to all the young dudes
I'm trying real hard to put on a shiney face and pretend that all these kids that suck are my 'friends'. I can't really talk to anyone about REAL shit. Cause real shit problems are oblivious to them. I'm alone in this. It dawned on me just now. No one gives a flying fuck. I'm alone in this. I'm so sick of hearing 'i don't know what to tell you'. I don't want you to tell me anything, I just want you to be there and listen. If I stop telling you anything. You wouldn't know that I was two steps from the edge. I'm doing everyone else the favor. If I deleted my livejournal and that silly myspace. No one would ever know. I would stop talking to people and just go with the flow and then everyone would wonder why kristanie just randomly stabbed 3 people in Jo Anns fabrics for no fucking reason, but that would be pointless because you still wouldn't get it.
I know people get tired of hearing bad news, sad stories, It's not like I LOVE telling them, its not like I like going thru sad shit and realizing the sick vicious cycle of life and how it affects me and the people around me. If I could just live off my parents, fall back on the bullshit and not care I would. I wouldn't give a damn, but deep down inside me for some sick and twisted reason that people don't get, that I don't think thats good enough for me. BUT I'M BUSTING MY ASS AND I'M NOT GETTING SHIT FOR IT and it will be that way till i get what I need and all I want is happiness. I refuse to settle for less.
I refuse to fall into the cycle because its what everyone else is doing, cause its what your parents think is best because thats what you believe makes EVERYONE happy. Cause it's not, I believe there is another way, there is a better way. It disappoints me to be around the kids who don't pay for shit, who don't have a sense of self or independence. Most of all I'm tired of explaining myself to those kids. So what if I just dropped everyone. What if I took what is already a very real fact and made it visible for everyone. I AM ALONE IN THIS. I don't think i'm sad about this. Why would i want any of the weak mother fuckers to take credit for my hard work.
It's sad cause the one person, that gets it completely would be your friendly neighborhood drug dealer. I'm beginning to understand EVERYTHING and no one else does. I don't know if im going crazy or if its true. Maybe people know and they are just refusing to believe that it's possible. I don't know whats going to happen. I don't know what im going to do with myself or with whoever. But im excited, and I feel ready now. I feel good that my mistakes are my own and I can take responsibility for them. I feel good that I'm considered the rebel and the risk taker, that alone makes me feel like im doing better than society. I like the feeling of doing what everyone else is afraid of. I feel good straight up freaking out over the little shit cause its going to get me where I want. Fuck having a plan B. Success is my only other option. Second Chances are rare and if you didn't do it right the first time, how many times is it going to take. Never settle for just enough, don't second guess what you want. Just do it, like Nike. Fuck the government and the rules and what you where taught. There is a way to happiness, honest to God Happiness.
I feel better knowing that, you don't know what to tell me. It lets me know that i'm on my way to finding the answers that you will never know. I will find ultimate happy. I will harness it and hoard it and hopefully one day, if God permits me I will set others on a path to find their own.
I know people get tired of hearing bad news, sad stories, It's not like I LOVE telling them, its not like I like going thru sad shit and realizing the sick vicious cycle of life and how it affects me and the people around me. If I could just live off my parents, fall back on the bullshit and not care I would. I wouldn't give a damn, but deep down inside me for some sick and twisted reason that people don't get, that I don't think thats good enough for me. BUT I'M BUSTING MY ASS AND I'M NOT GETTING SHIT FOR IT and it will be that way till i get what I need and all I want is happiness. I refuse to settle for less.
I refuse to fall into the cycle because its what everyone else is doing, cause its what your parents think is best because thats what you believe makes EVERYONE happy. Cause it's not, I believe there is another way, there is a better way. It disappoints me to be around the kids who don't pay for shit, who don't have a sense of self or independence. Most of all I'm tired of explaining myself to those kids. So what if I just dropped everyone. What if I took what is already a very real fact and made it visible for everyone. I AM ALONE IN THIS. I don't think i'm sad about this. Why would i want any of the weak mother fuckers to take credit for my hard work.
It's sad cause the one person, that gets it completely would be your friendly neighborhood drug dealer. I'm beginning to understand EVERYTHING and no one else does. I don't know if im going crazy or if its true. Maybe people know and they are just refusing to believe that it's possible. I don't know whats going to happen. I don't know what im going to do with myself or with whoever. But im excited, and I feel ready now. I feel good that my mistakes are my own and I can take responsibility for them. I feel good that I'm considered the rebel and the risk taker, that alone makes me feel like im doing better than society. I like the feeling of doing what everyone else is afraid of. I feel good straight up freaking out over the little shit cause its going to get me where I want. Fuck having a plan B. Success is my only other option. Second Chances are rare and if you didn't do it right the first time, how many times is it going to take. Never settle for just enough, don't second guess what you want. Just do it, like Nike. Fuck the government and the rules and what you where taught. There is a way to happiness, honest to God Happiness.
I feel better knowing that, you don't know what to tell me. It lets me know that i'm on my way to finding the answers that you will never know. I will find ultimate happy. I will harness it and hoard it and hopefully one day, if God permits me I will set others on a path to find their own.