Dream of Satin
I reccomend if your heartbroken and just feel depressed to download Colin James - Dream of Satin... Although this song just puts me into a deeper depression it almost helps me have false hope. I'm going to be writing public, Remembering advice given in a session before saying you should not be afraid of your emotions and to let people in. I figure I might as well. There are always going to be people out there that understand and simpathise. I've always wanted the type of man that treated me like my dad does to my mom. For example. He asked her to look at the tree's (it was autum) for their first date. Every Valentines day he decorates the house and hides paper hearts.. Although he is Athiest he still respects my mothers family's traditions and joins in. He puts forth effort to romance my mother and surprise her all the time. As my mom does for him. They both get their space but chill together too. Why can't I have this? In the song it says "do you still dream of satin and the table set for two? ... and a man who really loves you... to whipe those tears away... and if you say yes... it will soon come true.." I've been listening to this song sinse 1996... And can't listen to it when i'm with someone cause I realize it won't with that person and I then get false hope... And its funny... this kewl chick i chill with at the bar was jok'n around the other night say'n how all the hot guys sworm me and i get cut eye from every chick in the bar.. blah..blah..blah... maybe that's why I don't get any of the good ones... they just figure they have too much competition or something. I mean with James ... If i didn't talk to him first he said even after chilling he never thought someone like me would go for him. And i was sitting there thinking the exact same thing about him. Same thing with Bart. Now I feel like im almost determined to be full of false hope forever. Someone that won't hold me and enjoy holding me. Someone that will romance me, make me feel special, that I'm worth something, actually almost work to keep me rather than just be there. Or abuse me (that's ever fun obviously). OR that starts being perfect then becomes abusive. I know this rant has been done over and over but this repeats in my mind all the time and has been for so long i can't remember. Which is probably why I've had so much false hope and stuck with relationships for so long.. I just kept hoping they would change and be the person i've always wanted to be with, the only kind of person I could happily be with. And the funny part is! Many of my friends have turned these types of guys down. I try and hook em up with them.. lol and they're so stupid and blind. I would die for someone like that to want me that badly. And here I am ... giving them the perfect man.. and they go for the asshole!?!?! I'm turning into my friend Trimble... I can see and feel it... He just got to the point of no return... went with chicks knowing nothing would happen and just have fun, lost all hope etc... He even saw it (which is the scary part)... I saw him the last time i was down and he warned me that he saw it and was just glad i didn't resort to drugs like he did.. god knows everyone knows i don't do that shit... but still... im going to stop rambling cause its getting long. and i could type for forever right now.
Please don't bother responding ... Its just a rant.
Please don't bother responding ... Its just a rant.