"I'm a vegetarian, which, as you know, means I can't lift heavy objects without snapping my spine."
I'm secure enough to admit that I'm pale, frail, and I love e-mail. (Hey, I think I just designed a t-shirt!) But there's a plus side to my eating habits: I'll live to the age of 200 unless I get trapped under something heavy, like a quilt. And unlike my mammal-eating friends, I don't have to decide what sort of hideous death I want every time I look at a menu.
For carnivores, there are two popular diet plans. The first one involves eating anything that can't outrun you, whether said object is capable of traversing your entire intestines or not. It's the most popular diet plan in America and it's catching on around the world. This group of eaters prefers as their method of demise the traditional, no-nonsense heart attack.
Then you have the low-carb dieters. This involves the active avoidance of life-giving antioxidants while scarfing massive amounts of known carcinogens until someone punches you to death for bragging about how much weight you lost.
Some fast-trackers shed their mortal coil using such flashy methods as Mad Cow, e.Coli and whatnot, but I consider that grandstanding.
Evidently, what we need is a DNRC Diet Plan designed especially for Induhviduals. We need a volunteer to write a bestselling diet book that benefits everyone except the people who use the diet. For example, I think the diet plan should encourage the eating of whatever we think there's too much of: lawyers, pigeons, cigarette butts, and that sort of thing. Your first reaction might be that no one will eat horrible things just because a diet book says you should. But I have a one-word response to your short-sighted thinking: sauce.
That's right, sauce. Most people think that cows are delicious, but they don't stop to think how much work went into changing the taste from its original cow flavor. Realistically, you wouldn't order any kind of food that was labeled "cow flavored." Fortunately, great cooks can disguise the flavor of anything. If you try to tell me that Emeril Lagasse can't make delicious chowder out of cigarette butts, then I say you haven't seen his show. The man is a miracle worker.
Then there is the issue of health and nutrition. Ha ha! Just kidding. But seriously, the sauce will make everything taste great." -Scott Adams
U.S. Navy develops a weapon for its warships that is designed to target light aircraft and small patrol boats. What did I just say?! Q.E.D., bitches. (my rant about the weapons on an Arleigh Burke Cruiser is in there somewheres.)
To the two ladies ahead of us in the Target Pharmacy queue earlier tonight: Get fucked with an iron rod. Now, I understand why you were getting so cranked and bitter, old lady whose $800 of medication wasn't covered under your insurance, but it was not the fault of the people at the counter. Like the manager said, take it up with your inn-sewer-ants company, not like that will help. To the batshit insane, 30-something who was throwing a menstrual fit over Medicaid and Medicare not covering your $5.60 co pay charge, die in a face fire. You were shrieking at the pharmacist like it was his fault, and yes, I'm sure if you went down to your welfare, er... "Economic Aid" office, they would probably cover it if you mooed at them enough. Besides, it's FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS. Fucking idiot bitch... I've seen an increase in this type of lady recently... middle aged, overweight, obviously nuts, and thinks the world owes her something. Can we just start culling them, like we did for Mad Cow's Disease? It might as well be what they're diagnosed with... they're obnoxious cows and they're fucking mad. Just start getting rid of them, please.
And to the teenagers wandering around Target laughing alternately like a baboon being strangled, then a hyena on nitrous through a bullhorn, if I see you again, I will drop kick your faces. You're not funny, and you're not clever. Die.
Honestly, I really wanted to hate The Simpsons' Movie. I also really wanted to hate National Treasure, because something about Nicholas Cage just bothers me. I saw them both recently, and... I actually liked them. NT was actually good, even if Cage still bothers me, and The Simpsons' Movie had all the lulz that recent episodes have been missing. On that note, I completely forgot that I had been to see Kung Fu Hustle years ago, until I saw it on sale at Best Buy. So I boughts it, and then went back for Silent Hill (also on sale) a few days later. SH is probably among the best video game to movie adaptations, but that's not saying much, considering that Uwe Boll's movies are their competition. Still, I liked parts of it.
AineDearbhail: seriously, people keep telling me that Raziel is going to get teased for his name....we call him Raz.....how the hell do you get around being teased for being Julien?
LordAmanthudus: GOOD QUESTION
LordAmanthudus: you don't
LordAmanthudus: I've already called him Razzberry
AineDearbhail: there is no shorter way that would make it less disturbing
AineDearbhail: lol
LordAmanthudus: I'm sure some ghetto first graders will one day be as clever as I was
LordAmanthudus: look at names like Shaquana or Kieran or Damondre
LordAmanthudus: those names make fun of themselves
AineDearbhail: Kieran is not a bad name....it's an Irish name....but in a place like this, you just can't do that....sort of like my mom naming DJ.....no one can say her first name, which is one of the big reasons she goes by DJ in the first place
LordAmanthudus: what IS her full name?
LordAmanthudus: *regrets asking immediately*
AineDearbhail: DJ is for Deirdre Jasmine
LordAmanthudus: ah
LordAmanthudus: that's not too bad
LordAmanthudus: her name might be more suitable as JW
LordAmanthudus: or JS
LordAmanthudus: Jezebel Slut
AineDearbhail: Deirdre is also an Irish name.....not too many folks here can say it for some reason
AineDearbhail: lol
AineDearbhail: holy hell, she reminds me of Jess more and more every day, it scares me
LordAmanthudus: that's because their mothers were drunk when they named them
LordAmanthudus: AH FANK HIS NAME SHUD B JOLANDREUS
LordAmanthudus: when she was really wanting to call him Bob
LordAmanthudus: hi
AineDearbhail: lmao james told me he went to school with twins whose names were Orangjello and Lemonjello........yeah.......drugs are bad
LordAmanthudus: living proof
LordAmanthudus: jesus fucking christ...
LordAmanthudus: could've had a third, named it Chocolatepudding
LordAmanthudus: or Puddingjello
AineDearbhail: no kidding
AineDearbhail: Limejello
AineDearbhail: stick with the citrus jellos
LordAmanthudus: Pineapplejello
AineDearbhail: lol
LordAmanthudus: I can't think of any more citrus fruits
AineDearbhail: none that are jello flavors
LordAmanthudus: raspberry
LordAmanthudus: no
LordAmanthudus: that's not citrus
LordAmanthudus: is it?
LordAmanthudus: There's a test!
LordAmanthudus: Drop it in milk and see if the milk explodes/goes off/turns into a zombie!
AineDearbhail: lol
AineDearbhail: it's not citrus, it's a berry
LordAmanthudus: citrus fruits make milk go off
LordAmanthudus: problem is
LordAmanthudus: I have no raspberries, and no milk
AineDearbhail: lol
AineDearbhail: well I know that raspberries don't make milk go off.
LordAmanthudus: fine
LordAmanthudus: then it's not citrus
For all my ranting about building a weapon that launches poisonous beehives, apparently, it's been done. Size Matters has the following:
Bee Mine Glove
--------------
Available: Medical Outpost Omega
The Bee Mines look like grenades, but are really bee hives. Almost like a
deployable turret, the hives can be left on the ground. Anyone that gets near
them (enemies that is) will be attacked by the angry bees.
I suppose it doesn't quite qualify, since it can't get the Acid Mod, which would change it to 'any enemy that approaches the hive will be attacked by angry, poison-covered insects.' Furthermore, it is a glove, not a gun. If I were to build a bazooka that shot poisonous beehives (the bee attacks would add to the damage from the impact of the hive, and the poison), then I would still be somewhat original. Maybe.
Two more, both very nice deals.
Tamiya/Blackburn Buccaneer: 1/100 scale. It was all of $4. I cannot find a proper kit of this, at least one that doesn't cost over $40, but maybe I can pass it off as a snub fighter. Not bloody likely. Though tiny, it carries AA missiles, rocket pods, and bombs. Aside from that, something about the design is just highly appealing to me.
Bandai/Cosmo Zero: ?/??? scale. The old version of the kit. It's a neat Starblazers fighter and it is whooshy. I may still get the EX version, as this has a pathetic excuse for a cockpit (a pilot's arms and head coming out of solid plastic). It also has inferior detail, and is molded in the most grotesque light blue/gray plastic.
I got to see the kids again yesterday, as we had a party for my aunt's 60th birthday, and Paige's 9th birthday, among others. Reid was playing with my DS, and he seemed to know what the stylus was for. He still couldn't use it very well; it was more fun just to poke the entire system with it to see what happened. I only took it away from him when he decided that it would serve him well as a snack. He is starting to talk; most of it is still babble, but the babble seems more coherent now. However, after dinner, and after I fed him some ice cream, it was like someone flipped a switch and he went into super crab mode. He hadn't had a nap and hadn't slept well, but still. It kinda scared me to see him in such a state... yeah.
After ze party, I went to town with Smash Bros Brawl. This was a terrible idea, as I didn't get to play until about midnight, and I hadn't slept much the night before. It didn't help that I haven't played Melee in at least a year. I was actually hating the bloody game, as I barely got through Classic on Easy. I ended up playing most of the afternoon today. I'm about halfway through Subspace Emissary; if you played Melee, then you'll know what I mean when I say it's like Adventure mode, only it feels more refined and it's definitely bigger. Also, the CGI scenes, if a bit silly, are extremely well done and are actually insanely awesome sometimes. There are boss fights... they have a huge health bar, and they serve mostly to frustrate: their attacks knock the shit out of the entire level and cause horrible damage. The Blargedy Subspace Beasties can get insanely cheap and piss me off, which just makes it more satisfying to beat the pudding out of them.
Classic is... Classic. Master Hand is still a son of a whore, they still sometimes pit you against yourself ("Link versus... Link!") and yeah. As for characters, so far I've only unlocked Falco, Marth, Luigi and Captain Falcon, though I haven't used any of those. Link, Zelda, Bowser, and Donkey Kong are all about how they were in Melee, if a bit slower. Wario... I can't quite get the hang of him. He moves very strangely, like Mr. Game and Watch, and I cannot get his waft attack to charge. Thus far, I have greatly enjoyed Metaknight; though he is weak, each press of a button unleashes a storm of attacks from him, and he is an absolute demon in the air.
Charizard is my absolute favorite. You control him and switch to Ivysaur and Squirtle with the Pokemon Trainer, and all three of them are badass, but Charizard is the best. He has insane recovery ability, nasty reach and attack power, and he's just plain cool to watch stomping around, bellowing and beating the crap out of EVERYTHING. Also, while he had a beam sword, I managed to level all of Luigi's Mansion with one swing. That, my friends, is the very definition of awesome.
The car has attacked me no less than twice in the past week. The first time, it somehow managed to catch my fingertips in the door as I was closing it, and that hurt for about a year and a half, but nothing broke. The second time, the door closed on me before I was done getting in, so I cracked my head on the door frame. I still have a rather pesky lump on the back of my head. This is a fairly good indication that the car is trying to kill me.
For carnivores, there are two popular diet plans. The first one involves eating anything that can't outrun you, whether said object is capable of traversing your entire intestines or not. It's the most popular diet plan in America and it's catching on around the world. This group of eaters prefers as their method of demise the traditional, no-nonsense heart attack.
Then you have the low-carb dieters. This involves the active avoidance of life-giving antioxidants while scarfing massive amounts of known carcinogens until someone punches you to death for bragging about how much weight you lost.
Some fast-trackers shed their mortal coil using such flashy methods as Mad Cow, e.Coli and whatnot, but I consider that grandstanding.
Evidently, what we need is a DNRC Diet Plan designed especially for Induhviduals. We need a volunteer to write a bestselling diet book that benefits everyone except the people who use the diet. For example, I think the diet plan should encourage the eating of whatever we think there's too much of: lawyers, pigeons, cigarette butts, and that sort of thing. Your first reaction might be that no one will eat horrible things just because a diet book says you should. But I have a one-word response to your short-sighted thinking: sauce.
That's right, sauce. Most people think that cows are delicious, but they don't stop to think how much work went into changing the taste from its original cow flavor. Realistically, you wouldn't order any kind of food that was labeled "cow flavored." Fortunately, great cooks can disguise the flavor of anything. If you try to tell me that Emeril Lagasse can't make delicious chowder out of cigarette butts, then I say you haven't seen his show. The man is a miracle worker.
Then there is the issue of health and nutrition. Ha ha! Just kidding. But seriously, the sauce will make everything taste great." -Scott Adams
U.S. Navy develops a weapon for its warships that is designed to target light aircraft and small patrol boats. What did I just say?! Q.E.D., bitches. (my rant about the weapons on an Arleigh Burke Cruiser is in there somewheres.)
To the two ladies ahead of us in the Target Pharmacy queue earlier tonight: Get fucked with an iron rod. Now, I understand why you were getting so cranked and bitter, old lady whose $800 of medication wasn't covered under your insurance, but it was not the fault of the people at the counter. Like the manager said, take it up with your inn-sewer-ants company, not like that will help. To the batshit insane, 30-something who was throwing a menstrual fit over Medicaid and Medicare not covering your $5.60 co pay charge, die in a face fire. You were shrieking at the pharmacist like it was his fault, and yes, I'm sure if you went down to your welfare, er... "Economic Aid" office, they would probably cover it if you mooed at them enough. Besides, it's FIVE FUCKING DOLLARS. Fucking idiot bitch... I've seen an increase in this type of lady recently... middle aged, overweight, obviously nuts, and thinks the world owes her something. Can we just start culling them, like we did for Mad Cow's Disease? It might as well be what they're diagnosed with... they're obnoxious cows and they're fucking mad. Just start getting rid of them, please.
And to the teenagers wandering around Target laughing alternately like a baboon being strangled, then a hyena on nitrous through a bullhorn, if I see you again, I will drop kick your faces. You're not funny, and you're not clever. Die.
Honestly, I really wanted to hate The Simpsons' Movie. I also really wanted to hate National Treasure, because something about Nicholas Cage just bothers me. I saw them both recently, and... I actually liked them. NT was actually good, even if Cage still bothers me, and The Simpsons' Movie had all the lulz that recent episodes have been missing. On that note, I completely forgot that I had been to see Kung Fu Hustle years ago, until I saw it on sale at Best Buy. So I boughts it, and then went back for Silent Hill (also on sale) a few days later. SH is probably among the best video game to movie adaptations, but that's not saying much, considering that Uwe Boll's movies are their competition. Still, I liked parts of it.
AineDearbhail: seriously, people keep telling me that Raziel is going to get teased for his name....we call him Raz.....how the hell do you get around being teased for being Julien?
LordAmanthudus: GOOD QUESTION
LordAmanthudus: you don't
LordAmanthudus: I've already called him Razzberry
AineDearbhail: there is no shorter way that would make it less disturbing
AineDearbhail: lol
LordAmanthudus: I'm sure some ghetto first graders will one day be as clever as I was
LordAmanthudus: look at names like Shaquana or Kieran or Damondre
LordAmanthudus: those names make fun of themselves
AineDearbhail: Kieran is not a bad name....it's an Irish name....but in a place like this, you just can't do that....sort of like my mom naming DJ.....no one can say her first name, which is one of the big reasons she goes by DJ in the first place
LordAmanthudus: what IS her full name?
LordAmanthudus: *regrets asking immediately*
AineDearbhail: DJ is for Deirdre Jasmine
LordAmanthudus: ah
LordAmanthudus: that's not too bad
LordAmanthudus: her name might be more suitable as JW
LordAmanthudus: or JS
LordAmanthudus: Jezebel Slut
AineDearbhail: Deirdre is also an Irish name.....not too many folks here can say it for some reason
AineDearbhail: lol
AineDearbhail: holy hell, she reminds me of Jess more and more every day, it scares me
LordAmanthudus: that's because their mothers were drunk when they named them
LordAmanthudus: AH FANK HIS NAME SHUD B JOLANDREUS
LordAmanthudus: when she was really wanting to call him Bob
LordAmanthudus: hi
AineDearbhail: lmao james told me he went to school with twins whose names were Orangjello and Lemonjello........yeah.......drugs are bad
LordAmanthudus: living proof
LordAmanthudus: jesus fucking christ...
LordAmanthudus: could've had a third, named it Chocolatepudding
LordAmanthudus: or Puddingjello
AineDearbhail: no kidding
AineDearbhail: Limejello
AineDearbhail: stick with the citrus jellos
LordAmanthudus: Pineapplejello
AineDearbhail: lol
LordAmanthudus: I can't think of any more citrus fruits
AineDearbhail: none that are jello flavors
LordAmanthudus: raspberry
LordAmanthudus: no
LordAmanthudus: that's not citrus
LordAmanthudus: is it?
LordAmanthudus: There's a test!
LordAmanthudus: Drop it in milk and see if the milk explodes/goes off/turns into a zombie!
AineDearbhail: lol
AineDearbhail: it's not citrus, it's a berry
LordAmanthudus: citrus fruits make milk go off
LordAmanthudus: problem is
LordAmanthudus: I have no raspberries, and no milk
AineDearbhail: lol
AineDearbhail: well I know that raspberries don't make milk go off.
LordAmanthudus: fine
LordAmanthudus: then it's not citrus
For all my ranting about building a weapon that launches poisonous beehives, apparently, it's been done. Size Matters has the following:
Bee Mine Glove
--------------
Available: Medical Outpost Omega
The Bee Mines look like grenades, but are really bee hives. Almost like a
deployable turret, the hives can be left on the ground. Anyone that gets near
them (enemies that is) will be attacked by the angry bees.
I suppose it doesn't quite qualify, since it can't get the Acid Mod, which would change it to 'any enemy that approaches the hive will be attacked by angry, poison-covered insects.' Furthermore, it is a glove, not a gun. If I were to build a bazooka that shot poisonous beehives (the bee attacks would add to the damage from the impact of the hive, and the poison), then I would still be somewhat original. Maybe.
Two more, both very nice deals.
Tamiya/Blackburn Buccaneer: 1/100 scale. It was all of $4. I cannot find a proper kit of this, at least one that doesn't cost over $40, but maybe I can pass it off as a snub fighter. Not bloody likely. Though tiny, it carries AA missiles, rocket pods, and bombs. Aside from that, something about the design is just highly appealing to me.
Bandai/Cosmo Zero: ?/??? scale. The old version of the kit. It's a neat Starblazers fighter and it is whooshy. I may still get the EX version, as this has a pathetic excuse for a cockpit (a pilot's arms and head coming out of solid plastic). It also has inferior detail, and is molded in the most grotesque light blue/gray plastic.
I got to see the kids again yesterday, as we had a party for my aunt's 60th birthday, and Paige's 9th birthday, among others. Reid was playing with my DS, and he seemed to know what the stylus was for. He still couldn't use it very well; it was more fun just to poke the entire system with it to see what happened. I only took it away from him when he decided that it would serve him well as a snack. He is starting to talk; most of it is still babble, but the babble seems more coherent now. However, after dinner, and after I fed him some ice cream, it was like someone flipped a switch and he went into super crab mode. He hadn't had a nap and hadn't slept well, but still. It kinda scared me to see him in such a state... yeah.
After ze party, I went to town with Smash Bros Brawl. This was a terrible idea, as I didn't get to play until about midnight, and I hadn't slept much the night before. It didn't help that I haven't played Melee in at least a year. I was actually hating the bloody game, as I barely got through Classic on Easy. I ended up playing most of the afternoon today. I'm about halfway through Subspace Emissary; if you played Melee, then you'll know what I mean when I say it's like Adventure mode, only it feels more refined and it's definitely bigger. Also, the CGI scenes, if a bit silly, are extremely well done and are actually insanely awesome sometimes. There are boss fights... they have a huge health bar, and they serve mostly to frustrate: their attacks knock the shit out of the entire level and cause horrible damage. The Blargedy Subspace Beasties can get insanely cheap and piss me off, which just makes it more satisfying to beat the pudding out of them.
Classic is... Classic. Master Hand is still a son of a whore, they still sometimes pit you against yourself ("Link versus... Link!") and yeah. As for characters, so far I've only unlocked Falco, Marth, Luigi and Captain Falcon, though I haven't used any of those. Link, Zelda, Bowser, and Donkey Kong are all about how they were in Melee, if a bit slower. Wario... I can't quite get the hang of him. He moves very strangely, like Mr. Game and Watch, and I cannot get his waft attack to charge. Thus far, I have greatly enjoyed Metaknight; though he is weak, each press of a button unleashes a storm of attacks from him, and he is an absolute demon in the air.
Charizard is my absolute favorite. You control him and switch to Ivysaur and Squirtle with the Pokemon Trainer, and all three of them are badass, but Charizard is the best. He has insane recovery ability, nasty reach and attack power, and he's just plain cool to watch stomping around, bellowing and beating the crap out of EVERYTHING. Also, while he had a beam sword, I managed to level all of Luigi's Mansion with one swing. That, my friends, is the very definition of awesome.
The car has attacked me no less than twice in the past week. The first time, it somehow managed to catch my fingertips in the door as I was closing it, and that hurt for about a year and a half, but nothing broke. The second time, the door closed on me before I was done getting in, so I cracked my head on the door frame. I still have a rather pesky lump on the back of my head. This is a fairly good indication that the car is trying to kill me.