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[vampdetective]

Gunn seems to be okay, but he's apparently got amnesia. All the way back to the party at Buffy's house. Partly I'm relieved, it means he doesn't remember me killing him. I mean, I wasn't itching to go through that whole guilt trip again--not that I'm still not feeling guilty about it. Even if I still don't remember doing it. You know what I mean

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[slayer_wannabe_]

Kennedy had been thinking about whether or not she really was a bad guy, where she fit in the world, and no matter how much she shook that proverbial 8-ball she always came up with ‘ask again later’. It seemed her whole life worked that way. She could never make decisions and the ones she did make often got someone killed. She was scared of what that meant. I tried, wasn’t that enough? Yet she already knew the answer.

Her unflinching loyalty to Eve didn’t make her evil. Her unflinching loyalty to Darla didn’t make her evil, either. She was lost and confused and had been taken advantage of. A poor youth who missed her chance in love and thought she found it. Again and again. Only to realize that the people she loved couldn’t love her in return. A Lawyer and a Vampire -that must be a joke-.

She blamed Sera for this. The girl who opened her up to the possibility of love… before she too was ripped away, far too soon. Killed by a demon that they had trusted. That she had trusted. Long ago, back when she was young and still guided by the Watchers. Before she met Eve and went to hell -literally-.

Kennedy sighed and slung her backpack over one shoulder as she made her way down the stairs to the main entrance of The Hyperion, about to move to the back exit and leave the life--she stopped, seeing Angel in her peripheral vision and sighed, lowering her eyes. Could she really blame Sera’s killer for what she did? She killed dozens, if not hundreds of harmless demon's… and she wasn’t even sure if she cared. There was a great blackness within her.

“I’m sorry for what I’ve done to you and yours,” her voice was soft, barely a whisper. “For hurting you, trying to hurt--” her voice cracked, “I know you’ve tried to do what you think is best, and I’m grateful for that. I just--I never was anything more than a spoiled brat. Always took what I wanted. My boss, your sire. Anything I wanted, I took. And then I changed, I wasn’t a Potential anymore,” she frowned. “Somewhere along the line I became the enemy.”

“I’m not a victim,” she glanced up at him briefly, “I never was. Sometimes I try to convince myself that I was lead in blind. That I had no idea what I was walking into. But I couldn’t lie to myself. I knew the risks. Knew that I’d be cast aside by The Watchers the moment I stepped into that limousine. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with that,” she sighed. “And now I don’t know what to do. Where I stand. Whether Ev--” she stopped and sighed once again, not allowing herself to say her lover's name. “My boss will come after me.”

“I think she will. Or she’ll try. She won’t find me,” she fixed Angel with a steely gaze, “neither will you. Until I know where I stand, I don’t think I should be around you. Or anybody,” she lowered her eyes again and glanced at the exit.

[vampdetective]

Angel looked over at Kennedy, realizing that she was trying to be straight with him for once. He walked across the lobby to her. "That's fair enough, if you feel the need to be somewhere else, somewhere safe. I won't try to look for you," he said, carefully. "I do know that you don't usually walk away from Wolfram and Hart if they don't want you to, unless you have a card up your sleeve. So I hope you have that angle covered."

He tilted his head and tried to look into her face. "I do appreciate you helping us get Gunn out. I didn't give you a whole lot of reason to want to help us, and neither did anyone else, except maybe Oz." He started to turn, and then looked back and said, "Wait a minute, my sire? You were with...Darla?"

He shook his head, wondering what his ex wanted with the girl. "Nobody takes Darla unless she has plans for them, usually unpleasant ones," he muttered, half under his breath.

[slayer_wannabe_]

A vague smile came over her at his last comment. She knew first-hand what Darla was capable of and didn’t flinch, she remembered some of their nights together, hunting. How Darla would pretend that she wasn’t interested in Kennedy, but she was. Interested in the way of ‘how can I break her’, but there was still an interest. Kennedy was her new toy… something that broke far too quickly. “Think I personally oversaw a few… not-so-legal transactions, so I’m okay as far as that goes,” she said softly, touched that Angel cared one way or the other.

“I never--he never liked me. I don’t think she did either. Not really. How could she?” She said more to herself, lost in her own thoughts. Broken didn’t even cover what she was feeling. Distant. Lost… Gone. She remembered a dream not to long ago, looking at her and seeing happiness. She wondered where that girl went. That happy fifteen-year-old without troubles, without a worry in the world.

Maybe she was still in there somewhere. Locked away to protect herself from the horrors she would commit later in life.

[vampdetective]

Angel nodded at her assertion of having some insurance against the lawfirm, then hesitated. The last thing he needed around here was an unpredictable potential slayer that rubbed both Faith and Cordelia the wrong way, but he had to offer. "Look, we...didn't get off to the best start, but if you want help, all you have to do is ask."

[slayer_wannabe_]

The flicker of a smile, “don’t think your girls would like that,” she bit her lip lightly and lowered her gaze, remembering the grief she had given them. How she had fought and teased Faith, how she almost killed Cordelia -if she had’ve connected the blow-. She wasn’t sure where this burning hatred for them came from. Faith had everything she wanted… and Cordelia, well, maybe they just didn’t get off on the right foot. “But I appreciate the offer.”

She took a step toward the exit, hesitated and stopped, “the key to Wolfram and Hart?” she looked up at him, making sure to make eye contact. “Don’t play their game. You have to make them play yours.”

[vampdetective]

The comment brought a faint smile to Angel's face, and he vaguely wondered where Lindsey was now. "Seems to me someone else said something really similar to that to me, one time. He got out--maybe you will, too."

He put a hand on her shoulder. "The offer stands. You get in trouble, I'll do what I can to help." If nothing else, he owed her for helping them find Gunn in time. And it wasn't like he didn't understand the temptation of the power trip she'd been on.

[slayer_wannabe_]

“Thank you,” she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so utterly vulnerable as she was in that moment.

“Say bye to Oz for me,” was all she could think to say as she turned and walked out of the building, not daring to look back out of fear of changing her mind. Who knows. Maybe this is the smartest thing I’ve done, she thought as she turned the corner and walked down the street. Not knowing where it was her feet were taking her, but knowing it would lead her on an excellent journey, nonetheless.