(no subject)
Due to the length of this fic I struggled to finish it in time. There's also no real smut scene for this reason, though plenty of sexual reference and some sexual acts. I loved writing this fic though so I hope you can all enjoy reading it too. Happy Halloween!
Title: Help Me, Please?
Rating: 18
Band: Gackt, X Japan
Pairings: Gackt X You, Gackt X Yoshiki
Summary: Gackt wasn't sure what he was going to do. He was too shy to deal with his problems head on and short of leaving town or suicide he couldn't think of any other option. Could a self help class really solve his problems or was he simply a lost cause?
“Do you want me to get you some more water,” Gackt offered the elderly woman with a friendly smile. He was naturally shy and quiet, but this lady was lovely and even he found it easy to talk to her.
“That would be wonderful,” she replied with a smile of her own. She had taken a certain fondness to the young nurse, mainly thanks to his pleasant bedside manner and resemblance to her grandson. Gackt never seemed to be in a hurry, even though he could be a little bit clumsy and awkward.
“I won't be long,” Gackt promised as he picked up the water jug and walked towards the small kitchen area. His shift was almost over and he was ready to go home, but he couldn't ignore a patient's needs.
There was another nurse in the kitchen but she didn't speak to him. He never had much to say to people, preferring his own company to that of others. Anyone who knew him outside work would be shocked at how well he got on with patients when he could barely talk to anyone else. Only a patient was somehow different to him. Perhaps because he had spent so many nights in hospital as a child? Or he knew what to say when he didn't with his peers. Whatever it was nursing was a calling to him, and even though his boss didn't like him, he grudgingly admitted Gackt was one of the best.
“Here you go,” Gackt said as he placed the water jug down. Her family had come to visit now, marking visiting hours had begun. He left saying nothing else and hurried to the changing room to get out of his white uniform.
This was the worst part of the day as he hated undressing in front of others. As always he turned his back on the room and pulled off the white shirt. It was easier when he couldn't see others, could convince himself the other men weren't watching.
“That's right, that uniform doesn't suit you. Take it off!” jeered a doctor who had been changing on the other side of the room.
“It's OK, we have something better for you,” his friend offered. He recognised that voice, he was the cleaner and had often bullied him in this very room. He'd been hoping to escape it tonight, but it seemed he hadn't been so lucky.
He should say something, fight back but his shy nature won and he froze in place. It was just words, soon they would stop and he'd be on his way home. That was how these things worked. How they had always worked.
Today though the bullies went further. There was no one else in the room to stop them except another nurse who like these men hated him. The three of them crowded around him, mocking his slim frame and undeveloped muscles. He was a small man, weak from his previously frequent illness, and he was more than sensitive about his appearance.
“You're like a girl,” the cleaner mocked. “Where's your dress?”
“Here it is!” the doctor called out, clearly bemused by the fear that was showing in Gackt's eyes. He's planned this, or they had all planned it. Either way he was approaching with the standard dress the nurses wore around the hospital. Like the male uniform it was white, but it was still a knee length skirt and not something he would willingly wear.
Unfortunately what he wanted wasn't part of this scenario and he was soon forced into the dress, his own uniform tossed in the corner far out of his reach. He couldn't fight these men, he was too small, too weak and he didn't know how. Instead he did his best to not react to the brown wig pushed onto his head or the crimson red lipstick painted on his lips. He wasn't here, not in mind, retreating to his peaceful place where nothing mattered.
Finally bored his attackers left and he slowly climbed to his feet to stare at his reflection in the mirror across the room. They might be cruel, but they were right, he did make one fine woman. Angrily he pulled the wig of his head and changed into his street clothes. The lipstick he wiped off on his already dirty uniform which he then stuffed into his bag. This had to stop, he just wasn't sure how this could end without either himself or his bullies leaving the hospital.
He let himself into the small apartment glad to be home. The bus ride over had been as bad as it ever was and he was close to breaking down. It was the parcel on the doorstep that distracted him and he opened it, happy to find the collectors set of Gundam figures inside. He'd been waiting for these to come out for months, before they had even come out, and had paid for priority shipping to make sure he got them as soon as possible.
“You and your dolls,” his room mate scoffed with what Gackt hoped was mock scorn. Until recently You had been just as obsessed with anime as he was. Only he'd changed. It had been gradual at first but now he was often making mocking comments at his expense. They had been best friends until You had started hanging out with the biker gang. Now he listened to death metal and made snide jokes, so unlike his old self that Gackt barely recognised him.
“You're just jealous,” Gackt retorted, getting no response. Surely his friend was in there somewhere? People didn't just change over night.
“Have they been bullying you again?” You asked with what Gackt hoped was sympathy. It felt more like curiosity though and not for the first time he sensed that You was looking at him as if he was a piece of meat. “You have lipstick on the corner of your mouth. You know, if you just joined the self confidence class I went to you'd come back a whole new man.”
“That's what I'm afraid off,” Gackt retorted. He didn't want to deal with this right now. He'd had a rough day and couldn't deal with You's identity crisis.
“Your loss,” You said with a shrug. “I'm off.”
“See you,” Gackt called after him. At least now he was alone to sulk in peace.
The next day should have been better only as he walked into the hospital and saw all the pictures of himself in the dress he stopped cold. The bullying hadn't ended in the changing rooms like he had thought. It had been brought into the halls for all to see.
“Camui, come with me,” His boss said coldly. He'd been waiting by the entrance of the hospital for him. With a sigh he followed him into a room and sat quietly as his boss spent a good half hour informing him exactly why his behaviour wasn't acceptable.
“I'm sorry,” Gackt finally managed to say. His voice quiet and weak. It was enough to calm his bosses tirade and he slunk off to start his shift wishing the other staff would look at him like he was some kind of circus freak.
“You look good in a dress,” a man commented as they passed in the hall. He froze in horror as the hospital director waited for him to respond. What was Yoshiki doing here? Of all the people he had wanted to see he was the very last. “But save it for the Halloween party, yeah?”
“Mmm,” Gackt muttered but the director was already hurrying away. He had no plans of going to that party, and certainly not in drag. Not even for Yoshiki who he adored more than anyone else. He was so beautiful, and kind. Despite his power he was so genuine that he made Gackt's heart cry out in pain. He would never end up with a man like that, not ever. Yoshiki was the image of perfection and success, he might as well be the exact opposite.
“He means it, you know,” his friend Kairi said with a smile, “I heard he had a fetish for that kind of thing.”
“Don't mock the director!” Gackt gasped. How could Kairi say such twisted things about such a perfect man?
“He likes you too, if you had just enough courage to talk to him you'd see for yourself,” Kairi informed him, “Why do you think he's always visiting our ward?”
“Have you been hit in the head?” Gackt demanded. “Why would I want to be with a man?”
“Please, it's obvious.” Kairi said with a laugh. Before Gackt could answer she had slipped into a room to consult with a patient. Great, Kairi knew he was gay. Was it because they were close, or did the whole hospital know?
Nervously Gackt pushed open the door and stepped into the meeting room. His day had been just as horrible as the last and he had finally had enough. Perhaps a little bit of confidence was all he needed? It had helped You, who could now see him as the pathetic man he truly was. His life couldn't continue like this, something had to change or he'd be the second person to have jumped from the roof of their apartment block.
“You came,” You said with a friendly smile. He offered Gackt a seat and for the first time in weeks he saw a glimmer of his friend return. You always had watched out for him. It seemed though he was just volunteering here as he was seeing everyone to a chair. He'd been so focused on the lady on the stage and her attractive helper he had missed a lot of the selection process. Why were the most attractive people sat here on the left and everyone else separated on the other side of the room? Why was he on the left anyway? He wasn't pretty enough to be here with the beautiful elite.
He soon forgot about it as the session began, hooked on every word that was said. He'd mocked these meetings in his head so many times that he was shocked he was actually enjoying this. There was something soothing about the way she spoke. He'd never met somebody so charismatic in his life.
There were some confidence building games, both mental and physical and he did his best to do well despite his own self doubts. His worries that this couldn't work returned but he tried to hold them back. He had to do this, what other solution to his problems was there?
“Come with me,” You suddenly requested. A couple of other members of the team had already visited the office and he assumed it was some kind of paperwork so followed obediently. Why couldn't this have been done before the meeting, or afterwards? As much as he had never expected it he was actually enjoying himself here.
“We want to perform a trust exercise with you, one we think will benefit you in particular.” one of the helpers explained. “Are you willing?”
“I guess,” Gackt replied. His heart was pounding in his chest as he allowed them to tie his wrists together behind his back and he was close to panicking when they blindfolded him and forced him down on his knees. He was being held down now, against his will, and he was terrified. This didn't feel right and it reminded him of the way he had been selected in the beginning and of the way not just You but a lot of the other helpers kept looking at him. Judging him, weighing him up. He had thought he had imagined it all, now he wasn't so sure.
“Are you sure,” he began to protest just as some kind or ring gag was shoved in his mouth. This he fought with all his strength but he was being held down so firmly he couldn't move. He felt the sensation of air rushing into his lungs, on and on seemingly forever. Surely it was just his panic making him feel this way? As suddenly as he had been bound it was over and he was being freed.
“Sorry, we went to far,” You apologised.
“You did!” Gackt snapped as he stormed out of the office. It wasn't until much later that he realised how out of character that was. In just that short hour session he had gained enough confidence to call somebody out over their behaviour.
He still felt liberated as he strolled into work, surprising many staff members with a friendly smile and hello. He remembered what he had learned in the class, but it went deeper than that. A stronger force was giving him confidence he wouldn't otherwise have. It came from within himself, but he wasn't entirely sure where it came from.
“Hey look, it's Nurse Joy,” said the cleaner who had helped bully him the other night. Gackt cast him a cold hard stare, surprised at just how scared the cleaner suddenly was over his attitude change.
“Hey look, it's Mr Grime,” Gackt retorted, “Don't you have some toilets to clean?”
“It's an important job,” the cleaner protested. He was angry and normally this would terrify Gackt, but not today.
“You keep telling yourself that,” Gackt reassured him, patting him gently on the shoulder as he passed. He was in a good mood and nothing was going to break him, not today. He changed in his own time, admiring his own reflection as he did so. He had muscle he had never realised he had and they seemed to show up more now than they had ever done. His teeth were perfectly straight and white, his hair shined healthy and strong. He was beautiful, he could see it now. Being sat with the beautiful people had finally made him see it. No wonder You looked at him like a piece of meat, he was lusting after him. How could any gay man not?
Just his luck the doctor from the day before walked in. As arrogant and cruel as ever and like with the cleaner Gackt answered back. Cocky, sure and cruel he wouldn't back down and the doctor grew angrier and angrier.
“But then I wouldn't expect a man like you to know about that.” Gackt was saying when the doctor lunged to punch him. Anger boiled in his veins and he struck back, hitting the doctor again and again until he was finally dragged away by security. Every insult the man had ever said to him, every vile act, fuelled this passion that had made him lose control. The doctor had hit him once and in return he had hit him a hundred times.
“What the hell has come over you?” his boss screamed at him. He barely heard the words. He was too proud.
Yoshiki was sat across the desk when Gackt walked into his office. He had heard what had happened that morning, and seen the state the doctor had been in. Unlike Gackt's boss he didn't seem angry though, just confused.
“Why don't you sit down and tell me what happened?” Yoshiki suggested. It was clear he had noticed the change in Gackt's behaviour but he said nothing about it. Simply noting the cocky smile and devil may care attitude
“He punched me,” Gackt said with a shrug.
“So he started it?” Yoshiki asked. The story going around was that Gackt had had a mental breakdown and freaked out, but it was easier for him to believe that this breakdown was provoked. He had faith in Gackt even if only a few people here did.
“Pretty much,” Gackt replied. “He's been bullying me for months you know.” It was easy to share everything now. Any social anxiety of the past was long gone. He was sure of himself, the master of his own world. He understood the changes in You now, he was feeling them in himself and he embraced them. He wanted to be powerful, he wanted to be strong and most of all he wanted Yoshiki's love. The last would come in time.
“OK, here's what I'm going to do,” Yoshiki decided after pondering the subject. “I have no choice but to give you a written warning, this kind of behaviour is not acceptable in this hospital or anywhere else. However as you were clearly provoked I won't fire you. You are on paid leave for the rest of the day to calm down. Tomorrow you will return to your usual duties and we will say no more on the matter.”
“And the doctor?” Gackt asked, “What of him?”
“I will perform an official investigation into the matter,” Yoshiki promised. That alone was something.
“You finally seen sense and quit that lame ass job?” You asked as Gackt returned home.
“Extra day's holiday,” Gackt corrected. “Beat a guy up.”
“Cool,” You replied. Not the reaction the old You would have had, but one Gackt now agreed with.
“Pretty much,” he said glancing over You's work. He was a professional photographer and often worked from home. Right now he was assembling a photo album.
“Another lame wedding?” Gackt asked rolling his eyes. You shared his scorn, always had, but now he openly mocked them.
“Yeah, but I can hike up the price and it pays the bills,” You explained with the shrug.
“The bride's fat and the groom looks like a right nerd,” Gackt cruelly commented. Laughing with You as they picked out a few more unflattering features of the couple and their bridal party. It was fun to mock these people and he felt no guilt over it.
“Hey Gackt do you understand what happened to you yet?” You asked curiously, “Why you were chosen?”
“Because I'm sexy as hell,” Gackt replied. Pausing slightly at his words. They really hit close to home and You expected more from the answer. He thought back to the class, especially the moment when he was blindfolded. He had felt something then, something that wasn't normal though at the time he had convinced himself that it was. “Because there's a demon inside me?”
“Ding ding, you win first prize!” You cheered. He was possessed but it didn't scare him. What he wanted and what the demon wanted were the same. Their personalities blended so perfectly that he saw no difference. He knew he had changed, but truly believed it was for the best.
“Screw this wedding, let's go out on the town.” Gackt ordered and gleefully You obeyed.
His head was buzzing from the alcohol he had been drinking but it didn't prevent him pushing his body against the young boy, barely sixteen at best, and grinding their bodies hard together. He understood exactly what kind of demon was in him now and it made him smile. He was a sexual predator and no one here was safe. Except perhaps the women, he had no interest in them.
Hands reached around for his ass, pulling him closer and he danced on not caring who was watching. He'd fuck this boy right here if he could but before he got a chance a jealous boyfriend was pushing them apart and he grew bored. There were too many men here to settle for just one anyway and he soon found another.
“Having fun?” You asked as they danced against each other. He hadn't missed the hardness between Gackt's legs, but then Gackt hadn't wanted him too.
“Something like that,” Gackt replied, “I'm bored of dancing. How about some sucking?”
“I thought you would never ask,” You replied. Smirking Gackt let You lead him towards the bathroom wondering what kind of demon was in his friend. Something violent and strong he decided. Something that made his friend irresistible.
He moaned as the door shut behind him, in pain not pleasure. Something was wrong and it was effecting You too. Staggering he clung to the sink, bemused as the the two men who had been in here left screaming in fear. He liked fear, he liked it a lot. You could even say it was an aphrodisiac.
“Midnight, All Hallows Eve,” You got out slowly. He was more in tune with his demon and understood far more than Gackt could at this point. “No demon can hide his form.”
“It hurts so bad,” Gackt gasped but even as he complained he realised the pain was subsiding. Slowly he looked in the mirror, seeing first the familiar features he knew as his own and then the horns.
“Some parts come through every day, enhancing your own natural features, the rest are hidden.” You explained. So his new found muscles were the demon's then? It made him feel a little better about not noticing them before.
“I was chosen because I'm already pretty,” Gackt commented as he stared at himself. He had fangs now, two long sharp canines like a vampire's but he was mainly human. A demon of lust, he supposed he needed to look this way to seduce men. Why the fangs though? Well that was a stupid question. If any fictional creature was going to be lusted after it would be a vampire. Clearly this was where the stories had started.
“Pretty much,” You confirmed, “But all hosts are. You're prettier than most, I've always noticed even when you don't.”
“What do we do now?” Gackt worried. He could hardly wander around town with these large horns on his head. You too was sporting impressive demonic horns along with red eyes and a mouth that was almost entirely sharpened fangs, though none as long as his own.
“Walk out as if we own the place,” You replied, “Technically it's Halloween but the humans won't think of it as such until after they've slept. I doubt anyone will realise this is real. We could wander around town I guess but I think it's best to go home. I know a few things we can do to pass the time. By evening nobody will question two demons walking around town.”
You's idea had been a good one and Yoshiki had been more than understanding about his need for another day off work. Even as a demon he cared about his job, and about caring for others. It felt strange to him until he realised a certain part of seduction was based on empathy. It blended with his human nature perfectly, this demon really was meant for him.
He had become restless later in the day. There was only so much you could sleep, with your room mate and literally, before a man grew bored. He paced aimlessly and then gave up on waiting entirely. He knew exactly what he wanted to dress up as this Halloween, he just needed to buy the outfit.
“Wow, you look amazing,” You purred as he stepped out of the changing room. Gackt knew he did and gave You a knowing smile.
“What can I say?” he asked, “What other choice of costume did I have?”
“Oh, plenty, but that's a perfect fit.” You reassured him. Nodding Gackt walked out of the shop, not paying for the costume and getting away with it due to the crowd in the shop. You could handle his own, he had a party to attend.
His old self never would have considered even attending the work party, but that was his old self. Even after technically being off work sick Gackt had no problems walking into the hotel conference room where it was been held and walking straight up to the director. All eyes were on him, and so they should be because he was flawless.
“Gackt?” Yoshiki gasped, “Is this a joke?”
“No joke,” Gackt said with a flirtatious smile. He gave Yoshiki a twirl, the demon used to walking in heels even if he was not. He'd come as a female nurse, just like his co-workers had felt he should be. Only this dress was shorter, barely covering his thighs and displaying the garter belts that held up his lace stockings. It was tighter too, more revealing, and downright sexy. An outfit to seduce and he could already see that it was working. Interesting, this really was Yoshiki's fetish.
“Are you all right?” Yoshiki worried, “Is this part of your breakdown?”
“Something like that,” Gackt said. Wasting no time he moved forward for a kiss, holding Yoshiki still as the director attempted to pull back. He was a good kisser, and Yoshiki gave up his fight. Only at this point did Gackt pull away. “If you're good I'll show you the world.”
“If I'm good I wouldn't go with you,” Yoshiki replied. Nervously he looked around the room, everyone was watching but he had already made up his mind about what he wanted to do. “Come on then,”
“Don't you want to enjoy the party?” Gackt teased. Who would have thought Yoshiki was so easy to get into bed?
“Yeah, later.” Yoshiki promised. Having no complaints Gackt happily followed him into the lobby and then into the lift. It seemed Yoshiki had already booked out a suite because he had a key card. Convenient, did Yoshiki always hook up with staff or was this just a room to stay in after the party? Did he care?
“You're a bad boy,” Gackt informed Yoshiki as he pushed him against the wall and began to kiss his neck slowly. Oh he tasted good, both human and demon craved him so badly it almost hurt.
“Yet it's you who's going to suck my cock,” Yoshiki replied. His voice was firmer now, more in control. For a moment Gackt pondered the idea, but wanting to see what Yoshiki had on offer he decided to go along with this. Smiling he fell to his knees and gently began to free Yoshiki from his clothes. “That's right, suck me demon.”
“Demon?” Gackt asked, oh the horns. Clearly Yoshiki thought he was a demonic nurse. He'd been unable to hide them.
“The horns,” Yoshiki confirmed and then something in Latin Gackt didn't understand. Regardless he began to lick Yoshiki's length, slightly put of by the strange mutterings. What was Yoshiki going on about anyway? He'd shut him up. Hungrily he wrapped his mouth around Yoshiki's hardened length and began to suck eagerly. If he was good enough those strange words would soon become moans.
Sudden pain, much like the pain before, shot through him. He fell away from Yoshiki and let out a scream that turned into a cloud of black smoke. An exorcism! How had the demon inside him not recognise what was happening? He must have been young! Or too distracted by the slightly salty taste on his tongue.
“Are you all right?” Yoshiki asked as he gently cradled the crying man in his arms. The horns were gone now, as were the fangs but he still wore the seductive nurse outfit he had on before. All the guilt he should have felt hit him now, along with the shame. What had he been doing? He'd beaten up a doctor, tried to sexually abuse the director and that poor teenage boy!
“Yes,” Gackt admitted feeling his face go bright red. He had lost his demon, lost his urge to do bad, but to his surprise a little of the confidence still remained. He was able to make eye contact with Yoshiki at least and see the genuine affection and concern in his eyes.
“I suspected as much after the fight,” Yoshiki explained, “My Grandfather and Uncle both hunt demons, it's my family's duty but my father is the second son so he was never called to do it. Sorry, I'm rambling, just I want you to know, I know what you've been through.”
“What I've been through wasn't bad!” Gackt objected, “Well some things were, only I liked parts.”
“The confidence?” Yoshiki guessed, “Yeah, you should try and hold on to some of that and you're sexy dressed like this. Damn it! I'm rambling again!”
“It's cute,” Gackt confessed shyly. Yoshiki liked him? Kairi had been right all along. “So you ramble and I'm too shy to function?”
“I guess,” Yoshiki said, “What I said was inappropriate. I'm sorry.”
“You don't have to be, unless you didn't mean what you said? Do you find me sexy?” Gackt asked. Again the confidence came from a new man, neither demon or his old self controlled him now.
“Gackt, do you want to go on a date with me?” Yoshiki asked, “Don't worry, you won't lose your job if you say no or anything. I might be wrong, but both you and your demon seem to be fixated on me?”
“I'd love too,” Gackt said delighted by the idea, “Just one condition, can you exorcise a demon out of my best friend?”
“I think we can come to some kind of arrangement,” Yoshiki promised. “Now, are you going to finish sucking my cock or should I finish of in the bathroom?”
“Oh,” Gackt said realising that Yoshiki was still hard. What was he supposed to do? He longed to finish what the demon had started, but he wasn't ready for anything like that. Not yet anyway.
“Maybe another time?” Yoshiki said with a wink.
“Maybe,” Gackt agreed. Slowly he got up and walked out of the room feeling his heart race in his chest. What was he meant to do, dressed as he was? The old him would have run home like a shot but he didn't want to be that man any more. Confidence, and a demon, had won him a date with Yoshiki and hopefully fixed the bullying issue at work. Confidence was his greatest charm, he didn't want to give it up.
Crushing his old self he walked with his head held high straight back into the party. He was dressed to kill and wasn't going to waste the look hiding in his room. No, he was going to enjoy himself tonight, no matter how short his skirt was!
Title: Help Me, Please?
Rating: 18
Band: Gackt, X Japan
Pairings: Gackt X You, Gackt X Yoshiki
Summary: Gackt wasn't sure what he was going to do. He was too shy to deal with his problems head on and short of leaving town or suicide he couldn't think of any other option. Could a self help class really solve his problems or was he simply a lost cause?
“Do you want me to get you some more water,” Gackt offered the elderly woman with a friendly smile. He was naturally shy and quiet, but this lady was lovely and even he found it easy to talk to her.
“That would be wonderful,” she replied with a smile of her own. She had taken a certain fondness to the young nurse, mainly thanks to his pleasant bedside manner and resemblance to her grandson. Gackt never seemed to be in a hurry, even though he could be a little bit clumsy and awkward.
“I won't be long,” Gackt promised as he picked up the water jug and walked towards the small kitchen area. His shift was almost over and he was ready to go home, but he couldn't ignore a patient's needs.
There was another nurse in the kitchen but she didn't speak to him. He never had much to say to people, preferring his own company to that of others. Anyone who knew him outside work would be shocked at how well he got on with patients when he could barely talk to anyone else. Only a patient was somehow different to him. Perhaps because he had spent so many nights in hospital as a child? Or he knew what to say when he didn't with his peers. Whatever it was nursing was a calling to him, and even though his boss didn't like him, he grudgingly admitted Gackt was one of the best.
“Here you go,” Gackt said as he placed the water jug down. Her family had come to visit now, marking visiting hours had begun. He left saying nothing else and hurried to the changing room to get out of his white uniform.
This was the worst part of the day as he hated undressing in front of others. As always he turned his back on the room and pulled off the white shirt. It was easier when he couldn't see others, could convince himself the other men weren't watching.
“That's right, that uniform doesn't suit you. Take it off!” jeered a doctor who had been changing on the other side of the room.
“It's OK, we have something better for you,” his friend offered. He recognised that voice, he was the cleaner and had often bullied him in this very room. He'd been hoping to escape it tonight, but it seemed he hadn't been so lucky.
He should say something, fight back but his shy nature won and he froze in place. It was just words, soon they would stop and he'd be on his way home. That was how these things worked. How they had always worked.
Today though the bullies went further. There was no one else in the room to stop them except another nurse who like these men hated him. The three of them crowded around him, mocking his slim frame and undeveloped muscles. He was a small man, weak from his previously frequent illness, and he was more than sensitive about his appearance.
“You're like a girl,” the cleaner mocked. “Where's your dress?”
“Here it is!” the doctor called out, clearly bemused by the fear that was showing in Gackt's eyes. He's planned this, or they had all planned it. Either way he was approaching with the standard dress the nurses wore around the hospital. Like the male uniform it was white, but it was still a knee length skirt and not something he would willingly wear.
Unfortunately what he wanted wasn't part of this scenario and he was soon forced into the dress, his own uniform tossed in the corner far out of his reach. He couldn't fight these men, he was too small, too weak and he didn't know how. Instead he did his best to not react to the brown wig pushed onto his head or the crimson red lipstick painted on his lips. He wasn't here, not in mind, retreating to his peaceful place where nothing mattered.
Finally bored his attackers left and he slowly climbed to his feet to stare at his reflection in the mirror across the room. They might be cruel, but they were right, he did make one fine woman. Angrily he pulled the wig of his head and changed into his street clothes. The lipstick he wiped off on his already dirty uniform which he then stuffed into his bag. This had to stop, he just wasn't sure how this could end without either himself or his bullies leaving the hospital.
He let himself into the small apartment glad to be home. The bus ride over had been as bad as it ever was and he was close to breaking down. It was the parcel on the doorstep that distracted him and he opened it, happy to find the collectors set of Gundam figures inside. He'd been waiting for these to come out for months, before they had even come out, and had paid for priority shipping to make sure he got them as soon as possible.
“You and your dolls,” his room mate scoffed with what Gackt hoped was mock scorn. Until recently You had been just as obsessed with anime as he was. Only he'd changed. It had been gradual at first but now he was often making mocking comments at his expense. They had been best friends until You had started hanging out with the biker gang. Now he listened to death metal and made snide jokes, so unlike his old self that Gackt barely recognised him.
“You're just jealous,” Gackt retorted, getting no response. Surely his friend was in there somewhere? People didn't just change over night.
“Have they been bullying you again?” You asked with what Gackt hoped was sympathy. It felt more like curiosity though and not for the first time he sensed that You was looking at him as if he was a piece of meat. “You have lipstick on the corner of your mouth. You know, if you just joined the self confidence class I went to you'd come back a whole new man.”
“That's what I'm afraid off,” Gackt retorted. He didn't want to deal with this right now. He'd had a rough day and couldn't deal with You's identity crisis.
“Your loss,” You said with a shrug. “I'm off.”
“See you,” Gackt called after him. At least now he was alone to sulk in peace.
The next day should have been better only as he walked into the hospital and saw all the pictures of himself in the dress he stopped cold. The bullying hadn't ended in the changing rooms like he had thought. It had been brought into the halls for all to see.
“Camui, come with me,” His boss said coldly. He'd been waiting by the entrance of the hospital for him. With a sigh he followed him into a room and sat quietly as his boss spent a good half hour informing him exactly why his behaviour wasn't acceptable.
“I'm sorry,” Gackt finally managed to say. His voice quiet and weak. It was enough to calm his bosses tirade and he slunk off to start his shift wishing the other staff would look at him like he was some kind of circus freak.
“You look good in a dress,” a man commented as they passed in the hall. He froze in horror as the hospital director waited for him to respond. What was Yoshiki doing here? Of all the people he had wanted to see he was the very last. “But save it for the Halloween party, yeah?”
“Mmm,” Gackt muttered but the director was already hurrying away. He had no plans of going to that party, and certainly not in drag. Not even for Yoshiki who he adored more than anyone else. He was so beautiful, and kind. Despite his power he was so genuine that he made Gackt's heart cry out in pain. He would never end up with a man like that, not ever. Yoshiki was the image of perfection and success, he might as well be the exact opposite.
“He means it, you know,” his friend Kairi said with a smile, “I heard he had a fetish for that kind of thing.”
“Don't mock the director!” Gackt gasped. How could Kairi say such twisted things about such a perfect man?
“He likes you too, if you had just enough courage to talk to him you'd see for yourself,” Kairi informed him, “Why do you think he's always visiting our ward?”
“Have you been hit in the head?” Gackt demanded. “Why would I want to be with a man?”
“Please, it's obvious.” Kairi said with a laugh. Before Gackt could answer she had slipped into a room to consult with a patient. Great, Kairi knew he was gay. Was it because they were close, or did the whole hospital know?
Nervously Gackt pushed open the door and stepped into the meeting room. His day had been just as horrible as the last and he had finally had enough. Perhaps a little bit of confidence was all he needed? It had helped You, who could now see him as the pathetic man he truly was. His life couldn't continue like this, something had to change or he'd be the second person to have jumped from the roof of their apartment block.
“You came,” You said with a friendly smile. He offered Gackt a seat and for the first time in weeks he saw a glimmer of his friend return. You always had watched out for him. It seemed though he was just volunteering here as he was seeing everyone to a chair. He'd been so focused on the lady on the stage and her attractive helper he had missed a lot of the selection process. Why were the most attractive people sat here on the left and everyone else separated on the other side of the room? Why was he on the left anyway? He wasn't pretty enough to be here with the beautiful elite.
He soon forgot about it as the session began, hooked on every word that was said. He'd mocked these meetings in his head so many times that he was shocked he was actually enjoying this. There was something soothing about the way she spoke. He'd never met somebody so charismatic in his life.
There were some confidence building games, both mental and physical and he did his best to do well despite his own self doubts. His worries that this couldn't work returned but he tried to hold them back. He had to do this, what other solution to his problems was there?
“Come with me,” You suddenly requested. A couple of other members of the team had already visited the office and he assumed it was some kind of paperwork so followed obediently. Why couldn't this have been done before the meeting, or afterwards? As much as he had never expected it he was actually enjoying himself here.
“We want to perform a trust exercise with you, one we think will benefit you in particular.” one of the helpers explained. “Are you willing?”
“I guess,” Gackt replied. His heart was pounding in his chest as he allowed them to tie his wrists together behind his back and he was close to panicking when they blindfolded him and forced him down on his knees. He was being held down now, against his will, and he was terrified. This didn't feel right and it reminded him of the way he had been selected in the beginning and of the way not just You but a lot of the other helpers kept looking at him. Judging him, weighing him up. He had thought he had imagined it all, now he wasn't so sure.
“Are you sure,” he began to protest just as some kind or ring gag was shoved in his mouth. This he fought with all his strength but he was being held down so firmly he couldn't move. He felt the sensation of air rushing into his lungs, on and on seemingly forever. Surely it was just his panic making him feel this way? As suddenly as he had been bound it was over and he was being freed.
“Sorry, we went to far,” You apologised.
“You did!” Gackt snapped as he stormed out of the office. It wasn't until much later that he realised how out of character that was. In just that short hour session he had gained enough confidence to call somebody out over their behaviour.
He still felt liberated as he strolled into work, surprising many staff members with a friendly smile and hello. He remembered what he had learned in the class, but it went deeper than that. A stronger force was giving him confidence he wouldn't otherwise have. It came from within himself, but he wasn't entirely sure where it came from.
“Hey look, it's Nurse Joy,” said the cleaner who had helped bully him the other night. Gackt cast him a cold hard stare, surprised at just how scared the cleaner suddenly was over his attitude change.
“Hey look, it's Mr Grime,” Gackt retorted, “Don't you have some toilets to clean?”
“It's an important job,” the cleaner protested. He was angry and normally this would terrify Gackt, but not today.
“You keep telling yourself that,” Gackt reassured him, patting him gently on the shoulder as he passed. He was in a good mood and nothing was going to break him, not today. He changed in his own time, admiring his own reflection as he did so. He had muscle he had never realised he had and they seemed to show up more now than they had ever done. His teeth were perfectly straight and white, his hair shined healthy and strong. He was beautiful, he could see it now. Being sat with the beautiful people had finally made him see it. No wonder You looked at him like a piece of meat, he was lusting after him. How could any gay man not?
Just his luck the doctor from the day before walked in. As arrogant and cruel as ever and like with the cleaner Gackt answered back. Cocky, sure and cruel he wouldn't back down and the doctor grew angrier and angrier.
“But then I wouldn't expect a man like you to know about that.” Gackt was saying when the doctor lunged to punch him. Anger boiled in his veins and he struck back, hitting the doctor again and again until he was finally dragged away by security. Every insult the man had ever said to him, every vile act, fuelled this passion that had made him lose control. The doctor had hit him once and in return he had hit him a hundred times.
“What the hell has come over you?” his boss screamed at him. He barely heard the words. He was too proud.
Yoshiki was sat across the desk when Gackt walked into his office. He had heard what had happened that morning, and seen the state the doctor had been in. Unlike Gackt's boss he didn't seem angry though, just confused.
“Why don't you sit down and tell me what happened?” Yoshiki suggested. It was clear he had noticed the change in Gackt's behaviour but he said nothing about it. Simply noting the cocky smile and devil may care attitude
“He punched me,” Gackt said with a shrug.
“So he started it?” Yoshiki asked. The story going around was that Gackt had had a mental breakdown and freaked out, but it was easier for him to believe that this breakdown was provoked. He had faith in Gackt even if only a few people here did.
“Pretty much,” Gackt replied. “He's been bullying me for months you know.” It was easy to share everything now. Any social anxiety of the past was long gone. He was sure of himself, the master of his own world. He understood the changes in You now, he was feeling them in himself and he embraced them. He wanted to be powerful, he wanted to be strong and most of all he wanted Yoshiki's love. The last would come in time.
“OK, here's what I'm going to do,” Yoshiki decided after pondering the subject. “I have no choice but to give you a written warning, this kind of behaviour is not acceptable in this hospital or anywhere else. However as you were clearly provoked I won't fire you. You are on paid leave for the rest of the day to calm down. Tomorrow you will return to your usual duties and we will say no more on the matter.”
“And the doctor?” Gackt asked, “What of him?”
“I will perform an official investigation into the matter,” Yoshiki promised. That alone was something.
“You finally seen sense and quit that lame ass job?” You asked as Gackt returned home.
“Extra day's holiday,” Gackt corrected. “Beat a guy up.”
“Cool,” You replied. Not the reaction the old You would have had, but one Gackt now agreed with.
“Pretty much,” he said glancing over You's work. He was a professional photographer and often worked from home. Right now he was assembling a photo album.
“Another lame wedding?” Gackt asked rolling his eyes. You shared his scorn, always had, but now he openly mocked them.
“Yeah, but I can hike up the price and it pays the bills,” You explained with the shrug.
“The bride's fat and the groom looks like a right nerd,” Gackt cruelly commented. Laughing with You as they picked out a few more unflattering features of the couple and their bridal party. It was fun to mock these people and he felt no guilt over it.
“Hey Gackt do you understand what happened to you yet?” You asked curiously, “Why you were chosen?”
“Because I'm sexy as hell,” Gackt replied. Pausing slightly at his words. They really hit close to home and You expected more from the answer. He thought back to the class, especially the moment when he was blindfolded. He had felt something then, something that wasn't normal though at the time he had convinced himself that it was. “Because there's a demon inside me?”
“Ding ding, you win first prize!” You cheered. He was possessed but it didn't scare him. What he wanted and what the demon wanted were the same. Their personalities blended so perfectly that he saw no difference. He knew he had changed, but truly believed it was for the best.
“Screw this wedding, let's go out on the town.” Gackt ordered and gleefully You obeyed.
His head was buzzing from the alcohol he had been drinking but it didn't prevent him pushing his body against the young boy, barely sixteen at best, and grinding their bodies hard together. He understood exactly what kind of demon was in him now and it made him smile. He was a sexual predator and no one here was safe. Except perhaps the women, he had no interest in them.
Hands reached around for his ass, pulling him closer and he danced on not caring who was watching. He'd fuck this boy right here if he could but before he got a chance a jealous boyfriend was pushing them apart and he grew bored. There were too many men here to settle for just one anyway and he soon found another.
“Having fun?” You asked as they danced against each other. He hadn't missed the hardness between Gackt's legs, but then Gackt hadn't wanted him too.
“Something like that,” Gackt replied, “I'm bored of dancing. How about some sucking?”
“I thought you would never ask,” You replied. Smirking Gackt let You lead him towards the bathroom wondering what kind of demon was in his friend. Something violent and strong he decided. Something that made his friend irresistible.
He moaned as the door shut behind him, in pain not pleasure. Something was wrong and it was effecting You too. Staggering he clung to the sink, bemused as the the two men who had been in here left screaming in fear. He liked fear, he liked it a lot. You could even say it was an aphrodisiac.
“Midnight, All Hallows Eve,” You got out slowly. He was more in tune with his demon and understood far more than Gackt could at this point. “No demon can hide his form.”
“It hurts so bad,” Gackt gasped but even as he complained he realised the pain was subsiding. Slowly he looked in the mirror, seeing first the familiar features he knew as his own and then the horns.
“Some parts come through every day, enhancing your own natural features, the rest are hidden.” You explained. So his new found muscles were the demon's then? It made him feel a little better about not noticing them before.
“I was chosen because I'm already pretty,” Gackt commented as he stared at himself. He had fangs now, two long sharp canines like a vampire's but he was mainly human. A demon of lust, he supposed he needed to look this way to seduce men. Why the fangs though? Well that was a stupid question. If any fictional creature was going to be lusted after it would be a vampire. Clearly this was where the stories had started.
“Pretty much,” You confirmed, “But all hosts are. You're prettier than most, I've always noticed even when you don't.”
“What do we do now?” Gackt worried. He could hardly wander around town with these large horns on his head. You too was sporting impressive demonic horns along with red eyes and a mouth that was almost entirely sharpened fangs, though none as long as his own.
“Walk out as if we own the place,” You replied, “Technically it's Halloween but the humans won't think of it as such until after they've slept. I doubt anyone will realise this is real. We could wander around town I guess but I think it's best to go home. I know a few things we can do to pass the time. By evening nobody will question two demons walking around town.”
You's idea had been a good one and Yoshiki had been more than understanding about his need for another day off work. Even as a demon he cared about his job, and about caring for others. It felt strange to him until he realised a certain part of seduction was based on empathy. It blended with his human nature perfectly, this demon really was meant for him.
He had become restless later in the day. There was only so much you could sleep, with your room mate and literally, before a man grew bored. He paced aimlessly and then gave up on waiting entirely. He knew exactly what he wanted to dress up as this Halloween, he just needed to buy the outfit.
“Wow, you look amazing,” You purred as he stepped out of the changing room. Gackt knew he did and gave You a knowing smile.
“What can I say?” he asked, “What other choice of costume did I have?”
“Oh, plenty, but that's a perfect fit.” You reassured him. Nodding Gackt walked out of the shop, not paying for the costume and getting away with it due to the crowd in the shop. You could handle his own, he had a party to attend.
His old self never would have considered even attending the work party, but that was his old self. Even after technically being off work sick Gackt had no problems walking into the hotel conference room where it was been held and walking straight up to the director. All eyes were on him, and so they should be because he was flawless.
“Gackt?” Yoshiki gasped, “Is this a joke?”
“No joke,” Gackt said with a flirtatious smile. He gave Yoshiki a twirl, the demon used to walking in heels even if he was not. He'd come as a female nurse, just like his co-workers had felt he should be. Only this dress was shorter, barely covering his thighs and displaying the garter belts that held up his lace stockings. It was tighter too, more revealing, and downright sexy. An outfit to seduce and he could already see that it was working. Interesting, this really was Yoshiki's fetish.
“Are you all right?” Yoshiki worried, “Is this part of your breakdown?”
“Something like that,” Gackt said. Wasting no time he moved forward for a kiss, holding Yoshiki still as the director attempted to pull back. He was a good kisser, and Yoshiki gave up his fight. Only at this point did Gackt pull away. “If you're good I'll show you the world.”
“If I'm good I wouldn't go with you,” Yoshiki replied. Nervously he looked around the room, everyone was watching but he had already made up his mind about what he wanted to do. “Come on then,”
“Don't you want to enjoy the party?” Gackt teased. Who would have thought Yoshiki was so easy to get into bed?
“Yeah, later.” Yoshiki promised. Having no complaints Gackt happily followed him into the lobby and then into the lift. It seemed Yoshiki had already booked out a suite because he had a key card. Convenient, did Yoshiki always hook up with staff or was this just a room to stay in after the party? Did he care?
“You're a bad boy,” Gackt informed Yoshiki as he pushed him against the wall and began to kiss his neck slowly. Oh he tasted good, both human and demon craved him so badly it almost hurt.
“Yet it's you who's going to suck my cock,” Yoshiki replied. His voice was firmer now, more in control. For a moment Gackt pondered the idea, but wanting to see what Yoshiki had on offer he decided to go along with this. Smiling he fell to his knees and gently began to free Yoshiki from his clothes. “That's right, suck me demon.”
“Demon?” Gackt asked, oh the horns. Clearly Yoshiki thought he was a demonic nurse. He'd been unable to hide them.
“The horns,” Yoshiki confirmed and then something in Latin Gackt didn't understand. Regardless he began to lick Yoshiki's length, slightly put of by the strange mutterings. What was Yoshiki going on about anyway? He'd shut him up. Hungrily he wrapped his mouth around Yoshiki's hardened length and began to suck eagerly. If he was good enough those strange words would soon become moans.
Sudden pain, much like the pain before, shot through him. He fell away from Yoshiki and let out a scream that turned into a cloud of black smoke. An exorcism! How had the demon inside him not recognise what was happening? He must have been young! Or too distracted by the slightly salty taste on his tongue.
“Are you all right?” Yoshiki asked as he gently cradled the crying man in his arms. The horns were gone now, as were the fangs but he still wore the seductive nurse outfit he had on before. All the guilt he should have felt hit him now, along with the shame. What had he been doing? He'd beaten up a doctor, tried to sexually abuse the director and that poor teenage boy!
“Yes,” Gackt admitted feeling his face go bright red. He had lost his demon, lost his urge to do bad, but to his surprise a little of the confidence still remained. He was able to make eye contact with Yoshiki at least and see the genuine affection and concern in his eyes.
“I suspected as much after the fight,” Yoshiki explained, “My Grandfather and Uncle both hunt demons, it's my family's duty but my father is the second son so he was never called to do it. Sorry, I'm rambling, just I want you to know, I know what you've been through.”
“What I've been through wasn't bad!” Gackt objected, “Well some things were, only I liked parts.”
“The confidence?” Yoshiki guessed, “Yeah, you should try and hold on to some of that and you're sexy dressed like this. Damn it! I'm rambling again!”
“It's cute,” Gackt confessed shyly. Yoshiki liked him? Kairi had been right all along. “So you ramble and I'm too shy to function?”
“I guess,” Yoshiki said, “What I said was inappropriate. I'm sorry.”
“You don't have to be, unless you didn't mean what you said? Do you find me sexy?” Gackt asked. Again the confidence came from a new man, neither demon or his old self controlled him now.
“Gackt, do you want to go on a date with me?” Yoshiki asked, “Don't worry, you won't lose your job if you say no or anything. I might be wrong, but both you and your demon seem to be fixated on me?”
“I'd love too,” Gackt said delighted by the idea, “Just one condition, can you exorcise a demon out of my best friend?”
“I think we can come to some kind of arrangement,” Yoshiki promised. “Now, are you going to finish sucking my cock or should I finish of in the bathroom?”
“Oh,” Gackt said realising that Yoshiki was still hard. What was he supposed to do? He longed to finish what the demon had started, but he wasn't ready for anything like that. Not yet anyway.
“Maybe another time?” Yoshiki said with a wink.
“Maybe,” Gackt agreed. Slowly he got up and walked out of the room feeling his heart race in his chest. What was he meant to do, dressed as he was? The old him would have run home like a shot but he didn't want to be that man any more. Confidence, and a demon, had won him a date with Yoshiki and hopefully fixed the bullying issue at work. Confidence was his greatest charm, he didn't want to give it up.
Crushing his old self he walked with his head held high straight back into the party. He was dressed to kill and wasn't going to waste the look hiding in his room. No, he was going to enjoy himself tonight, no matter how short his skirt was!