Sunday June 3rd's convo
What he (Thomas) recently said stuck with me a bit......
Attachment stresses me out...
The feeling of uncertainity bothers me, makes me feel unstable, unsafe, uneasy and frankly...... a little crazy.
Dealing with Matt's constant lying over every little stupid and unncessary things, developed a paranoia that I can't control fully. He brought out some of the worst traits out of me that I never want to feel again. But like I said to Randy, I don't know how to put that crazy back in it's pandora's box. Like it's apart of me now... i feel it being triggered.... here and there.
----------------------------------------------------------------------Logically...cold... lol
"I want to spend time with you."
"I want to be with You."
Working on prioritizing
CDL
Feels his happiness have been disregarded by his parents.
What makes me happy, may upset you or someone else....
When hearing something negative or possibly negative in how it may affect him...... he gets defensive...... and not fully reading/hearing what is actually said.
Reacting in response, instead of responding to what is said.
Comprehension was and still is an issue...... on both sides.
But he's been dying to be heard, dying to be understood, dying to be given the time of day...
dying on the inside, with no one to unveil and unload that struggle. Therefore a lot of frustrations, aggravation, pent up unexpressed and unable to be expressed feelings and words; leading to the need for physical release of punching a wall or other methods for transfer of energy.
"Good, fast, cheap" - sensed so much aggression there....frustrated past.
He feels attacked when I voice problems/ because he is overwhlemed so therefore feels attacked.
Going back to adderall will go back to smoking regardless.
Ideas, suggestions, critism for change....can come off as set backs when it doesnt align with his plan/planning.
------
"Progress"...his view of progress is mind boggling.
Wanting to quit smoking, saying having smoked since, but then did take two pulls...all because he didn't smoke a whole cigg. - he saw and said that was progress.
quid quo pro - done a lot for him what can he do in return was what he questioned... lol
"and yes, you are Very, very, VERY..,.self sufficient" (lol)
What are the simple wants and needs
~~~Keep being repeatitive about it
can't go forward if you keep going backwards with that. (he asked for "HELP")
solution oriented.
"Patience" ---
Things get repeated when asked and or neglected/unresolved --- so it serves as a reminder - addressing the question "how does that help, how does that help at all (frustration)"