(no subject)
Title: 31 Trials from Hell
Rating: 18
This chapter: 12
Main Characters from: Gacktjob, Malice Mizer
Main Pairing: Gackt X Kami
Summary: When his lover dies Gackt will do anything it takes to get him back even if it means following him into the depths of hell.
Previous Trials
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Trial 21: Confessions
“Hizaki, can you return my memories?” Kami asked as he clutched onto Gackt's hand terrified off the answer. If Hizaki said no he'd be devastated and left in this eternal confusion but if he said yes then what? What if this dream of love he had with the samurai was just that? What if getting his memories back showed him things he didn't want to know?
'Trust me' that was all Gackt had asked off him and Kami's instincts screamed at him to do just that, much like Gackt's had screamed that You was on his side right at the beginning off the quest when all this seemed strange and confusing and he had no idea who You even was except for a man he knew in passing.
“I can.” Hizaki replied calmly hiding his surprise at such a request but admiring Gackt for being able to get Kami to ask. It wasn't normal for anyone here to want memories returned, he made sure to keep all memories of them asking for such things to be taken away to prevent such events happening.
“Will you?” Kami asked.
“Are you sure you want them? I'd hate to be erasing and returning your memory for all eternity.” Hizaki responded with a sigh.
“I swear I’ll only ask once.” Kami promised.
“I won't erase them a second time as easily as the first.” Hizaki warned. “You'll have to earn your salvation.”
“I'm prepared for that.” Kami replied sounding confident but feeling anything but. He was putting his entire trust in Gackt's words, in the idea that his only pain was heartbreak and an eternity alone.
“You're companion has the tongue of a snake.” Hizaki muted as he stepped closer and placed his hand over Kami's brow focusing for a moment as he broke down all the walls he had placed within his mind. He knew Gackt was on the verge off success but he was a man off his word, if his soul asked then he would do his best to fulfil his wishes. He would not be like his brother, he would not let the gardens become a form off hell. He was better than that.
Before Hizaki Kami blinked in confusion for a second as his memory reinforced logic and then with a squeal off delight he was clinging onto Gackt exclaiming about how much he had missed him and how glad he was too see him again. Finally they were reunited but as the excitement wore off Kami pulled away obviously crying.
“Gackt I can't, I don't deserve you.” he announced before running out of the room distraught.
“What have you done to his memory?” Gackt demanded.
“Only what he asked, returned it all.” Hizaki reassured him. “This pain is his own doing. You both should have known better than to mess with these things.”
“You're one to talk, you're very existence is to play with peoples memories.” Gackt complained.
“I'm a demi-god, I know what I'm doing.” Hizaki retorted. “Now are you going to comfort your lover or should I go erase his memory again?”
“I'll comfort him.” Gackt replied rising to the challenge and walking out asking the first person he saw if they knew where Kami had gone.
“Kami, it's me.” Gackt called as he pushed open the bedroom door and found Kami curled up on the bed hugging a pillow as he cried. “I don't understand, what's wrong?”
“I'm not good enough for you.” Kami got out as he sat up, still hugging the pillow and stared at Gackt with tearful eyes. “You make all this effort to come and find me but I'm not good enough! I don't deserve you! I never could match your strength.”
“Because you were kindness.” Gackt commented as he sat on the edge of the bed. “You are honesty and love. I may be strong but I'm like this sword, dangerous to be around, who ever thought that I could be loved? But you did. You loved me and made my life complete and even managed to teach me how to be softer myself. Around you I had no walls because there was no need for them, my anger melted away like butter, my pain struggled to even exist. I need you Kami, can't you see that.”
“You're making it worse.” Kami complained. “I'm not so sweet and kind and good. I'm not even half the man you think I am.”
“Kami, what's happened? You haven't felt this way ever before.” Gackt scolded. “I know you had doubts off your worth at first but nothing like this, you're insecurities never brought you to tears!”
“I cheated on you.” Kami whispered burying his head in the pillow unable to look at Gackt any more. How could he have done such a thing? There was no way Gackt would want him now, his entire quest had been in vain as he chased an impossible dream. The only sound in the room now was that of Kami's tears as Gackt neither walked out or spoke in anger and it made it all the worst. Kami needed Gackt to be mad at him, needed to be called names and insulted. Anything but no reaction at all!
“When?” Gackt eventually spoke up his pain evident in his voice. It was almost too much for Kami to bare but he had to answer, had to let Gackt know.
“Here.” Kami whispered.
“So when you didn't remember me? When you didn't know who I was?” Gackt asked.
“That doesn't make it any better, I should never have wanted to forget you in the first place. I'm just a sex addict, all your joking was right. I am worse than you!” Kami complained having never felt so miserable in his life. Perhaps it had been a mistake to get his memories back?
Wrapping his arms around Kami Gackt held him close doing his best to control his jealousy. He couldn't blame Kami for his actions, you can't cheat on a man you don't know, but it wasn't exactly an easy thing to hear either.
“As much as I hate the thought of you being with other men I accepted you slept with people before me.” Gackt reminded Kami. “How can I get mad when you had boyfriends before? That would be unreasonable right?”
“But I did know you, I just forgot.” Kami whimpered pressing tighter to his lover for comfort that he felt he didn't deserve but craved anyway.
“You returned to the Kami you were before you met me, shy, quiet, just a little bit scared when thrown into a situation out of the ordinary. That Kami couldn't cheat on me because he's not my Kami. My Kami is stronger than he knows and achieved all his dreams.” Gackt replied firmly realising as he said it that he was helping himself as much as his lover. “But you know, I think there was one ex boyfriend you never told me about.”
“Hizaki.” Kami whispered. “It was him, just after he erased my memory. I was so grateful the pain was gone and he wanted me and I couldn't say no. I couldn't think of a reason not too.”
“Hizaki?” Gackt repeated.
“Just once, but I think if I stayed he'd claim me again. Maybe that's just my ego talking, the ego you gave me for the record.” Kami scolded knowing all his self-confidence was really just a small part of Gackt's ego that had flooded out into him unable to be contained by just one mortal host.
“I know You wants me.” Gackt spoke up. “Sexually at least, I don't think it's egotistical at all to think these creatures want us. Just I'm not so sure any off them can form a real relationship with anyone. They don't understand love from what I’ve seen.”
“You, isn't he the man who rents us the shop?” Kami asked settling into Gackt's arms still feeling miserable though he was beyond grateful Gackt was still here, that Gackt could still love him.
“He's the Valkyrie I'm travelling with. It was his idea for me to go to the afterlife and find you. I was going to summon a demon.” he admitted cursing his own foolishness, was he really so stupid when suffering from grief?
“You were going to summon a demon! Are you an idiot?” Kami demanded.
“Well...” Gackt replied slowly as he thought over how best to tell his story. There was so much to tell his lover but he supposed he needed to start at the very beginning, before any off this had even happened. “Let's start with my death, on the battlefield hundreds of years ago, back when I was a samurai.”
“You were a samurai?” Kami asked excited. “So this outfit isn't just some lame attempt to seduce me.”
“Why would I do that?” Gackt demanded.
“Because you know I have a weakness for warriors.” Kami pointed out. “So what are you saying, you were reincarnated?”
“You mean your fetish for men in armour.” Gackt scolded. “I'm not so pathetic that I need to dress up as a samurai to get your attention you know, I'm a sex god even dressed in a tracksuit and you know it.”
“Stop trying to change the subject, you were reincarnated?” Kami scolded with a mocking grin.
“So anyway, I was dying on the battlefield, actually I was dead, and this Valkyrie appeared...” Gackt tried to explain but Kami was no longer listening.
“You were reincarnated!” Kami exclaimed. “And you were so admiration that such a thing didn't exist, couldn't exist, was impossible in every way.”
“Shut up or I’ll get mad at you for sleeping with Hizaki.” Gackt warned not liking to be proved wrong.
“Who cares? You were reincarnated!” Kami exclaimed excited by this news and wanting to tease Gackt mercilessly for being so epically wrong.
“I said shut up!” Gackt exclaimed forcing his lips over Kami's and kissing him hard before pulling away for air. “I'm warning you, don't tease.”
“Reincarnation is real.” Kami responded unable to stop himself.
“Oh that's it, you're asking for it now!” Gackt declared. “I'm going to tickle the life out of you.”
“Too late, I'm already dead.” Kami retorted but that didn't stop his samurai lover from trying anyway.
Hours later they were lying side by side on the bed as Kami aimlessly trailed pattens onto the back of Gackt hand as they talked, it felt just like old times now as they'd made many important decisions in such a position but they could never have guessed they would have to make this one.
“So what do you say, will you ask him?” Gackt asked.
“I don't know, it doesn't seem right or fair that I should be brought back to life.” Kami replied.
“Who cares? I can't live without you for the rest of my life.” Gackt complained. “It's easy for you, forget me until I can come back and visit you for half of eternity but what about me? How am I supposed to live alone without you?”
“You could get a new lover, live your life knowing I am happy here and have no memories that could hurt me.” Kami tried.
“That's just selfish, you get to be happy while I suffer this pain alone? How can you say that Kami? You came here because of the pain but I have no such options, even if I die it's straight to Valhalla.” Gackt exclaimed. “And if you say Hizaki can mess with my mind I may just hit you.”
“You'd never hit me.” Kami reminded him.
“No but I’d think about it.” Gackt replied. “I'll think about it so much it'll be like I had hit you.”
“Well if you're going to threaten me with thinking about violence then I may just have to leave you.” Kami replied. “I have my dignity you know.”
“You're too scared too leave me, you never know what I might think about doing to you if you did. I may think about burning down your house or think about stalking you or think about kidnapping you and making you my sex slave for eternity.” Gackt mock threatened.
“Oh. perhaps I am terrified.” Kami agreed. “Perhaps I’d better do as you ask and tell Hizaki I want my life back.”
“You should.” Gackt agreed.
“I will.” Kami promised and with that the deal was sealed with a kiss.