Motherhood
Of all of the problems and situations to deal with on a daily basis, I compare them to what makes me happy at the end of the day and none of it really matters. I have never been quite sure of anything in my life, all I knew is that if I appeared confident no one would ever know the difference, right? Even being a mother, I'm not 100% confident but that lack of confidence I think gives me the insight into correcting myself as a mother and a person. The sentimental sap that has never quite existed or rather, been allowed to prosper, is finally coming through full force. Occasionally I will doubt that I am there enough, that maybe I should quit my job and become the stay at home mom but then I have the realization that I am doing enough with the situation I am given. This evening I was getting you ready for bed, you were upset that you couldn't take a bath but you weren't upset for long. You looked at me with your big eyes and said "Mommy, I wanna rock you." so I wrapped you up in your favorite red plaid blanket and began to rock you in your chair. After a few minutes you looked up at me and said "Mommy..." I asked you if you wanted to lay down and you responded "Yeah." I tucked you in with your Woody & Buzz Lightyear doll like I do every night, gave you a kiss on the forehead and then you told me "I love you mommy, sweet dreams." you have said it plenty of times before and it turns my day around every time no matter what has happened. You are such a bright light in a drab day in mid November and I love you Theo, more than words can ever describe.