figures...
so i finally got one of many things accomplished that i have been wanting to do...then i wake up this morning with every intention to start the next project..creating a store on cafe press...and you guessed it...pms hit me like a ton of bricks...back pain, abdominal/ pelvic pain, extreme fatigue...and the general feeling of the ever so popular combo of not giving a shit/ bitchy angerness/ and well of course dread /worry / depression and caring to much....this compounded with the fact the stuggle of power between my mind and body....basically my mind is wanting to be an overachiever...tearing it up....cleaning/ working on my projects/ the house and everything else not humanly possible right now...and my body well...it has my mind hog tied and whipped....so i digress for a bit...and am merely going through the motions....worse part...i have not started bleeding yet....times like this i have penis envy or the immense desire to have my ovaries, phylopian tubes, and uterous ripped out by any means nessesary...blah.
other news....
michael's days are pretty much numbered at work...the big pink slip. so are my days as a house frau....
hoping that i can be successful with all that i am doing....then again...hope will not do it..i have to...i have to believe...because there is not enough time to hope...even if i can find a real job...it won't be enough...and he will get unemployment...but...that won't be enough....so its do or die...thinking about it yesturday...how it is not as impossible to make a living creatively anymore...so why not...why am i always wondering what i want to be...when my heart already knows? i have accomplimshed many things in my life and a lot....in the midst of many who doubted me....so why is this so different? anyhow...though it sounds chessy...just heard peter gabriel's song bigtime...forgot how much i liked that song...and how many great lines there are in it...so whether i get laughed at or not...you see. i get it now...so i will close with a few lines of it...
"and my heaven will be a big heaven...and i will walk through the front door...bigtime...i'm on my way...im making it...bigtime!"
other news....
michael's days are pretty much numbered at work...the big pink slip. so are my days as a house frau....
hoping that i can be successful with all that i am doing....then again...hope will not do it..i have to...i have to believe...because there is not enough time to hope...even if i can find a real job...it won't be enough...and he will get unemployment...but...that won't be enough....so its do or die...thinking about it yesturday...how it is not as impossible to make a living creatively anymore...so why not...why am i always wondering what i want to be...when my heart already knows? i have accomplimshed many things in my life and a lot....in the midst of many who doubted me....so why is this so different? anyhow...though it sounds chessy...just heard peter gabriel's song bigtime...forgot how much i liked that song...and how many great lines there are in it...so whether i get laughed at or not...you see. i get it now...so i will close with a few lines of it...
"and my heaven will be a big heaven...and i will walk through the front door...bigtime...i'm on my way...im making it...bigtime!"