had so brazenly the very first day.
He looks tired, he thought.
There were visible dark circles under Yunho’s eyes, much like the ones marring his own pale skin. His features looked strained as well.
Just then, Yunho looked up and their eyes met. Jae’s breath caught in his throat and he immediately began to turn away but Yunho’s voice stopped him.
“Jaejoong.”
Jae turned back towards the king, bowing in the direction of the two men. Only when Yunho urged him forward with a wave of his hand did he close the distance between them.
“Your majesty,” he said softly, eyes down-cast.
“Councilor Park,” Yunho began. “I’m not sure if you’ve met him already but this is Jaejoong, your future son-in-law by marriage.”
Jae bowed to the man. “Councilor.”
“Yes, I’ve seen him around,” the Councilor said. “I think I may have mistaken him for his sister on a few occasions. A striking resemblance indeed. It’s one thing to know that they’re twins but seeing them up close, there’s really no difference. Well, except the obvious.”
Yunho smiled. “There are differences, sir, but only a trained eye would detect them at first glance.”
The councilor nodded. “I’m sure you would know, your majesty. You’ve taken very good care of them in the absence of relatives.”
Yunho bowed his head slightly in acknowledgment of the man’s praise. “I like to think of them as my family. In a way, we’re all alone in this place, they without their parents and me without mine.”
The Councilor’s eyes fell, an air of sadness descending upon him. “Your father was a great man, your highness. He is still missed to this very day.”
Yunho placed a comforting hand on the older man’s shoulder. “He considered you one of his most loyal servants and closest friends. He always spoke highly of you, sir.”
The Councilor took a deep breath as if he was struggling to contain his emotions. “It was an honor to serve him.”
Yunho squeezed his shoulder slightly before dropping his hand.
Shaking himself, the Councilor said, “I’d better get to that meeting before the Ministers start causing a ruckus. Please remember what we talked about, your majesty.”
Yunho nodded and after a quick bow, the councilor took off, leaving him and Jae alone in the corridor.
There was an awkward silence before Yunho cleared his throat and asked, “How have you been?”
Jae kept his eyes lowered, his hands clasped in front of him. “I’ve been well, your majesty. Thank you for inquiring.”
Yunho nodded. “Good.”
He didn’t know what to say. After avoiding Jae for an entire week, here he was standing so demurely in front of him, still so heart-breakingly beautiful. His eyes drank him up like a man who’d been lost in the desert for months. He’d missed him, missed talking to him, missed being near him. He longed for the sound of his voice, even if it was simply reading his own words back to him.
But he’d made a promise to himself and he’d stuck to it. He was going to keep his distance even if it killed him, and he was starting to think it very well might because his yearning for Jae was increasing by the day.
“Good,” he repeated and turned to leave.
“I was…” Jae began.
Yunho stopped and turned back to face him, waiting.
You were what, you idiot?, Jae mentally scolded himself. What had he intended to say?
“You were…?” Yunho prompted.
Jae blushed and shook his head. “Nothing, your majesty.”
Cocking a quizzical brow, Yunho turned to leave again.
“I was worried…about you.”
Yunho froze in his tracks. Jae was worried…about him?
Before he could fully think his words through, Jae rambled on. “We haven’t talked in a while and I was wondering if you were okay. I know you said you don’t really have anyone to talk to so I wondered but I thought we were friends and I worried but…” He knew he wasn’t really making any sense but somehow he couldn’t make himself stop talking.
Yunho didn’t hear a word Jae was saying. He’d gone all fuzzy inside at the thought of Jae worrying about him. Sometimes he could hear Jae moving around at night so he knew he was having trouble sleeping. Was it because he was thinking of him? Dare he think it, dare he hope?
Turning slowly on his heels, Yunho came face to face with a very red Jae. He was so precious, it hurt to look at him. He wanted nothing more than to scoop him up and hug him tightly, to thank him for caring about him enough to worry.
Realizing that Yunho wasn’t saying anything, Jae finally quietened, his eyes dropping to the wooden floor between them as he tried to ignore the heat flaming in his face.
“You were worried…about me?” Yunho asked.
Jae nodded without looking up.
“Thank you.”
Jae looked up in surprise. “Your majesty?”
Yunho smiled shyly. “Thank you for caring enough to worry.”
Jae’s heart clenched. He suddenly remembered just how lonely the king was. All the time he’d been worrying about what happened and how he was feeling, he’d forgotten just how alone the king truly was, how he didn’t have anyone to talk to about what had happened either. And that was without taking into consideration his kingly duties which were clearly weighing on him. He’d been worried about the king, that much was true, but he’d mostly been worried about whether the king was upset with him, had been too focused on how much he missed spending time with the king. His reasons had been entirely selfish.
He looked away as self-disgust filled him anew.
“Jae?” Yunho said, seeing the sudden change come over him. “Are you okay?”
“I’m despicable,” he muttered to himself.
Yunho frowned. “Excuse me?”
“All the time that I’ve been worried about you, my reasons were purely selfish, because I wasn’t really thinking of you, just how much I missed…” Wide eyes swung up to meet Yunho’s and he trailed off as he realized what he was saying.
Yunho’s heart stopped for a second then started back pounding furiously. “What did you say?”
Yunho didn’t think it was possible but Jae turned an even deeper shade of red.
He didn’t need him to finish it. He wanted him to, but he wouldn’t push it. He already knew.
Pasting a carefree smile on his face, Yunho said, “Why don’t you visit with me today? It’s the first afternoon I’ve had free in a long time.”
When Jae hesitated, he added, “Truthfully, I miss having you read to me. I think the sound of your voice is very soothing. Plus, it would be nice to spend time with someone who isn’t trying to get me to sign something for a change.”
He turned and started walking down the hall, afraid to take a breath until he finally heard Jae’s soft footsteps behind him. They made their way to his chambers in silence. Once they were inside, the doors shut behind them, Yunho went to his desk and rifled through the small, leather-bound journals that cluttered the surface. His hand hesitated over one in particular before he picked it up. Making sure his smile was firmly in place, he turned back to Jae and handed it to him.
“I think this one will do for today.”
He stepped up on the bedding platform. “I hope you don’t mind if we sit here. I can’t possibly sit at that low desk right now. My back is killing me from spending so much time leaning over it. Whoever built that did not take tall people into consideration,” he joked.
Yunho tried to ignore, but couldn’t entirely dismiss, the look of panic that passed across Jae’s face when he moved to the bed. He was sorry for it, wished he wasn’t the cause of it, regretted, somewhat, that he was going to make it worse.
He sat on the side of the bed and patted the spot next to him. “Come.” He picked the brush up from his side table while Jae took cautious steps towards him. “I haven’t brushed your hair in so long.” He paused. “I know you must think it weird, it seems unmanly doesn’t it?”
Jae, who had stopped in front of him, nodded.
Yunho tugged on his hand until he sat down beside him. He shifted, bending one leg up on the bed so that he was behind Jae, unknotted Jae’s hair, picked up the brush and began passing it through the smooth strands
“I suppose it is,” he admitted. “But when you think about it, both men and women have long hair in our world. There’s nothing that distinguishes one from the other in that respect. Strange, isn’t it?”
Jae had never really thought about it but what Yunho said was true. In the books he’d studied from the Western countries, men had short hair and only women, and criminals, had long hair. It had never occurred to him that it was a distinguishing feature of the sexes but now that it had been brought to his attention, he began considering other ways in which their culture differed when it came to gender markers.
“I think you’re going to like the first half of this book,” Yunho was saying, reminding Jae of what he still clutched in his hand. “There’s action and adventure. Isn’t that what all young boys dream about?” There was a slightly bitter undertone to his words but Jae didn’t notice. Instead he opened the book and began reading.
In this one, the young soldier, or the king rather since he’d been the main character in all of the others, had completed the last stage of his training, at just eighteen years of age no less, and was being allowed to partiticipate in the raid of a neighbouring province. He was excited, the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he and his brothers in arms hid among the trees surrounding the village waiting for the call that would signal the attack. His excitement didn’t last long, though.
Once the call came and the soldiers rushed into the village, he came face to face with the harsh reality of war. He’d expected some resistance, and there had been, but most of it came from the villagers, simple men and women defending themselves from what they obviously, rightly so, perceived as the enemy. He hadn’t been prepared for the stain of innocent blood that coated his hands and clothes. When an old man came at him with a machete, eyes wide and wild with fear, he simply reacted, immediately bringing his sword up and thrusting it into the old man’s chest. There was a soft gasp, the man’s eyes widening in surprise as he realized that death had come for him. Yunho’s own eyes were wide when it dawned on him just what he’d done. He’d taken a life.
He didn’t have time to think after that, he went into self-preservation mode, his sword taking on a life of its own. By the end of it all, when the dust had cleared, he’d killed five people and injured countless others. His fellow soldiers cheered their victory and congratulated him on his performance, slapping him on the back in manly affection, while he badly wanted to run to the bushes and retch. They didn’t stay in the village for long. They got what they’d been sent for and began their trek home. It took them a day to make it back to Ruan and he’d spent most of it in silent contemplation of his actions, particularly what he could’ve done differently to spare the lives lost. As soon as they entered the village, the majority of the soldiers headed towards the brothel, to ‘relax’ they said, lascivious smiles spread acorss their faces. They invited him, he was old enough, but he declined. He continued on to the palace courtyard with the others.
Later that night, he was called to the command Chief’s private quarters. There was a knot the size of a fist in his stomach as he wondered why the Chief would call him there at such a late hour. The Chief was like a brother to him, had trained him personally once he was old enough, but he feared that perhaps his performance in the raid had in fact been lacking and word had gotten back to the Chief. He still couldn’t accept the role he’d played but he also didn’t want to be a disappointment to the soldiers, especially the Chief, whose opinion mattered a lot to him.
Jae was so absorbed in the story that he didn’t notice that the hand in his hair had stilled, that the body behind him was frozen. He didn’t even realize that he was no longer reading aloud.
Yunho knew what was coming and he waited. He would know when Jae read it, it was impossible for him not to react.
Jae gasped. He hadn’t seen it coming. One minute the Chief was praising the young soldier, Yunho, on a job well done and the next…he kissed him. But he didn’t stop there. The following paragraphs had his eyes so wide that they were bugging out of their sockets. Heat crept up under his skin, pooling in his stomach, as he saw his own thoughts and feelings reflected on the page. And so much more. There had been fear, confusion and pleasure at first, but then came the pain, excruciating pain the likes of which the soldier had never experienced before. He’d felt violated, betrayed by someone he cared about deeply, even loved, but the confusion was what weighed the most heavily on his mind. Men weren’t supposed to do what the Chief…what they’d done. It was unnatural. Surely he was eternally damned because of it.
And it was only the first of many.
Upon reading the last line, Jaejoong swung around to look at Yunho but Yunho wasn’t looking at him. His head was turned to the side, eyes downcast and Jaejoong thought he could see the shame of the innocent young man in the story on his face. He recognized it well because he’d seen it on his own. They truly were kindred souls, he thought.
A/N: I don't like this chapter :/ Originally it was supposed to have a sorta smutty ending but since things didn't go as I'd initially planned, it didn't seem fitting anymore and I didn't want to stick it in just because.
I realize that some of this may be a bit confusing, but that's okay. In my other fics I usually give a lot of insight into the characters' thoughts and emotions and they're open with each other about it but I'm not doing that this time. You'll get the internal dialogue but there's not gonna be a whole lot of exchange. Remember, it didn't happen in the movie either! It'll work out though, never fear.
Part VI
Pairing: YunJae
Rating: PG-13
Length: Part 5/? (It's a LONG short story)
Summary: Jae is concerned about the attention his sister is receiving from a dangerous man but he isn't in any position to take care of it himself so he turns to the king. However, the King, Jung Yunho, presents unforeseen complications...
A week had passed since…the incident. What Jae had formerly attributed the term to had been wiped from his memory. Now, it referred to what had occurred between him and the king.
He lay under his favorite tree, again unable to nap though he was weary from the oppressive heat that beat down on him. It had been that way since…it happened. He didn’t sleep any better at night either. The minute he closed his eyes, he was back in that cabin. He was in his head again, his mind tuned to the scents around him, the sensations coursing through his blood. Sensations that emanated from the place where the king touched him, where his mouth enveloped him. He felt the burn deep in his stomach again, like he always did when his mind took him back.
Sighing in frustration, he sat up and wiped a hand over his face.
It had to stop. He couldn’t keep torturing himself. It had happened and there was nothing he could do to erase it. But the images wouldn’t stop flashing through his mind, constantly reminding him of what he’d let the king do to him. Because he had. If he’d truly wanted the king to stop, he told himself, he would’ve kicked and screamed until he’d released him. It was just as much his fault as it was the king’s. And perhaps the king knew this, he thought, because he hadn’t talked to him since. Maybe the king was as disgusted with him as he was with himself.
In the end, that made him feel worse. He had no one he could talk to about it and the one person who knew had not had any contact with him since. After passing every evening with the king for over a month, prior to when he’d fallen ill, it was hard to accept that maybe the king didn’t want to spend time with him anymore. He hadn’t realized it at the time but he really had come to depend on their time together. Even when he was ill, some part of him knew that the king was there, that he was safe. But now… he felt bereft, abandoned. JiHye was still around but her time was divided between preparing for her future with TaeHun, her schooling and her occasional visits to see him. She’d noticed that he wasn’t quite himself, had asked him what was wrong, but he’d brushed off her concern. What could he say? That the king had touched him inappropriately? That’d he’d allowed it? That regardless of how wrong he knew it was, it had felt good? That he missed the king?
He jumped to his feet, needing to be active, to do something, anything, to distract him from the mental torture. Just as he started walking across the courtyard, he knew that he had to be alone. If anyone tried to engage him in conversation in the mood he was in, he’d snap, he just knew it. Deciding that a quick trip to the kitchen for a bite before heading to his room was the best course of action, he changed direction. He kept his head down, not wanting to meet anyone’s eyes by accident. He was just rounding the corner to the kitchen when he stopped short at the sound of voices, particularly one very familiar one.
Yunho was in the corridor in deep conversation with the Chief State Councilor. They spoke in low tones but their demeanor was intense. Whatever they were talking about was very important. He felt like he was intruding, a flush stealing across his cheeks, but he couldn’t force himself to move. Despite the fact that their rooms were right next to each other, he hadn’t seen the king up close since…that day. Every time he’d seen him had been at a distance. He knew he was busy, there were a lot of matters that needed attending to given the impending arrival of the emissary from Ruan. Sometimes he could hear him moving around at night, especially since he’d been unable to sleep as well. He often wondered what was plaguing the king, if he needed someone to talk to, but he couldn’t bring himself to go to his door and request an audience like he had so brazenly the very first day.
He looks tired, he thought.
There were visible dark circles under Yunho’s eyes, much like the ones marring his own pale skin. His features looked strained as well.
Just then, Yunho looked up and their eyes met. Jae’s breath caught in his throat and he immediately began to turn away but Yunho’s voice stopped him.
“Jaejoong.”
Jae turned back towards the king, bowing in the direction of the two men. Only when Yunho urged him forward with a wave of his hand did he close the distance between them.
“Your majesty,” he said softly, eyes down-cast.
“Councilor Park,” Yunho began. “I’m not sure if you’ve met him already but this is Jaejoong, your future son-in-law by marriage.”
Jae bowed to the man. “Councilor.”
“Yes, I’ve seen him around,” the Councilor said. “I think I may have mistaken him for his sister on a few occasions. A striking resemblance indeed. It’s one thing to know that they’re twins but seeing them up close, there’s really no difference. Well, except the obvious.”
Yunho smiled. “There are differences, sir, but only a trained eye would detect them at first glance.”
The councilor nodded. “I’m sure you would know, your majesty. You’ve taken very good care of them in the absence of relatives.”
Yunho bowed his head slightly in acknowledgment of the man’s praise. “I like to think of them as my family. In a way, we’re all alone in this place, they without their parents and me without mine.”
The Councilor’s eyes fell, an air of sadness descending upon him. “Your father was a great man, your highness. He is still missed to this very day.”
Yunho placed a comforting hand on the older man’s shoulder. “He considered you one of his most loyal servants and closest friends. He always spoke highly of you, sir.”
The Councilor took a deep breath as if he was struggling to contain his emotions. “It was an honor to serve him.”
Yunho squeezed his shoulder slightly before dropping his hand.
Shaking himself, the Councilor said, “I’d better get to that meeting before the Ministers start causing a ruckus. Please remember what we talked about, your majesty.”
Yunho nodded and after a quick bow, the councilor took off, leaving him and Jae alone in the corridor.
There was an awkward silence before Yunho cleared his throat and asked, “How have you been?”
Jae kept his eyes lowered, his hands clasped in front of him. “I’ve been well, your majesty. Thank you for inquiring.”
Yunho nodded. “Good.”
He didn’t know what to say. After avoiding Jae for an entire week, here he was standing so demurely in front of him, still so heart-breakingly beautiful. His eyes drank him up like a man who’d been lost in the desert for months. He’d missed him, missed talking to him, missed being near him. He longed for the sound of his voice, even if it was simply reading his own words back to him.
But he’d made a promise to himself and he’d stuck to it. He was going to keep his distance even if it killed him, and he was starting to think it very well might because his yearning for Jae was increasing by the day.
“Good,” he repeated and turned to leave.
“I was…” Jae began.
Yunho stopped and turned back to face him, waiting.
You were what, you idiot?, Jae mentally scolded himself. What had he intended to say?
“You were…?” Yunho prompted.
Jae blushed and shook his head. “Nothing, your majesty.”
Cocking a quizzical brow, Yunho turned to leave again.
“I was worried…about you.”
Yunho froze in his tracks. Jae was worried…about him?
Before he could fully think his words through, Jae rambled on. “We haven’t talked in a while and I was wondering if you were okay. I know you said you don’t really have anyone to talk to so I wondered but I thought we were friends and I worried but…” He knew he wasn’t really making any sense but somehow he couldn’t make himself stop talking.
Yunho didn’t hear a word Jae was saying. He’d gone all fuzzy inside at the thought of Jae worrying about him. Sometimes he could hear Jae moving around at night so he knew he was having trouble sleeping. Was it because he was thinking of him? Dare he think it, dare he hope?
Turning slowly on his heels, Yunho came face to face with a very red Jae. He was so precious, it hurt to look at him. He wanted nothing more than to scoop him up and hug him tightly, to thank him for caring about him enough to worry.
Realizing that Yunho wasn’t saying anything, Jae finally quietened, his eyes dropping to the wooden floor between them as he tried to ignore the heat flaming in his face.
“You were worried…about me?” Yunho asked.
Jae nodded without looking up.
“Thank you.”
Jae looked up in surprise. “Your majesty?”
Yunho smiled shyly. “Thank you for caring enough to worry.”
Jae’s heart clenched. He suddenly remembered just how lonely the king was. All the time he’d been worrying about what happened and how he was feeling, he’d forgotten just how alone the king truly was, how he didn’t have anyone to talk to about what had happened either. And that was without taking into consideration his kingly duties which were clearly weighing on him. He’d been worried about the king, that much was true, but he’d mostly been worried about whether the king was upset with him, had been too focused on how much he missed spending time with the king. His reasons had been entirely selfish.
He looked away as self-disgust filled him anew.
“Jae?” Yunho said, seeing the sudden change come over him. “Are you okay?”
“I’m despicable,” he muttered to himself.
Yunho frowned. “Excuse me?”
“All the time that I’ve been worried about you, my reasons were purely selfish, because I wasn’t really thinking of you, just how much I missed…” Wide eyes swung up to meet Yunho’s and he trailed off as he realized what he was saying.
Yunho’s heart stopped for a second then started back pounding furiously. “What did you say?”
Yunho didn’t think it was possible but Jae turned an even deeper shade of red.
He didn’t need him to finish it. He wanted him to, but he wouldn’t push it. He already knew.
Pasting a carefree smile on his face, Yunho said, “Why don’t you visit with me today? It’s the first afternoon I’ve had free in a long time.”
When Jae hesitated, he added, “Truthfully, I miss having you read to me. I think the sound of your voice is very soothing. Plus, it would be nice to spend time with someone who isn’t trying to get me to sign something for a change.”
He turned and started walking down the hall, afraid to take a breath until he finally heard Jae’s soft footsteps behind him. They made their way to his chambers in silence. Once they were inside, the doors shut behind them, Yunho went to his desk and rifled through the small, leather-bound journals that cluttered the surface. His hand hesitated over one in particular before he picked it up. Making sure his smile was firmly in place, he turned back to Jae and handed it to him.
“I think this one will do for today.”
He stepped up on the bedding platform. “I hope you don’t mind if we sit here. I can’t possibly sit at that low desk right now. My back is killing me from spending so much time leaning over it. Whoever built that did not take tall people into consideration,” he joked.
Yunho tried to ignore, but couldn’t entirely dismiss, the look of panic that passed across Jae’s face when he moved to the bed. He was sorry for it, wished he wasn’t the cause of it, regretted, somewhat, that he was going to make it worse.
He sat on the side of the bed and patted the spot next to him. “Come.” He picked the brush up from his side table while Jae took cautious steps towards him. “I haven’t brushed your hair in so long.” He paused. “I know you must think it weird, it seems unmanly doesn’t it?”
Jae, who had stopped in front of him, nodded.
Yunho tugged on his hand until he sat down beside him. He shifted, bending one leg up on the bed so that he was behind Jae, unknotted Jae’s hair, picked up the brush and began passing it through the smooth strands
“I suppose it is,” he admitted. “But when you think about it, both men and women have long hair in our world. There’s nothing that distinguishes one from the other in that respect. Strange, isn’t it?”
Jae had never really thought about it but what Yunho said was true. In the books he’d studied from the Western countries, men had short hair and only women, and criminals, had long hair. It had never occurred to him that it was a distinguishing feature of the sexes but now that it had been brought to his attention, he began considering other ways in which their culture differed when it came to gender markers.
“I think you’re going to like the first half of this book,” Yunho was saying, reminding Jae of what he still clutched in his hand. “There’s action and adventure. Isn’t that what all young boys dream about?” There was a slightly bitter undertone to his words but Jae didn’t notice. Instead he opened the book and began reading.
In this one, the young soldier, or the king rather since he’d been the main character in all of the others, had completed the last stage of his training, at just eighteen years of age no less, and was being allowed to partiticipate in the raid of a neighbouring province. He was excited, the adrenaline pumping through his veins as he and his brothers in arms hid among the trees surrounding the village waiting for the call that would signal the attack. His excitement didn’t last long, though.
Once the call came and the soldiers rushed into the village, he came face to face with the harsh reality of war. He’d expected some resistance, and there had been, but most of it came from the villagers, simple men and women defending themselves from what they obviously, rightly so, perceived as the enemy. He hadn’t been prepared for the stain of innocent blood that coated his hands and clothes. When an old man came at him with a machete, eyes wide and wild with fear, he simply reacted, immediately bringing his sword up and thrusting it into the old man’s chest. There was a soft gasp, the man’s eyes widening in surprise as he realized that death had come for him. Yunho’s own eyes were wide when it dawned on him just what he’d done. He’d taken a life.
He didn’t have time to think after that, he went into self-preservation mode, his sword taking on a life of its own. By the end of it all, when the dust had cleared, he’d killed five people and injured countless others. His fellow soldiers cheered their victory and congratulated him on his performance, slapping him on the back in manly affection, while he badly wanted to run to the bushes and retch. They didn’t stay in the village for long. They got what they’d been sent for and began their trek home. It took them a day to make it back to Ruan and he’d spent most of it in silent contemplation of his actions, particularly what he could’ve done differently to spare the lives lost. As soon as they entered the village, the majority of the soldiers headed towards the brothel, to ‘relax’ they said, lascivious smiles spread acorss their faces. They invited him, he was old enough, but he declined. He continued on to the palace courtyard with the others.
Later that night, he was called to the command Chief’s private quarters. There was a knot the size of a fist in his stomach as he wondered why the Chief would call him there at such a late hour. The Chief was like a brother to him, had trained him personally once he was old enough, but he feared that perhaps his performance in the raid had in fact been lacking and word had gotten back to the Chief. He still couldn’t accept the role he’d played but he also didn’t want to be a disappointment to the soldiers, especially the Chief, whose opinion mattered a lot to him.
Jae was so absorbed in the story that he didn’t notice that the hand in his hair had stilled, that the body behind him was frozen. He didn’t even realize that he was no longer reading aloud.
Yunho knew what was coming and he waited. He would know when Jae read it, it was impossible for him not to react.
Jae gasped. He hadn’t seen it coming. One minute the Chief was praising the young soldier, Yunho, on a job well done and the next…he kissed him. But he didn’t stop there. The following paragraphs had his eyes so wide that they were bugging out of their sockets. Heat crept up under his skin, pooling in his stomach, as he saw his own thoughts and feelings reflected on the page. And so much more. There had been fear, confusion and pleasure at first, but then came the pain, excruciating pain the likes of which the soldier had never experienced before. He’d felt violated, betrayed by someone he cared about deeply, even loved, but the confusion was what weighed the most heavily on his mind. Men weren’t supposed to do what the Chief…what they’d done. It was unnatural. Surely he was eternally damned because of it.
And it was only the first of many.
Upon reading the last line, Jaejoong swung around to look at Yunho but Yunho wasn’t looking at him. His head was turned to the side, eyes downcast and Jaejoong thought he could see the shame of the innocent young man in the story on his face. He recognized it well because he’d seen it on his own. They truly were kindred souls, he thought.
A/N: I don't like this chapter :/ Originally it was supposed to have a sorta smutty ending but since things didn't go as I'd initially planned, it didn't seem fitting anymore and I didn't want to stick it in just because.
I realize that some of this may be a bit confusing, but that's okay. In my other fics I usually give a lot of insight into the characters' thoughts and emotions and they're open with each other about it but I'm not doing that this time. You'll get the internal dialogue but there's not gonna be a whole lot of exchange. Remember, it didn't happen in the movie either! It'll work out though, never fear.
Part VI