The Ghost of Colativities Past
So, being the sentimental and hopeless sap that I am, I was looking through some "old" shit just a while ago, and I stumbled upon something I wanted to put in here. I don't often do this because it's torturing myself in some way, but every now and then I just can't help myself. This is from Summer of 2004 (lawdy lawdy, that summer) I was in a unit with the fabulous Rabbit and Pippi and Pixie, and we got bored in the shower house one night and we WERE going to make a skit out of this, but some of these were innapropriate for the kids (and some counselors, hee hee) and a lot of them are more or less "inside" (make that outside since it was camp) jokes. Even now, some of them won't make sense to anyone. But here it is anyway, hopefully not my last longing rememberance from camp, but hopefully it'll keep me stable long enough this time. ::half-smile:: Ok, here:
You know you've been a camp counselor too long if...
1.) Your vocabulary has expanded and you've learned "alternative" languages (Like "germ" and "junt" -Goose)
2.) 75 degrees is too cold
3.) Camp songs being stuck in your head is normal
4.) You can walk a mile in under 10 minutes
5.) Going to Wal-Mart feels civilized
6.) You talk to woodland creatures as if you were Harry Potter or Snow White
7.) A gravel road starts feeling smooth
8.) Water starts tasting like "other" liquids (Like Cola...wink wink) (by the by, Rabbit came up with that one I believe...)
9.) Swinging on vines seems like a good idea...at the time...
10.) Everything in your mind is warped into a future "Colativity"
11.) You've forgotten what a flag on the flagpole looks like
12.) Recorders played by 9 year-olds starts sounding like Mozart
13.) You don't need a match to start a fire
14.) Gully mud really does work as anti-aging cream ;)
15.) You know cabin numbers by heart (in ALL the units)
16.) You don't have to see or hear campers to know they're coming
17.) You can comfortably fall asleep on the showerhouse sink
18.) Going to bed at 10 is late
19.) Water cures EVERYTHING!
20.) A tree becomes your best friend for many things
21.) You eat more hard-boiled eggs from the salad bar than you would at Easter (over a 10 year span)
22.) The walkie talkie starts pulling your pants down because you've lost 2 sizes in your waist and the "good" ones keep busting and you get stuck with the ancient 30 lb. one
23.) Mac n Cheese and Chicken Nuggets start having the appeal of steak and potatoes.
24.) You've become a chigger resort (and often in the least-habital places)
25.) You smell a dead rat and can compare it to your laundry
26.) You speak (and sing) 3 octaves higher than your normal voice (that was def. Pixie's, by the way)
27.) You no longer answer when called by your real name
28.) Dryness makes you panic and over-joyed all at the same time
29.) Kodiak and Eagle start looking like Calvin Klein models (this was DEFINTELY not mine...)
30.) Everything about camp is somehow comparable to prison (and I can prove this if anyone needs me to)31.) Screaming "Rain Rain Go Away" takes on a WHOLE new meaning, at least for the counselors... ;)
...so the girls had finished up by then and we were ready for bed, so in conclusion we just put...
You know you've been a camp counselor too long if... You're Crazy Enough To EVER Do It the Next Summer!!
Well, I'm crazy enough, just not fortunate enough anymore. Oh well, moving on, I've been depressed enough lately, and I have a date with Amanda later... Drea and I convinced her to quit her job, and I promised to help her look for a new one today (even though I haven't slept because I was watching Queer As Folk all night) Oh well, I just wanted to put that out there real quick, establish I'm alive and not doing so well, but surviving at least. And I've had a couple of people ask me (like Amanda, another reason we're hanging out today) what's been up with me... and just like I told Amanda... I'd rather not talk about it on the computer... a phone call or visit would do me better, thanks. (Brit, this applies to you, too, but I expect you to hang out with me, Dammit!!! LOVE YOU! Hope you enjoyed dinner) So that reminds me of one last thing, and then I'm signing off... I've decided that even in my advanced state of depression and self-loathing... I am the hottest fucking dyke/lesbian in Memphis (maybe the world), and I need to start some sort of dyke-crash-course for the fucking bumble-fuck hick folk here in the South that don't know how to romance a woman, or flirt with her correctly, or dress appropriately for a date or anything. I mean, seriously, am I the only one left in Memphis with any class!? SOMEONE PLEASE COME HELP ME HERE! I need a good dyke to be my 2nd or something. I feel like I'm the only decent dyke out here. I have yet to meet a dyke who compares, and it's not victorious, it's depressing. I have yet to meet another dyke who is as charming as me, or chivalrous (Chivalry isn't dead, you just haven't met the right dyke yet...) or things of that nature. There is no suave, no savvy, no attentiveness and romance. I can still remember every curve of every woman I've been with, even if it doesn't mean shit anymore... but part of being a good dyke is making your woman feel like a woman. And I'm just ashamed by some of the people who call themselves dykes these days. Makes me wanna slit my... well... I guess enough of that. I should go now. Classes to plan lol ::despairing smile:: Love to all, even if you don't care.
You know you've been a camp counselor too long if...
1.) Your vocabulary has expanded and you've learned "alternative" languages (Like "germ" and "junt" -Goose)
2.) 75 degrees is too cold
3.) Camp songs being stuck in your head is normal
4.) You can walk a mile in under 10 minutes
5.) Going to Wal-Mart feels civilized
6.) You talk to woodland creatures as if you were Harry Potter or Snow White
7.) A gravel road starts feeling smooth
8.) Water starts tasting like "other" liquids (Like Cola...wink wink) (by the by, Rabbit came up with that one I believe...)
9.) Swinging on vines seems like a good idea...at the time...
10.) Everything in your mind is warped into a future "Colativity"
11.) You've forgotten what a flag on the flagpole looks like
12.) Recorders played by 9 year-olds starts sounding like Mozart
13.) You don't need a match to start a fire
14.) Gully mud really does work as anti-aging cream ;)
15.) You know cabin numbers by heart (in ALL the units)
16.) You don't have to see or hear campers to know they're coming
17.) You can comfortably fall asleep on the showerhouse sink
18.) Going to bed at 10 is late
19.) Water cures EVERYTHING!
20.) A tree becomes your best friend for many things
21.) You eat more hard-boiled eggs from the salad bar than you would at Easter (over a 10 year span)
22.) The walkie talkie starts pulling your pants down because you've lost 2 sizes in your waist and the "good" ones keep busting and you get stuck with the ancient 30 lb. one
23.) Mac n Cheese and Chicken Nuggets start having the appeal of steak and potatoes.
24.) You've become a chigger resort (and often in the least-habital places)
25.) You smell a dead rat and can compare it to your laundry
26.) You speak (and sing) 3 octaves higher than your normal voice (that was def. Pixie's, by the way)
27.) You no longer answer when called by your real name
28.) Dryness makes you panic and over-joyed all at the same time
29.) Kodiak and Eagle start looking like Calvin Klein models (this was DEFINTELY not mine...)
30.) Everything about camp is somehow comparable to prison (and I can prove this if anyone needs me to)31.) Screaming "Rain Rain Go Away" takes on a WHOLE new meaning, at least for the counselors... ;)
...so the girls had finished up by then and we were ready for bed, so in conclusion we just put...
You know you've been a camp counselor too long if... You're Crazy Enough To EVER Do It the Next Summer!!
Well, I'm crazy enough, just not fortunate enough anymore. Oh well, moving on, I've been depressed enough lately, and I have a date with Amanda later... Drea and I convinced her to quit her job, and I promised to help her look for a new one today (even though I haven't slept because I was watching Queer As Folk all night) Oh well, I just wanted to put that out there real quick, establish I'm alive and not doing so well, but surviving at least. And I've had a couple of people ask me (like Amanda, another reason we're hanging out today) what's been up with me... and just like I told Amanda... I'd rather not talk about it on the computer... a phone call or visit would do me better, thanks. (Brit, this applies to you, too, but I expect you to hang out with me, Dammit!!! LOVE YOU! Hope you enjoyed dinner) So that reminds me of one last thing, and then I'm signing off... I've decided that even in my advanced state of depression and self-loathing... I am the hottest fucking dyke/lesbian in Memphis (maybe the world), and I need to start some sort of dyke-crash-course for the fucking bumble-fuck hick folk here in the South that don't know how to romance a woman, or flirt with her correctly, or dress appropriately for a date or anything. I mean, seriously, am I the only one left in Memphis with any class!? SOMEONE PLEASE COME HELP ME HERE! I need a good dyke to be my 2nd or something. I feel like I'm the only decent dyke out here. I have yet to meet a dyke who compares, and it's not victorious, it's depressing. I have yet to meet another dyke who is as charming as me, or chivalrous (Chivalry isn't dead, you just haven't met the right dyke yet...) or things of that nature. There is no suave, no savvy, no attentiveness and romance. I can still remember every curve of every woman I've been with, even if it doesn't mean shit anymore... but part of being a good dyke is making your woman feel like a woman. And I'm just ashamed by some of the people who call themselves dykes these days. Makes me wanna slit my... well... I guess enough of that. I should go now. Classes to plan lol ::despairing smile:: Love to all, even if you don't care.