It's so easy.
It's so easy to push things away. To push people away. To isolate yourself completely.
I am beginning to think that is what I've been doing lately - not necessarily on purpose, but then again, not necessarily by accident.
What's weird about it, is this is something I would normally be depressed about, but for whatever unknown reason I feel relatively indifferent.
The only thing going through my mind is work. Study. Work. Sleep. Get an education. Get a job. I believe that I've officially become a work-a-holic. But I don't know if it bothers me either.
The only thing that bothers me... is just... people. I don't know what's caused me to enter this hermit stage. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad. It's more like... numb.
My only goals and aspirations as of late have involved me growing more independent, more self-sufficient. I've no desire to enter another relationship. The one I was in last affected me too much anyway that I dont think I could devote myself to anybody like that for a long time anyways. I've no desire to make any extreme attempt to keep in contact with my friends. Those who wish to stay in my life I'm sort of leaving it up to them to keep in touch with me, and that's selfish, I know. Same with my family though - my mother and father have made attempts to contact me, as well as my sister - hell haven't been at Tiff's house in about 2 or 3 weeks... And the trip to SC at the end of the month is more of a therapeutic thing for me than a strong desire to see my family as I had expressed previously.
I feel like I'm changing. But I dont know if it's good or bad. I know it will make me stronger - but is that going to be at the cost of something else?
And strange enough, though I'm voicing the thoughts in my head, this isn't something of high concern to me. At least i dont think it is. It's more like just something casual to rant about.
Hm.
Well, back to homework. I have some poetry to read. Maybe I'll get a jumpstart on the stuff due Thursday too, because I have to work tomorrow night and don't want to stress myself out.
Mata ne.
I am beginning to think that is what I've been doing lately - not necessarily on purpose, but then again, not necessarily by accident.
What's weird about it, is this is something I would normally be depressed about, but for whatever unknown reason I feel relatively indifferent.
The only thing going through my mind is work. Study. Work. Sleep. Get an education. Get a job. I believe that I've officially become a work-a-holic. But I don't know if it bothers me either.
The only thing that bothers me... is just... people. I don't know what's caused me to enter this hermit stage. I'm not happy, but I'm not sad. It's more like... numb.
My only goals and aspirations as of late have involved me growing more independent, more self-sufficient. I've no desire to enter another relationship. The one I was in last affected me too much anyway that I dont think I could devote myself to anybody like that for a long time anyways. I've no desire to make any extreme attempt to keep in contact with my friends. Those who wish to stay in my life I'm sort of leaving it up to them to keep in touch with me, and that's selfish, I know. Same with my family though - my mother and father have made attempts to contact me, as well as my sister - hell haven't been at Tiff's house in about 2 or 3 weeks... And the trip to SC at the end of the month is more of a therapeutic thing for me than a strong desire to see my family as I had expressed previously.
I feel like I'm changing. But I dont know if it's good or bad. I know it will make me stronger - but is that going to be at the cost of something else?
And strange enough, though I'm voicing the thoughts in my head, this isn't something of high concern to me. At least i dont think it is. It's more like just something casual to rant about.
Hm.
Well, back to homework. I have some poetry to read. Maybe I'll get a jumpstart on the stuff due Thursday too, because I have to work tomorrow night and don't want to stress myself out.
Mata ne.