Memes and mental health round 3

Jun 30, 2018 12:04


Understand that when you are depressed or anxious, you are not lovable. You treat people poorly and while you may want them to keep loving you and caring about and for you, it's going to wear on them eventually and they might, assuming they aren't codependent, choose themselves first.

Because that kind of thing is just dragging someone down with you. You may believe that "it's just the way my brain is" and you will be wrong. There are people carrying the warrior gene who have never hurt a soul, because that gene was never activated. Even with an innate proclivity, it takes something to activate. You do not get depressed for no reason, nor do you develop anxiety without reason.

Once you understand this, you'll understand that in asking other people to undergo trauma because of your mental illness, you may very well be instrumental in creating ill mental health in them too.



I gave my anxious and depressed person an ultimatum - get yourself fixed or our relationship is over. What I also gave him was resources, I insisted he see a therapist, I told him how depression can be mitigated through exercise, creative self-expression, spending time with the dogs who have mastered unconditional love in a way that no human can, and they really do come to you with zero judgment. Finally, developing a meditation practice seems to be the best way to stay mentally healthy. He was also aware that medications are available, but that without doing the rest of the work, it would be a recurring rollercoaster even on meds - and that his anxiety may never disappear, but that it can be managed even without meds with a little CBT and the other prescribed activities. I made it understood that,  unequivocally, he needs to do that in order to keep his relationship intact. Because I do not want to be dragged into his depression, and coddling is something I do not do - regardless of whether he has a broken bone or a broken brain. Get up and get better. End of story. Active vs passive. The whole idea that something will change by doing nothing is stupidity at it's finest.

So you want sympathy - too fucking bad. I want a normal relationship. Everyone wants an normal relationship except codependents, who are not mentally healthy either. The fact that my partner is also genuinely and horribly codependent was the fucking beginning of our problems. I don't need a caregiver - so he went and found someone that does. I do need loyalty, and thus, the conflict that ultimately led him to depression. Anxiety, well, that's part and parcel of who he is and it's my lot as a partner to help him grow into the best version of himself that he can be, and I'm not going to do that by stroking his fucking hair and telling him it'll all be alright.

Nope.

NOPE NOPE NOPE.

Do not listen to that meme that says you should just codependently care for those who suffer from depression so that they know they're loved. Get them to seek viable help and if they don't want help, get out. Make sure that if they've accepted help, that they're doing the things they need to do, even if you have to hoist them up for a walk, or drive them to the psych ward. Sure, they might kill themselves, or they may smarten up and realize they are the orchestrators of their own problems or at least they have the power to get help from professionals and then go about helping themselves. Either way, you will be fine. And you deserve to put yourself first, even over your depressed or anxious partner.  You can be kind and helpful at the same time, helpful is not enabling - ever.

Previous post Next post
Up