Happy Birthday to me.....blarg
It's now my birthday. I'm now 23. Sometimes I feel older than that, but most of the time I feel like a lost little girl. Right now, I just feel pregnant.
My boobs aren't touching my belly anymore, so I think my baby is finally dropping. Pretty soon she'll make her enterance into the world. I hope that she'll wait til after I have my eye appt., but who knows?
I hope she does think she can come out today. It's my birthday and I don't want to share it. and I dont' want to be in such pain on my b-day either. *sigh* Doesnt' matter anyway I guess....not like I can really celebrate it anyway. It's just another day to add to my sad, boring life.
I was really really awake so I decided to come online for a little bit. Now I'm exhausted again. I dont' want to bother going to work today, but I really should. I need the money so badly. If only I had a rich bf or relative that was just dying to help me out. This sucks. I shouldn't hav eto go in on my b-day. Technically, I dont' have to, but money is an issue. And I'm already gonna have to be late on Friday cuz of my WIC appt.
I had a dream last night that I was breastfeeding my baby. And even though I was feeding her and she was just a baby, I could only see what she looked like as a toddler. I dotn' have a clear vision of her now that I'm not in the dream, but I could see her perfectly while I was in the dream. What I do remember about her features are that she's tiny--not dwarfish, just small, petite. She has dark hair and she's beautiful. I could see how her features would change as she grows up. She'll be such a beautiful woman when she grows up. Model-like, except that she won't have the height of a model.
In a different dream, I was at the doctor's for an appt, in the waiting room. All of a sudden I feel a gush of fluid between my legs as though I just pissed myself, only I didn't. Shocked and a bit embarassed (and uncomfortable) I stood and stepped up to the mirrored office window, slid it open, startling the secretary.
"I think my water just broke," I was bearly audible. The secretary stared at me for what seemed like hours but it couldnt' have been for more than a second, while it registered. The other secretary was looking over with confusion. She was too far away to hear what I said.
"Your water broke!?! Oh my!" and with that she ran out of the office and emerged only seconds later with both Dr. Sunshine and Joan (one of the nurses). Maria, the other nurse, appeared then, and right behind her was Dr. Robbins.
I was bombarded with a bunch of questions that I really can't remembering answering but I'm sure I did, and in the commotion I was escorted into one of the examining rooms where I was checked to see how far I was dialated. I started to have contractions. I was only about four centimeters and with that I was escorted over next door to the hospital by Dr. Sunshine himself, words of encouragement the entire way.
We finally got into the hospital and I collasped into an awaiting wheelchair and was hurried to a labor and delivery room. A nurse helped me change into a gown and helped me onto the bed, while Dr. Sunshine got prepared.
Next thing I know, I'm holding my baby in my arms. She has dark hair. Johnette and Chris arrive at that moment.
Then I awoke.
I need to go to sleep. I'm so tired.
I want to keep my cat. I dont' want to give her up. Even if it's to Tim....but then, I really dotn' want to put her in the situation of a flea infested house, with two adorable, yet flea infested kittens. She's not going to be happy. I wish I could keep her.
My boobs smell funny. Granted I have neglected to shower in two days, but my boobs have never smelt bad before. But then, I wasnt' leaking all the time either. Leaky breastmilk mixed with a bit of sweat doesn't smell good.
Off to sleep I go. Yay, birthday sleep. Maybe I'll wake up happy and refreshed. Right....sleep just isn't very 'refreshing' these days...hard to get comfortable, hard to stay asleep when you have to get up every half hour to hour to go to the bathroom.
My boobs aren't touching my belly anymore, so I think my baby is finally dropping. Pretty soon she'll make her enterance into the world. I hope that she'll wait til after I have my eye appt., but who knows?
I hope she does think she can come out today. It's my birthday and I don't want to share it. and I dont' want to be in such pain on my b-day either. *sigh* Doesnt' matter anyway I guess....not like I can really celebrate it anyway. It's just another day to add to my sad, boring life.
I was really really awake so I decided to come online for a little bit. Now I'm exhausted again. I dont' want to bother going to work today, but I really should. I need the money so badly. If only I had a rich bf or relative that was just dying to help me out. This sucks. I shouldn't hav eto go in on my b-day. Technically, I dont' have to, but money is an issue. And I'm already gonna have to be late on Friday cuz of my WIC appt.
I had a dream last night that I was breastfeeding my baby. And even though I was feeding her and she was just a baby, I could only see what she looked like as a toddler. I dotn' have a clear vision of her now that I'm not in the dream, but I could see her perfectly while I was in the dream. What I do remember about her features are that she's tiny--not dwarfish, just small, petite. She has dark hair and she's beautiful. I could see how her features would change as she grows up. She'll be such a beautiful woman when she grows up. Model-like, except that she won't have the height of a model.
In a different dream, I was at the doctor's for an appt, in the waiting room. All of a sudden I feel a gush of fluid between my legs as though I just pissed myself, only I didn't. Shocked and a bit embarassed (and uncomfortable) I stood and stepped up to the mirrored office window, slid it open, startling the secretary.
"I think my water just broke," I was bearly audible. The secretary stared at me for what seemed like hours but it couldnt' have been for more than a second, while it registered. The other secretary was looking over with confusion. She was too far away to hear what I said.
"Your water broke!?! Oh my!" and with that she ran out of the office and emerged only seconds later with both Dr. Sunshine and Joan (one of the nurses). Maria, the other nurse, appeared then, and right behind her was Dr. Robbins.
I was bombarded with a bunch of questions that I really can't remembering answering but I'm sure I did, and in the commotion I was escorted into one of the examining rooms where I was checked to see how far I was dialated. I started to have contractions. I was only about four centimeters and with that I was escorted over next door to the hospital by Dr. Sunshine himself, words of encouragement the entire way.
We finally got into the hospital and I collasped into an awaiting wheelchair and was hurried to a labor and delivery room. A nurse helped me change into a gown and helped me onto the bed, while Dr. Sunshine got prepared.
Next thing I know, I'm holding my baby in my arms. She has dark hair. Johnette and Chris arrive at that moment.
Then I awoke.
I need to go to sleep. I'm so tired.
I want to keep my cat. I dont' want to give her up. Even if it's to Tim....but then, I really dotn' want to put her in the situation of a flea infested house, with two adorable, yet flea infested kittens. She's not going to be happy. I wish I could keep her.
My boobs smell funny. Granted I have neglected to shower in two days, but my boobs have never smelt bad before. But then, I wasnt' leaking all the time either. Leaky breastmilk mixed with a bit of sweat doesn't smell good.
Off to sleep I go. Yay, birthday sleep. Maybe I'll wake up happy and refreshed. Right....sleep just isn't very 'refreshing' these days...hard to get comfortable, hard to stay asleep when you have to get up every half hour to hour to go to the bathroom.