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"True Blood"'s 30 Greatest Moments
Posted by
Brian Juergens
In a few short weeks HBO will unleash a new season of its supernatural soap True Blood on an eager audience, and we'll be here to recap it, as ever. Sadly, the amaaahhhhhhhzing Steven Frank, who has been recapping the show brilliantly for several seasons, will not be returning this year. So I will be stepping into his shoes - and having had the pleasure of meeting Steven several times, let me assure you that they are very spiffy shoes, indeed. I hope I can do them justice.
Back when True Blood was still a fringey phenomenon and not the massive hit it is now, I was actually AfterElton's resident Truebie: I recapped the show in a weekly vlog called Blood Work!, even luring the charming Nelsan Ellis to appear in one of the early episodes. After leaving AfterElton I continued the series on my own gay horror website, CampBlood.org, and have been chronicling every sticky, sexy. and sick twist the show has thrown at us since.
Those readers newer to AE may know me from my recaps of American Horror Story or Game of Thrones - two other fantastically twisted genre shows that I have enjoyed recapping immensely. But if not, please allow me to demonstrate my obsession with the good people of Bon Temps with a hand-picked list of my favorite moments from Seasons 1-4.
Enjoy - and if you don't see your own personal fave here, share it in the comments! I can't wait to make some new memories with y'all starting on June 10.
...
1. Tina's Ceiling Fan Ride (Episode 1.9)
Sure, Gran's death a few weeks earlier was the more dramatic moment, but the twisted sense of humor behind poor little Tina's farewell tour around the foyer was a glimpse into True Blood's truly twisted soul.
2. Eric Kills Claudine (4.3)
For readers of the Charlaine Harris novels, Eric's making a midnight snack of Sookie's fairy godmother was quite the shock (she sticks around much longer in the books). Thankfully, it at least freed up Lara Pulver to star in the first Series 2 episode of Sherlock, where she kicked major butt as a clever dominatrix.
3. Bill and Sookie's Graveyard Hump (1.8)
I hope Sookie had a Stain Stick handy! The scene where Sook - thinking Beel to be dead - finds her lover buried in the graveyard and gives him a welcome home to remember is probably one of the series' most awesomely wrong moments ever. I don't even want to think about where some of that grave dirt ended up ... but such is life dating one of the sexy undead!
4. Vampire Steve Newlin (4.12)
I seriously screamed when the Fellowship of the Sun's preppy little turd of a leader reappeared in the Season 4 finale - with a little something extra at the gumline and an unexpected appreciation for Jason's wedding tackle. Can't wait to see where they're going with this one.
5. Bill and Eric Kill Nan Flanagan (4.12)
Ah, Banana Flanagan ... you were one of my absolute favorites, but watching you fall apart at the seams both emotionally and literally (along with her "gay stormtroopers") was pretty amazing. You will be missed!
6. Tara Gets Shot in the Head (4.12)
The big question mark going into Season 5 is whether Tara is alive, dead, or something in between. I'd take any of the above, really - as long as she quits whining. And am I the only one who wishes she'd stuck with the short 'do she gave herself before splitting at the end of Season 3?
7. Lafayette Kills Jesus (4.12)
Alas, poor Jesus (Kevin Ale-Ale-Alejandro) - we hardly knew ye! Like, seriously - did you even have a last name? An apartment? Help us out here.
8. Eric Goes Gay for Talbot (3.8)
I think this one speaks for itself. No? Then here's another!
Thanks for the assist, Talbot! Now get back in the decanter where you belong.
9. Sam's Bill Sex Dream (3.1)
Slashfic come to life, this Season 3 kickoff sexy-time fantasy (fueled by Sam's drinking Bill's blood after defeating Maryann) was pure genius.
10. Ginger Rides Pam's Coffin (4.7)
Praise the premium cable gods for keeping Ginger - Fangtasia's screamy cocktail waitress - around for four seasons and giving her scenes like this one, where she jumped on top of the amazing Pam's pink quilted coffin to keep her from breaking out and meeting the sun. Debra Winger couldn't have ridden it better!
11. Tara's a Lesbian Cage Fighter (4.1)
Atta girl!
12. Bill is Bonking His Own Descendant (4.4)
I don't anyone particularly liked the Bill/Portia romance storyline, so finally getting the confirmation that she's one of his direct descendants (after they boned, of course) was pretty sweet.
13. Bill Goes Bad (3.12)
Folks who read the books couldn't help but wonder if the creative minds behind the show would really go there with Bill - and when they did, they didn't pull any punches. Granted, they then rewarded his ratty behavior by making him King ... but that's politics, right?
14. "And now for the weather...Tiffany?" (3.9)
Best scene of the best villain - Russell Edgington - played by the best guest actor the show has featured yet (Denis O'Hare). Pure twisted camp brilliance.
15. Lorena's Chocolate Fountain Demise (3.8)
Quick, Sookie - get the Bounty!!
16. Lafayette's Talking Voodoo Doll (3.11)
This voodoo doll - which speaks to Lafayette in the wake of his V trip with Jesus - totally cracked me up. Love the hair and the off-the-shoulder look!
17. Bill and Lorena Twist and Shout (3.3)
The very definition of water cooler television, this scene is already legendary. It's also super-gross for a number of reasons, but let's just leave it at that.
18. Lafayette's AIDS Burger Moment (1.5)
One of the few moments on this list that doesn't involve a death, a supernatural occurrence, or Lorena getting the crap kicked out of her, Lafayette's encounter with a dickish, homophobic customer was the first real glimpse we were given of just how effing amazing his character is. Churrrrrrrrch!
19. Amy Flies Away (1.11)
Jason and Amy's drug-fueled escapades were insanely imaginitive, even when his wet undies left very little to the imagination. The moment when Amy is murdered in their bed and she flies off into the sky is beautifully weird.
20. A Woman and Her Pig (1.10)
I unfortunately can't show the actual moment in question here because it involves full frontal ladyparts and this is a family site - but I hope the above image reminds you of just how WTF it was when a very drunk Tara caught the sight of a nude lady walking a huge-ass pig down the road in the middle of the night. Unless that kind of thing happens to you all the time - in which case, I'll have what you're having.
21. Hunter's Souffle (2.8)
When Maryann served Eggs and Tara Daphne's heart (with some sauteed Holy Trinity and a little white wine, of course!), it was enough to put me off Hungry Man pot pies for at least an hour or two. (Seriously, do NOT get me near those pot pies.)
22. Luke Goes Boom (2.8)
Poor Luke! Passed over for Jason at the Fellowship and then given dreaded Suicide Bomber duty. Sad to see him go, and to take that hot guy from Eureka with him!
23. Sookie Gets Stuck with/out the Bill (2.12)
What's worse: Sookie getting proposed to by her vampire boyfriend and coming back from the bathroom to find him gone, or the fact that she totally had to pick up the tab after?
24. Bill Cries Blood (1.5)
It's sometimes easy to forget that True Blood is actually doing some interesting things with its vampire mythology (and none of them have anything to do with sparkling in sunlight). The moment when Bill tears up at Gran's Descendants of the Glorious Dead meeting and we alone see that his tears are blood is a great little moment highlighting his humanity and his monstrousness at the same time.
25. Jerry and Hep D (1.3)
Poor Hot Pants Jerry and his ill-fated quest to get back at the vamps for getting his boyfriend hooked on V by giving them Hep D, a blood-bourne illness that only effects vampires. For one thing, it was an interesting complication to introduce (... and then Hep D is never mentioned again. Ever.); for another, it was an encouraging sign that True Blood wasn't going to shy away from making gay characters and stories (this one was a thinly-veiled meth metaphor) part of its tapestry.
26. Bill Hits Lorena with a Flat Screen (2.8)
And you thought hotel room televisions were only good for porn!
27. Bill Stakes Longshadow (1.9)
In its early days True Blood was an unknown quantity (not so much now, when the quantity is known: LOTS), and no one was sure how far the show would go in terms of its horror elements. When Bill staked Longshadow and Sookie found herself on the receiving end of a vamp bloodbath, we got our answer.
28. Jessica's Odor Problem (3.2)
One of my favorite storylines has been Jessica's - she's a brat, and a deadly vampire, and a sheltered little girl, all at the same time. When she killed a trucker and kept his body in the crawlspace under Bill's house - and then tried to mask the smell with Lysol - it was coming-of-age heaven.
29. Jesus Gets His Brujo On (3.11)
Sure, we were all sick of this whole storyline by the time the season ended, but remember the first time Jesus showed his dark side to Lafayette? It came out of fricking NOWHERE, and is still one of the best jump-scares the show has ever attempted.
30. Alcide Sexes It Up (4.7)
I don't know about you, but I counted the days until Alcide got down to business. Sure, it was with Debbie, but I wasn't exactly looking in that direction. It could have been with Cloris Leachman, for all I care.
http://www.afterelton.com/tv/2012/05/true-blood-30-greatest-moments
Posted by
Brian Juergens
In a few short weeks HBO will unleash a new season of its supernatural soap True Blood on an eager audience, and we'll be here to recap it, as ever. Sadly, the amaaahhhhhhhzing Steven Frank, who has been recapping the show brilliantly for several seasons, will not be returning this year. So I will be stepping into his shoes - and having had the pleasure of meeting Steven several times, let me assure you that they are very spiffy shoes, indeed. I hope I can do them justice.
Back when True Blood was still a fringey phenomenon and not the massive hit it is now, I was actually AfterElton's resident Truebie: I recapped the show in a weekly vlog called Blood Work!, even luring the charming Nelsan Ellis to appear in one of the early episodes. After leaving AfterElton I continued the series on my own gay horror website, CampBlood.org, and have been chronicling every sticky, sexy. and sick twist the show has thrown at us since.
Those readers newer to AE may know me from my recaps of American Horror Story or Game of Thrones - two other fantastically twisted genre shows that I have enjoyed recapping immensely. But if not, please allow me to demonstrate my obsession with the good people of Bon Temps with a hand-picked list of my favorite moments from Seasons 1-4.
Enjoy - and if you don't see your own personal fave here, share it in the comments! I can't wait to make some new memories with y'all starting on June 10.
...
1. Tina's Ceiling Fan Ride (Episode 1.9)
Sure, Gran's death a few weeks earlier was the more dramatic moment, but the twisted sense of humor behind poor little Tina's farewell tour around the foyer was a glimpse into True Blood's truly twisted soul.
2. Eric Kills Claudine (4.3)
For readers of the Charlaine Harris novels, Eric's making a midnight snack of Sookie's fairy godmother was quite the shock (she sticks around much longer in the books). Thankfully, it at least freed up Lara Pulver to star in the first Series 2 episode of Sherlock, where she kicked major butt as a clever dominatrix.
3. Bill and Sookie's Graveyard Hump (1.8)
I hope Sookie had a Stain Stick handy! The scene where Sook - thinking Beel to be dead - finds her lover buried in the graveyard and gives him a welcome home to remember is probably one of the series' most awesomely wrong moments ever. I don't even want to think about where some of that grave dirt ended up ... but such is life dating one of the sexy undead!
4. Vampire Steve Newlin (4.12)
I seriously screamed when the Fellowship of the Sun's preppy little turd of a leader reappeared in the Season 4 finale - with a little something extra at the gumline and an unexpected appreciation for Jason's wedding tackle. Can't wait to see where they're going with this one.
5. Bill and Eric Kill Nan Flanagan (4.12)
Ah, Banana Flanagan ... you were one of my absolute favorites, but watching you fall apart at the seams both emotionally and literally (along with her "gay stormtroopers") was pretty amazing. You will be missed!
6. Tara Gets Shot in the Head (4.12)
The big question mark going into Season 5 is whether Tara is alive, dead, or something in between. I'd take any of the above, really - as long as she quits whining. And am I the only one who wishes she'd stuck with the short 'do she gave herself before splitting at the end of Season 3?
7. Lafayette Kills Jesus (4.12)
Alas, poor Jesus (Kevin Ale-Ale-Alejandro) - we hardly knew ye! Like, seriously - did you even have a last name? An apartment? Help us out here.
8. Eric Goes Gay for Talbot (3.8)
I think this one speaks for itself. No? Then here's another!
Thanks for the assist, Talbot! Now get back in the decanter where you belong.
9. Sam's Bill Sex Dream (3.1)
Slashfic come to life, this Season 3 kickoff sexy-time fantasy (fueled by Sam's drinking Bill's blood after defeating Maryann) was pure genius.
10. Ginger Rides Pam's Coffin (4.7)
Praise the premium cable gods for keeping Ginger - Fangtasia's screamy cocktail waitress - around for four seasons and giving her scenes like this one, where she jumped on top of the amazing Pam's pink quilted coffin to keep her from breaking out and meeting the sun. Debra Winger couldn't have ridden it better!
11. Tara's a Lesbian Cage Fighter (4.1)
Atta girl!
12. Bill is Bonking His Own Descendant (4.4)
I don't anyone particularly liked the Bill/Portia romance storyline, so finally getting the confirmation that she's one of his direct descendants (after they boned, of course) was pretty sweet.
13. Bill Goes Bad (3.12)
Folks who read the books couldn't help but wonder if the creative minds behind the show would really go there with Bill - and when they did, they didn't pull any punches. Granted, they then rewarded his ratty behavior by making him King ... but that's politics, right?
14. "And now for the weather...Tiffany?" (3.9)
Best scene of the best villain - Russell Edgington - played by the best guest actor the show has featured yet (Denis O'Hare). Pure twisted camp brilliance.
15. Lorena's Chocolate Fountain Demise (3.8)
Quick, Sookie - get the Bounty!!
16. Lafayette's Talking Voodoo Doll (3.11)
This voodoo doll - which speaks to Lafayette in the wake of his V trip with Jesus - totally cracked me up. Love the hair and the off-the-shoulder look!
17. Bill and Lorena Twist and Shout (3.3)
The very definition of water cooler television, this scene is already legendary. It's also super-gross for a number of reasons, but let's just leave it at that.
18. Lafayette's AIDS Burger Moment (1.5)
One of the few moments on this list that doesn't involve a death, a supernatural occurrence, or Lorena getting the crap kicked out of her, Lafayette's encounter with a dickish, homophobic customer was the first real glimpse we were given of just how effing amazing his character is. Churrrrrrrrch!
19. Amy Flies Away (1.11)
Jason and Amy's drug-fueled escapades were insanely imaginitive, even when his wet undies left very little to the imagination. The moment when Amy is murdered in their bed and she flies off into the sky is beautifully weird.
20. A Woman and Her Pig (1.10)
I unfortunately can't show the actual moment in question here because it involves full frontal ladyparts and this is a family site - but I hope the above image reminds you of just how WTF it was when a very drunk Tara caught the sight of a nude lady walking a huge-ass pig down the road in the middle of the night. Unless that kind of thing happens to you all the time - in which case, I'll have what you're having.
21. Hunter's Souffle (2.8)
When Maryann served Eggs and Tara Daphne's heart (with some sauteed Holy Trinity and a little white wine, of course!), it was enough to put me off Hungry Man pot pies for at least an hour or two. (Seriously, do NOT get me near those pot pies.)
22. Luke Goes Boom (2.8)
Poor Luke! Passed over for Jason at the Fellowship and then given dreaded Suicide Bomber duty. Sad to see him go, and to take that hot guy from Eureka with him!
23. Sookie Gets Stuck with/out the Bill (2.12)
What's worse: Sookie getting proposed to by her vampire boyfriend and coming back from the bathroom to find him gone, or the fact that she totally had to pick up the tab after?
24. Bill Cries Blood (1.5)
It's sometimes easy to forget that True Blood is actually doing some interesting things with its vampire mythology (and none of them have anything to do with sparkling in sunlight). The moment when Bill tears up at Gran's Descendants of the Glorious Dead meeting and we alone see that his tears are blood is a great little moment highlighting his humanity and his monstrousness at the same time.
25. Jerry and Hep D (1.3)
Poor Hot Pants Jerry and his ill-fated quest to get back at the vamps for getting his boyfriend hooked on V by giving them Hep D, a blood-bourne illness that only effects vampires. For one thing, it was an interesting complication to introduce (... and then Hep D is never mentioned again. Ever.); for another, it was an encouraging sign that True Blood wasn't going to shy away from making gay characters and stories (this one was a thinly-veiled meth metaphor) part of its tapestry.
26. Bill Hits Lorena with a Flat Screen (2.8)
And you thought hotel room televisions were only good for porn!
27. Bill Stakes Longshadow (1.9)
In its early days True Blood was an unknown quantity (not so much now, when the quantity is known: LOTS), and no one was sure how far the show would go in terms of its horror elements. When Bill staked Longshadow and Sookie found herself on the receiving end of a vamp bloodbath, we got our answer.
28. Jessica's Odor Problem (3.2)
One of my favorite storylines has been Jessica's - she's a brat, and a deadly vampire, and a sheltered little girl, all at the same time. When she killed a trucker and kept his body in the crawlspace under Bill's house - and then tried to mask the smell with Lysol - it was coming-of-age heaven.
29. Jesus Gets His Brujo On (3.11)
Sure, we were all sick of this whole storyline by the time the season ended, but remember the first time Jesus showed his dark side to Lafayette? It came out of fricking NOWHERE, and is still one of the best jump-scares the show has ever attempted.
30. Alcide Sexes It Up (4.7)
I don't know about you, but I counted the days until Alcide got down to business. Sure, it was with Debbie, but I wasn't exactly looking in that direction. It could have been with Cloris Leachman, for all I care.
http://www.afterelton.com/tv/2012/05/true-blood-30-greatest-moments