HA!! The joys of the easily amused. This is from one of my snake forums.
Green garden grass snakes can be dangerous. Yes,
grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted
plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was
bringing a lot of them indoors to protect
them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a
little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of
the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out
and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband, who was taking a shower, ran out into the
living room naked to see what the problem was She
told him there was a snake
under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands
and knees to look for it.
About that time the family dog came and cold nosed him
on the rear. He thought the snake had bitten him and
he fainted.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called
an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the
stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa
and one of the Emergency Medical Technicians saw it
and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when
the man broke his leg and why he is still in the
hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the
house, so she called on a neighbor man. He
volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself
with a
rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.
Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who
sat down on the sofa in relief.
But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the
cushion where she felt the snake wriggling around. She
screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under
the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her laying
there
passed out tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from
shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth
on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband
on the back of the head with a bag of canned goods,
knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point
where it needed stitches.
An ambulance was again called when it was determined
that the injury required hospitalization.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she
saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife
bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by
the snake. She went to the kitchen, brought
back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it
down the man's throat.
By now the police had arrived. They saw the
unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that
a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to
arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain
how it all happened over a little green snake.
The ambulance arrived and took away the neighbor and
his sobbing wife.
Just then the little snake crawled out from under the
couch. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at
it. He missed the snake and hit the leg
of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The
table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as
the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes. The
other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell
through the window into the yard on top of the family
dog, who startled, jumped up and raced out into the
street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid
it and smashed into the parked police car and set it
on fire.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls
and the entire house was blazing. Neighbors had
called the fire department and the arriving
fire truck had started raising his ladder when they
were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore
out the overhead wires and pulled out the electricity
and disconnected telephones in a ten-square city block
area.
Time passed...
Both men were discharged from the hospital. The house
was re-built. The police acquired a new car, and all
was right with the world.
About a year later the original couple were watching
TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that
night. The husband asked his wife if she
thought they should bring in their plants for the
night. She shot him.
grass snakes, not rattlesnakes.
A couple in Sweetwater, Texas had a lot of potted
plants, and during a recent cold spell, the wife was
bringing a lot of them indoors to protect
them from a possible freeze.
It turned out that a
little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of
the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out
and the wife saw it go under the sofa.
She let out a very loud scream.
The husband, who was taking a shower, ran out into the
living room naked to see what the problem was She
told him there was a snake
under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands
and knees to look for it.
About that time the family dog came and cold nosed him
on the rear. He thought the snake had bitten him and
he fainted.
His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she called
an ambulance.
The attendants rushed in and loaded him on the
stretcher and started carrying him out.
About that time the snake came out from under the sofa
and one of the Emergency Medical Technicians saw it
and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when
the man broke his leg and why he is still in the
hospital.
The wife still had the problem of the snake in the
house, so she called on a neighbor man. He
volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself
with a
rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.
Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who
sat down on the sofa in relief.
But in relaxing, her hand dangled in between the
cushion where she felt the snake wriggling around. She
screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under
the sofa, and the neighbor man, seeing her laying
there
passed out tried to use CPR to revive her.
The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from
shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth
on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband
on the back of the head with a bag of canned goods,
knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point
where it needed stitches.
An ambulance was again called when it was determined
that the injury required hospitalization.
The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she
saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife
bending over him, so she assumed he had been bitten by
the snake. She went to the kitchen, brought
back a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it
down the man's throat.
By now the police had arrived. They saw the
unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that
a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to
arrest them all, when the two women tried to explain
how it all happened over a little green snake.
The ambulance arrived and took away the neighbor and
his sobbing wife.
Just then the little snake crawled out from under the
couch. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at
it. He missed the snake and hit the leg
of the end table that was on one side of the sofa. The
table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as
the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes. The
other policeman tried to beat out the flames and fell
through the window into the yard on top of the family
dog, who startled, jumped up and raced out into the
street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid
it and smashed into the parked police car and set it
on fire.
Meanwhile, the burning drapes had spread to the walls
and the entire house was blazing. Neighbors had
called the fire department and the arriving
fire truck had started raising his ladder when they
were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore
out the overhead wires and pulled out the electricity
and disconnected telephones in a ten-square city block
area.
Time passed...
Both men were discharged from the hospital. The house
was re-built. The police acquired a new car, and all
was right with the world.
About a year later the original couple were watching
TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that
night. The husband asked his wife if she
thought they should bring in their plants for the
night. She shot him.