(no subject)
sorry i have'nt said anything recently... i've been depressed, busy and without internet... long story, but lets just say it's eric's fault we have no internet and leave it at that.....
for those of ou who know me, and know how close i was to my grandmother, this next will explain the depression...... MMJ passed away last month. i've never thought of myself as weak, but seeing her lying there dead in her bed, i collapsed completely right next to it, and cried, and cried and cried..... i never thought something could hit me so hard anymore... more death i would have thought would have just rolled off my back like most of the others, but i still can't wrap my mind around the fact that she's gone. i find myself going to stop by her house when i'm in the neighborhood, just like i've done ever since i've had my own vehicle, and not realising until i'm there that no one will answer the door, and the other day, right before mother's day, trying to decide what to get her while i was at work and breaking down completely in indian palace once i realised it did'nt matter, i could'nt GIVE her anything anymore.... i don't think i've cried in public except at funerals since i was like 12.... i just can't grasp her being gone, and every time i realise she is again, it's like she died again... more so since uncle kenny wants to sell all of the property ASAP, including the house, which was more my home than anywhere i've ever stayed... gods help me, i think i'm loosing it bad...
work is all in all ok.... life's alright... i guess i'll be ok in the end, atleast i hope so... and i miss everyone more than ever right now... i need friends and so many are so far away.... love you all (if you're on my list, if not, i prolly don't know you and therefore don't care one way or the other)
for those of ou who know me, and know how close i was to my grandmother, this next will explain the depression...... MMJ passed away last month. i've never thought of myself as weak, but seeing her lying there dead in her bed, i collapsed completely right next to it, and cried, and cried and cried..... i never thought something could hit me so hard anymore... more death i would have thought would have just rolled off my back like most of the others, but i still can't wrap my mind around the fact that she's gone. i find myself going to stop by her house when i'm in the neighborhood, just like i've done ever since i've had my own vehicle, and not realising until i'm there that no one will answer the door, and the other day, right before mother's day, trying to decide what to get her while i was at work and breaking down completely in indian palace once i realised it did'nt matter, i could'nt GIVE her anything anymore.... i don't think i've cried in public except at funerals since i was like 12.... i just can't grasp her being gone, and every time i realise she is again, it's like she died again... more so since uncle kenny wants to sell all of the property ASAP, including the house, which was more my home than anywhere i've ever stayed... gods help me, i think i'm loosing it bad...
work is all in all ok.... life's alright... i guess i'll be ok in the end, atleast i hope so... and i miss everyone more than ever right now... i need friends and so many are so far away.... love you all (if you're on my list, if not, i prolly don't know you and therefore don't care one way or the other)