(no subject)
today was the day i got my last bit of closure. i got my knife back from bailey. i was told by jules that bailey didn't wanna give the knife to her so she had to sneak it out. though it's been at least like 2 weeks since i've even talked to her at all, getting this knife back hurt so much. it's the means to an end. it basically put it right in my face that the girl that swore up and down for a year that she would love me forever, doesn't want me anymore. to her i'm nothing now but another guy that has come and gone. at least this is how i feel at this point. ever had your heart ripped out and handed to you on a silver platter with a smile on the other persons face. that's what it feels like. non stop excruciating pain. i cant think, i can't sleep, i can't eat. and i don't understand it. i wanted to badly to be with her i wish to god she would have given me the chance...... maybe we could have had something like what she dreamed about nightly for so long. maybe we would have been like she wanted us to be back then... nothing more then a maybe and a what if now. who knows maybe a year or so down the line our paths will cross again. if they do i can't and won't be the one to decide wether it's time to talk or not. untill that time it's going to kill me slowly each day until i get over it or let her go.........