blah
as i went outside for a smoke.. feeling like i am.. i was reminded of my mothers words a few days before i left for thorold. she said "i always knew you were meant for greatness, never knew what but the day you were concieved joanna and i knew there was something about this child that would do wonders for the world" i litterally chuckled outload. greatness, right. I looked around where i was and just continued to chuckle.
the day i was made for greatness
is the day the gods laughed
for i am a consumer of air
a minion for mochory
nothing more than nothing
something that exists
for no purpose but that
for no purpose for false hope
a mass of body fluids
mind that will go to wast
knowledge that surves others
never to be surved for myself
a heart that is tattered and torn
a heart that is broken
over and over and over
never to be mended.
no matter how hard i try
or how hard i cry
nothing will change
i am but a child of mochery.
this is something that just kinda came to me right now. although it was written as these words are right now i dunno. perhaps i reall am here to simply help others and nothing more. for bad things to happen to me and no matter how hard i work on fixing myself nothing will change people will always be there to break all my hard work down. None will appreciate my efforts or heart. I'll just be here, be here for the fuck of it. Be here cause someone needs to step on someone and im the lucky fuck they have chosen. the lucky fuck they can taunt and haunt for the rest of my living. I have friends, sure. something i lacked most of my life. but why are they there?! so many people have said they see "greatness" in me. but everytime i try to use it to make me happy it never succeeds. I've helped others i know, i've seen it and they've thanked me. it just seems no amount of help will cure me of this. lol this almost seems like another poem. perhaps i really should publish my poems. blah
im ranting slowly, barely typing not thinking exactly, just typing what i believe is reality although my reality has no truth to it. its just one big lie, one big joke to someone. i guess there is no hope. atleast for me.
the day i was made for greatness
is the day the gods laughed
for i am a consumer of air
a minion for mochory
nothing more than nothing
something that exists
for no purpose but that
for no purpose for false hope
a mass of body fluids
mind that will go to wast
knowledge that surves others
never to be surved for myself
a heart that is tattered and torn
a heart that is broken
over and over and over
never to be mended.
no matter how hard i try
or how hard i cry
nothing will change
i am but a child of mochery.
this is something that just kinda came to me right now. although it was written as these words are right now i dunno. perhaps i reall am here to simply help others and nothing more. for bad things to happen to me and no matter how hard i work on fixing myself nothing will change people will always be there to break all my hard work down. None will appreciate my efforts or heart. I'll just be here, be here for the fuck of it. Be here cause someone needs to step on someone and im the lucky fuck they have chosen. the lucky fuck they can taunt and haunt for the rest of my living. I have friends, sure. something i lacked most of my life. but why are they there?! so many people have said they see "greatness" in me. but everytime i try to use it to make me happy it never succeeds. I've helped others i know, i've seen it and they've thanked me. it just seems no amount of help will cure me of this. lol this almost seems like another poem. perhaps i really should publish my poems. blah
im ranting slowly, barely typing not thinking exactly, just typing what i believe is reality although my reality has no truth to it. its just one big lie, one big joke to someone. i guess there is no hope. atleast for me.