Mental Prepping
Tonight I am going to the Phi Mu Alpha Brother auction. Basically what it is, is all of the brothers of Phi Mu Alpha get auctioned off. So hypothetically speaking, if I had wanted to, I could buy Rick (who is a member of Phi Mu Alpha) and he'd be forced to spend time with me. But I wont do that. I don't think I could. Well I could but it would probably end poorly.
No all of you out there in internetland are probably thinking "Val why in God's name would you even *think* of going to that?!" Well I wasn't planing on it. But I've been spending time with Jolene and Michelle and Michelle told me that she'll be there and there will be others there who hate him just as much as me. And I believe that if nothing else it'll test me and my will power. Because I know that as much as I want to bash Ginny and Rick's faces into a brick wall, I won't because I am better than that. Also there will be booze there and it'll test my will to not drink until I am completely "healed"
But anyways, I've been mentally prepping all day, listening to angry music (i.e Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, etc. I really dont have that angry of music but that's the closest) chomping away at some gum instead of gorging myself. Just so that when I do go, I'll at least be able to compose myself.
Yesterday I was waiting for Michelle to get done with her flute ensemble and I saw Ginny and Rick and I discreetly removed myself from their presence and went off and cried for a good 15 minutes. But then I called my friend Josh and he told me that if Rick is that capable of moving on then he's not even worth it. I agreed, but sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be happy, that maybe I was destined to be bitter and full of cynicism. I really have no idea. I'm sure I'll be able to post more later. I hope everything goes well, or as well as it's gonna get.
No all of you out there in internetland are probably thinking "Val why in God's name would you even *think* of going to that?!" Well I wasn't planing on it. But I've been spending time with Jolene and Michelle and Michelle told me that she'll be there and there will be others there who hate him just as much as me. And I believe that if nothing else it'll test me and my will power. Because I know that as much as I want to bash Ginny and Rick's faces into a brick wall, I won't because I am better than that. Also there will be booze there and it'll test my will to not drink until I am completely "healed"
But anyways, I've been mentally prepping all day, listening to angry music (i.e Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, etc. I really dont have that angry of music but that's the closest) chomping away at some gum instead of gorging myself. Just so that when I do go, I'll at least be able to compose myself.
Yesterday I was waiting for Michelle to get done with her flute ensemble and I saw Ginny and Rick and I discreetly removed myself from their presence and went off and cried for a good 15 minutes. But then I called my friend Josh and he told me that if Rick is that capable of moving on then he's not even worth it. I agreed, but sometimes I feel like I shouldn't be happy, that maybe I was destined to be bitter and full of cynicism. I really have no idea. I'm sure I'll be able to post more later. I hope everything goes well, or as well as it's gonna get.