the best place to wall-o-text about such and such
I consider myself to be an emotionally mature individual. I try to be generally even-handed/level-headed, seeking to understand a situation fully before allowing an emotional response to perpetuate. I'm capable of analyzing my feelings with a critical eye and maintaining a solid grip over my reactions... as a result, I tend not to make impulsive decisions based on them. Truthfully, I see this as a crucial part of being an adult - prefrontal cortex development certainly helps. Once upon a time, I prided myself in my ability to control (read: eliminate/ignore) those shameful emotions I considered "weak", like sadness and fear. I fought death and loss and pain with coldness, and kept my suffering largely hidden. It made healing slow, exhausting and lonely, but it also allowed me to be callous by default toward any negative feelings. I shunned empathy, withheld personal disclosure, and most of my relationships with other people were shallow.
WELL.
20-year-old Lily was radically dissimilar from soon-to-be 24-year-old Lily. Just as I've evolved to be physically strong and centered, I've also realized and embraced my depth of feeling without being threatened by it. Cultivating a social sphere and softening myself emotionally has been so beneficial to my well-being; younger me would have been ashamed and viewed it as some sort of risk to my independence. My reflections were prompted by this thread on Reddit yesterday, specifically this comment:
Empathy has been the greatest unexpected side effect of my recreational drug use. I can empathize with your experience absolutely, because at some point, I was just as cold. The world is a more beautiful place when empathy takes hold and never lets go.
And, to whatever degree that allows one to retain their autonomy, it's true. I suppose it has something to do with this being the time period in which I develop my personality through conscious effort. On top of that, recreational drugs have influenced me to build my character based on composite positives and desirable traits I see in other people. As a result, I've been actively harvesting interpersonal communication skills and sociable nuances from nearly everyone I meet.
Hah, this sounds like a paper. Oh, academia, I will never forsake you (for better or worse). Whatever, I'm not afraid to attempt openly dissecting myself this way, because to be human is to be emotional... and all that implies.
WELL.
20-year-old Lily was radically dissimilar from soon-to-be 24-year-old Lily. Just as I've evolved to be physically strong and centered, I've also realized and embraced my depth of feeling without being threatened by it. Cultivating a social sphere and softening myself emotionally has been so beneficial to my well-being; younger me would have been ashamed and viewed it as some sort of risk to my independence. My reflections were prompted by this thread on Reddit yesterday, specifically this comment:
Empathy has been the greatest unexpected side effect of my recreational drug use. I can empathize with your experience absolutely, because at some point, I was just as cold. The world is a more beautiful place when empathy takes hold and never lets go.
And, to whatever degree that allows one to retain their autonomy, it's true. I suppose it has something to do with this being the time period in which I develop my personality through conscious effort. On top of that, recreational drugs have influenced me to build my character based on composite positives and desirable traits I see in other people. As a result, I've been actively harvesting interpersonal communication skills and sociable nuances from nearly everyone I meet.
Hah, this sounds like a paper. Oh, academia, I will never forsake you (for better or worse). Whatever, I'm not afraid to attempt openly dissecting myself this way, because to be human is to be emotional... and all that implies.