(no subject)
i just had the awesome experience of breaking into my own house. you see [and all of this takes place while i'm having the worst period of my life, mind you] i gave up my set of keys on june 15th when i gave up my room. so when i went to take one of my boxes of stuff to the ups store to ship it home today [tomorrow, i will need to make another trip as there was no way for me to carry both boxes] i grabbed a spare "set" of keys from the windowsill. the box was way too heavy and the trip to drop it off was basically the worst thing ever. when i arrived home, i trotted up the front steps. i pulled out my keys and unlocked the deadbolt. and i found that none of the 3 keys i had unlocked the other lock. silly of me to think that a set of 3 keys for the front door would open the 2 locks on the front door and the lock on the inner screen door... so i rang the doorbell, called the house, and realized that all the roommates were at some punk thing and probably wouldn't be home until really late. i called aria to see if she had any of their cell numbers, so i could come pick up their keys or at least know when they'd be home. being in the wilds of maine, i assume she had no reception. that, or she declined my call - i wouldn't be surprised, on a day like today. so i sat on the steps for a few minutes, trying not to cry because all of brooklyn was out on their front porches hanging out and looking at me: the little lost white girl who couldn't get into her house. after wallowing for a short while, i decided that my only real option was clear. i'd have to climb over the fence that closes off the driveway and go into the back door [it's always unlocked]. so, wearing my tank top, flip flops, and trusty tampon, i scaled the 10-foot fence. my shoe kept threatening to fall off, and all the neighbors were watching me. it was delightful. but once i got over, i felt pretty good about life & myself. at which point i walked up to the back door and realized that it, too, was locked. for a moment, i considered hanging out on the back patio until everyone got home. it is a balmy evening, and i had a book in my bag. but i wasn't thrilled about the prospect of having no bathroom and no food until the wee hours of the morning. plus, how would i know when people got home if they just went to their beds to pass out? so i began searching my soul for a plan b. plan b turned out to be get the kitchen window open [because my hands were so sweaty, it wasn't hard], remove the mannequin torso with the teletubby costume on and the pink vibrating dildo from the window [don't ask...don't tell...], push away the toaster oven and coffee maker, and pull myself up into the window and onto the kitchen counter. so i got in with only minor cuts & scrapes and a few strange looks. and now i know that if any murderers or rapists ever want to get into the house, it's really quite easy. upon entering the house, you'll be glad to know that i came directly to the computer to tell you [yes you!] about the aforementioned delicious incident. mmm...delicious...that reminds me of...dinner... bye bye!