Random update
I want to say something, since I've purloined internet for the night (astro club room!) but I don't know what.
Basically, I'm not fulfilled.
Yesterday, on the train, I just looked out the window with Starfire music playing on my iPod. It was probably the best time I've had in a long time, sad to say. I'm re-evaluating things, and I've realized that I really need spirituality. I miss church. And so, in August, I'm going to go back. Andrew is planning on coming with me, so that should be fun.
So...
August should hopefully be a good month. Church with Andrew, probably Rent with Andrew at some point, Vegas with Steven... blah blah. I somehow need to see everyone before I leave, but the thing is... I'm not feeling particularly social these days. Christina, I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever. We should hang out. And I need to see Kate this summer and Beverly again and Shauna and Will and all the people I've kind of forgotten about. But I'm not feeling social at all. I just want to stay inside by myself. That's why I haven't called anyone.
I need to find God again. It's been so long since I felt connected, and I think that might be one of the things that's missing. I was never uber-religious (I hate when people are like that), but... at least I believed. At least I didn't always feel like it was me against the world.
The good thing about yesterday was that Cindy said she wanted to keep in touch with me. She said she'd probably call me up during holidays/vacations so I could come back and sit (which I volunteered to do for free, because that's how much I love Sami). Sami drew me a really adorable picture. Well, I helped. But it was so sad at the end, because Cindy kept telling me how much they loved me and how sad they were that I had to go and they were forced to find a replacement and all that... and Sami could tell something was wrong and she looked so sad. I promised her I'd see her again though. But I feel like I have a big empty hole in my life now.
I don't feel like writing anymore.
Basically, I'm not fulfilled.
Yesterday, on the train, I just looked out the window with Starfire music playing on my iPod. It was probably the best time I've had in a long time, sad to say. I'm re-evaluating things, and I've realized that I really need spirituality. I miss church. And so, in August, I'm going to go back. Andrew is planning on coming with me, so that should be fun.
So...
August should hopefully be a good month. Church with Andrew, probably Rent with Andrew at some point, Vegas with Steven... blah blah. I somehow need to see everyone before I leave, but the thing is... I'm not feeling particularly social these days. Christina, I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever. We should hang out. And I need to see Kate this summer and Beverly again and Shauna and Will and all the people I've kind of forgotten about. But I'm not feeling social at all. I just want to stay inside by myself. That's why I haven't called anyone.
I need to find God again. It's been so long since I felt connected, and I think that might be one of the things that's missing. I was never uber-religious (I hate when people are like that), but... at least I believed. At least I didn't always feel like it was me against the world.
The good thing about yesterday was that Cindy said she wanted to keep in touch with me. She said she'd probably call me up during holidays/vacations so I could come back and sit (which I volunteered to do for free, because that's how much I love Sami). Sami drew me a really adorable picture. Well, I helped. But it was so sad at the end, because Cindy kept telling me how much they loved me and how sad they were that I had to go and they were forced to find a replacement and all that... and Sami could tell something was wrong and she looked so sad. I promised her I'd see her again though. But I feel like I have a big empty hole in my life now.
I don't feel like writing anymore.