Acceptance
Acceptance is not something I'm good at nor is it something I am accustomed to recieving.
I feel now that I can truly understand acceptance now that I feel like I have it. It's also allowed me to realize how I haven't completely accepted some those in my life let alone myself. I'm too fat or not making enough money or not being the person I *should* be, etc. Such foolishness.
I think there is only one person I truely accept, as is, and sadly its not myself. I'm not sure how that happened either, he used to be the person I avoided at all costs because of all his problems. He has his issues and problems - but ya know, I can be mad or upset at him about it OR I can accept him as he is and love him for who he is (faults and all) and have the relationship I can have with him rather than none at all.
In past relationships - I've been placed on a pedistal. People I've dated have needed me for one reason or another and I became this wonderful, nearly infalliable caregiver - not partner. I worked hard to fulfill their needs and maintain the glossy image in hopes of being accepted by both myself and the other person - mostly the other person. In my relationship "time off" - it allowed me to do more things for myself and realize that I am not what someone else needs me to be. I am myself - and that's all I can be. As hard as I try to be what someone needs or wants - I can't. I am only me.
My current relationship - has none of the above delusions of granduer. Aje realizes I am falliable and he needs me in simple relationship and friendship ways - not in getting through life ways. He isn't constantly criticising me nor is he ignorant to issues I have. He truly accepts me for me and doesn't expect any more or any less. He helps when he can, or when I ask for it, but overall - I'm left to be myself and I'm doing my best to be as accepting for him. He is not perfect - but he doesn't have to be, he just has to be Aje. So far so good :-)
I can't even describe this new feeling of acceptance - which was the initial purpose of this post but I came no where close to even describing the feeling. Relaxed? Refreshed? Uninhibited? At ease? All of the above? It's a feeling I've felt with very few people - if any.
Great. Simply put, it feels great.
I feel now that I can truly understand acceptance now that I feel like I have it. It's also allowed me to realize how I haven't completely accepted some those in my life let alone myself. I'm too fat or not making enough money or not being the person I *should* be, etc. Such foolishness.
I think there is only one person I truely accept, as is, and sadly its not myself. I'm not sure how that happened either, he used to be the person I avoided at all costs because of all his problems. He has his issues and problems - but ya know, I can be mad or upset at him about it OR I can accept him as he is and love him for who he is (faults and all) and have the relationship I can have with him rather than none at all.
In past relationships - I've been placed on a pedistal. People I've dated have needed me for one reason or another and I became this wonderful, nearly infalliable caregiver - not partner. I worked hard to fulfill their needs and maintain the glossy image in hopes of being accepted by both myself and the other person - mostly the other person. In my relationship "time off" - it allowed me to do more things for myself and realize that I am not what someone else needs me to be. I am myself - and that's all I can be. As hard as I try to be what someone needs or wants - I can't. I am only me.
My current relationship - has none of the above delusions of granduer. Aje realizes I am falliable and he needs me in simple relationship and friendship ways - not in getting through life ways. He isn't constantly criticising me nor is he ignorant to issues I have. He truly accepts me for me and doesn't expect any more or any less. He helps when he can, or when I ask for it, but overall - I'm left to be myself and I'm doing my best to be as accepting for him. He is not perfect - but he doesn't have to be, he just has to be Aje. So far so good :-)
I can't even describe this new feeling of acceptance - which was the initial purpose of this post but I came no where close to even describing the feeling. Relaxed? Refreshed? Uninhibited? At ease? All of the above? It's a feeling I've felt with very few people - if any.
Great. Simply put, it feels great.