The Long way to the Sun||Part1: Harvester of sorrow||Chapter 1:Until it sleeps
Chapter 1
Until it sleeps
Author note: The song in the fic is "Until it Sleeps" from Metallica's Album (LOAD) but if you want to listen to a great cover for this song it's on the(S&M) album by Metallica.
It belongs to the biggest heavy metal band of all time, and since I am not a member of Metallica, I do not own the song.
Author Note1: I would like to thank all those who took time to read my fic and those who gave me a great review and my beta Wanda K Fluher.
Author Note2: I am sorry it took me too long okay but life has been hectic, but I promise I will try to update faster
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Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run, but it stays right by my side
==============================
Angel was in the shower washing the blood and mud off his body. He stood under the hot spray, allowing it to wash away all the pain and the blood.
The only time he felt clean, and closer to a human begin was under the hot water. He could feel his body radiating with heat as he allows the water to warm away the coldness that dwells within him. It was a simple thing that he still took pleasure in it.
He turned off the water, stepped out the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. He went through the clothes that he managed to get out of Wolfram and Hart.
He looked at the old leather pants that he never wore. They usually reminded him too much of Angelus but right now he didn’t give two straws. He grabbed the pants, threw them on the bed, and returned his attention back to the closet to find something to go with the pants.
He thought maybe a black shirt would do, but then he saw his blood red silk shirt. He grabbed it and start to dress.
After he finished dressing , he grabbed some gel but instead of combing his hair in his traditional spiky style, he pulled it backwards, he didn't know why he was doing this, but he doesn't want to look the same anymore, then he pulled his trademark black coat out of the closet and headed down to meet the others.
====================
So tear me open, pour me out
There's things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps
====================
He didn’t wanna go out. He wanted to fade to black, but he felt that his friends deserved a break. Plus, he could drown his sorrows in a couple of drinks.
He went downstairs and found Roham sitting in a chair humming a tune with a cigarette in his hand. Angel gave him a wary smile and sat on a chair beside his brother, who grabbed his pack from his pocket and offered Angel one.
Unlike Angelus, Angel wasn’t a regular smoker, but right now he needed the nicotine. He accepted the cigarette, reached for the lighter that was on the table and lit the cigarette.
Dragging deeply, he executed a number of perfect smoke rings as he exhaled.
"Since when do you smoke?" asked a surprised Faith as she entered the room.
Angel turned around and frowned, "Well, I am not a regular smoker"
Faith looked at Roham "And you?"
Roham exhaled the smoke trapped in his chest and looked to the ceiling with a gloomy look on his face, "I started a long time ago."
Connor came from upstairs after he changed out of his bloody clothes, looked at his father and smiled, "Wow, new hair style Dad."
Angel looked at Connor and ran his hand through his hair, "Well, I didn't feel like doing the same old thing."
Faith looked at him "Leather’s nice. You sure, you're not Angelus?"
Angel gave her a weary smile "No, I am not Angelus, Can you guys just relax and let’s just go have a good time"
His brother looked at him, "Like the old days?" Angel looked at the cigarette's smoke as he remembered the old days
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[Flashback]
A 15-year-old Roham and 20-year-old Liam were walking down the streets of Galway, heading towards the local pub; they entered the pub and ordered some ale
That was their daily routine since Roham was 13. They'd go down to the pub escaping their father's wrath and drown their problems in a beer and fine Irish whiskey, Roham would return drunk and later that night Liam would return with some whore he picked up at the pub.
=========================================
Angel was longing for those old days everything was simple and clear, but those days were long gone. He had to learn how to accept facts. He had to accept that he had no shot at being human and that he’d lost the love of his life, he lost everything…
His thoughts were interrupted by his Gunn's voice, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the brooding champ is back."
Faith laughed, "And better than ever."
Angel looked at them in rejection, "Hey, I wasn't brooding"
Connor looked at the vampire with the soul and said, "Yeah, you were."
Roham stood up to end this argument "Hey, anytime you're ready." They smiled and walked out of the hotel to the street and turned towards the local club.
========================================
Just like the curse, just like the stray
You feed it once and now it stays
Now it stays
=========================================
As they entered the club, a band was on stage playing some rock tunes with a small crowd standing in front of the band. There were tables scattered here and there and a bar with tall chairs where a couple of guys were sitting just listening to the music while drowning their sorrows in alcohol.
"I like this place, Connor. Nice choice lad." Roham said while looking around.
Angel used to feel uncomfortable in these places because he could hear the peoples' heart beat around him, smell their arousal, and hear the music twice as loud. He was more uncomfortable in this place because this arrangement reminded him of the Bronze back in Sunnydale.
Angel and the rest of his crew walked to a free table and sat down. After a few seconds, a woman wearing a skirt, and black top came to take their orders asking "So, what's it gonna be guys?"
Roham looked at her and asked "What types of liquor do you serve here?"
The waitress looked at him in annoyance "Everything."
Roham smiled "I will have vodka",
Faith looked at the waitress, "I’ll have a beer."
Gunn seemed lost in thought, as he ordered without looking at her "Whiskey",
Connor looked at the waitress, "I will have a Vodka Tonic."
The waitress looked at him with the I-know-how-old-you- are smirk "And how old are you?"
Roham looked in her eyes "He is twenty one"
She wanted to protest but something in Roham's blue eyes stopped her. She couldn’t do anything except to agree with what he said, "Okay."
Angel knew the trick his brother was using. It was an old trick that Angelus used to do it all the time. "I will have five shots of tequila," he added his order. He needed a strong drink.
The waitress nodded and turned to the bar to fill their orders. Connor turned to Roham in amazement "How did you do that?"
Roham laughed while running his fingers through his hair, "It’s an old trick. I will hopefully teach it to you someday."
The drinks arrived after a few minutes and each one grabbed his drink. Angel noticed a guy at the other table flirting with Faith. He was surprised as she just gave him a cold gaze and turned the other way. 'She has changed ' thought Angel
Roham turned around facing his brother, "Do you see the three guys that are at the bar?"
Angel turned his gaze to the bar, and then to his brother, "Yeah, I noticed, Do you think they here to collect…?" and raised his eyebrow.
Roham looked at them "Yeah, Would you like me to take care of it?"
Angel glared at his brother, Take care of it? He knew that Roham didn’t mean anything by it, but right now Angel needed to reclaim this town. He got up and said, "No, I will take care of it."
He walked toward the bar and heard the conversation between the owner of the bar and a worker in the bar
The bartender "Shit! They’re here to collect Zerion's money."
The owner looked at the bartender "Who?”
The bartender looked at the owner with fear, "A vampire who collects money from the owner, in exchange he doesn’t ruin their business."
The owner looked at the bartender in disbelief, "Yeah, In Sunnydale I owned the Bronze and the same things would happen but we had our own hero in Sunnydale. She would take care of this stuff"
One of the three vampires threw a pitcher to the floor and said; "Pay time boys!" interrupted their conversation
The owner of the bar was scared, but tried to look strong as he asked, "What can I get you, sir?"
The vampire looked at him and laughed, "Well, I will have 1000 dollars every week, or else."
The bartender tried to sound brave as he asked, "Or what?"
The vampire looked at them and smiled "Or this!" and then he vamped out and reached over to grab the owner.
==================================
So tear me open but beware
There's things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I'm clean
==================================
The owner closed his eyes, waiting for the worst but nothing happened. He opened his eyes and found the vampire’s hand a few inches above his shoulder. He looked around and saw a dark man holding the vampire's hand.
The vampire glared furiously at Angel, and tried to pull away his hand away from Angel's grip. Angel returned the vampire's glare and spoke softly, "I wouldn’t try that if I were you",
The vampire looked furiously at Angel "Kill him boys."
Holding the vampire's hand, he turned around and punched the first vampire in the face. His motion caused the wrist of the first vampire to break with a loud snap.
Then he staked the other vampire, the last vampire seeing what happened to his companions tried to flee, but before he could reach the door, he felt a wooden stake pierce his heart, turning him into dust.
Angel growled at the vampire while still holding his wrist, "So you ready to hear me?"
The vampire looked at Angel in fear, his broken wrist pain was unbearable, and especially that Angel was still bending it, "Who are you?"
Angel got down on his knees near the vampire (who feel down during the fight), bending his hand just a little bit more "Name's Angel, and LA is my territory. You and your stupid boss will stay out of it for the rest of your eternal lives."
Angel twisted his wrist harder, causing the vampire to scream in pain, "And if you don’t, I am gonna hunt every one you down, and make you experience one hell of a painful death"
He bended his wrist more, "Got it?"
The vampire screamed, "I got it! I got it! Please let go!"
Angel grabbed the vampire and threw him out the club then returned. He grabbed the drink he left on the bar and returned to his table.
"Wow, Dad nice work" Connor said with a smirk on his face.
His father gave him an angry gaze, "Think you could have done better?"
Connor laughed at his dad’s comment. He knew when it came to being persuasive; his dad had his own ways that never seem to fail. "Nope"
There argument was cut short, "Excuse me, sir" Angel turned around to find the bar owner standing behind him.
The bar owner stretched his hand, "I am Bryan Tomas, the owner of this bar. I just wanted to thank you for saving me back there."
Angel shook the guy's hands and smiled "No problems Bryan."
Bryan smiled, "Well, Is there a way I can repay you?"
Angel looked at him and was about to explode into 'I don’t do it to get paid' speech, but an idea crossed his mind.
Angel grabbed Bryan's arm, pushed him into a seat beside him, and said, "You can give me information about any strange faces, or incidents that happen in the area. Do you think you can do that?"
Bryan looked at Angel, and seemed a little surprised. He expected Angel to ask for money, but for Angel to ask him to keep an ear to the underworld events were the last thing he expected "And why exactly do you wanna know any strange news? Why do YOU wanna fight them?"
Angel frowned and he looked to the ceiling. Bryan asked a crucial question. Why would he wanna know any news? Why would he wanna fight?
"Cause somebody has to" said Conner
Angel turned his gaze to his son, and flashed back
============================================
[Flashback]
They had just escaped the three and arrived to her bedroom. He was giving the slayer his back while she was changing, and watching if the three is still out there
Buffy: "You know I am the Chosen One. It's my job to fight guys like this, what's your excuse?"
Angel: "That somebody has to"
============================================
Angel frowned at the memory of a time where he knew that she was his…
He shook his head trying to snap out the memory, and looked at Bryan "Can you?"
Bryan nodded, "Yeah, sure"
Angel reached for his pocket, picked one of his old cards and handed it to him, "If you find anything unnatural call me on this number"
Bryan looked to the symbol on the card, "What's this, a frog?"
Angel ignored the comment and laid his head back drinking his tequila "Just call me at this number, will you?"
Bryan flipped the card between his fingers for a few seconds, "Sure"
He stood up and went back to the bar; Roham called the waitress and asked her to bring more drinks. Faith stood up and went to the bar. She sat there drinking in silence, lost in the stream thoughts.
The guy who was flirting with Faith earlier came closer and stood in front of her. He gave her a stupid grin and said, "Hi honey we meet again." as he looked lustfully toward the brunette.
Faith rolled her eyes in dullness, "Do I know you?" she knew him he was one of the guys she slept with when she came to LA to kill Angel. She was amazed that he remembered her after all this time.
He looked at her and smiled, "Come honey, let’s dance," he said as he grabbed her ass, Faith jumped up and removed his hands, pushing him away, but not too hard. She still had problems using her powers with humans.
The guy held her arm and turned her, and looked in her eyes "I told you, let’s dance, bitch!"
Faith removed her arm from his grip, "And I said NO!"
The guy raised his hands and slapped Faith’s face with such force that knocked her off her feet.
Angel and Roham's heads snapped in her direction, turning their gazes to where Faith was sitting. They saw her yelling at the guy. Angel tried to get up to deal with the guy but Roham held him by his shoulder and pulled him down. Then he got up, saying "Leave that son of a bitch to me."
The guy was about to slap Faith again, when his hand was caught in mid-air. He turned around to see who held his hand, only to meet a fuming glare from Roham who said, "I believe you should leave the lady alone"
The guy turned to Roham and smirked, "This none of your business, cute boy."
Roham glared at the guy, with anger burning in his eyes and shouted, "What did you just call me?"
The guy laughed at Roham, "I told you what you can do? You son of a …ahhhhh" the man couldn’t continue his sentence cause Roham's finger quickly hit his throat.
The guy was holding his throat and trying to breath, Roham held the guy's neck and lifted him until he was facing him, "Now let’s try this again. What did you just say?"
The guy looked terrified from Roham, "I am sorry"
Roham smiled and he looked at Faith, then back to the man "Good boy. Anybody else you should apologize to"
The guy turned his head toward Faith, "I am sorry"
Roham looked at Faith and she nodded to him. He returned his attention to the guy, "Remember next time, when a lady says no, it means no." He released the guy who fell to the floor holding his throat "Go!" said Roham to the guy who stood up and ran out the bar.
Faith looked at Roham with a shocked look in her eyes, never had anyone except Angel cared about her.
Roham seemed concerned about Faith. He moved and sat next to her and touched her back in a friendly gesture. She looked up at him with teary eyes "Why wouldn’t he go away? I told him no, then he hit me, and I didn’t wanna hurt him."
Roham moved closer and held her in his arms, while she sobbed uncontrollably. He kept moving his arms over her back trying to soothe her, whispering words of comfort in her ears.
Faith kept crying in his arms. She couldn’t stop herself. It was like all those past years came rushing over her. She kept whimpering in his shirt, "Why? Why?"
Roham understood what she meant by why. She was wondering why people couldn’t accept that she had changed. Even though all that Roham knew about Faith was the stories he heard from the residents of the underworld, he completely understood that it was hard for her to change. He could feel the pain radiating from her.
Faith was crying. She never did that. She always told herself that she would cry when she felt safe and even though she didn’t know Roham, she felt safe in his arms. So she cried for everything, for her rough life, for switching sides, and for her loneliness.
Angel watched the scene from the table, and was amazed. Faith didn’t hit him as the crying type. He saw his brother soothing her, whispering words of comfort in her ears.
He got up, went to his brother, and mouthed 'I am gonna go to the hotel now, okay?' Roham looked at his brother and nodded.
Roham looked around and found Connor following his dad out of the club and Gunn was drowning his thoughts in his whiskey.
He looked at Faith who was starting to calm down. She raised her face and he removed a strand of hair from her face, wiped away the tears that were falling from her eyes with his thumb.
He raised her chin with his index finger and looked into her teary eyes, and held her hands between his and asked, "Dance with me?"
Faith looked at him with amazement. He barely knew her but some how he was offering her comfort and safeness. Two feelings she rarely felt in her life, but something in his tone made her feel secure and his arms felt like home.
Roham held her hand as he guided her to the dance floor. He started to dance with her, moving her closer to him and wrapping his arm around her waist.
She leaned her head on his chest and sighed. She felt like she’d been walking forever and she’d finally found home.
==================================
Meanwhile in the hotel, Angel and Connor walked in silence. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other all the way. Connor still felt uneasy around his father, but not like when he returned from Quor-toth.
No, he felt embarrassed and ashamed of his acts and he also felt a great sense of respect for his dad. He spent hardly any time with his dad, and not only had he hated him, but he threw him in the depths of the ocean for three months. After that, Angel went and made a deal with devil to give him a chance for a normal life.
He looked at his dad with respect. He loved him and he finally understood what a great dad he had. Of course, they had their issues, but they would deal with it.
Angel looked to his son and smiled. He was happy that Connor was normal. Well not perfectly normal, but at least he didn’t sense the misery and anger that he used to feel every time he was around him.
"So did you bring anything with you?" Angel said, as he looked at his son.
Connor looked to the floor, "Nope."
Angel laughed and said, "That’s okay, son. Why don’t you take Faith tomorrow and go shopping together. I sense that she didn’t have the time to bring anything with her." He handed him his gold credit card.
Connor looked at his father "No Dad that’s not…,"
Angel forced the card into his son's fingers "Come on Connor, you’re my son"
"But I haven’t been one to you," Connor said as he looked to his father with teary eyes.
Angel held his son by his shoulders and said, "Don’t ever say that, Connor. It was my fault that I didn’t fight to keep you. I didn’t fight to let you know me."
Connor laughed at the dark vampire's comment, "Yeah, but I should have tried to know you better. I should have seen. It’s the reason that you lost your humanity. If you hadn’t taken over…," choked out as his tears began to fall.
Angel interrupted his son’s babbling and held him in a close embrace. "It's not your fault Connor. Don’t ever think that son. It was another one’s fault and I can’t even blame her. It’s really my fault Connor. I wasn’t worthy. I haven’t tried hard enough. I phased myself out until I forgot my mission…"
Connor pulled away from his father as his tears continued to fall. "You didn’t have anyone to help you. Who did you have? Cordy? She helped you to stay out of the streets. Wesley? He had his own issues to deal with because he wanted to prove himself. Gunn? This was all revenge game for him... Fred? She did it because she had nothing else to do. You didn’t have anyone to hold on to, no one who understood the pain that you was going through. And you know what the stupid thing is? I felt your pain and kept telling myself that you deserved it when you never did"
Angel moved to his son and looked to his son. He knew that they couldn't continue this conversation with his son in this emotional state. "Listen Connor, let’s drop it for now. You're emotionally and physically tired. Why don’t you go upstairs to your room have a bath and sleep. Okay?"
Connor looked to the vampire with the soul while still crying. He never cried. Maybe once or twice that he could remember, but not like now. He felt guilty and sorry for his dad. Maybe all this wouldn’t have happened to his dad if he hadn’t been born.
He turned his back to Angel and began to walk to his room, "Maybe I wasn’t meant to be born."
Angel leaped in front of his son, held him by the shoulder, "Never say that, Connor. You were meant to be and I am proud of you. Do you understand that?"
Angel looked at his son. Sometimes he forgot how young he was, and he shouldn’t carry all this weight on his shoulders.
"Now go to bed. We will talk tomorrow. I promise," Angel said smiling to his son.
Connor looked at his dad and smiled through his tears, "Okay."
Angel saw his son run upstairs, and he started to think about his future. He needed to get him new ID and to see if he could get him into college to complete his studies.
He looked to where Connor had just disappeared and smiled 'Everything is gonna be alright son. I promise'
=====================================
Faith felt like she had been dancing for hours but for the first time in her life she felt the pleasure of being surrounded by someone's arms and the feeling that someone cared for her.
In all her life, no one looked after her. When she was called, that didn’t make any difference in her life. Maybe it moved to a better place since at least someone cared enough to check on her whereabouts and to try to keep her safe. She began to like her watcher then Kakistos killed her.
Moving to Sunnydale crushed the remaining sanity in her. She thought when she went to the second slayer that she would find her alone. She thought that they would be sisters looking out for each other, but she saw that Buffy still had some social life, a boyfriend, a family, and friends who cared for her.
Then came Angel who looked at her as a friend as someone who needed help. She could see that he understood how hard it was to fight the darkness that was coming out of her and he tried to understand her.
Even when she was trying to get him to bed or kill him, he stood by her. She owed him everything. Now when she came to think about it, she didn’t love Angel. It never felt right, but looking at him as a brother felt right.
Now as she danced in Roham's, she felt warm and safe. She snuggled closer to his muscular chest.
He looked at her and smiled holding her in his arms felt right he thought.
Roham lowered his head to her ear, "Would you like to grab something to eat?"
The brunette slayer looked at him with her beautiful brown eyes and smiled shyly, "Sure. What do have in mind?"
He wrapped his arms around her the waist and they walked out the club.
==============================
They walked in the streets hand in hand looking at each other until they reached a small coffee house where they entered it.
Roham moved the seat for her to sit. She smiled to him as he went to the other side of the table and sat down.
She looked at him and smiled, "So tell me a little about yourself Roham O'Patrick.”
He laughed, "First, let me get us something to eat. What would you like?"
Faith moved a stray strand of her hair "Yeah some coffee"
He looked at her and said, "Sure thing."
He went over to the counter to place their order. The slayer sat at the table checking the surrounding tables and seeing the normal people that she always tried to belong to. Even before she was called, she still remembered how she never felt normal.
===========================
[Flashback]
She was only four, holding on to her teddy bear while she was in her bathroom brushing her teeth and washing her face before she went to bed.
She looked up to the mirror and pulled a chair to stand on so that she could face the mirror. Then she grabbed her brush and started to brush her long brown hair. She looked at her face in the mirror, and touched a blue bruise over her cheek.
She got it when she walked on her mother’s party last night. She had had a bad nightmare and she went out wanting her mommy to comfort her, but her mother was so drunk that night that she slapped her and told never to come out whenever there were people around. That night she cried her little heart out, warm tears soaking her pillow.
She wiped her tears and she got off the chair. She hugged her teddy bear and went to bed. She sat on it wanting to feel like a normal girl at her age, except girls at her age have a mommy to tell them a story. She didn’t care. She used to tell herself that things would be better in the morning but they never were.
===========================
She snapped back to reality when Roham touched her shoulder, "Faith, are you all right?" wondered Roham.
Faith raised her eyes to him and said, "Yeah, I’m good"
He knew that she was thinking of something bad that happened to her because he could see her body stiffen, but he let it drop.
He smiled and took a sip of his coffee, "So, What does the beautiful lady want to know about me?"
Faith looked at him and smiled, "Everything"
Roham moved his hand through his silky hair "Really? Okay where do I start?"
"Ah well, I was born………………."
==========================
Faith and Roham returned to hotel after dawn. They entered the lobby laughing. Faith and Roham looked happy and he walked her upstairs to her room.
He looked at her, held her hand in his, and smiled, "I had a wonderful time tonight. Thank you."
Faith smiled back at him and entered her room.
As soon as she closed the door, her smile turned to a huge grin. She could not believe how easy was it to speak with Roham. Usually she struggled whenever she tried to open up to anyone.
With Roham, she didn’t feel that. It was smooth and easy, almost natural. They spoke for hours she told him nearly everything about herself, except for her darkest secrets, like her sexual adventures. Other than that, Roham knew her all too well now.
Roham was not sleepy so he went up to the hotel roof and stood there watching the sunrise. He smiled at what just happened between them. He and Faith talked about everything. He told her how he was called to be a warrior for the powers.
At the age of 16, he told her how hard was for him to control the powers he was given. He was stronger than a slayer and a powerful wizard. He couldn’t control his powers at the beginning. Whenever he got angry, his magical powers would kick in.
He told her how he had to leave his family and brother to go a monastery in Tibet to learn how to control his powers and how to mould his techniques.
He told her how he felt after he learned that Angel was turned to a vampire and that he killed his family. He told how he hunted him down and when he found him 50 years later, he couldn’t kill him.
However, there were some parts of his life he couldn’t tell her. The parts he didn’t want to remember. He told her everything else. How he was an illegitimate child, the consequence of an affair his dad had with some poor girl that used to work in their land.
He even let her know how his parents used to treat him. He told her how his stepmother (Angel's mother) hated him and how his father looked down on him as mistake, and that they didn’t care what happened to him.
That was the point where Angel represented everything to him. Angel looked after him and took care of him. He helped him get threw the punishments he suffered for mistakes that weren’t his.
Angel was his dear brother, who took care of him, and he told her how they loved their little sister Cathy and that she was his little Angel. His parents never believed that. They always thought that he hated her.
He used to sing her to sleep every night. He used to look out for her, and he felt like he could repay Angel by taking good care of Cathy.
He told Faith nearly everything and it wasn’t hard or weird. On the contrary, it felt right. Roham turned his head to the sun that had already risen and smiled.
================================
Angel was at the basement drinking and smoking his sorrows away. He was trying hard to think and trying to forget the pain in his heart. It wouldn’t go away. The memories of the past were near and far.
He would one moment be thinking about his dad and the next he would think about hell. He couldn’t get his thoughts straight. Everything was blurry, but one thing was clear he lost everything.
Connor entered his dad's dark room and saw him brooding. He went to him, looked at his chair side, and found something like ten empty bottles of strong Russian vodka.
"Dad? Dad, look at me," Connor said as he shook his dad, "What's the matter?"
Angel looked at his eyes and grabbed his shoulder trying to get up "I’m fine;"
Connor looked at the vampire and said "Dad, you're drunk."
Connor helped his father to bed, laid him down, and covered him with a blanket. "Sleep dad. Okay?"
Angel mumbled something in a strange language. Connor looked at his dad and sighed. He wanted to help him, but he didn’t know how he could do that.
==========================
Connor came back from shopping with lots of bags in his hands. He hated shopping but he had to do it. He needed almost everything from underwear to pants, shorts and shoes.
He threw the bags in hotel lobby and went to the kitchen to have a snack. He was hungry and when he entered the kitchen, he found Faith and Roham talking to each other.
"Hey there guys. How you doin?" Connor said as he opened the fridge and grabbed the bread and peanut butter.
Roham and the slayer looked at each other and laughed, "We’re good. Where were you?"
Connor got out his father credit card and placed it over the table "I needed some stuff so Dad gave me his credit card. He also told me to tell you to go buy some stuff for yourself too, Faith."
Faith looked at credit card and said, "No, maybe I shouldn’t…"
She was interrupted by a deep voice saying, "You heard what my son said, go buy yourself everything you need"
Roham turned around and smiled as he saw his brother expression. "Hi there Liam. How is your hangover?"
Angel glared toward nothing as he poured himself some coffee "Not that bad."
Faith grabbed the credit card, looked at Roham, and smiled "Would you like to join me?"
Roham smirked, "Yeah sure"
Angel followed them with his eyes until they left the hotel, then he looked at his son "Did you get everything you need?"
Connor smiled " Yep, pretty much and…"
Gunn interrupted him saying, "Hey, dogs what's up?" He entered the kitchen, poured himself some coffee, and sat on a chair.
Angel looked at Gunn and frowned "You know, after 4 years of fighting together you should be comfortable when wanna tell me something."
Gunn looked at Angel 'How did he know that I wanted to tell him something?' but again Gunn knew that Angel wasn’t a stupid guy. He knew that he acted as if he was a normal guy, but after a few years fighting along side him, he knew that Angel was a deadly force of brilliance and strength that he didn’t realize.
Angel was never confident of himself part of it was because of his father, Angelus, and people that he could never win their trust. He never believed in himself.
Gunn smiled sheepishly, "Yeah well its really big Angel"
Gunn wanted out he couldn't fight anymore he was tired physically and mentally, he didn’t have superpowers and he was fighting in the front line. He needed some time out to collect himself.
"Angel, I want out."
The vampire threw Gunn an angry gaze, "Okay, no problems."
Gunn looked at Angel, "I don’t want you to think that I’m abandoning the fight in the middle it's just… I’m tired man"
Angel laughed in sarcasm, "Gunn, its okay. Believe me. Take a break but I want you to know one thing. When you feel ready to jump back in, you know where to come." He said the last part and winked to the black man.
Gunn smiled, "Really? I wonder where that is. I have to go man. Okay?" He turned and walked out. Just before he reached the door, he turned and said, "Remember when I told you we can never be friends?"
Angel frowned, "Yeah."
Gunn pushed the door and before stepping outside "Well, we are FRIENDS." With that he walked away from the hotel.
=======================
Two months later
Angel was sitting in his office sketching on an old drawing pad he found in one of the drawers. He sighed as he closed the pad, grabbed a cigarette from his pack, and lit one as he kicked back smoking.
He picked up the habit of smoking not only because of his brother but the nicotine helped him to think more clearly and to straighten his thoughts. He watched the smoke whirl in the air and thought about where the tides of destiny had thrown him.
He was glad to have Connor, Faith, and Roham. They helped him get over his friends’ deaths. They were his family. Connor was his son for real this time, nothing could separate them. He would be watching him go to college or talk about a project, or a girl he had a crush and Angel couldn’t help the sense of pride that washed over him.
Faith was his true best friend. She came for him when he least expected her. She stood by his side through the past two months. She helped him thorough some desperate hours where he would lose hope and sit on the hotel top and drink, feeling only the need to numb the pain. She would sit on the roof with him making jokes about him.
Some days she would drag him to do stuff just to help him forget about guilt or stop thinking about the past.
He once asked her why she helped him. She said that she promised herself the day he held his hand out to save her soul that she would always help him through hard times.
And finally, there was his brother Roham, his own flesh and blood. He and Roham were never brothers only, but best friends too. They understood each perfectly and the past two month proved that they hadn’t lost the bond between them.
Even though he felt guilty for killing his family, Roham never blamed him. On the contrary, he tried to make him see the difference between the man he is and the demon Angelus was.
He smiled to himself when he remembered, the first time his brother told him that he was taking Faith out for a date, Angel was happy for both of them.
Knowing both of them, he understood how perfect they were for each other. He remember telling Roham that if he ever hurt Faith in any way he would hunt him down and torture the living hell out of him. He remembered also how he answered that he would never harm her.
He liked his new family. They were connected very closely to each other. They tried to take interest in each other interests and they were trying to get to know each other well so they could build a strong family bond between them.
His sensitive hearing picked up the sound of the hotel door been closed, he didn’t need to ask who it was. He got off his chair and opened his office door.
"Hi, Connor ", the vampire with the soul greeted his son
Connor looked at his dad and smiled in the past couple months they got real close. He was able to see the man his father was, and his respect and love deepened more.
He couldn’t believe when Angel came up to his room and told him that he managed to hook him up with an ID and he got him in college so that would be able to continue his studies. He helped training him and he always pushed him to do things that didn’t involve fighting evil, like to join the university football team or to go date some girl he had a crush on.
He really cherished those moments in his heart. He felt that he was lucky to have a father like Angel. Okay guilt and brooding aside, he was the best father anyone would ask for.
Sometimes he would be thinking and wonder 'what on gods green were the powers thinking when they rewarded Spike with his humanity?' He even went as far as asking his dad this question.
He remembered what was his answer 'The powers don't care about the inside they care about the action especially when it comes to me'.
"I’m fine Dad," replied Connor as he placed his stuff on the table "Where are Roham and Faith?"
"They’re downstairs training," Angel said just as Roham and Faith came from the new training room downstairs.
Roham looked at Connor and smiled "Hey! What's up Connor? How was school?" Faith nodded her head at Connor as she slipped her hands around Roham's waist.
"It was fine," Connor replied as he began to sort out his stuff on the table
"Good. I am gonna go take a shower." Roham bent down, kissed Faith on the lips, and ran upstairs for a quick shower.
"Angel…..." Faith began.
The last person they expected to see interrupted Faith
"Hey there DEADBOY"
The three of them looked at the hotel entrance and was shocked to see them.
====================================================================================
End of Chapter 1
====================================================================================
Until it sleeps
Author note: The song in the fic is "Until it Sleeps" from Metallica's Album (LOAD) but if you want to listen to a great cover for this song it's on the(S&M) album by Metallica.
It belongs to the biggest heavy metal band of all time, and since I am not a member of Metallica, I do not own the song.
Author Note1: I would like to thank all those who took time to read my fic and those who gave me a great review and my beta Wanda K Fluher.
Author Note2: I am sorry it took me too long okay but life has been hectic, but I promise I will try to update faster
==============================
Where do I take this pain of mine?
I run, but it stays right by my side
==============================
Angel was in the shower washing the blood and mud off his body. He stood under the hot spray, allowing it to wash away all the pain and the blood.
The only time he felt clean, and closer to a human begin was under the hot water. He could feel his body radiating with heat as he allows the water to warm away the coldness that dwells within him. It was a simple thing that he still took pleasure in it.
He turned off the water, stepped out the shower and wrapped a towel around himself. He went through the clothes that he managed to get out of Wolfram and Hart.
He looked at the old leather pants that he never wore. They usually reminded him too much of Angelus but right now he didn’t give two straws. He grabbed the pants, threw them on the bed, and returned his attention back to the closet to find something to go with the pants.
He thought maybe a black shirt would do, but then he saw his blood red silk shirt. He grabbed it and start to dress.
After he finished dressing , he grabbed some gel but instead of combing his hair in his traditional spiky style, he pulled it backwards, he didn't know why he was doing this, but he doesn't want to look the same anymore, then he pulled his trademark black coat out of the closet and headed down to meet the others.
====================
So tear me open, pour me out
There's things inside that scream and shout
And the pain still hates me
So hold me until it sleeps
====================
He didn’t wanna go out. He wanted to fade to black, but he felt that his friends deserved a break. Plus, he could drown his sorrows in a couple of drinks.
He went downstairs and found Roham sitting in a chair humming a tune with a cigarette in his hand. Angel gave him a wary smile and sat on a chair beside his brother, who grabbed his pack from his pocket and offered Angel one.
Unlike Angelus, Angel wasn’t a regular smoker, but right now he needed the nicotine. He accepted the cigarette, reached for the lighter that was on the table and lit the cigarette.
Dragging deeply, he executed a number of perfect smoke rings as he exhaled.
"Since when do you smoke?" asked a surprised Faith as she entered the room.
Angel turned around and frowned, "Well, I am not a regular smoker"
Faith looked at Roham "And you?"
Roham exhaled the smoke trapped in his chest and looked to the ceiling with a gloomy look on his face, "I started a long time ago."
Connor came from upstairs after he changed out of his bloody clothes, looked at his father and smiled, "Wow, new hair style Dad."
Angel looked at Connor and ran his hand through his hair, "Well, I didn't feel like doing the same old thing."
Faith looked at him "Leather’s nice. You sure, you're not Angelus?"
Angel gave her a weary smile "No, I am not Angelus, Can you guys just relax and let’s just go have a good time"
His brother looked at him, "Like the old days?" Angel looked at the cigarette's smoke as he remembered the old days
========================================
[Flashback]
A 15-year-old Roham and 20-year-old Liam were walking down the streets of Galway, heading towards the local pub; they entered the pub and ordered some ale
That was their daily routine since Roham was 13. They'd go down to the pub escaping their father's wrath and drown their problems in a beer and fine Irish whiskey, Roham would return drunk and later that night Liam would return with some whore he picked up at the pub.
=========================================
Angel was longing for those old days everything was simple and clear, but those days were long gone. He had to learn how to accept facts. He had to accept that he had no shot at being human and that he’d lost the love of his life, he lost everything…
His thoughts were interrupted by his Gunn's voice, "Ladies and Gentlemen, the brooding champ is back."
Faith laughed, "And better than ever."
Angel looked at them in rejection, "Hey, I wasn't brooding"
Connor looked at the vampire with the soul and said, "Yeah, you were."
Roham stood up to end this argument "Hey, anytime you're ready." They smiled and walked out of the hotel to the street and turned towards the local club.
========================================
Just like the curse, just like the stray
You feed it once and now it stays
Now it stays
=========================================
As they entered the club, a band was on stage playing some rock tunes with a small crowd standing in front of the band. There were tables scattered here and there and a bar with tall chairs where a couple of guys were sitting just listening to the music while drowning their sorrows in alcohol.
"I like this place, Connor. Nice choice lad." Roham said while looking around.
Angel used to feel uncomfortable in these places because he could hear the peoples' heart beat around him, smell their arousal, and hear the music twice as loud. He was more uncomfortable in this place because this arrangement reminded him of the Bronze back in Sunnydale.
Angel and the rest of his crew walked to a free table and sat down. After a few seconds, a woman wearing a skirt, and black top came to take their orders asking "So, what's it gonna be guys?"
Roham looked at her and asked "What types of liquor do you serve here?"
The waitress looked at him in annoyance "Everything."
Roham smiled "I will have vodka",
Faith looked at the waitress, "I’ll have a beer."
Gunn seemed lost in thought, as he ordered without looking at her "Whiskey",
Connor looked at the waitress, "I will have a Vodka Tonic."
The waitress looked at him with the I-know-how-old-you- are smirk "And how old are you?"
Roham looked in her eyes "He is twenty one"
She wanted to protest but something in Roham's blue eyes stopped her. She couldn’t do anything except to agree with what he said, "Okay."
Angel knew the trick his brother was using. It was an old trick that Angelus used to do it all the time. "I will have five shots of tequila," he added his order. He needed a strong drink.
The waitress nodded and turned to the bar to fill their orders. Connor turned to Roham in amazement "How did you do that?"
Roham laughed while running his fingers through his hair, "It’s an old trick. I will hopefully teach it to you someday."
The drinks arrived after a few minutes and each one grabbed his drink. Angel noticed a guy at the other table flirting with Faith. He was surprised as she just gave him a cold gaze and turned the other way. 'She has changed ' thought Angel
Roham turned around facing his brother, "Do you see the three guys that are at the bar?"
Angel turned his gaze to the bar, and then to his brother, "Yeah, I noticed, Do you think they here to collect…?" and raised his eyebrow.
Roham looked at them "Yeah, Would you like me to take care of it?"
Angel glared at his brother, Take care of it? He knew that Roham didn’t mean anything by it, but right now Angel needed to reclaim this town. He got up and said, "No, I will take care of it."
He walked toward the bar and heard the conversation between the owner of the bar and a worker in the bar
The bartender "Shit! They’re here to collect Zerion's money."
The owner looked at the bartender "Who?”
The bartender looked at the owner with fear, "A vampire who collects money from the owner, in exchange he doesn’t ruin their business."
The owner looked at the bartender in disbelief, "Yeah, In Sunnydale I owned the Bronze and the same things would happen but we had our own hero in Sunnydale. She would take care of this stuff"
One of the three vampires threw a pitcher to the floor and said; "Pay time boys!" interrupted their conversation
The owner of the bar was scared, but tried to look strong as he asked, "What can I get you, sir?"
The vampire looked at him and laughed, "Well, I will have 1000 dollars every week, or else."
The bartender tried to sound brave as he asked, "Or what?"
The vampire looked at them and smiled "Or this!" and then he vamped out and reached over to grab the owner.
==================================
So tear me open but beware
There's things inside without a care
And the dirt still stains me
So wash me until I'm clean
==================================
The owner closed his eyes, waiting for the worst but nothing happened. He opened his eyes and found the vampire’s hand a few inches above his shoulder. He looked around and saw a dark man holding the vampire's hand.
The vampire glared furiously at Angel, and tried to pull away his hand away from Angel's grip. Angel returned the vampire's glare and spoke softly, "I wouldn’t try that if I were you",
The vampire looked furiously at Angel "Kill him boys."
Holding the vampire's hand, he turned around and punched the first vampire in the face. His motion caused the wrist of the first vampire to break with a loud snap.
Then he staked the other vampire, the last vampire seeing what happened to his companions tried to flee, but before he could reach the door, he felt a wooden stake pierce his heart, turning him into dust.
Angel growled at the vampire while still holding his wrist, "So you ready to hear me?"
The vampire looked at Angel in fear, his broken wrist pain was unbearable, and especially that Angel was still bending it, "Who are you?"
Angel got down on his knees near the vampire (who feel down during the fight), bending his hand just a little bit more "Name's Angel, and LA is my territory. You and your stupid boss will stay out of it for the rest of your eternal lives."
Angel twisted his wrist harder, causing the vampire to scream in pain, "And if you don’t, I am gonna hunt every one you down, and make you experience one hell of a painful death"
He bended his wrist more, "Got it?"
The vampire screamed, "I got it! I got it! Please let go!"
Angel grabbed the vampire and threw him out the club then returned. He grabbed the drink he left on the bar and returned to his table.
"Wow, Dad nice work" Connor said with a smirk on his face.
His father gave him an angry gaze, "Think you could have done better?"
Connor laughed at his dad’s comment. He knew when it came to being persuasive; his dad had his own ways that never seem to fail. "Nope"
There argument was cut short, "Excuse me, sir" Angel turned around to find the bar owner standing behind him.
The bar owner stretched his hand, "I am Bryan Tomas, the owner of this bar. I just wanted to thank you for saving me back there."
Angel shook the guy's hands and smiled "No problems Bryan."
Bryan smiled, "Well, Is there a way I can repay you?"
Angel looked at him and was about to explode into 'I don’t do it to get paid' speech, but an idea crossed his mind.
Angel grabbed Bryan's arm, pushed him into a seat beside him, and said, "You can give me information about any strange faces, or incidents that happen in the area. Do you think you can do that?"
Bryan looked at Angel, and seemed a little surprised. He expected Angel to ask for money, but for Angel to ask him to keep an ear to the underworld events were the last thing he expected "And why exactly do you wanna know any strange news? Why do YOU wanna fight them?"
Angel frowned and he looked to the ceiling. Bryan asked a crucial question. Why would he wanna know any news? Why would he wanna fight?
"Cause somebody has to" said Conner
Angel turned his gaze to his son, and flashed back
============================================
[Flashback]
They had just escaped the three and arrived to her bedroom. He was giving the slayer his back while she was changing, and watching if the three is still out there
Buffy: "You know I am the Chosen One. It's my job to fight guys like this, what's your excuse?"
Angel: "That somebody has to"
============================================
Angel frowned at the memory of a time where he knew that she was his…
He shook his head trying to snap out the memory, and looked at Bryan "Can you?"
Bryan nodded, "Yeah, sure"
Angel reached for his pocket, picked one of his old cards and handed it to him, "If you find anything unnatural call me on this number"
Bryan looked to the symbol on the card, "What's this, a frog?"
Angel ignored the comment and laid his head back drinking his tequila "Just call me at this number, will you?"
Bryan flipped the card between his fingers for a few seconds, "Sure"
He stood up and went back to the bar; Roham called the waitress and asked her to bring more drinks. Faith stood up and went to the bar. She sat there drinking in silence, lost in the stream thoughts.
The guy who was flirting with Faith earlier came closer and stood in front of her. He gave her a stupid grin and said, "Hi honey we meet again." as he looked lustfully toward the brunette.
Faith rolled her eyes in dullness, "Do I know you?" she knew him he was one of the guys she slept with when she came to LA to kill Angel. She was amazed that he remembered her after all this time.
He looked at her and smiled, "Come honey, let’s dance," he said as he grabbed her ass, Faith jumped up and removed his hands, pushing him away, but not too hard. She still had problems using her powers with humans.
The guy held her arm and turned her, and looked in her eyes "I told you, let’s dance, bitch!"
Faith removed her arm from his grip, "And I said NO!"
The guy raised his hands and slapped Faith’s face with such force that knocked her off her feet.
Angel and Roham's heads snapped in her direction, turning their gazes to where Faith was sitting. They saw her yelling at the guy. Angel tried to get up to deal with the guy but Roham held him by his shoulder and pulled him down. Then he got up, saying "Leave that son of a bitch to me."
The guy was about to slap Faith again, when his hand was caught in mid-air. He turned around to see who held his hand, only to meet a fuming glare from Roham who said, "I believe you should leave the lady alone"
The guy turned to Roham and smirked, "This none of your business, cute boy."
Roham glared at the guy, with anger burning in his eyes and shouted, "What did you just call me?"
The guy laughed at Roham, "I told you what you can do? You son of a …ahhhhh" the man couldn’t continue his sentence cause Roham's finger quickly hit his throat.
The guy was holding his throat and trying to breath, Roham held the guy's neck and lifted him until he was facing him, "Now let’s try this again. What did you just say?"
The guy looked terrified from Roham, "I am sorry"
Roham smiled and he looked at Faith, then back to the man "Good boy. Anybody else you should apologize to"
The guy turned his head toward Faith, "I am sorry"
Roham looked at Faith and she nodded to him. He returned his attention to the guy, "Remember next time, when a lady says no, it means no." He released the guy who fell to the floor holding his throat "Go!" said Roham to the guy who stood up and ran out the bar.
Faith looked at Roham with a shocked look in her eyes, never had anyone except Angel cared about her.
Roham seemed concerned about Faith. He moved and sat next to her and touched her back in a friendly gesture. She looked up at him with teary eyes "Why wouldn’t he go away? I told him no, then he hit me, and I didn’t wanna hurt him."
Roham moved closer and held her in his arms, while she sobbed uncontrollably. He kept moving his arms over her back trying to soothe her, whispering words of comfort in her ears.
Faith kept crying in his arms. She couldn’t stop herself. It was like all those past years came rushing over her. She kept whimpering in his shirt, "Why? Why?"
Roham understood what she meant by why. She was wondering why people couldn’t accept that she had changed. Even though all that Roham knew about Faith was the stories he heard from the residents of the underworld, he completely understood that it was hard for her to change. He could feel the pain radiating from her.
Faith was crying. She never did that. She always told herself that she would cry when she felt safe and even though she didn’t know Roham, she felt safe in his arms. So she cried for everything, for her rough life, for switching sides, and for her loneliness.
Angel watched the scene from the table, and was amazed. Faith didn’t hit him as the crying type. He saw his brother soothing her, whispering words of comfort in her ears.
He got up, went to his brother, and mouthed 'I am gonna go to the hotel now, okay?' Roham looked at his brother and nodded.
Roham looked around and found Connor following his dad out of the club and Gunn was drowning his thoughts in his whiskey.
He looked at Faith who was starting to calm down. She raised her face and he removed a strand of hair from her face, wiped away the tears that were falling from her eyes with his thumb.
He raised her chin with his index finger and looked into her teary eyes, and held her hands between his and asked, "Dance with me?"
Faith looked at him with amazement. He barely knew her but some how he was offering her comfort and safeness. Two feelings she rarely felt in her life, but something in his tone made her feel secure and his arms felt like home.
Roham held her hand as he guided her to the dance floor. He started to dance with her, moving her closer to him and wrapping his arm around her waist.
She leaned her head on his chest and sighed. She felt like she’d been walking forever and she’d finally found home.
==================================
Meanwhile in the hotel, Angel and Connor walked in silence. They hadn’t spoken a word to each other all the way. Connor still felt uneasy around his father, but not like when he returned from Quor-toth.
No, he felt embarrassed and ashamed of his acts and he also felt a great sense of respect for his dad. He spent hardly any time with his dad, and not only had he hated him, but he threw him in the depths of the ocean for three months. After that, Angel went and made a deal with devil to give him a chance for a normal life.
He looked at his dad with respect. He loved him and he finally understood what a great dad he had. Of course, they had their issues, but they would deal with it.
Angel looked to his son and smiled. He was happy that Connor was normal. Well not perfectly normal, but at least he didn’t sense the misery and anger that he used to feel every time he was around him.
"So did you bring anything with you?" Angel said, as he looked at his son.
Connor looked to the floor, "Nope."
Angel laughed and said, "That’s okay, son. Why don’t you take Faith tomorrow and go shopping together. I sense that she didn’t have the time to bring anything with her." He handed him his gold credit card.
Connor looked at his father "No Dad that’s not…,"
Angel forced the card into his son's fingers "Come on Connor, you’re my son"
"But I haven’t been one to you," Connor said as he looked to his father with teary eyes.
Angel held his son by his shoulders and said, "Don’t ever say that, Connor. It was my fault that I didn’t fight to keep you. I didn’t fight to let you know me."
Connor laughed at the dark vampire's comment, "Yeah, but I should have tried to know you better. I should have seen. It’s the reason that you lost your humanity. If you hadn’t taken over…," choked out as his tears began to fall.
Angel interrupted his son’s babbling and held him in a close embrace. "It's not your fault Connor. Don’t ever think that son. It was another one’s fault and I can’t even blame her. It’s really my fault Connor. I wasn’t worthy. I haven’t tried hard enough. I phased myself out until I forgot my mission…"
Connor pulled away from his father as his tears continued to fall. "You didn’t have anyone to help you. Who did you have? Cordy? She helped you to stay out of the streets. Wesley? He had his own issues to deal with because he wanted to prove himself. Gunn? This was all revenge game for him... Fred? She did it because she had nothing else to do. You didn’t have anyone to hold on to, no one who understood the pain that you was going through. And you know what the stupid thing is? I felt your pain and kept telling myself that you deserved it when you never did"
Angel moved to his son and looked to his son. He knew that they couldn't continue this conversation with his son in this emotional state. "Listen Connor, let’s drop it for now. You're emotionally and physically tired. Why don’t you go upstairs to your room have a bath and sleep. Okay?"
Connor looked to the vampire with the soul while still crying. He never cried. Maybe once or twice that he could remember, but not like now. He felt guilty and sorry for his dad. Maybe all this wouldn’t have happened to his dad if he hadn’t been born.
He turned his back to Angel and began to walk to his room, "Maybe I wasn’t meant to be born."
Angel leaped in front of his son, held him by the shoulder, "Never say that, Connor. You were meant to be and I am proud of you. Do you understand that?"
Angel looked at his son. Sometimes he forgot how young he was, and he shouldn’t carry all this weight on his shoulders.
"Now go to bed. We will talk tomorrow. I promise," Angel said smiling to his son.
Connor looked at his dad and smiled through his tears, "Okay."
Angel saw his son run upstairs, and he started to think about his future. He needed to get him new ID and to see if he could get him into college to complete his studies.
He looked to where Connor had just disappeared and smiled 'Everything is gonna be alright son. I promise'
=====================================
Faith felt like she had been dancing for hours but for the first time in her life she felt the pleasure of being surrounded by someone's arms and the feeling that someone cared for her.
In all her life, no one looked after her. When she was called, that didn’t make any difference in her life. Maybe it moved to a better place since at least someone cared enough to check on her whereabouts and to try to keep her safe. She began to like her watcher then Kakistos killed her.
Moving to Sunnydale crushed the remaining sanity in her. She thought when she went to the second slayer that she would find her alone. She thought that they would be sisters looking out for each other, but she saw that Buffy still had some social life, a boyfriend, a family, and friends who cared for her.
Then came Angel who looked at her as a friend as someone who needed help. She could see that he understood how hard it was to fight the darkness that was coming out of her and he tried to understand her.
Even when she was trying to get him to bed or kill him, he stood by her. She owed him everything. Now when she came to think about it, she didn’t love Angel. It never felt right, but looking at him as a brother felt right.
Now as she danced in Roham's, she felt warm and safe. She snuggled closer to his muscular chest.
He looked at her and smiled holding her in his arms felt right he thought.
Roham lowered his head to her ear, "Would you like to grab something to eat?"
The brunette slayer looked at him with her beautiful brown eyes and smiled shyly, "Sure. What do have in mind?"
He wrapped his arms around her the waist and they walked out the club.
==============================
They walked in the streets hand in hand looking at each other until they reached a small coffee house where they entered it.
Roham moved the seat for her to sit. She smiled to him as he went to the other side of the table and sat down.
She looked at him and smiled, "So tell me a little about yourself Roham O'Patrick.”
He laughed, "First, let me get us something to eat. What would you like?"
Faith moved a stray strand of her hair "Yeah some coffee"
He looked at her and said, "Sure thing."
He went over to the counter to place their order. The slayer sat at the table checking the surrounding tables and seeing the normal people that she always tried to belong to. Even before she was called, she still remembered how she never felt normal.
===========================
[Flashback]
She was only four, holding on to her teddy bear while she was in her bathroom brushing her teeth and washing her face before she went to bed.
She looked up to the mirror and pulled a chair to stand on so that she could face the mirror. Then she grabbed her brush and started to brush her long brown hair. She looked at her face in the mirror, and touched a blue bruise over her cheek.
She got it when she walked on her mother’s party last night. She had had a bad nightmare and she went out wanting her mommy to comfort her, but her mother was so drunk that night that she slapped her and told never to come out whenever there were people around. That night she cried her little heart out, warm tears soaking her pillow.
She wiped her tears and she got off the chair. She hugged her teddy bear and went to bed. She sat on it wanting to feel like a normal girl at her age, except girls at her age have a mommy to tell them a story. She didn’t care. She used to tell herself that things would be better in the morning but they never were.
===========================
She snapped back to reality when Roham touched her shoulder, "Faith, are you all right?" wondered Roham.
Faith raised her eyes to him and said, "Yeah, I’m good"
He knew that she was thinking of something bad that happened to her because he could see her body stiffen, but he let it drop.
He smiled and took a sip of his coffee, "So, What does the beautiful lady want to know about me?"
Faith looked at him and smiled, "Everything"
Roham moved his hand through his silky hair "Really? Okay where do I start?"
"Ah well, I was born………………."
==========================
Faith and Roham returned to hotel after dawn. They entered the lobby laughing. Faith and Roham looked happy and he walked her upstairs to her room.
He looked at her, held her hand in his, and smiled, "I had a wonderful time tonight. Thank you."
Faith smiled back at him and entered her room.
As soon as she closed the door, her smile turned to a huge grin. She could not believe how easy was it to speak with Roham. Usually she struggled whenever she tried to open up to anyone.
With Roham, she didn’t feel that. It was smooth and easy, almost natural. They spoke for hours she told him nearly everything about herself, except for her darkest secrets, like her sexual adventures. Other than that, Roham knew her all too well now.
Roham was not sleepy so he went up to the hotel roof and stood there watching the sunrise. He smiled at what just happened between them. He and Faith talked about everything. He told her how he was called to be a warrior for the powers.
At the age of 16, he told her how hard was for him to control the powers he was given. He was stronger than a slayer and a powerful wizard. He couldn’t control his powers at the beginning. Whenever he got angry, his magical powers would kick in.
He told her how he had to leave his family and brother to go a monastery in Tibet to learn how to control his powers and how to mould his techniques.
He told her how he felt after he learned that Angel was turned to a vampire and that he killed his family. He told how he hunted him down and when he found him 50 years later, he couldn’t kill him.
However, there were some parts of his life he couldn’t tell her. The parts he didn’t want to remember. He told her everything else. How he was an illegitimate child, the consequence of an affair his dad had with some poor girl that used to work in their land.
He even let her know how his parents used to treat him. He told her how his stepmother (Angel's mother) hated him and how his father looked down on him as mistake, and that they didn’t care what happened to him.
That was the point where Angel represented everything to him. Angel looked after him and took care of him. He helped him get threw the punishments he suffered for mistakes that weren’t his.
Angel was his dear brother, who took care of him, and he told her how they loved their little sister Cathy and that she was his little Angel. His parents never believed that. They always thought that he hated her.
He used to sing her to sleep every night. He used to look out for her, and he felt like he could repay Angel by taking good care of Cathy.
He told Faith nearly everything and it wasn’t hard or weird. On the contrary, it felt right. Roham turned his head to the sun that had already risen and smiled.
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Angel was at the basement drinking and smoking his sorrows away. He was trying hard to think and trying to forget the pain in his heart. It wouldn’t go away. The memories of the past were near and far.
He would one moment be thinking about his dad and the next he would think about hell. He couldn’t get his thoughts straight. Everything was blurry, but one thing was clear he lost everything.
Connor entered his dad's dark room and saw him brooding. He went to him, looked at his chair side, and found something like ten empty bottles of strong Russian vodka.
"Dad? Dad, look at me," Connor said as he shook his dad, "What's the matter?"
Angel looked at his eyes and grabbed his shoulder trying to get up "I’m fine;"
Connor looked at the vampire and said "Dad, you're drunk."
Connor helped his father to bed, laid him down, and covered him with a blanket. "Sleep dad. Okay?"
Angel mumbled something in a strange language. Connor looked at his dad and sighed. He wanted to help him, but he didn’t know how he could do that.
==========================
Connor came back from shopping with lots of bags in his hands. He hated shopping but he had to do it. He needed almost everything from underwear to pants, shorts and shoes.
He threw the bags in hotel lobby and went to the kitchen to have a snack. He was hungry and when he entered the kitchen, he found Faith and Roham talking to each other.
"Hey there guys. How you doin?" Connor said as he opened the fridge and grabbed the bread and peanut butter.
Roham and the slayer looked at each other and laughed, "We’re good. Where were you?"
Connor got out his father credit card and placed it over the table "I needed some stuff so Dad gave me his credit card. He also told me to tell you to go buy some stuff for yourself too, Faith."
Faith looked at credit card and said, "No, maybe I shouldn’t…"
She was interrupted by a deep voice saying, "You heard what my son said, go buy yourself everything you need"
Roham turned around and smiled as he saw his brother expression. "Hi there Liam. How is your hangover?"
Angel glared toward nothing as he poured himself some coffee "Not that bad."
Faith grabbed the credit card, looked at Roham, and smiled "Would you like to join me?"
Roham smirked, "Yeah sure"
Angel followed them with his eyes until they left the hotel, then he looked at his son "Did you get everything you need?"
Connor smiled " Yep, pretty much and…"
Gunn interrupted him saying, "Hey, dogs what's up?" He entered the kitchen, poured himself some coffee, and sat on a chair.
Angel looked at Gunn and frowned "You know, after 4 years of fighting together you should be comfortable when wanna tell me something."
Gunn looked at Angel 'How did he know that I wanted to tell him something?' but again Gunn knew that Angel wasn’t a stupid guy. He knew that he acted as if he was a normal guy, but after a few years fighting along side him, he knew that Angel was a deadly force of brilliance and strength that he didn’t realize.
Angel was never confident of himself part of it was because of his father, Angelus, and people that he could never win their trust. He never believed in himself.
Gunn smiled sheepishly, "Yeah well its really big Angel"
Gunn wanted out he couldn't fight anymore he was tired physically and mentally, he didn’t have superpowers and he was fighting in the front line. He needed some time out to collect himself.
"Angel, I want out."
The vampire threw Gunn an angry gaze, "Okay, no problems."
Gunn looked at Angel, "I don’t want you to think that I’m abandoning the fight in the middle it's just… I’m tired man"
Angel laughed in sarcasm, "Gunn, its okay. Believe me. Take a break but I want you to know one thing. When you feel ready to jump back in, you know where to come." He said the last part and winked to the black man.
Gunn smiled, "Really? I wonder where that is. I have to go man. Okay?" He turned and walked out. Just before he reached the door, he turned and said, "Remember when I told you we can never be friends?"
Angel frowned, "Yeah."
Gunn pushed the door and before stepping outside "Well, we are FRIENDS." With that he walked away from the hotel.
=======================
Two months later
Angel was sitting in his office sketching on an old drawing pad he found in one of the drawers. He sighed as he closed the pad, grabbed a cigarette from his pack, and lit one as he kicked back smoking.
He picked up the habit of smoking not only because of his brother but the nicotine helped him to think more clearly and to straighten his thoughts. He watched the smoke whirl in the air and thought about where the tides of destiny had thrown him.
He was glad to have Connor, Faith, and Roham. They helped him get over his friends’ deaths. They were his family. Connor was his son for real this time, nothing could separate them. He would be watching him go to college or talk about a project, or a girl he had a crush and Angel couldn’t help the sense of pride that washed over him.
Faith was his true best friend. She came for him when he least expected her. She stood by his side through the past two months. She helped him thorough some desperate hours where he would lose hope and sit on the hotel top and drink, feeling only the need to numb the pain. She would sit on the roof with him making jokes about him.
Some days she would drag him to do stuff just to help him forget about guilt or stop thinking about the past.
He once asked her why she helped him. She said that she promised herself the day he held his hand out to save her soul that she would always help him through hard times.
And finally, there was his brother Roham, his own flesh and blood. He and Roham were never brothers only, but best friends too. They understood each perfectly and the past two month proved that they hadn’t lost the bond between them.
Even though he felt guilty for killing his family, Roham never blamed him. On the contrary, he tried to make him see the difference between the man he is and the demon Angelus was.
He smiled to himself when he remembered, the first time his brother told him that he was taking Faith out for a date, Angel was happy for both of them.
Knowing both of them, he understood how perfect they were for each other. He remember telling Roham that if he ever hurt Faith in any way he would hunt him down and torture the living hell out of him. He remembered also how he answered that he would never harm her.
He liked his new family. They were connected very closely to each other. They tried to take interest in each other interests and they were trying to get to know each other well so they could build a strong family bond between them.
His sensitive hearing picked up the sound of the hotel door been closed, he didn’t need to ask who it was. He got off his chair and opened his office door.
"Hi, Connor ", the vampire with the soul greeted his son
Connor looked at his dad and smiled in the past couple months they got real close. He was able to see the man his father was, and his respect and love deepened more.
He couldn’t believe when Angel came up to his room and told him that he managed to hook him up with an ID and he got him in college so that would be able to continue his studies. He helped training him and he always pushed him to do things that didn’t involve fighting evil, like to join the university football team or to go date some girl he had a crush on.
He really cherished those moments in his heart. He felt that he was lucky to have a father like Angel. Okay guilt and brooding aside, he was the best father anyone would ask for.
Sometimes he would be thinking and wonder 'what on gods green were the powers thinking when they rewarded Spike with his humanity?' He even went as far as asking his dad this question.
He remembered what was his answer 'The powers don't care about the inside they care about the action especially when it comes to me'.
"I’m fine Dad," replied Connor as he placed his stuff on the table "Where are Roham and Faith?"
"They’re downstairs training," Angel said just as Roham and Faith came from the new training room downstairs.
Roham looked at Connor and smiled "Hey! What's up Connor? How was school?" Faith nodded her head at Connor as she slipped her hands around Roham's waist.
"It was fine," Connor replied as he began to sort out his stuff on the table
"Good. I am gonna go take a shower." Roham bent down, kissed Faith on the lips, and ran upstairs for a quick shower.
"Angel…..." Faith began.
The last person they expected to see interrupted Faith
"Hey there DEADBOY"
The three of them looked at the hotel entrance and was shocked to see them.
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End of Chapter 1
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