the band always wins
I would have typed this out seven hours ago had I not been so incredibly exhausted as to crash down on my bed for six hours, because it is something that needs to be said. "The band always wins" simply doesn't describe the emotions that coursed through my veins today. Most out there would call this feeling "bleeding Yale blue", yet the euphoria is greater than that. It transcends into something more powerful, something beautiful, than words can possibly describe. But that won't stop me from saying a few.
Those of you who knew me in my freshman and sophomore years know my history of YPMB attendance. I attended two football games each year, going so far as to miss The Game itself last year. I didn't go to a single thing in the spring freshman year, and only made it to one hockey game in addition to all the home basketball games last year. In most places, in most organizations, that would have made me a bit of a flake, and I was hesitant to start being more vocal in the YPMB because of it. Even writing this e-mail to express my emotions makes me feel a little hesitant, as I will probably end up generalizing and will feel like I am speaking for the rest of the band, most of whom are much more tenured than I. Yet the great thing about the YPMB is that it's never been about how often you show up, or how often you post to Discuss, but only about the amount that you care for the organization and for Yale.
The decision I made at the beginning of this year to be as involved with the band as I could was potentially the best decision I've ever made in my entire life, right up there with coming to Yale in the first place. After missing the Cornell game in a most unfortunate manner, I was almost worried that history would repeat itself, but six straight football games with the band changed all that. Even if we did lose the greater number of those, and contrary to my screaming so loud that I start to almost spit all over the place [for which I apologize to those of you who stand around me], it's never been the football that draws me to the YPMB.
My very close friends will tell you that this has been a dreadful year for me. I've had a slew of personal issues which have driven me to sadness and, at some points, hopelessness over the course of the semester. I took on a course load which was probably more than I could handle, and my grades show for it. I have been physically, mentally, emotionally, and socially exhausted since halfway through September. Yet I would have given up nothing for those Friday nights, those Saturday mornings, that ever-too-short amount of time I was able to let go of all my worries and simply enjoy life and enjoy the people around me.
You are by far the most amazing group of people I have ever had the privilege of knowing. Through the highs and the lows, I've never seen a more dedicated group, and I don't just mean to Yale -- I mean to one another. I count many of you as my friends, having met some of you only this year (and having truly met others for the first time this year), and having grown close with some of you in that very short time. It is truly an honor to be able to share the field and the stands with all of you, and I am ever grateful for the kindness, love and support that you all show. You are what keeps me going, what lifts me up, what got me through the long semester up until Thanksgiving break, what I live for. It is my deepest regret that I did not start becoming more involved in my first two years at Yale, because I love the feeling that I get from being a part of you all, from sharing with you the highs and the lows, the ups and the downs.
To the class of '07, I eternally thank you for accepting me as one of your own, for treating me as an equal in the band even if I haven't been as involved as most of you have. Your acceptance has meant the world to me, and has allowed me to get over those inhibitions of being "flaky" for our first two years together. Thursday night, albeit extraordinarily exhausting, was one of the best nights of my life, and I have the company to thank for that. Looking forward to our senior year a semester too early, I am only filled with hope and anticipation of all that we will experience together.
To the classes of '08 and '09, you play absolutely no small part in making my experience so amazing. I have grown with you all this year -- I've felt like we entered with almost the same amount of experience -- and I am honored to think that I will get to continue growing with you all next year, watching you develop into the future of the band. This far in advance, you already give me high hopes for coming back as a Yale alumni [dear God, hopefully] and being eternally proud of what I see and hear on the field and in the stands.
To the class of '06, I don't think what follows does true justice to how amazingly incredible you all are. My tears today had absolutely nothing to do with the result on the scoreboard. I still remember my first day walking into the band room and seeing everyone there, talking with some of you, forming friendships, even if I would drift into obscurity for the next two years. I feel that, as a clarinetist, it would do not justice not to mention Mike Chan, Denise, and Lee. It feels like only yesterday that I was meeting all of you for the first time, and I can't believe that it's already coming to an end. Not until the very end, not until you had to step down from our bench for BCY, not until I looked Mike in the eye and saw we were both in tears, not until I broke down and got choked up halfway through BCY, did it really hit me how significant a loss this really is. Many of you I met and became close with only this year, and the loss is just as great, the feeling just as bittersweet, knowing full well that you will be moving on to bigger and better things, but still wanting to keep you beside us for all that you mean to us. While I know you're "not dead yet", I can't help but state regardless that I will truly and deeply miss every one of you, and emphasize what you mean to me, and to us all.
This ramble involved a lot of generalizing, a lot of soul-searching, a lot of probably needless reflection, a lot of probably needlessly looking forward, and a hell of a lot of text. But I mean every word, from the bottom of my heart.
I truly love you all, YPMB.
--Mike Hergenhan