"top secret!" or "val's first time"
Tonight's Kilmerathon selection was Val's first movie,
Val was about my age when this movie was made, though he looks so young. (I don't think I look that young, but maybe that's just because this is the oldest I've been.) My dad likes these kinds of movies, so I saw it as a kid, but all I remembered going in this time was the cow wearing boots. Which illustrates, clearly, that I was prepubescent the last time I saw it. Val is actually quite good acting-wise (he's not as good as he gets, but I wouldn't have guessed it was his first movie), and he does all his own singing on the half dozen songs he performs. And he's so pretty and in his underwear within the first twenty minutes, and he's playing an Elvis spoof so he does fifty percent of his acting with his pelvis. A-plus.
The setup to this movie is ridiculous, but it's meant to be ridiculous, so let's just not even worry about that.
I don't like musicals, even fake musicals, and in this film, I find the idea behind the songs more amusing than the actual execution.
Holy crap, he is so pretty.
"Is your daughter eighteen?" Delightful. I actually like Nick as a character; he's sweet and good-natured and noble. Well, old school, Age of Chivalry noble, where women are for romancing, but never for hitting.
Oh, the Nazis are such easy targets. There's no expectation of, "Well, maybe you should think about the Nazis' feelings, hmm?"
Okay, I do find the execution of the East German national anthem funny.
HANDS.
I know what you're thinking: why did Carly take a picture of these crusty Nazis? Val's in the background; the maître d' tells Nick he needs a jacket for the dining room, and that the restaurant would be happy to provide him with one. Cut to Nick being measured and fitted for a full tuxedo (and, as promised, in his underwear in the first twenty minutes.)
I like how there is absolutely no time setting for this film. There's East German psuedo-Nazi espionage; the costuming and vehicles are mostly from the 40's and 50's; Nick is a 1960's-era heartthrob; they are talking about television from the 1970's and drinking wine from the 1980's.
I warned you about the pelvis acting.
Yeah, yeah. Carly likes watching Val arrested; we know.
LOL, Nick has a Cuisinart in his Count of Monte Cristo jail cell.
Look, he's being manhandled by the cops again!
LOL, a French doctor with a German daughter and an English accent. Obviously.
And I really enjoyed Michael Gough (who plays Alfred in Batman Forever)'s cameo, because now I have adorable fantasies of them meeting again on Batman, and Michael Gough marveling at Val being all grown up now, but still treating him like a kid. LOVE.
I believe the direction here was, "Look sexy and angst-ridden."
"He's to be executed this very minute!"
". . . it'll have to wait."
That's all for you, Holly.
Okay, I like the execution of this song, too. The escalation is really well done, very funny. (And not a bad view.)
Nick's obvious delight with himself in the background of the bookstore scene cracks me up to no end.
Seriously. He's so pretty.
LOL, I love Val's catalog of bitch, please faces.
Der Waffle Haus?
LOL, there are so many good props in this movie. (And, okay, not to turn this into a Batman Forever lovefest, but that movie has superb props. I'm not just talking the Batstuff; all the riddles Nygma leaves for Bruce? Really awesome.)
"I know. I don't know how I'm this attractive, either."
Oh, sin hips.
So many of the jokes in this movie are about perspective.
Why is a cow wearing boots so funny?
Okay, my screencaps have strayed from my narration again.
Jesus, the underwater fight must have taken forever to film, particularly as the actors expel all their breath every time they take a punch.
"In a few minutes, it'll be dawn, and then we'll just be sitting ducks for their anti-aircraft guns."
They said they were leaving at 1800 hours, which is 6 PM. What?
Isn't this how Batman Forever ended, with Michael Gough watching Val mack on some chick, smiling? I hope Batman wasn't a sequel to Top Secret!, because if it was, I am totally lost.