There is a time in everyone's life..........
"They" say that there is a point in everyperson's life when you come to a crossroads and you can take one path or the other. The thing is that I feel like I have been at many of the so-said crossroads and instead of going down one path or another I stay where I am and choose neither. I get to a point where I am gung-ho about going down the road I am on and as I have been told can go half-way down my path in my sleep. It is the getting to the second half of that road that I cannot seem to get. I am told I need to find the "enthusiasm in myself" and "do something for myself" and "push myself to get what I want," If I would ever write down the analogies I am told I could be a book.
Shortly after one of these so-called crossroads is meet I go through a minor break-down and then resolve to do what is needed to make everything right and keep it like that. I do it for a short time (getting to the middle of the road thing) and then I stop. I don't yet know where the button is to turn myself back on so I can complete what I am doing. I "create the situations that cause the feelings of not being able to get anything right" and so on. I don't know how I ended up like I am. I am sure there are shrinks out their that would associate all of my problems to my mom leaving. I don't know and as of now don't really care. I don't know how life would have been if my parents had stayed together. That is something I don't dwell on. As I just said I really don't care. It is my life here and now I am doing a fabulous job of royaly screwing over. And in an ironic sort of way may I just say that for screwing up a life I am doing a damn fine job of it. o.O
Well, I guess that writting down the shitty feelings I have at these times is better than bottling it up and what not. Anyway I have again wasted away all of my time when something needed to be done and am down to the last day of trying to get into the Community College here and I also need to figure out how the cover the couple hundred that I don't have to pay for the half semester in the hopes to get the grades and G.P.A. where it needs to be and maybe get the rest of my life started back up. We will see. It is always great to watch how much I can fumble around to see if there is actually a way to get done what I want.
Till then...........rebecca
Shortly after one of these so-called crossroads is meet I go through a minor break-down and then resolve to do what is needed to make everything right and keep it like that. I do it for a short time (getting to the middle of the road thing) and then I stop. I don't yet know where the button is to turn myself back on so I can complete what I am doing. I "create the situations that cause the feelings of not being able to get anything right" and so on. I don't know how I ended up like I am. I am sure there are shrinks out their that would associate all of my problems to my mom leaving. I don't know and as of now don't really care. I don't know how life would have been if my parents had stayed together. That is something I don't dwell on. As I just said I really don't care. It is my life here and now I am doing a fabulous job of royaly screwing over. And in an ironic sort of way may I just say that for screwing up a life I am doing a damn fine job of it. o.O
Well, I guess that writting down the shitty feelings I have at these times is better than bottling it up and what not. Anyway I have again wasted away all of my time when something needed to be done and am down to the last day of trying to get into the Community College here and I also need to figure out how the cover the couple hundred that I don't have to pay for the half semester in the hopes to get the grades and G.P.A. where it needs to be and maybe get the rest of my life started back up. We will see. It is always great to watch how much I can fumble around to see if there is actually a way to get done what I want.
Till then...........rebecca